Broken Dreams- Rurouni Kenshin fanfic

[girlninja]

Chapter 1

Kianna looked at the moon, it was full again tonight. An ill omen any would say. She sighed as she picked up the laundry once more, chores were never done.

She walked, humming quietly and opened the door to the rundown house she and her family called home.

"Naka-" Kianna began to shout and was cut off as a hand clamped her mouth. Her hand went to her tanto when a familiar voice whispered in her ear, "They just got to sleep." Her husband, Nakatori or Naka for short, released her mouth, smiling at her.

Kianna slapped him playfully on the shoulder, "You scared me,Naka!" she whispered fiercly. Naka supressed a laugh, "Not my fault your so easy to scare."

Kianna put the basket down and proceeded to take Naka to the ground.

**all i can do for now more later, let me know what you think* ^^

[God's Samurai]

Kianna looked at the crescent moon, it was full again tonight.

How does that work? If it's a crescent moon, wouldn't that imply it isn't full? But never the less not horrible. Short. But not horrible. ^_^

[girlninja]

hehe thanks Samurai I edited ^^: also your sn was mine a couple months ago but i forgot my password for it >< lol wierd huh?

***Naka's hands automatically stopped her by grabbing her sleeve and pulling her off balance. Kianna stifled a laugh as she stumbled forwardy, placing her foot behind his feet to regain balance.

Naka smiled as he pulled her to his hip and proceeded to toss her onto the bed. As he did, she dropped her weight and they fell to the floor giggling.

Their youngest, Tori, moaned in the darkness. Naka and Kianna held thier breaths, not daring to look at eachother. When Tori stopped, Kianna kissed Naka armly and stood.

Naka watched her graceful form stoop to pick up the basket and bring it to the rickety drawers near the children's bed.

Naka went to the kitchen, which was on the left of the house, closest to the children. He poured some of the stew of radishes and carrot into a wooden bowl and handed it to Kianna, who thanked him and sipped the contents carefully.

She sighed weaily, burying her head into her hands.

"what's wrong, dear one?" Nake came up beside her, concern etched on his face.

"Students are becoming fewere. No one has the money anymore."

Naka nodded, "Well since our lord has fallen in displeasure with the shogun, our wages are bound to go down."

He smiled then, "But I have good news."

Kianna' smiled ryely, "Yuv'e been elected shogun?"

"No, and you shouldn't say those things," Naka scolded, his eyes laughed.

"Then what is it?" She sipped her bowl again.

"I have been promoted for helping quell the peasant riot the other month," Naka finished smiling.

Kianna clasped his hands, "That's great honey." Her voice did not sound as enthusiastic.

Naka's face fell, "What is it?"

Kianna shook her head, "I'm happy for you yet I worry about if their is a battle. You'll be sent and," she let her words remain unsaid.

***

More later.. sorry short spurts for now.

[God's Samurai]

Pretty good. Afew notes though, you can't be elected Shogun. To become shogun you had to prove to the Emperor that you where of divine heritage. Of course Tokugawa Ieyasu(sp?) wasn't but the people and the emperor wanted him to become shogun so bad that they bought his bogus lineage. I would also like to ask, what era is this set in? It would seem pre-Meiji because there was no Shogunate after 1867 when Tokugawa Yoshinobugave political power back to the emperor for fear that the people would kill him in order to do so. So I'm forced to assume that this is set pre-67. Then again this could all be a prelude to the majority of the story I don't know. I guess I'll just have to wait.

On another note entirely that is pretty odd that we both had/have the same sn. I await more kunoichi.

[girlninja]

*bows* thankyou for the notes

To further clarify this is set during the Bakamatsu era and pre Meiji although that will change in teh course of the story. Also as for the elected portion, there is a sarcastic tone in Kianna's voice but also the fact that Naka tells her not to say such things shows how she she feels towards the Shogun. Since it was believed he has divine heritage and her saying he was elected would give him human qualities.

[God's Samurai]

Ah, very good then. I continue my wait.

[girlninja]

(cont.)

***

Naka's eyes filled with compassion, pulling her face to meet his, "Sweetheart, I'll be fine. I know how to fight and there haven't been any fighting since the peasant riot. So please, stop worrying."

Kianna nodded, saying nothing. They heard a loud rap on the door. "Nakatori, are you in there?" Came a man's voice, sounding panicked.

Naka ran to the door, the children's sleep still not interrupted, "Shhhh. I"m coming."

He threw open the door, a man's blackened face with appeared, "Nakatori, there is a battle. The lord said that we are to take the west side of the city, and your to lead." Naka nodded, "Hang on let me get my armor." With that the man left, the loud rap and shout heard next door.

Naka shut the door and hurried to grab his chest plate armor and sword. Kianna wrung her hands, "PLease Naka, don't go."

Naka looked at her in disbelief, "I have to, you know that." She shook her head, "Please, What if you die. Where will our children be without their father? Where will I be without my husband?"

Naka took her hands, "Love, I will be back in your arms by the dawn. Please do not fear." Kianna hugged him tightly. Naka squeezed back and then kissed her. He went to the children, kissing each one lightly so as to not wake them. Then, giving her one last look, left into the night.

***

More later ^^

[girlninja]

More! Feel free to burn or lift up ^^

***

That was the last she had seen him. The next she heard he was killed in battle. The peasants had revolted with help from those that call themselves the Ishin patriots. Their lord had not tried to send reinforcements when he heard this , leaving the soldiers who fought to their deaths alone and helpless.

He instead had the rest of his soldiers gather all the children and women in the village. Using them as a shield against the patriots. His ploy worked, the patriots would not kill them. Therefore the lord kept them for protection, barely keeping them alive.

Her children perished before long and she was able to escape into the night, fleeing to the forest as fast as her diminished body would allow. The lord did not chase her, why would he? He had plenty others, one wouldn't matter.

More later sorry comp battery is dying >< Let me know what you think please.

[girlninja]

Kianna sat against the treetrunk, her hands bound behind her with the bark making small scratches along her bare arms. The rag in her mouth drew up the remaining saliva, not even allowing her thirst to be quenched.

She had been in the woods for three days, surviving off the few berries that hadn't been frozen and some muddy stream about fifteen miles south of the place she had called prison.

She had just rested against the trunk for five minutes when men identifying themselves with the Ishin Patriot group took her prisoner. To make sure, they said, that she wasn't an enemy.

An enemy? She was flabbergasted. Sure, she had told them sarcastically, I'm a un armed women barely able to stand, and yet I'm plotting against you this very moment. It was then she was gagged and bound.

She sighed, Perhaps staying would hav been better. At least then I had some sort of freedom. Now I would be naive to think they would keep me alive.

A mosquito buzzed annoyingly around her head. She wanted nothing more then to swat it. Just when she felt she couldn't take it anymore, she felt her ropes cut and a not unkind voice tell her to get up.

More later*

[Magekind]

Look, it's my favorite ninja girl, girlninja! The good news is, the Magekind's still alive. Of course, that could also be the bad news. Depends on how you look at it.

Now to business. I haven't really read the whole thing, but... nevermind. I oughta go through and read it deeper. Two minutes.

It's horrid. I love it! ... that sounds weird. But really, you're putting together a fairly unique, intriguing line of thought. The characters, so far, are consistent and fairly well drawn. I could ask for more visuals, but aside from that, I like.

[girlninja]

I was just thinking when i saw you had posted... "Magekind is alive?!" lol ^^ *bows domo arigatou gozaimasu Magekind-sama. As always your critique means a lot to me Thank you ^^ and i hope you will continue to read more ^^

[girlninja]

*bows* thanks for the patience ^^

***

Kianna stumbled forward. It wasn't as if she was in the condition to meet people, she thought bitterly, for one, her hair was a mess and the little fact of not having a bath for a few days, certaintly, added to matters.

She felt a hand grip her arm, helping her to her feet. She gazed into the smiling face of a young man.

"What's your name?" The man asked gently. He wore blue hakama pants, a torn kimono jacket. She gazed wearily at the katana at his side, black roped on the handle. He had black hair, wrapped in the traditional topknot, worn sandals that looked as if they needed repair.

"My name?" She hadn't been asked that question since Naka had asked before they were married. The man nodded, smiling kindly. His teeth were yellow from lack of care and his own skin was pale from malnourishment.

"Kianna," she spoke quietly, uncertain. She hadn't spoken her own for so long now.

***

More later*

[girlninja]

"Kianna," the man tasted her name, savoring it. He inclined his head, "My name is Tori but people call me Okami."

"Wolf?" Kianna laughed, "You look more like a starving pup then a burly wolf." Okami laughed and shrugged, "They have their reasons I guess."

He looked to his two companions, "We need to get going. Kianna you may go on your way." He turned away, walking through the trees. Kianna was dumbstruck, she had just been freed. For a moment, she could not move but then willed herself to move and run after them as fast as she could.

"Okami!" she shouted, her voice cracking. Had it been so lon since she had spoken, screamed, laughed? Okami stopped, "What is it?" He broke into his own smile once again, "I said you were free, you sill girl."

Kianna stopped, panting, "Please," she spoke through inhales of breath, "Your part of the Ishin Patriots, the ones who hate the daimyo lords."

Okami hesistated before nodding. "Please," Kianna continued, "Let me join you."

He thought for a moment, then shook his head, "No." He started to walk away again.

Kianna grabbed his arm, "Please." Okami re-directed her arm and tossed her to the ground, "I said no." He turned away again.

Kianna stood, her body aching, "Why?!" Okami's eyes filled with sorrow, "Your still innocent."

Innocent, nonsense! Kianna glared, "I have seen horror, Tori, I assure you of that."

Okami turned, bringing his face close to her's, "You do not know what your asking. For one, I doubt a weed like you knows how to handle a sword. We don't kill with brooms, you know. " He sighed, "Besides, we barely have enough to feed ourselves, let alone you."

Kianna shook her head, "I can cook and clean your clothes. i know how to find food as well, better then most. Please, let me join you. Teach me the sword, teach me to kill"

Okami looked to the sky, beseeching the heavens for an answer why they decided to plague him with this women. What seemed like an eternity, he sighed. Kianna looked at him eagerly as he nodded his consent.

He rubbed his eyes, "My boss is going to kill me." The other men snickered and they continued into the forest, this time with Kianna by their sides.

***

more later ^^

[Magekind]

Your story is shaping out only mildly cliche, but... there's really nothing you can do about that. Keep the characters, the people and their thoughts, feelings in front, and you'll do alright. Also, I find it odd that this woman, who only just lost her husband of I'm guessing at least four or five years would have contracted the title "girl."

Aaaand, as strange as it may seem, I really look down upon the whole language mincing thing. They're in Japan, right? They've been in Japan their entire lives, right? That's the language they speak. Yet, a word or name comes up, it's in the language they speak, and suddenly it has to be given a translation. Think about it. Although I guess the Japanese do have two different languages.

[girlninja]

Well for the translation, I did it basically for the english readers who are not really familiar with all the japanese terms. and well I guess I don't have my heart into this story, looks like I"m going to have to try another idea. Alas, another idea bites the dust.