Star Snore draft

[Mega.EXE]

ok here we go
criticism allowed and welcomed!

Star Snore Episode I
The Phantom Dentist

Prologue

So how am I supposed to start this? Oh, yeah.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Blah blah blah blah.
Okay, let's do this my way. You know the Red Eye, and the Train Rederation, right? Oh. Well, the Red Eye are the peace protection guys, and the Train Rederation are the guys who ready trains. In this case, the Red Eye are the good guys and the Train Rederation are the bad guys.
But do you know how powerful the TR (Train Rederation) is? They have a representative in the Galactic Senant, as if they were a planet. Heck, they could be one with all their money. Buy a planet, name it Train Rederation, devote it to readying trains... Man, they must be rich!
So what am I trying to get at? I’ll get to that. I think. So here we go: The TR wanted more control of systems outside of the Lore Worlds, see? But those systems objected, see? So the debate in the Senant dragged on, see? Let’s stop with the sees now, k?
Can imagine that waiting for all that control that you’re supposed to be getting? Probably not, but they found it hard. So that impatients fueled their next move.
Backed up by a powerful guy (you’ll find out about him later, and not a moment before. Whenever that is.), the TR launched a blockade of the planet Goboom.
So now guess where the Red Eye – Qui-Gone Ninja and Obi-Wand Macaroni – come in.

Chapter 1

At last – the Repulpit Bruiser exited chipperspace in the Goboom system, and the Red Eye Qui-Gone Ninja and Obi-Wand Macaroni set eyes upon the planet Goboom, or at least what they could see in between the Train Rederation’s blockade ships (you will find the TR people are quite literal).
And of course, with such a run-down bruiser – “The very best goes to the Red Eye,â€

[Destroyer2000]

Considering it is satire aimed at Star Wars, I'd be biased to it. Not much of it makes sense...satires use witty comments and such, not childish, teenage speech.

[Mega.EXE]

it's not really supposed to make sense thats the point

and my sis Ree wrote that part i just edited a couple of parts i'm writing the 2nd chapter currently