Panic Attack....or questions. I'm not sure.

[Derek_Is_Me]

Awhile back I went through a pretty bad depression back in last december because I was laid off from my job. There was a three month period before I found a new job to work at. But during that whole time that I didn't have a job I found myself not really questioning God but questioning myself really bad about whether I was worthy to be in the pressence of Jesus. Now I know that technically no one is worthy to be in his awesome pressence because everyone is like a dirty rag. We are VERY dirty and there is nothing that we can do to change that. EXCEPT believing in Christ our savior. God gave us Jesus because he loved us and cared for us enough that he would give up his only begotten son to save us. Jesus gave his all for us. And I trully appreciate such a sacrifice that he would do for us. But during that time I would cry pretty often because I thought that God hated me. I know its no in his nature to hate. He trully does love me and I know that. But during that whole period I didn't know what to really think. It was a bad depression that I don't really want to discuss at this particular moment. But anyway its like everytime I think about what will happen to me when I pass will I make it into heaven. I believe I will because I believe that Jesus is my savior but I still feel at times like I'm trully unworthy for such a privliege. Why should God care so much for someone so lowly such as myself. I don't deserve such a thing. But he wants me to join him and I want to be with him. I want to shout to the kingdom of heaven. I am here brothers and sisters and it was because of Jesus that I was able to make it. Thank you lord for everything that you have given to me to make it here.

But back to what I was saying. I feel at times like I'm not really worthy of anything. Maybe its just me being me. Because I'm a VERY bad worrywart.(lol, it runs in the family. XP) But if you can help me with a prayer and a good group of scriptures I would be mighty oblidged. Thank you.

Also, another thing I wish to discuss. And sorry for the long post. But I feel like I need to get this off my chest. I haven't gone to church in quite a few years. It's not that I dislike church but I always feel odd going to a church. I don't really feel comfortable in them. I never have understood why I feel that way. I feel much better when I discuss God when I'm with a few friends out at night or something like that. But also. Another last thing I wish to ask. I feel odd when I try to read the bible. Nothing bad I assure you but I feel like I need help reading it or somthing. I'm not really sure about that but could someone help me out in the whole bible thing because honestly I haven't picked one up in quite along time and I think its about time I get back into reading the good book.

All the help is appreciated in advance. Thank you all. ^^

[Atria35]

I don't think you have any unusual problems- I don't care much for going to churches because I often feel out of place, don't know anyone there, etc. It might help if you went to one of the Bible study groups that the church you decide to go to after, since it would help you get to know the members better and it's much more personal than listening to a sermon.

Everyone needs help reading the Bible once in a while. Try getting a study Bible. I found that my library had one and it does help on things I'm iffy with. Using more than one type of Bible can also help clarify- what's awkward or confusing in one can be clear and easy to understand in another.

[Derek_Is_Me]

Thank you Atria. That actually helps alot. I talked with my father alittle while ago and feel alot better. He's been through the same thing I'm going through right now and it helps to have some experience with these kinds of things. He's really good at helping me alot. ^^