Tell me what you guys think ok. BTW: just in case your wondering the main character is kind of like a superhero.
Science. a curse to us all. They finally thought they figure out when the date of Christ's return. They should have known that no one can figure that day out. But none the less that date was still important. it was one day that would live in the minds of all mankind forever. The day That Terrorists nuked the whole east coast of the United States.
"He's coming!" they said as they looked up in the sky watching the the bright glowing nuke, which they thought was Christ, but as It came nearer to the earth they finally realized that it was too late. The worst part is I couldn't stop it. I had become a spectator to the doom that was to come. Only my suit protected me from definite anniliation. If only I could have stopped it, but the weeks to come where the hardest yet.
They had nuked every port and military outpost on the east coast and as the government was trying to rebuild itself, another Unthinkable thing happened. A Huge Army came from no where and invaded our shores. We fought as hard as we could but to no avail. The once Mighty United states had fallen and I was it's eye witness, and as I walk through the abandoned streets of what once Newyork 50 years later I watch some homeless children play tag in the broken up streets, and I cringe cause I know that do not have the freedoms like we did, but at the same time there is a glimer of hope, hope knowing that this once Mighty nation will rise again. I know that because God sent me a vision, in that vision I saw myself leading a band of people against not only against the government but against a far greater evil. But before we can fight against this evil I must find those others in my vision. Until then I can't do anything.
The ChainWalker Legacy
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Page 1 of 1
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firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
The ChainWalker Legacy
episode1-part2
A lonely street in a lonely city. What was once the spectacular city of L.A. is now nothing but ruins, and upon the street, garbage, as if like an ocean. Waves of trash being blown by the wind, the once spectacular buildings, most destroyed by both the invasion and now more frequent earthquakes, loom over the streets below as if to topple over. The once famous Hollywood now sign spells “H-O-L-Y”. Which seems fitting with the city’s new reputation. These ruins have become a haven from those running from the law, most fugitive Christians. They along with the lower class people, are its only residents. But it’s funny ya know, I feel comfortable here, among these people. Even as I walk this street with the danger all around me, I can’t help but feel that God will get us through this.
Suddenly out of nowhere, somebody shouted “HEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!” Frantically I look all round’ to see where It came from. “It must have come from over there.” I whispered to myself quietly, and as I sneakily moved over there. I began to watch what’s happening. There was a girl there, maybe … about 20, surrounded by a gang, all men.
“What do you think boss” they all said “should we get her then take her money or should we just kill her.”
“How about doing something much worse! Hahahahahahaha…” he said as he was looking down at his men, who stood about up to his waist. “..and I have the perfect plan”. Then he began whispering to one of them, who smiled a big smile.
I begin walking up to them. Making sure to stay in the shadows. “Ya know boys, you shouldn’t be outside at midnight, God knows what kind of monsters you’ll meet.”
They all back look at me, still hiding in the shadows.
“Buddy we’re the monsters here,” one of them said “and if you want pick a fight then pick a fight with all of us.”
“Yeah all of us” said a couple more
I said as I walked out of the shadows “REALLYY…”
At once everybody gasped..
“He’s a Freak!” one said.
So a Red sleeveless overcoat, black pants, boots, a belt, spiky shoulder armor, grappler gloves, a huge sword with a chain going through it, two handguns, tan skin, ever-changing eye color, a tattoo on my face and blonde hair are FREAKY? I thought to myself. Well if I’m a freak, your Frankenstein, buddy. As I stood there, they all started taking a step back, and with a bold attitude and a smile on my face I asked “Well then, who’s first ay?”
episode1-part2
A lonely street in a lonely city. What was once the spectacular city of L.A. is now nothing but ruins, and upon the street, garbage, as if like an ocean. Waves of trash being blown by the wind, the once spectacular buildings, most destroyed by both the invasion and now more frequent earthquakes, loom over the streets below as if to topple over. The once famous Hollywood now sign spells “H-O-L-Y”. Which seems fitting with the city’s new reputation. These ruins have become a haven from those running from the law, most fugitive Christians. They along with the lower class people, are its only residents. But it’s funny ya know, I feel comfortable here, among these people. Even as I walk this street with the danger all around me, I can’t help but feel that God will get us through this.
Suddenly out of nowhere, somebody shouted “HEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!” Frantically I look all round’ to see where It came from. “It must have come from over there.” I whispered to myself quietly, and as I sneakily moved over there. I began to watch what’s happening. There was a girl there, maybe … about 20, surrounded by a gang, all men.
“What do you think boss” they all said “should we get her then take her money or should we just kill her.”
“How about doing something much worse! Hahahahahahaha…” he said as he was looking down at his men, who stood about up to his waist. “..and I have the perfect plan”. Then he began whispering to one of them, who smiled a big smile.
I begin walking up to them. Making sure to stay in the shadows. “Ya know boys, you shouldn’t be outside at midnight, God knows what kind of monsters you’ll meet.”
They all back look at me, still hiding in the shadows.
“Buddy we’re the monsters here,” one of them said “and if you want pick a fight then pick a fight with all of us.”
“Yeah all of us” said a couple more
I said as I walked out of the shadows “REALLYY…”
At once everybody gasped..
“He’s a Freak!” one said.
So a Red sleeveless overcoat, black pants, boots, a belt, spiky shoulder armor, grappler gloves, a huge sword with a chain going through it, two handguns, tan skin, ever-changing eye color, a tattoo on my face and blonde hair are FREAKY? I thought to myself. Well if I’m a freak, your Frankenstein, buddy. As I stood there, they all started taking a step back, and with a bold attitude and a smile on my face I asked “Well then, who’s first ay?”
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firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
The ChainWalker Legacy
Episode 1--part 3
Warning: this is a little graphic in one part ok. So if you want to skip that it's fine with me.
As they began to surround me I began to count how many there were. I don’t know why, force of habit I guess. Hmmm…20 to 1 not bad odds. I thought to myself. There was a moment of silence. They were so anxious could smell their anticipation. I looked at their faces. Some looked hesitant, while others looked angry, their eyes filled with fire and smiles as of ravage hynas. Then the silence broke as the first one charged.
“He’s MINE!” he yelled .
Fool, I thought to myself, way to confident. And as his ran to me, dust kicking at his heels, I stood straight as a statue. then at the last second as he was straightening his punch to hit me, I grabbed his hand with my right hand and punched his elbow with my left . In a single moment, he went from having one right arm one left, to 2 left arms.
“crack!!” his elbow went as his arm went out of place. It was so loud you could here it with earplugs in your ears. He fell to his knees as the crimson blood trickled down his forearm. He began to cry at the top of his lungs.“AAHHHHHH!!!! He broke MY ARM!!!!!! HE Broke MY ARM!!!!!!!!!” his blood trickling even more now.
I looked at all the others around me, now scared stiff. Yet they were so eager to fight me earlier. I thought , oh how quickly the mind can change it’s decision. Then I noticed the girl. Her eyes were dilated and a little teary. Her mouth was wide open. Darn, she’s scared! I hate when I scare people like that. I got to hold myself back.
“Too easy.” I said to myself as I watched the man cry and wail, and as he cried. Blood still spilling, I picked him up by the collar, and looked at him curiosly.
“Please, don’t kill me please.” He pleaded. I looked back at the girl, she seemed to be whispering something.
“Please don’t kill him, Oh God please don’t kill him?” she whispered. I began to question myself.Why would she want him to live? Why? God forgive me, my soul is black as my sins. I looked at the man whom which I was holding up by the collar. Why would she want to save scum like you? Why? What makes you so important to her that she wants you to live. Of course as a gentlemen I'll listen to her and spare you.
“Later.” I said. Then I threw him back with a fraction of my strength. In a flash He flew out of the alley, across the street, for a second spreading the garbage like God did when he parted the Red Sea, and crashed into a nearby building, almost making it topple over.
“NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” She screamed.
“He’ll live.” I whispered to her. Even though I don’t know why I should even let him live.
“Ouch.” He said weakily in an upside-down position. He was stuck there for a couple of seconds, then he fell head first into the floor. “Double Ouchies!” he cried.
Everybody was shocked. They were shaking all over. Their was so much sweat on their faces that you could practically swim in it. It was as if they have seen a ghost. Which is to far from the truth considering how long I’ve lived. I should be a ghost, 900 years of life is way to long.
“Anybody else wanna step up to the plate?” I asked.
Their Boss came out of the shadows. He had a huge leather jacket with spikes on it, leather gloves, a face mask that covers only his mouth and nose, and a pair of pants with chains all over. His boots where steel-toe. I could tell by the sounds they makes when he steps. Over all he was pretty big, but didn’t look to smart. I could be wrong there might actually be a brain behind that thick head of his, knowing that he’s the leader of these numbskulls. You could see he was a bit agitated. That happens when you see a teammate get hurt. I should know.
“Get him.” He said.
The whole gang charged straight at me.
Finally I thought
“bring it on” I said as I reached behind my back for the sword. As I grabbed a laser scanned my fingerprints
“beep finger print scan approved.” The sword announced “Beep wielder—kojimo korimako beep”. With that the sheath flapped open pulled out the sword, careful not get the chain caught.
“Let’s get this party started!!!” I yelled, and with that the fight finally begun.
Episode 1--part 3
Warning: this is a little graphic in one part ok. So if you want to skip that it's fine with me.
As they began to surround me I began to count how many there were. I don’t know why, force of habit I guess. Hmmm…20 to 1 not bad odds. I thought to myself. There was a moment of silence. They were so anxious could smell their anticipation. I looked at their faces. Some looked hesitant, while others looked angry, their eyes filled with fire and smiles as of ravage hynas. Then the silence broke as the first one charged.
“He’s MINE!” he yelled .
Fool, I thought to myself, way to confident. And as his ran to me, dust kicking at his heels, I stood straight as a statue. then at the last second as he was straightening his punch to hit me, I grabbed his hand with my right hand and punched his elbow with my left . In a single moment, he went from having one right arm one left, to 2 left arms.
“crack!!” his elbow went as his arm went out of place. It was so loud you could here it with earplugs in your ears. He fell to his knees as the crimson blood trickled down his forearm. He began to cry at the top of his lungs.“AAHHHHHH!!!! He broke MY ARM!!!!!! HE Broke MY ARM!!!!!!!!!” his blood trickling even more now.
I looked at all the others around me, now scared stiff. Yet they were so eager to fight me earlier. I thought , oh how quickly the mind can change it’s decision. Then I noticed the girl. Her eyes were dilated and a little teary. Her mouth was wide open. Darn, she’s scared! I hate when I scare people like that. I got to hold myself back.
“Too easy.” I said to myself as I watched the man cry and wail, and as he cried. Blood still spilling, I picked him up by the collar, and looked at him curiosly.
“Please, don’t kill me please.” He pleaded. I looked back at the girl, she seemed to be whispering something.
“Please don’t kill him, Oh God please don’t kill him?” she whispered. I began to question myself.Why would she want him to live? Why? God forgive me, my soul is black as my sins. I looked at the man whom which I was holding up by the collar. Why would she want to save scum like you? Why? What makes you so important to her that she wants you to live. Of course as a gentlemen I'll listen to her and spare you.
“Later.” I said. Then I threw him back with a fraction of my strength. In a flash He flew out of the alley, across the street, for a second spreading the garbage like God did when he parted the Red Sea, and crashed into a nearby building, almost making it topple over.
“NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” She screamed.
“He’ll live.” I whispered to her. Even though I don’t know why I should even let him live.
“Ouch.” He said weakily in an upside-down position. He was stuck there for a couple of seconds, then he fell head first into the floor. “Double Ouchies!” he cried.
Everybody was shocked. They were shaking all over. Their was so much sweat on their faces that you could practically swim in it. It was as if they have seen a ghost. Which is to far from the truth considering how long I’ve lived. I should be a ghost, 900 years of life is way to long.
“Anybody else wanna step up to the plate?” I asked.
Their Boss came out of the shadows. He had a huge leather jacket with spikes on it, leather gloves, a face mask that covers only his mouth and nose, and a pair of pants with chains all over. His boots where steel-toe. I could tell by the sounds they makes when he steps. Over all he was pretty big, but didn’t look to smart. I could be wrong there might actually be a brain behind that thick head of his, knowing that he’s the leader of these numbskulls. You could see he was a bit agitated. That happens when you see a teammate get hurt. I should know.
“Get him.” He said.
The whole gang charged straight at me.
Finally I thought
“bring it on” I said as I reached behind my back for the sword. As I grabbed a laser scanned my fingerprints
“beep finger print scan approved.” The sword announced “Beep wielder—kojimo korimako beep”. With that the sheath flapped open pulled out the sword, careful not get the chain caught.
“Let’s get this party started!!!” I yelled, and with that the fight finally begun.
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firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
Ok guys Chainwalker is Back! Now that I have time I’m now starting to write Chainwalker once again. So just like before please tell me what you think ok? please
Sorry for the wait
P.S. rated Pg-13 for violence thank you
ChainWalker Episode 1-part 4
In the corner of my mind, I can still hear them; they resonate like sound in an empty cave, echoing back from ages ago to a time almost forgotten.
“Finally let’s get this party started!” I yelled.
“Nathaniel no!” Someone yelled from behind me. He ran ahead of me to stop my on coming attack.
Breathing hard. “If you kill them then you’re no better than them!”
“I will not let you stop me, Faustus!” I cried
“Then fight me first!” He said.
“You fool; you’ve made a big mistake. Cause here I come, Eversores de Terra Effluo is no more!!!!!!!” Then I raced to Faustus with my sword raised high, running with all my anger.
That’s all I can remember. Faustus where are you?
“Faustus” I mumbled. “I will never forget what you taught me that day. And what I did to you.”
AS I looked upon the angry faces of the gang members shown by the flickering lights of the broken street lamps, I reminisced of the times when I too lived that lifestyle. More like an army then a gang actually, and as I looked upon the faces of my pursuers, I remembered the screams of innocent children, families as we tortured them, burned them, and left them to rot, and I wondered Is this all life has to offer? Death? Destruction? Must my life always be like this? Is this all I have to satisfy myself? some blood and a sword? Oh how I wish you were here.
“Fools. You don’t know of the destruction that will come upon you.” I mumbled. “But if I must.”
I waved my sword through the air a couple of times as if to let the resulting air that was blown to my face refresh me and purge my sins. How can anyone forgive one as murderous as me? I thought to myself.
“Solace are you ready to go?” I asked. Suddenly an eye opened in the handled of my sword and looked up at me.
“Beep All-systems go beep.” It said.
“Alright. May good forgive us. I mumbled, and then I yelled to gang “If you want me Come Get ME!
The group charged like a stampede of raging bulls. Dust kicking at their heels, their force pushing up the trash as well. Their arms were raised above their heads with makeshift weapons, their voices raging at the top of their lungs.
I stood there as they charged getting ready to make my move. However, as I was about to hit the first one some sort of thought shattered through my mind like a baseball through a glass window. A thought that was not mine.
ChainWalker!!!!!!!
“Huh, where did that come from! Ugh!” I stumbled back as a result of the hit from one of the gang members, and then braced myself for the barrage that came from the others.
“That’s enough! RARRRGGGGGGGGG!” With a second wind only seen by few, I lifted a few and pushed them all back. They all stood back knees trembling
“Dude look at his Eyes!” one yelled, and I looked at the reflection in my sword. I was in total shock and horror as my eyes began to go all black covering the whole eyeball.
“No. No, not again!” I screamed to my reflection. The weirdest thing is, it spoke back
No! I thought. It was like a war raging between both sides of my brain. I doubled over in pain. Holding my head. It was like gunshots going off in my brain.
No! Yes! No, you mustn’t! I must, we must! The argument caused my brain to hurt tremendously with every shock my cybernetic side hit me with. I will take this body! Nooo!
As the others looked in disgust, one of them yelled, “Let’s get HIM!”
Suddenly it took over the majority of my body and made my mouth smile
“Let the blood Bath begin!”
“Solace, 10% power! It said, as it moved my legs at unparalleled speed, the sword hummed to life glowing a dark red, slicing through their bodies like butter and leaving a sear and smoke coming out of every body we took.
No, we mustn’t! YES!” Our fist slammed into another one causing him to fly through a near by wall” There is another! Our destiny is the only Way!” as it round housed another one knocking him unconscious, causing him to fall to the floor and be covered by the sea of trash.
Another one came up to us. Uppercut to throat It thought as it skillfully read his every move, dodging them expertly. Sidekick, and know for the strike! NO! Stop! I screamed in my mind putting my full force into it and for a second I was in control. Just then, a gang-member came from behind violently hitting me with a crowbar making the sword fly from my grasp, chain extending full out from it.
“No don’t get me Mad!” I screamed as I felt my muscles tensing It was Happening I was transforming. Slowly but I was. I could feel my back surging getting ready to go. However, just as I began to feel it my cybernetic side took over me again.
RRGGHHHH! It hissed. It grabbed the chain and pulled the sword back swinging the sword with the chain slashing them like a maniac. One man came from behind it and it pulled the sword back, causing it to stab him and then pulled it forward to slash everyone one else.
Three more started running to us guns in hand. We started running and ran up a weary wall as they tried to shot us. By now, I was a little in control and was now avoiding from being made into Swiss cheese. We swung around light poles, jumped off broken walls, which broke more right after we pushed off, and climbed up banisters, which tore as we climbed barely dodging every bullet that came our way.
“No! Don’t shoot! Do not shoot! There must be peace! Peace I say!” I yelled to them.
“Then take this as an offering dirt bag!” one yelled as he lifted up a machine gun. We grabbed a nearby banister and with it’s help ran across the wall, bullets in trail. We then jumped off and landed behind the guy, grabbing him in the process, and throwing him over my head into a pile of unused boxes. I was about to turn around when a cement block rammed right into my face. I was knocked unconscious for a couple of seconds but when I came to they were all pounding me with cement. Then it happened.
A burst of energy came forth from my body and pushed them all away then the chains that were surging from my back burst out as blood flew out with it. The blood cover my body as the chains swirled around me, until they wrapped completely around my body as I screamed in pain from the agony I was going through. Then I felt my body begin to change as they melded into one liquid metal suit. My muscles grow twice their size; I grew spikes grew all over my arms and back. My nails became 10-inch razor sharp claws. My eyes became pure black. My hair grew long and thick I screamed in pain as more chains came from my arms and connected themselves to my feet. Finally, the metal fused with my skin to give it a gray tone.
“No. Fools. No” I muttered. [I]
Sorry for the wait
P.S. rated Pg-13 for violence thank you
ChainWalker Episode 1-part 4
In the corner of my mind, I can still hear them; they resonate like sound in an empty cave, echoing back from ages ago to a time almost forgotten.
“Finally let’s get this party started!” I yelled.
“Nathaniel no!” Someone yelled from behind me. He ran ahead of me to stop my on coming attack.
Breathing hard. “If you kill them then you’re no better than them!”
“I will not let you stop me, Faustus!” I cried
“Then fight me first!” He said.
“You fool; you’ve made a big mistake. Cause here I come, Eversores de Terra Effluo is no more!!!!!!!” Then I raced to Faustus with my sword raised high, running with all my anger.
That’s all I can remember. Faustus where are you?
“Faustus” I mumbled. “I will never forget what you taught me that day. And what I did to you.”
AS I looked upon the angry faces of the gang members shown by the flickering lights of the broken street lamps, I reminisced of the times when I too lived that lifestyle. More like an army then a gang actually, and as I looked upon the faces of my pursuers, I remembered the screams of innocent children, families as we tortured them, burned them, and left them to rot, and I wondered Is this all life has to offer? Death? Destruction? Must my life always be like this? Is this all I have to satisfy myself? some blood and a sword? Oh how I wish you were here.
“Fools. You don’t know of the destruction that will come upon you.” I mumbled. “But if I must.”
I waved my sword through the air a couple of times as if to let the resulting air that was blown to my face refresh me and purge my sins. How can anyone forgive one as murderous as me? I thought to myself.
“Solace are you ready to go?” I asked. Suddenly an eye opened in the handled of my sword and looked up at me.
“Beep All-systems go beep.” It said.
“Alright. May good forgive us. I mumbled, and then I yelled to gang “If you want me Come Get ME!
The group charged like a stampede of raging bulls. Dust kicking at their heels, their force pushing up the trash as well. Their arms were raised above their heads with makeshift weapons, their voices raging at the top of their lungs.
I stood there as they charged getting ready to make my move. However, as I was about to hit the first one some sort of thought shattered through my mind like a baseball through a glass window. A thought that was not mine.
ChainWalker!!!!!!!
“Huh, where did that come from! Ugh!” I stumbled back as a result of the hit from one of the gang members, and then braced myself for the barrage that came from the others.
“That’s enough! RARRRGGGGGGGGG!” With a second wind only seen by few, I lifted a few and pushed them all back. They all stood back knees trembling
“Dude look at his Eyes!” one yelled, and I looked at the reflection in my sword. I was in total shock and horror as my eyes began to go all black covering the whole eyeball.
“No. No, not again!” I screamed to my reflection. The weirdest thing is, it spoke back
No! I thought. It was like a war raging between both sides of my brain. I doubled over in pain. Holding my head. It was like gunshots going off in my brain.
No! Yes! No, you mustn’t! I must, we must! The argument caused my brain to hurt tremendously with every shock my cybernetic side hit me with. I will take this body! Nooo!
As the others looked in disgust, one of them yelled, “Let’s get HIM!”
Suddenly it took over the majority of my body and made my mouth smile
“Let the blood Bath begin!”
“Solace, 10% power! It said, as it moved my legs at unparalleled speed, the sword hummed to life glowing a dark red, slicing through their bodies like butter and leaving a sear and smoke coming out of every body we took.
No, we mustn’t! YES!” Our fist slammed into another one causing him to fly through a near by wall” There is another! Our destiny is the only Way!” as it round housed another one knocking him unconscious, causing him to fall to the floor and be covered by the sea of trash.
Another one came up to us. Uppercut to throat It thought as it skillfully read his every move, dodging them expertly. Sidekick, and know for the strike! NO! Stop! I screamed in my mind putting my full force into it and for a second I was in control. Just then, a gang-member came from behind violently hitting me with a crowbar making the sword fly from my grasp, chain extending full out from it.
“No don’t get me Mad!” I screamed as I felt my muscles tensing It was Happening I was transforming. Slowly but I was. I could feel my back surging getting ready to go. However, just as I began to feel it my cybernetic side took over me again.
RRGGHHHH! It hissed. It grabbed the chain and pulled the sword back swinging the sword with the chain slashing them like a maniac. One man came from behind it and it pulled the sword back, causing it to stab him and then pulled it forward to slash everyone one else.
Three more started running to us guns in hand. We started running and ran up a weary wall as they tried to shot us. By now, I was a little in control and was now avoiding from being made into Swiss cheese. We swung around light poles, jumped off broken walls, which broke more right after we pushed off, and climbed up banisters, which tore as we climbed barely dodging every bullet that came our way.
“No! Don’t shoot! Do not shoot! There must be peace! Peace I say!” I yelled to them.
“Then take this as an offering dirt bag!” one yelled as he lifted up a machine gun. We grabbed a nearby banister and with it’s help ran across the wall, bullets in trail. We then jumped off and landed behind the guy, grabbing him in the process, and throwing him over my head into a pile of unused boxes. I was about to turn around when a cement block rammed right into my face. I was knocked unconscious for a couple of seconds but when I came to they were all pounding me with cement. Then it happened.
A burst of energy came forth from my body and pushed them all away then the chains that were surging from my back burst out as blood flew out with it. The blood cover my body as the chains swirled around me, until they wrapped completely around my body as I screamed in pain from the agony I was going through. Then I felt my body begin to change as they melded into one liquid metal suit. My muscles grow twice their size; I grew spikes grew all over my arms and back. My nails became 10-inch razor sharp claws. My eyes became pure black. My hair grew long and thick I screamed in pain as more chains came from my arms and connected themselves to my feet. Finally, the metal fused with my skin to give it a gray tone.
“No. Fools. No” I muttered. [I]
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
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firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
Nice.^-^ I think your use of blood was appropriate for the story. I really didn't mind it, but you might want to tone it down in the future for this forum, IMHO.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
wow
that was pretty good maybe we could crossover my hero that would be kinda hard to pull off nice story
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Solid Ronin - Posts: 1700
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Houston
Cool. Why not have some more christian warrior in the stories! 
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." -James 1:19
Translation: Listen much; speak little; stay cool.
Romans 6: 7-12
Psalm 144: 1-2
Translation: Listen much; speak little; stay cool.
Romans 6: 7-12
Psalm 144: 1-2
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Quiet Hood - Posts: 108
- Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tennessee
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
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firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
Good story. I see alot of improvements in your last section from your earlier ones in regards to grammer, spelling, and sentence structure.
"As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is a sluggard to those who send him." ~Proverbs 10:26
â€
The Ideas Behind Anime |
The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits.
A proud member of P.I.E. -- Pictures of Inkhana for Everyone! Join the fight!
â€
The Ideas Behind Anime |
The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits.
A proud member of P.I.E. -- Pictures of Inkhana for Everyone! Join the fight!
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andyroo - Posts: 815
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 11:00 am
- Location: Alabama
(part one of two)
Eee, forget the green text, I'd be driving myself crazy with tags...XP And I'm a bit tired and braindead (so what else is new) so it's entirely possible I'll miss stuff or say something stupid, so...you might want to take my advice with a grain of salt...
Anyway, like Andy said, there's a great deal of improvement visible in this section of the story. The analogies are a great deal better, and things in general seem a lot smoother.
The main thing I notice in this is that it's a little bit difficult to differentiate between the thoughts of Chainwalker's "captor" so to speak and CW himself. I'll give you a for-instance.
---
No more distractions it thought.
“Let’s finish this for real.â€
Eee, forget the green text, I'd be driving myself crazy with tags...XP And I'm a bit tired and braindead (so what else is new) so it's entirely possible I'll miss stuff or say something stupid, so...you might want to take my advice with a grain of salt...
Anyway, like Andy said, there's a great deal of improvement visible in this section of the story. The analogies are a great deal better, and things in general seem a lot smoother.
The main thing I notice in this is that it's a little bit difficult to differentiate between the thoughts of Chainwalker's "captor" so to speak and CW himself. I'll give you a for-instance.
---
No more distractions it thought.
“Let’s finish this for real.â€
BOOSTER: Hey, No.1! Where's my cake?!
SNIFIT 1: Booster, Sir! There's a 70% chance the object you're standing on is a cake.
BOOSTER: What? THIS thing's a cake?
You have the power to say anything you want, so why not say something positive?
- Frank Capra
(in response to an interview question "Do you have a pet peeve having to do with this biz?")
People who write below their abilities in order to crank out tons of books and make a buck. Especially Christian authors who do that. Outsiders judge us for it, and make fun of us for it, and it makes Jesus look bad. We of all artists on earth should be the most concerned with doing our best possible work at all times. We of all people should write with all our hearts, as if writing for the Lord and not for men.
- Athol Dickson
Avatar by scarlethibiscus from LJ.
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inkhana - Posts: 3670
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: meh.
(part two of two)
---
It looked up in ignorance as it scanned his body. It made my mouth smiling, revealing the drool which resulted out of a hunger to eat.
---
We might be able to trim some words here. Since we know that hunger and needing to eat are synonymous, we could do something like this:
"It looked up in ignorance as it scanned his body, forcing my expression into a ravenous smile..."
---
“Big boy aren’t you.â€
---
It looked up in ignorance as it scanned his body. It made my mouth smiling, revealing the drool which resulted out of a hunger to eat.
---
We might be able to trim some words here. Since we know that hunger and needing to eat are synonymous, we could do something like this:
"It looked up in ignorance as it scanned his body, forcing my expression into a ravenous smile..."
---
“Big boy aren’t you.â€
BOOSTER: Hey, No.1! Where's my cake?!
SNIFIT 1: Booster, Sir! There's a 70% chance the object you're standing on is a cake.
BOOSTER: What? THIS thing's a cake?
You have the power to say anything you want, so why not say something positive?
- Frank Capra
(in response to an interview question "Do you have a pet peeve having to do with this biz?")
People who write below their abilities in order to crank out tons of books and make a buck. Especially Christian authors who do that. Outsiders judge us for it, and make fun of us for it, and it makes Jesus look bad. We of all artists on earth should be the most concerned with doing our best possible work at all times. We of all people should write with all our hearts, as if writing for the Lord and not for men.
- Athol Dickson
Avatar by scarlethibiscus from LJ.
-
inkhana - Posts: 3670
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: meh.
Wow, Ink did all the work. I need to log off but posted this so that I can keep an eye on your thread. I'll read it when I come check stuff tomorrow. For now, I'm glad you're writing again. ^_^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
true_noir_chloe wrote:Wow, Ink did all the work. I need to log off but posted this so that I can keep an eye on your thread. I'll read it when I come check stuff tomorrow. For now, I'm glad you're writing again. ^_^
thanx guys your a big help. ne ways just trying to keep this up so I could post the nex part some time this weekend.
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
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firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
Cool, looking forward to it...
BTW, did you get my PM in regards to the next sequence? I just wondered because I never heard from you afterward.
BTW, did you get my PM in regards to the next sequence? I just wondered because I never heard from you afterward.
BOOSTER: Hey, No.1! Where's my cake?!
SNIFIT 1: Booster, Sir! There's a 70% chance the object you're standing on is a cake.
BOOSTER: What? THIS thing's a cake?
You have the power to say anything you want, so why not say something positive?
- Frank Capra
(in response to an interview question "Do you have a pet peeve having to do with this biz?")
People who write below their abilities in order to crank out tons of books and make a buck. Especially Christian authors who do that. Outsiders judge us for it, and make fun of us for it, and it makes Jesus look bad. We of all artists on earth should be the most concerned with doing our best possible work at all times. We of all people should write with all our hearts, as if writing for the Lord and not for men.
- Athol Dickson
Avatar by scarlethibiscus from LJ.
-
inkhana - Posts: 3670
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: meh.
inkhana wrote:Cool, looking forward to it...
BTW, did you get my PM in regards to the next sequence? I just wondered because I never heard from you afterward.
sorry I didn't reply I forgot, but yeah I did get it thanx.
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
-
firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
What do you think guys?
Chainwalker Episode 1-6 (or episode 2, either one)
The waves of blood washed gently below. Hovering slightly above a sea of crimson, the waves tickled my now bare feet, which caused a soothing effect throughout my entire body, but that was the only thing soothing. As I scanned the horizon, the ocean seemed to go on forever. The only landform visible was a ridge that jutted out of the ocean. However, this ridge did not drop straight down. Instead was curved, as if God took his hand and scooped the landform like wet sand. Clouds filled the sky except where the sun was setting causing the sky to have a dark red complexion….and getting darker.
As I hovered there, I could not help but notice my hands were chained up.
Is Sin emerging from me again? I thought, No it can’t be, I assured myself. So I began to try to free myself of the chains, but with every pull and tug, the chains got tighter and tighter. Soon I was doubled over in agony like quasi modo with a backache.
I screamed in pain as the chains began to crush my wrists. I could hear the bones in my wrist snapping like twigs. I struggled to free myself, but they only stronger, and with every step and every move I made they tightened twisted and turned as they began to tear and rip through my skin. The chains grew tighter and tighter, stronger and stronger, and pretty soon I feel to my knees SCREAMING “God Father save me!â€
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
-
firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
Firestorm, I just sent you a pm regarding this installment.
Your writing has improved greatly, and I told you that you're doing a much better job of showing your story, rather than just writing a bunch of sentences. This is great. ^_^
Your writing has improved greatly, and I told you that you're doing a much better job of showing your story, rather than just writing a bunch of sentences. This is great. ^_^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
true_noir_chloe wrote:Firestorm, I just sent you a pm regarding this installment.
Your writing has improved greatly, and I told you that you're doing a much better job of showing your story, rather than just writing a bunch of sentences. This is great. ^_^
aww are you just saying that to mkae me feel good?The middle part I took straight from the bible (where the people are saying hallelujah and praising God and cursing the harlot (the world or the beast either one really) because I wanted to get the right feel for it, and where else would you get a better feel than from where it came from! THE BIBLE!!!!!!!! I wanted to do that to make it seem like Pauls revelations (is paul the one who saw all the revelations? I don't know) any way I too like how I did this so thanx so much for your Imput.
Next Episode:
A room, a girl, and a past!!!!!!!!
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
-
firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
firestorm wrote::red: aww are you just saying that to mkae me feel good?
The middle part I took straight from the bible (where the people are saying hallelujah and praising God and cursing the harlot (the world or the beast either one really) because I wanted to get the right feel for it, and where else would you get a better feel than from where it came from! THE BIBLE!!!!!!!! I wanted to do that to make it seem like Pauls revelations (is paul the one who saw all the revelations? I don't know) any way I too like how I did this so thanx so much for your Imput.
Next Episode:
A room, a girl, and a past!!!!!!!!
Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there are 333 views on this thread!!!! It's half way to 666 the mark of the beast OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHATTTTTT IS TO BECOME OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONH NO PLEASE PEOPLE LETS GET PAST THAT AS FAST AS WE CAN!!!!!! (goes to sob in a corner rocking back and forth in a fetile position.
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!
I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
-
firestorm - Posts: 731
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
- Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3
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