I'm going to post the first part of Chapter 1 in pages... so yeah... I've got all of pt. 1 on paper... but only have pg. 1 uploaded... next page comes tomorow...
Naruto: Second chance
7 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Naruto: Second chance
Okay... I decided I wanted to make a Naruto fanfic with a plot twist that would slightly justify one of the characters... if you don't like Haku being a girl, LEAVE... it's my story, which I stayed up most of last night SLEEPLESS to write... on an old machine... I worked very hard on this... so I warn you ahead of time to leave if you're stuck on Haku being a crossdresser...
I'm going to post the first part of Chapter 1 in pages... so yeah... I've got all of pt. 1 on paper... but only have pg. 1 uploaded... next page comes tomorow...
I'm going to post the first part of Chapter 1 in pages... so yeah... I've got all of pt. 1 on paper... but only have pg. 1 uploaded... next page comes tomorow...
-
Takuya - Posts: 211
- Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2005 9:00 am
- Location: Perhaps another time, another place. Where I am matters not, but who I am.
A massive spiral of light exploded from the bridge being built between Wave Village and the mainland. Nearby, in a forest to the Northeast, a young traveller from Konohagakure village, training his skills, saw the beautiful light.
"What in the heck?" he asked himself and, knowing he would not get an answer except through himself, he investigated.
He skipped across a few rocks protruding out of the water, being very careful not to slip as he did so, and ran up one of the 50' high pylons sustaining the bridge. When he arrived at the source of the light, however, he was stunned. A young man with short, spikey blonde hair was holding his felled partner near the ground as the spiral of light swirled around them. Around them were a dozen, or so, ice-based mirrors.
"I'm gonna kill you!!!" the boy yelled to one of the mirrors.
Just then, it hit him. "Those are not normal mirrors. They are part of a Kekkei Genkai ninjutsu!" the traveller yelled, shocked.
The boy transformed into a feral, somewhat fox-like form of himself and ejected the acu-needles, which had covered most of his body, into nearly every direction, almost hitting the traveller.
"Dang! That was WAY too close for comfort!"
The boy began smashing the mirrors one-by-one until the person hidden within the them, who were a kirigakure shinobi hunter mask, jetted out. The boy grabbed the hunter and smashed the mask on his, or her, face in a single stirike. The mask fell off, revealing the face of not a boy, but a girl.
"Oh my GOD!!!" the traveller yelled, shocked out of his mind.
The boy began to thrust his fist into the girl's face as she just stood there, motionless. Suddenly, he stopped, as if some great force were staying his arm.
"It's you!" he said, astonished.
After a few minutes of talking of the past, the girl asked her opponent to kill her, and with slight hesitation, he attacked.
"NO!!! THIS MUST BE STOPPED!!!" the traveller yelled. He ran toward the battle and fused his body into the of the girl. He opened her eyes from within and made her realize the she HAD use.
She quickly dodged and incapaciteded the boy, running for her beaten master.
"What in the heck?" he asked himself and, knowing he would not get an answer except through himself, he investigated.
He skipped across a few rocks protruding out of the water, being very careful not to slip as he did so, and ran up one of the 50' high pylons sustaining the bridge. When he arrived at the source of the light, however, he was stunned. A young man with short, spikey blonde hair was holding his felled partner near the ground as the spiral of light swirled around them. Around them were a dozen, or so, ice-based mirrors.
"I'm gonna kill you!!!" the boy yelled to one of the mirrors.
Just then, it hit him. "Those are not normal mirrors. They are part of a Kekkei Genkai ninjutsu!" the traveller yelled, shocked.
The boy transformed into a feral, somewhat fox-like form of himself and ejected the acu-needles, which had covered most of his body, into nearly every direction, almost hitting the traveller.
"Dang! That was WAY too close for comfort!"
The boy began smashing the mirrors one-by-one until the person hidden within the them, who were a kirigakure shinobi hunter mask, jetted out. The boy grabbed the hunter and smashed the mask on his, or her, face in a single stirike. The mask fell off, revealing the face of not a boy, but a girl.
"Oh my GOD!!!" the traveller yelled, shocked out of his mind.
The boy began to thrust his fist into the girl's face as she just stood there, motionless. Suddenly, he stopped, as if some great force were staying his arm.
"It's you!" he said, astonished.
After a few minutes of talking of the past, the girl asked her opponent to kill her, and with slight hesitation, he attacked.
"NO!!! THIS MUST BE STOPPED!!!" the traveller yelled. He ran toward the battle and fused his body into the of the girl. He opened her eyes from within and made her realize the she HAD use.
She quickly dodged and incapaciteded the boy, running for her beaten master.
-
Takuya - Posts: 211
- Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2005 9:00 am
- Location: Perhaps another time, another place. Where I am matters not, but who I am.
The girl blocked a fatal attack made by her master's opponent, who's name the traveller found to be Kakashi, sacrificing her own life for that of her master, Momochi Zabuza. As she fell into Kakashi's arms, the traveller placed her in a death-like state. Because his body was one with hers, their minds and spirits were also one, yet hers eclipsed his.
"Haku," he called to her, "don't give up. If you die, I die with you."
"Where are these feelings, these memories coming from?"
"From me."
"Why? How"
"To give you another chance."
"To save him? To save Zabuza?"
"No. He must die, but you will live."
"No! Let me protect him!"
"I cannot. Your body is too far gone. You need time to heal."
"No! I have to protect Zabuza!"
Haku tried desperately to break the traveller's grip and retake her body, but he was too strong.
"Do you not hear yourself?! Zabuza himself is a demon!"
"I owe him my life!"
"You owe him nothing!!!"
Kakashi laid Haku's broken body on the ground and prepared for another attack.
Then Gatou and his minions arrived. Zabuza broke off and went directly for Gatou after being threatened one last time by him. He finally ended Gatou's life and crimes, but not after recieving one final, fatal attack by Gatou's minions. Through Kakashi's eyes, the traveller revealed to Haku Zabuza's end.
"NO!!! Kenta! LET ME GO TO HIM!!! PLEASE!!!"
"Haku," he called to her, "don't give up. If you die, I die with you."
"Where are these feelings, these memories coming from?"
"From me."
"Why? How"
"To give you another chance."
"To save him? To save Zabuza?"
"No. He must die, but you will live."
"No! Let me protect him!"
"I cannot. Your body is too far gone. You need time to heal."
"No! I have to protect Zabuza!"
Haku tried desperately to break the traveller's grip and retake her body, but he was too strong.
"Do you not hear yourself?! Zabuza himself is a demon!"
"I owe him my life!"
"You owe him nothing!!!"
Kakashi laid Haku's broken body on the ground and prepared for another attack.
Then Gatou and his minions arrived. Zabuza broke off and went directly for Gatou after being threatened one last time by him. He finally ended Gatou's life and crimes, but not after recieving one final, fatal attack by Gatou's minions. Through Kakashi's eyes, the traveller revealed to Haku Zabuza's end.
"NO!!! Kenta! LET ME GO TO HIM!!! PLEASE!!!"
-
Takuya - Posts: 211
- Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2005 9:00 am
- Location: Perhaps another time, another place. Where I am matters not, but who I am.
Uh...... I haven't read this, but I probably will when I get time, but I just thought I'd point out that no one has complained. No one's even posted. Anyway, I'll read it tomorrow, for now I must sleep.
-
mastersquirrel - Posts: 696
- Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:55 am
- Location: I saw a squirrel! ...... It was going like this!!!
Well, I'll tell you that though this is an interesting take on the story (even if you did change Haku's gender), you alienate those who have never read Naruto before with several of your statements, such as:
What is this? To someone not familiar with Naruto (I myself didn't know of him till this past semester) this would mean nothing, and they would be quite confused.
Gatou who? Again you don't explain what's going on for the uninformed. You don't have to tell the whole story again, just give an idea so that the reader isn't completely lost.
Also, I'm not entirely sure how the traveler shouts over and over yet no one notices him. Otherwise, an interesting premise for a story.
A point about your first post, I don't think that Haku is a cross dresser. I've seen several men in real life that could be mistaken for women, and just because Haku wore a pink kimono doensn't necesarily mean he's cross dressing. Perhaps he's just quite sure of his masculinity.
Anyway, good job.
They are part of a Kekkei Genkai ninjutsu!
What is this? To someone not familiar with Naruto (I myself didn't know of him till this past semester) this would mean nothing, and they would be quite confused.
Then Gatou and his minions arrived.
Gatou who? Again you don't explain what's going on for the uninformed. You don't have to tell the whole story again, just give an idea so that the reader isn't completely lost.
Also, I'm not entirely sure how the traveler shouts over and over yet no one notices him. Otherwise, an interesting premise for a story.
A point about your first post, I don't think that Haku is a cross dresser. I've seen several men in real life that could be mistaken for women, and just because Haku wore a pink kimono doensn't necesarily mean he's cross dressing. Perhaps he's just quite sure of his masculinity.
Anyway, good job.
-
mastersquirrel - Posts: 696
- Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:55 am
- Location: I saw a squirrel! ...... It was going like this!!!
7 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 352 guests