Mature prayer topics (older or mature members only, please)

[Wind]

I had been thinking about sex lately and wondering what virginity's really worth to me anyhow, and asking myself, "Why not?"

Well, there's an amazing young Christian woman at work whom I've known for a couple years. (Just got her RN license, I'm so proud!) Whether I've any chance at dating her I don't know. I know she has a great deal of trust and respect for me, but she's pretty smart and I wouldn't be surprised if she realizes she could do better than to be with me. Still, she's my ideal woman. One of the things I love about her is her Godly innocence and purity, and utter contempt for impurity. If I were blessed to date her or a woman like her, it would be hard enough, come time for total honesty, to tell her I struggled for several years with a pornography addiction. I could only add to that, "And I'll understand if you never want to speak to me again." How much harder would it be to have to say, "Oh, also, I threw away my virginity just to see what it felt like."

So why not?
She's why not.

If this woman is any kind of woman she will realize like everyone that you are human, you have a past and you make mistakes I fell into the trap of lust so badly that I had a son from it. I am not regretting the fact that I had my son just that his father and i weren't married God believes in reconciliation and healing. Sometimes I beat myself up over it but what is the point yes we have the knowledge before we are supposed to. We all make choices and it doesn't do us any good to regret them. If anyone wants to talk to me about this issue I am really not shy or ashamed to answer any question from anyone. I would rather people learn from my mistakes than repeat them. So please don't feel shy and I am a really unoffendable person about this subject and it's still a daily struggle for me so if I can benefit someone else with my experience it makes my day better:)

[Sheenar]

It's interesting to me, as I was reading an article on masturbation, this woman mentioned saying to herself often when she was trying to get over the habit, "Why do I need to become one with myself? I'm already one with myself." That hit me pretty deep, because we've been talking a lot in terms of sexuality within my Old Testament class, and that had come up, just not in that format. She makes a good point for any of us struggling to get out of such a habit, though.

I've been thinking along a similar line as well recently. Why give my body to myself? I already am myself. I'm trying to remember that this is a gift I can give to my future husband --and becoming one with another human in the bonds of marriage is so much better than any self-pleasing that I can do.

It's not worth it. The pleasure is only momentary. And it's devoid of any meaning. Sex should be meaningful, a bond between two people --"becoming one". Not just a physical act to feel good.

[Zarn Ishtare]

Honesty time? Yep, honesty time.


You might not know me. I've been on this forum for years, though the last one or two I've been very quiet (the exception being my poetry thread. Read if ya like).


Anyway; my story is simple. I'm a United States Marine, I've served in Afghanistan and am going again, and I live in Southern California. I have had sex outside the sacrament of Marriage. I have drank to excess; I smoke cigarettes, chase girls, and do all manners of things that by some lights are unwise or outright sinful.

To add to this wonderful picture, I have studied scripture (I'm a former Bible College student, got two years under my belt) and have lead worship, prayers, have seen miraculous healings and once I have spoken in tongues (untranslated; I have come to understand it was God proving he could do things even in ME, not a message for the church). I have done Friday night witnessing, helped to convert the lost, loved the unloved and prayed for the forgotten.

And yet...

I have, over the last several years, felt the spirit of God less and less. Long before I started living a more sinful life, before I stopped waiting for the miraculous "One" and bought into the "Feel-good" generation's sins, the Lord simply...ceased to be a regular visitor.

Before I continue: I have read the testimony of Mother Theresa. I understand the peaks and valleys, I know we walk by faith and not by sight. I know and believe in the infinite love of God and the sacredness of his sacrifice through his Son. It is because I believe all this that the painful absence of God (broken up about once or twice a year by a small, slight blessing of His presence or a burning need to pray) is so troubling and so wounding to my spirit.

I know my sins, and I do not hide from them. I know His goodness; I have seen it in the world, what the children of Asia call the "Ten Thousand Things", that is, all the things that make up the world. I have been blessed before, and I have blessed in his name. But in the deep gulf of His absence, I have knowingly and willingly strayed from the path to seek some temporary comforts and pleasures; unwilling to live my life joyless and waiting for the Presence when it has evaded me despite my use of prayer, worship, meditation and fasting. (I keenly understand what C.S. Lewis said in the Screwtape Letters: That a sexual relationship is a transcendental one, to be eternally enjoyed...or eternally endured.)


I am, in my estimation, the worst kind of sinner; I sin knowing what it is I do and knowing exactly the consequences of my actions. I still love the Lord; I pray when I need to, and I defend my faith when it is attacked. But I do not live it perfectly, and some would say, despite my confession of faith and my claiming of the Blood that I am not saved at all.


So, I come before all of you, as I am; Arrogant, tired, a seeker after my own pleasure, surprisingly guiltless (an amazing feeling after years of terrible guilt for every simple wrong my body or mind ever committed before the Lord). I am tired of hearing that my God is no longer a performer of miracles and that he does not speak to people. I am tired of sitting around and waiting for the command of the Lord to guide my life when even at my most subject and obedient time I could not hear his guidance or know His will.

I also live facing down a "word" (read: Prophesy) a rather un-prophetic, sincere, unassuming and humble pastor of mine gave to me. The last person to speak except on the text of the Book or to sing Praise, she (rather unwilling and reluctantly) told me that she had seen something, felt something, heard something in regards to me; that I was covered in the Shekina (fun hebrew word) Glory, wrapped in it like a mantle, and that it was my job to remember it was God's glory and not mine. And she said that, like the Third Day song, that "When I climbed down from the mountain, and looked at my life, I would not settle for the many things" and that I would not rest until "I saw Him" again.


That was a year ago, and I am still waiting.



Please; do not let me be your block of stumbling or a word against your love of Christ; I feel like an accuser of the brethren, of Him, enough as it is. He is God, he is Good, and his plans will always succeed...but I do not understand, and after years of pain, frustration, and loss, I could not live purely, perfectly, filled with guilt and abstaining from the pleasures that make my life more tolerable.


Pray for me, please; I would be holy by His grace through a real knowledge of Him, not merely what I can read or think of or hear in a Church. I want to be clean again, but before that, I want fulfillment and His Spirit; I cannot live on a few bites of his Flesh per year; if I must be hated and spurned by the world, let me at least have the Presence to fall back upon.


I am not a martyr or a saint; merely a man who thought he knew God and discovered his own ignorance and impatience. If you have a word for me, please, give it to me; ask your pastor to pray; it's time's like these I miss RevDoc alot. I want God to call me back, not to merely sit in a church and listen to interpretations of the Gospel; I want the lover of my soul to return again.


I confess my sin and freely acknowledge my guilt. I have lived on the road for a great deal of my life, and when I'm in-between churches (like now) I still consider this place to be my "Church Without Walls" and a blessing. I thank all of you for your time and pray God blesses you with life, hope, charity and love, and that you always can reach his presence no matter what.

[Tsukuyomi]

Keep searching and I'm sure you'll find him ^__^ Hang in there and I'll be praying <3

You know where you can reach me if you need an ear to rant into ^^

[Okami]

Zarn, as I'm sure you well know, the way to start living by the Spirit again is to dive right back into Scripture and start living it out. Easier said than done, I know. But don't fight it...I spent the past three years fighting, kicking, screaming. The thing to know is that when God has His mind set on something, it will not be changed. Sometimes He allows for change, in other places, He does not. So we have to be the ones to pick up, step out, and continue on.

As my roommate says, "The door is open, are you going to walk through it?"

[Dr.Faust]

Ugh.... Messed up the past 2 days. Today I got really mad at my self for messingup, and this is the main reason I gate porn. It messes up how I play music and fighting games. All it dose is make me depressed and angry but I just can't understand why I keep going back.

[Tsukuyomi]

Ugh.... Messed up the past 2 days. Today I got really mad at my self for messingup, and this is the main reason I gate porn. It messes up how I play music and fighting games. All it dose is make me depressed and angry but I just can't understand why I keep going back.

Is there something you're avoiding? That could be why :-? It seems like it's an escape of some sort. Maybe, if you find what you're trying to avoid (unless you know what it is already), maybe you'll let go of this bad habit ^^

I'll be praying ^^

[Hiryu]

Zarn, you have done more "evil things" than any christian would do. But God does not look upon how much wrong you have done. He looks upon what "good things" you do. If you really believe that you are saved by Christ, and made a decision to have Christ cover your sins, you are free. Period. The forgiveness for all your sins is done.

We are all sinners, yet God still supplied grace for us, despite knowing of all the bad things we would do during our lifetime. He loves us that much. What then can make God stop loving us? We are his children, and he is the Father of all.

What will you do for God? Surely God will come back more and more into your life if you continue doing things in his name. Remember, we were created to serve God, not for God to serve us, although he will give you his love and whatever else whenever you need it most. He will surely bless you.

All you have to do is come back to him. You have done things which bring others to question your decision, but you've learned from your mistakes. You now what to avoid to keep from getting into that trapped lifestyle, right?

[Sheenar]

Is there something you're avoiding? That could be why :-? It seems like it's an escape of some sort. Maybe, if you find what you're trying to avoid (unless you know what it is already), maybe you'll let go of this bad habit ^^

I'll be praying ^^

I slipped up twice this week --because I 1) haven't been in the Word, 2) Just finished my period and am in "emotional amplification", 3) have been feeling like utter crap all week, and 4) am trying to escape feeling pain even momentarily.

I am sick of it. I want to stop completely so badly. I want to save myself both physically and mentally for my future husband. I've been reminded just how important it is to guard what I watch and listen to --a part of me says "it's not so bad," but it does affect my thinking --and if what I'm watching/listening to doesn't make me think more in a godly way, then it isn't leading me anywhere good.

I'm going to make some Scripture cards/mini-posters and put them up in my room to help remind me of God's promises and to help me stay on the right path. It's kind of hard to masturbate if a Scripture is staring you in the face. God always provides a way out --I just don't always choose to take it. I linger too long and give the enemy a foothold.

I want to kill this sin. Kill it dead. It's time to take drastic measures and cut out anything that causes me to stumble and fill my head with media and surroundings that put positive, Biblical influences in my head.

Edited to add:

I found this web page and especially the following quote to be encouraging and convicting. I hope it helps someone.

[quote]When we numb our pain with sex, or drinking, or working excessively, we provide a cheap substitute to God’]

Dying to the Broken Self

[Sheenar]

Sorry to double-post, but God has laid this on my heart to share. It's a journal entry I wrote tonight:

It's killing time...


I'll be frank. I've been struggling heavily for years with the sin of masturbation. I've also been addicted to pornography in the past. I often make unwise media choices (they do, in fact, influence one's way of thinking) and do not take the way out God provides so much of the time --because my flesh enjoys these things, even though my spirit hates them with disgust.

It is time for those things that do not honor God, those damaging addictions and behaviors, those media choices that lead me towards harmful trains of thought --time for all of those to die. I'm taking up my sword and doing battle. I must cut these things off at the root, at the base cause of the problem --and not give them an inch to take root in me.

I'm tired of being entrapped in them. I'm tired of returning to them like a dog to its vomit. I want and yearn to be free. Christ called me to freedom, not chains.

I am going to set firm boundaries for myself and stick to them. I'm going to hack away at these things, cutting off the hands that have a hold to me, until I am free. It's time to take drastic action.

I need you all to help keep me accountable. This is going to be a tough battle and I will not be successful on my own. I need the help of my God and of my brothers and sisters.

I need help in changing old habits and ways of thinking --so that I can set my mind on things of the Spirit and not fulfill the desires of the flesh.

The seductive trap that I've been under --the things that feel SO good at the time, but lead to bitterness, self-hatred, and grief --those things have got to go. They have been alluring lovers, leading me on and then not delivering what was promised. How empty they all are now...

I yearn and desire to pursue holiness and purity --purity in mind, spirit, and body. My sexuality is a gift to be given to my future spouse --all these other things are but a shadow and a mockery of the intimacy between two people in marriage --the two becoming one. Solomon was very wise when he advised us in Song of Songs not to awaken or arouse love until the right time. I did so and have been having trouble reigning it in and exercising self-control. I want to be able to give all of me to my future husband --a whole gift, full of meaning. Having sex with all these men in my head is going to seriously affect the intimacy I can have with my future husband. And what was meant to be a beautiful gift can become distorted because of it.

So I am committing, before you all, to a life of purity and preserving myself mentally, physically, and emotionally for my spouse. I want to live in holiness and chasity --easier said than done in this current age.

I need your help --all of you --to hold me accountable to this. Please, please pray for me. Please ask about this and how it's going. Feel free to share Scriptures that have helped you. I cannot do this on my own. I am weak and I know how prone to falling I am --usually when I'm tired, sick, not feeling well, stressed, etc. --it is a means of escapism and that is not the way to go. Pray that I will run to the arms of Christ instead of to the arms of these lovers who leave me empty.

Thank you.

Circuitous in places, but you get my drift. Please do pray!

[ShiroiHikari]

Can I just...say a few things?

First of all, your convictions are your own and I'm not trying to invalidate your frustration, so don't take any of this the wrong way.

Sexual desire is just part of us. We can't ever turn off our biology completely, and I don't think God wants us to.

It really does hurt me to see so many brothers and sisters in Christ suffering so much over this, and in my eyes, much of it is needless suffering.

Masturbation isn't the same as sex. It doesn't form an emotional bond to another person and it doesn't result in unwanted children. There are no verses in the Scripture that outright denounce it (that little episode with Onan is not about masturbation). I don't think our sex drive is a sinful thing to have or even act upon, in the right circumstances.

But I am not you, and if you truly, truly feel that you should stop completely, then...well, that is between you and God.

In any case, try not to resent or vilify your sex drive-- some people suffer for the lack of one. I speak from personal experience.

[shooraijin]

Although we're loosening up on general theological topics, I don't want this specific thread to turn towards whether masturbation is sinful or not (and I am careful not to advance an official administrative opinion on that, because there isn't one). Stumbling blocks are stumbling blocks.

[bkilbour]

Hey Sheenar, I'm really proud of your decision and testimony!
I am in the same rut as you when it comes to having to constantly fight my own flesh, but I have recently found out that God is always willing to help us escape from our temptations. PM me if ya ever feel like talking about it more! God bless you!!!

As of late, every time I coem back to my barracks, I find that pull of internet temptation waiting for me, and I mess up from time to time because of it.
The solution God gave me was to stop sleeping in my barracks room so much, and to sleep in my rack on the Ohio. No internet, just a coffin-style bed in the third level of a dimly lit and well-populated submarine. Yeah, much less chance to mess up there.

May God help me resist in the times I do get to go back to my barracks room, though. I go back about once a week, and that end up being quite a struggle at times.

[fermy6]

i have a problem with masterbation...i try to stop but it's too hard...the reason it's a problem for me is becuz i do it out of lust...i really need the Lords hand badly to stop

[Tsukuyomi]

I'll be praying ^^ Hang in there Just take it day by day ^^

[Htom Sirveaux]

I realized something lately: I'm just too intelligent for porn. It really is beneath me. I'm not trying to come off egotistical or high-handed or anything, but I really think so. I can't watch it without questioning the circumstances (which is something everyone should do; consider, for example, whether the performers wanted to do a scene, or whether -as this happens a lot- they were in some way decieved, coerced, or forced) and analyzing the heck out of it.

Porn is "real" sex in much the same way that the WWE is "real" wrestling. Everything about it just smacks of a cheesy, thinly veiled falsehood that, frankly, I find insulting. It bothers me that I'm back to watching it (if only out of habit), but even that's dropping since I don't enjoy it so much anymore.

As for masturbation, it's a tough habit to kick, but with a measure of willpower I expect that will eventually grind to a halt as well, since (for me, at least) it's not near as much fun without porn.

[bkilbour]

htom, I respect that it is really "beneath" you and I, and it is a disgusting thing indeed - meant for brainwashing sheep into thinking that that's what "sex" really is.

BUT, as fair warning, whenever I made that my sole reason for not watching it, my pride took over, and I fell flat on my face, watching pornography, worse than other times.

I am really glad that you have started to watch it less, though! Freedom is just around the corner!

[Htom Sirveaux]

htom, I respect that it is really "beneath" you and I, and it is a disgusting thing indeed - meant for brainwashing sheep into thinking that that's what "sex" really is.

BUT, as fair warning, whenever I made that my sole reason for not watching it, my pride took over, and I fell flat on my face, watching pornography, worse than other times.

I am really glad that you have started to watch it less, though! Freedom is just around the corner!

You raise a good point. We are often at our weakest when we think we've got it beat because we feel we can let our guard down, we're strong enough to handle things. That's never a good idea.

[dothackzero]

Please pray that I'll have no desire to look at porn.

For a while I was doing pretty well with not looking at it, but for some reason I've been looking at it again. So please pray that I'll no desire to look at it again.


I just don't get way this has been hitting me so hard over the last few weeks...

[Midori]

It's not as easy as it sounds, is it?

It might not be as hard as quitting smoking, but it's still quite an ordeal. I'm definitely praying.

My pastor recommended a strategy known as HALT. When you feel an urge, you think to yourself:
1. Am I Hungry? (Or Hurting, which fits here too)
2. Am I Angry?
3. Am I Lonely?
4. Am I Tired?
These feelings can make it very hard to resist temptation, so after you ask yourself this, pray to the Lord and tell him about your needs. Remember who you live for, because he won't let you down in the end.

[dothackzero]

It's not as easy as it sounds, is it?

It might not be as hard as quitting smoking, but it's still quite an ordeal. I'm definitely praying.

My pastor recommended a strategy known as HALT. When you feel an urge, you think to yourself:
1. Am I Hungry? (Or Hurting, which fits here too)
2. Am I Angry?
3. Am I Lonely?
4. Am I Tired?
These feelings can make it very hard to resist temptation, so after you ask yourself this, pray to the Lord and tell him about your needs. Remember who you live for, because he won't let you down in the end.

With me it's probably mostly out of loneliness. Since I'm 22 never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl, I don't have any friends that are girls that I can hang out outside of church/Bible Study. Basically, I don't have good luck with girls...

[Dr.Faust]

Ok guys I'm sick of slipping up and I'm sick of not respecting women. I've decided that its time to tell my parents about my problem. I'm going to download some accountabuilty software. Can anyone be my accountibalty partner. Also If anyone wants to talk get at me on skype I'm dr.faustsnk. Dose anyone have any advice for me on how to tell my parents. Pray for me

[Okami]

Ok guys I'm sick of slipping up and I'm sick of not respecting women. I've decided that its time to tell my parents about my problem. I'm going to download some accountabuilty software. Can anyone be my accountibalty partner. Also If anyone wants to talk get at me on skype I'm dr.faustsnk. Dose anyone have any advice for me on how to tell my parents. Pray for me

I think telling your parents is one of the highest things you can do out of respect for them. It was for me, and I think that's one of the reasons why they began to respect me, because I told them I wanted and needed help. It turns out I wasn't the only one struggling in my father's household, and for the benefit of our entire family, he placed filters on the internet, admittedly unwillingly, but he did it for us.

That being said, it's not easy! It hurts to admit to our parents that we've messed up, that we feel we've failed ourselves, them, our friends, everyone, basically. I would say the hardest way to go is to tell them up-front to their faces, it is the most effective, though, because they get to see your emotions. Just catch them sometime and say "Hey, I need to talk" and when you've got them both around, explain what's going on. Tell them that it's not easy for you to tell them, they'll understand. Pornography is no easy subject for anyone. That being said, I wish you the best of luck - Godspeed! Just don't be afraid, because God is with you, and He'll make the best of the situation, even if it means worse-possible scenario (like not having a computer for a while, which happened to me) I'll be praying

[dothackzero]

Please pray that I'll have no desire to look at porn.

For a while I was doing pretty well with not looking at it, but for some reason I've been looking at it again. So please pray that I'll no desire to look at it again.


I just don't get way this has been hitting me so hard over the last few weeks...

Crap, I screwed up again. Please pray for me.

[Sheenar]

Feeling very lonely today. Fell yesterday and m'd after nearly a month clean.

Seems to be more of a temptation during certain points in my cycle when my body just wants "it."

I'm really longing to be held and protected --and to have someone to give myself to in a loving, committed relationship. I've come to hate coming home to an empty house with just animals for company. I long for another human being to be there to go through life with.

Praying for self-control. I really want to be able to give all of me to my future husband --both physically and mentally.

And I need to take a shower and get to work. But I'm afraid of falling again. I really want to honor God with my body and what I do with it.

[Tsukuyomi]

I'll be praying as well. Hang in there, Sheenar

[Okami]

Sheena! You went almost a month! For that I must congratulate you! You've been doing really well even through the craziness you've been dealing with in life~keep going girl! You're doing great!! God's got your back!

Praying for you as you pick up and continue on.

[heero yuy 95]

Well, haven't posted on here if a long while, but I've got good news and bad.

The good news is I've overcome pornography... sort of. After many years of an on-again off-again addiction with porn I recently decided that, at least for the time being, I'm too weak to hang with the temptation when it is near me, so I've decided to remove the source. I've given my laptop to a close friend for the time being for safe-keeping. Now the only computer with internet access is my mother's desktop, and there's no way I'm looking at the porn on this one.

The bad news is i'm still struggling with the masturbation. Removing the source of temptation for this one is a bit trickier. :/

Ok guys I'm sick of slipping up and I'm sick of not respecting women. I've decided that its time to tell my parents about my problem. I'm going to download some accountabuilty software. Can anyone be my accountibalty partner.

Props to you. Sometimes swallowing your pride and admitting you have a weakness with something is the best step to take. I think there's strength in admitting weakness.

[AnimeGirl]

I have a prayer request for one of my closest friends, and it's something that probably should be placed here in the Mature Topics considering what concerns I have for her. I won't mention her name, though. (I will tell you it's no one that's here).

My friend used to be homeschooled like me. Then she decided she wanted to have a highschool experience. To be honest, I still wish she was homeschooled, 'cause all I've seen from her going to public school is nothing but filth. Her former boyfriends are such creepy-crawlies as I like to call them. One of whom I've met, she told me how his "hands go high" if you know what I mean. All her boyfriends she has ended up with have all been disgusting, and ya know what's worse? She dates guys she doesn't even like! I'm seriously worried about her purity, because she has trouble saying "no" when asked out, and unknowingly flirts with guys (no, I'm being serious). And just recently she told me that she has a "make-out buddy" O.o And guess what....she doesn't like him either, but she told me that he's good at making out. I told her she should slap him, LOL, but she told me she did and it "turned him on" >.< She also said this make-out buddy of hers tried to get her to go further, if ya know what I mean, but thankfully didn't do it. But seriously; she told me she NEVER wants to get married. And so I told her "then there's no point in you even dating" but she said "No I'll keep dating 'cause it's fun" *wants to expload* I love her so much, she's like a sister to me, and I've cried, literally cried, at the thought she'll lose her purity to some jerk-face pervert. Her name means "Beautiful Virtue" but she says it's lame because it makes her sound like a nun. I always thought her name was beautiful and precious. I cried when she said that (but I hid it well so she didn't see) because my name has a similiar meaning, mine means "pure" and I wanted to tell her that, 'cause I feel our names have a connection, it's like we have the same names, but when she said that I felt stabbed. I know she may not be aware of my name's meaning, but it hurts.

Please pray for my friend. Please....with all my heart, please pray for her. She thinks she's a horrible person for some odd reason and can't learn to reject the slime balls she doesn't even like when they ask her out! And I just feel so helpless as her friend, not being able to help. But I have to realize only God can help her, really. He knows her heart and what she struggles with, and I just pray she'll soon realize she's worth too much to throw herself away.

[Hiryu]

That is troubling, indeed. Continue to love her, no matter what. That's what being a friend is to someone else. You can help her through that.

You have warned her; it is most unfortunate, but she may have to learn how to say no the hard way. What she's doing could very well lead to self-destructive behavior.

If she keeps dating around, she'll only see the shallow side of what it means to love and be loved. She wants to be loved, to be held,to be shown affection - like most every other single out there. What she's getting is only a mere illusion. Is an illusion better than what love really is?

Well... maybe this will make you feel better : http://cdn.anyhub.net/thebest404pageever/swf/cake.swf