the guitar

[ShiroiHikari]

Please read and review. I need me some feedback, yo.

Warning: brief language and some violence.

Click here to read.

[ShiroiHikari]

Aw, come on, someone at least say whether they read it or not..

[Kaori]

I read it, but I don't really have much to say besides that it was sad. Kawaisou.

The progression of Glade's thoughts in italics is effective; the first of his thoughts that we encounter, "I hate winter," establishes a pattern of negativity that remains pretty constant throughout the piece, which is appropriate considering the brevity of the story.

The only thing that I questioned was the rapidity with which the old man settled on a price. Having never sold an instrument, I don't know what the procedure is usually like, but the appraisal seemed a bit speedy.

Other than that, I really have no complaints.

[Esoteric]

Hmm, very nice....very sad. I went through it pretty fast so I might have missed some things, but two sentences popped out at me.
The first was when Glade got to the fourth floor and you mention by the time he got there he was in a sour mood. When I read that, I thought, "Gee, hasn't his mood been sour since the start?" Perhaps you could change it to say his mood was worse by then, but I think he was already sour...

He flopped down hard on his couch, which was already broken anyway.

Either take out the "already", or the "anyway". The line currently feels
redundant.

Excellent writing as usual.

[ShiroiHikari]

Thanks for the comments, both of you :3