Uwe Boll has aquired the rights to Peasants Quest!

[Azier the Swordsman]

Taken from some gaming magazine -

Much to the chagrin of the fans of Videlectrix's award winning video game Peasant's Quest, Uwe Boll, a man known for his previous poorly recieved video game adaptions, has just aquired the rights to the Trogdor franchise. Peasant's Quest, based on a game where a Peasant quests to defeat an evil dragon responsible for burninating his cottage.

There will be some changes to the script in the adaption; the revised plot will now be set in a ghetto, where one gangster (played by Ice Cube) sets out on a mission of revenge against a one-armed half-human firebreathing being from Pluto who decimated his trailer and all his homeys inside. Epic zombie and orc battles will ensue. When questioned about his changes to the script, Boll said they were really minor and didn't effect things much.

Boll says the movie is epic enough to make video game fans and sci-fi fans alike fall in love with it. "There are some pretty epic fight scenes in here, especially with the Cyber Queen. I have a feeling sci-fi fans are going to be talking about this one for years to come."

Boll shrugged off his previous critisism as just hater stupidity. "It's become popular to bash me nowadays. But when you get right down too it, it's all really nothing more than just a thousand voices on the internet. Everything I make is great. People too stupid to understand it and my doctorate in literature just like to bash me. Every movie I make keeps getting better and better."

Meanwhile, Videlectrix has been coming under fire recently by anti-video game and Christian conservatist Miami lawyer Jack Thompson, who blames the billion selling Trogdor franchise for the minor climb in arson attacks recently. Thompson points most of the blame on the original Trogdor game, in which players massacre a village by setting huts on fire and stomp on poor civilians. Thompson claims that the violent nature of the game corrupts people to go out and repeat these acts themselves.

But not all the blame is on Trogdor, as Thompson says that Peasant's Quest is just as harmful as Trogdor as the game makes you take on the role of a Peasant seeking "revenge", to such a bloodthirsty extent that the "hero" has no qualms about chucking a baby into a pond at one scene in the game. Thompson also notes that the main character also lights himself on fire, and this can be very corrupting to the dumb youth of our nation. "This is vile, diseased stuff." Thompson says, citing that The Brothers Chaps (who designed the game) are comparable to Lucifer and The Antichrist.

The Brothers Chaps aren't concerned about the lawsuit anyways since Thompson is known to be an incompetant moron.

In conclusion, whether or not Boll's movie will become another flop (you can bet it will) or a suprise blockbuster, remains to be seen.

[Scarecrow]

Umm... however this guy is making movies, I wanna know. I can gaurantee you I could make 10x better movies with half the budget of his movies. Uwe Boll may suck at making movies but he's obviously not dumb if hes still getting his movies out and getting enough money finance them.

[Radical Dreamer]

Hahahahaha, funny joke! XD I can see it now..."Yo-yo-yo, burninatin' yo' countryside, foo'." XD I got a kick out of that one, thanks.

[Bobtheduck]

Darn you, Uwe! You know we were waiting for your adaptation of Awexome Cross first...

"Don't you know who I am *****? I'm strongmad... Cheat! charge up your tire attack!" *cheat starts rolling and throwing bullets into the crowd, insert random sex scene*

(that censoring was done by me, not the CAA server)

As Osaka would say "There was a real sense of reality to it." Particularly the Jack Thompson bit...

BTW, I burninated a village yesterday... It was fun... Those peasants just ran and ran...

[Kaligraphic]

I Ate Trogdor With Italian Salad Dressing.

[bigsleepj]

Oh dear! What will Boll do next?

[Azier the Swordsman]

Umm... however this guy is making movies, I wanna know. I can gaurantee you I could make 10x better movies with half the budget of his movies. Uwe Boll may suck at making movies but he's obviously not dumb if hes still getting his movies out and getting enough money finance them.

He's financing himself via a tax loophole in German investing. So he's financially securing himself for one dud after another despite losing tons of money on each film that gets released.

And his movies are already pretty darn low budget.

[Scarecrow]

He's financing himself via a tax loophole in German investing. So he's financially securing himself for one dud after another despite losing tons of money on each film that gets released.

And his movies are already pretty darn low budget.

I think Blood Reign was 25 million budget... which I would not concider that low, you could make a decent movie with 25 million.... Alone in the Dark was 20 million... and the newest one he has coming out, some Dungeon Siege one, has an estimated 60 million $ budget !!!!

Anyway, if he is going to take advantage of something like that, he could be a little less selfish and send, oh, a couple mil over my way and other wannabe directors who could actually put the money to decent use Pay for these expensive film schools or something.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I think Blood Reign was 25 million budget... which I would not concider that low, you could make a decent movie with 25 million.... Alone in the Dark was 20 million... and the newest one he has coming out, some Dungeon Siege one, has an estimated 60 million $ budget !!!!

Anyway, if he is going to take advantage of something like that, he could be a little less selfish and send, oh, a couple mil over my way and other wannabe directors who could actually put the money to decent use Pay for these expensive film schools or something.

The average high budget film is 150 million and up.

25 million is very low for a modern film.

60 isn't a whole lot either.

And Bloodrayne only made 2 million four hundred at the box office.

Boll lost a ton of money on that one.

[Nate]

*takes thread slightly off topic*

It's funny. Uwe Boll says his movies keep getting better and better. "Dungeon Siege is 10 times better than Bloodrayne" for example. This means that the further back you go, the worse his movies are.

But he says if you want to see his best filmmaking, rent one of his earliest films. But using his logic about how his movies get better, wouldn't his earliest films be the worst films he ever made?

Oh. I guess when you have to flounder for an excuse as to why your movies don't suck (when they clearly do), you don't worry about little things like logic. My bad.

[uc pseudonym]

Oh dear! What will Boll do next?

Fight people. I don't know if I can find the article (hence why I haven't linked it here) but when I heard about this I found it hilarious.

I don't believe I've seen any of Uwe Boll's movies, but I'm not fond of him. His attitude and reactions to various things have never impressed me.

[Shao Feng-Li]

Well, this just brightened up my day.

[Nate]

Fight people. I don't know if I can find the article (hence why I haven't linked it here) but when I heard about this I found it hilarious.

http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/712/712601p1.html

One of them, at least (the one I originally saw was on Gamespot).

[Myoti]

You freaked me out for a moment. Really. XD

Fight people.

Yup. I'm interested in seeing how he vs. "Lowtax" of SomethingAwful winds up.

I wonder... what would it be like if Uwe Boll designed games based off movies instead? o.-

[Kaligraphic]

*takes thread slightly off topic*

It's funny. Uwe Boll says his movies keep getting better and better. "Dungeon Siege is 10 times better than Bloodrayne" for example. This means that the further back you go, the worse his movies are.

But he says if you want to see his best filmmaking, rent one of his earliest films. But using his logic about how his movies get better, wouldn't his earliest films be the worst films he ever made?

Oh. I guess when you have to flounder for an excuse as to why your movies don't suck (when they clearly do), you don't worry about little things like logic. My bad.

Actually it makes perfect sense. His best filmmaking was at the beginning, but as people learn to just ignore him and do whatever, the final quality skyrockets. He's just involved less and less.

At least, that's the logically coherent version.

[uc pseudonym]

http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/712/712601p1.html

One of them, at least (the one I originally saw was on Gamespot).

Thanks. Now I realize that a quick search engine check reveals quite a few articles. That was the first thing I did upon seeing the news, because it just seems so much like a joke...

I wonder... what would it be like if Uwe Boll designed games based off movies instead?

Heh, I'm not going to jump on the Boll-bashing wagon until I've actually seen his movies, but that's a pretty funny idea.

[Myoti]

Heh, I'm not going to jump on the Boll-bashing wagon until I've actually seen his movies, but that's a pretty funny idea.

Eh, true. The only I recall of his I actually saw was Mortal Kombat 2 (I think he made that one), but it all sounds pretty bad.

[Azier the Swordsman]

House of the Dead was the only one I've seen. And it was pretty much like every bad horror film I've ever seen rolled into one.

I was discussing Bloodrayne with my co-worker (who's seen it) and mentioned about Boll's reaction to calling the people who disliked his films "Too stupid to understand them." He was like: "You'd have to be stupid TO understand it."

[ShiroiHikari]

...this is all a joke, right? Please tell me it is.

[Azier the Swordsman]

...this is all a joke, right? Please tell me it is.

The 'Boll aquiring Peasants Quest' bit? It's real. In my twisted mind, anyways.

Boll really is planning on sparring with people who hate him, though.

[Bobtheduck]

Sorry to repeat myself, but sorry to repeat myself, but as Osaka would say "There was a real sense of reality to it" Now, Trogdor is too cutesy for Boll... he prefers the violent games, but ruining a game that thoroughly, and Jack Thompson blaming arsons on Trogdor really fits with things they've done in the past, so despte it being an entire fabrication, it's a vaguely plausible one...

[FadedOne]

Err...when I read that article I could have sworn it was a parody. But the way you guys are talking, it's real then? wow. haha. awesome..

There will be some changes to the script in the adaption; the revised plot will now be set in a ghetto, where one gangster (played by Ice Cube) sets out on a mission of revenge against a one-armed half-human firebreathing being from Pluto who decimated his trailer and all his homeys inside. Epic zombie and orc battles will ensue. When questioned about his changes to the script, Boll said they were really minor and didn't effect things much.

LOL!!! i mean, wow, really. come on..is this really real? if so, that's either really sad or really awesome. All I can think of with that one line about the being that decimated the trailer....ATHF. totally. But then again, i was just watching the one with shake & his cellphones & bling. XD

anyways....wow, and the guy was bragging about a doctorate in lit? sheesh, no wonder people make fun of him

[uc pseudonym]

To be completely clear, I will attempt a post with no sarcasm or satire:
The first post about Uwe Boll acquiring Peasant's Quest is false. It is only parody.
The discussion of Uwe Boll wanting to box his harshest detractors is true.

[Scarecrow]

The average high budget film is 150 million and up.

25 million is very low for a modern film.

60 isn't a whole lot either.

And Bloodrayne only made 2 million four hundred at the box office.

Boll lost a ton of money on that one.

Ok well, I concider anything below 10million to be low budget. Little indie films and stuff. 20-50million is average for most non-blockbuster movies. 50mill+ are usually for potential blockbusters. 100mil+ are blockbuster dollars.

So I wouldn't really concider his movies low budget at all. And 60million is rediculous for a Uwe Boll film. Underworld, the first one, only cost 22million and that movie is 10x better than any Uwe Boll film (that I've seen at least). Even the Fast and the Furious only cost 38mil and THATS even better than Bolls films. So you can do alot with the amount of money he is blowing... he just sucks at making films period.

[GrubbTheFragger]

60 million........ After blood rayne not even going to a theater near me you'd think he'd give up

[Azier the Swordsman]

He lost so much freaking money on Bloodrayne, it's not funny.

But what else do you expect from somebody who thinks his film was better than Underworld?

[Kkun]

Well played, Az. Well played.