Romantic Love?

[MillyFan]

If you're married, then that's completely fine. I was referring to attraction between unmarried couples.

[Lochaber Axe]

There is a huge line between simple attraction (even sexual) and promiscuity. Attraction is the stepping stone God has built into us to find the mate that he has chosen for us. Of course, as the relationship unfolds that it should shift from not just physical (I am not talking about intercourse here) to a more mental and spiritual bonding. It is alright for a guy or girl to see a good looking example of the opposite sex and to either comment on how fine they are or even have a mild attraction to them. Lust on the other hand is when they only think about that one point in relationships and put energy into only that one desire. Your hormones should not be a major factor in a relationship.

[EireWolf]

Lochaber Axe-- good post. I would go so far as to say that if you are not at all physically attracted to someone, then you should not marry them... unless, of course, God commands otherwise. Sex is an important part of marriage... but on the other hand, it better not be the only thing keeping the two of you together. You'd better have common interests and things to talk about, etc., too. Yeah... 'nuf said.

One more thing: If you wake up and are no longer 'in love' with the person, I'm assuming this doesn't mean you have no feelings for them whatsoever, right?

Feelings are tricky... as someone else already said, feelings can be flighty. You will not always feel warm and fuzzy toward your spouse... sometimes you might be angry or irritated with them. But that doesn't mean that you stop loving them, because you have made a commitment for better or for worse. Love means you always want the best for that person, and that you want to give of yourself. The warm fuzzies come and go, but don't mistake warm fuzzies for real love.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I am understanding the concept of 'love' a whole lot better now.

A few more questions if you don't mind:

1. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you don't want to?

2. A more hardball of a question: If, let's say, you wake up one day, and you are not in love with the person anymore (meaning no special feelings for them; and they were to die that evening, would you neccesarily miss them, and how much?

[Mithrandir]

This is a fairly broad hypothetical range. Are you leading anywhere in particular?

[Azier the Swordsman]

1. I've always been very curious about the subject of 'love', but have never understood it fully.

2. I may get a fanfiction story that's been in my head for a long time down on paper, and 'love' is a major plot device in the story, and I want to be accurate as possible, even though I have no experience in the subject.

[Shinja]

i think its one of those things that you cant really understand till it happens. like i can tell what its like to fly an airplane, but you would never under stand it till you actully experianced flying an airplane< i guess thats my reasoning

[EireWolf]

I may get a fanfiction story that's been in my head for a long time down on paper, and 'love' is a major plot device in the story, and I want to be accurate as possible, even though I have no experience in the subject.

Hmmm... Good luck. That's hard to do. I've heard many writers advise, "Write what you know."

[Azier the Swordsman]

Yeah, it will be tough, but I'll at least give it a shot. It's even harder with the fact it revolves around the DEATH of the main character's love interest, and how he deals with it and the new evil trying to destroy the world. I CAN always write a Director's Cut in the future...

[Bobtheduck]

"As for me, I write about murder and mayhem" J/k... Ok... The Mstie syndrome is kicking in... don't mind me... I agree, though... There are certain subjects you shouldn't write about if you haven't experienced them, and some that it would help to at least get some help by people who had... So, yeah... I'm not going to make a gripping novel about being a grandparent quite yet...

I'm having a hard time writing my female characters because I want them to be believeable, and also making characters who have personaliteis different from mine, and yet not be 1 dimensional... Even that's very hard... It's so much easier to make the characters that act like me...

[Azier the Swordsman]

Point taken, however, the fanfiction isn't the original intent of this thread. originally, curiousity about the subject of 'love' compelled me to create this thread. The fanfiction is an idea I've had in my head for a while and I'm only now CONSIDERING getting it on paper.

[EireWolf]

I'm having a hard time writing my female characters because I want them to be believeable, and also making characters who have personaliteis different from mine, and yet not be 1 dimensional... Even that's very hard... It's so much easier to make the characters that act like me...

Well, at least you recognize that. There are some bestselling authors who can't write a believable female character to save their lives...

[MillyFan]

LOL, you CAN write things without having experienced them yourself. My best advice is to read a lot and see how others have written what you want to write, then come up with something that isn't a copy of their style but is totally different.

Oh, and Shadsie and I have touched on a lot of issues in the fanfic we're co-writing. I've never been a priest, a doctor, a wife, a killer, or among the many other things in our story, and neither has Shadsie. . .nevertheless, we've manage to write everything so far, in my opinion, very well.

Research doesn't always mean personal experience. It simply means having somewhat of a valid knowledge of your subject matter from any reliable source (books, TV, magazines, other people, etc) and the ability to apply it to your characters in a reasonable way in the context of the story.

Oh, and Chris, I'll toss out some tips for you as a beginning fanfiction writer, if this is indeed your first fic. Original characters by beginning writers (and any original character in a romance with a canon character) are *invariably* Mary Sues, so I'd stick to canon. Also, by doing that, you have a pretty good idea of the way the characters act toward each other already-you just have to elaborate on that.

As you become more advanced as a writer, you can move on to alternate pairings and hopefully your interest in placing an original character in the story to fall in love with a canon character will fade slowly away. . .or at least all of those of us who flame Mary Sues hope it does.

Secondly, you need to research. Read books, watch other shows, talk to people (as you're doing here) on the topics you'll be dealing with, and read other fanfics in your specific fandom at the very least. That leads into the next tip:

Originality is a plus: for example, let's say every other Cowboy Bebop fanfic out there is a SpikexFaye pairing with [spoiler=ending for Bebop] Spike's death[/spoiler] being only a dream. To stand out, you could write a FayexJet pairing in keeping with the ending, or you could have Spike go into a deep coma in an ending AU, and bring him back-but 20 years later or something. See my point? You want to stand out.

Another tip I can give is to add a plot aside from the love story you want to write-something of which the love story is only one facet. Some writers *can* write stories where the love story *is* the plot (and I know of one I'd recommend to show you a fine example of how to do it right if you were my age and more liberal, if it wouldn't get me banned for life to share the link through CAA, and if I had the nerve to link someone to it) an-however, most of these normally head straight for the sewer of bad fanfiction.

If you need any more tips, need someone to review your story if it's anything I'm familiar with (i.e. Trigun, Final Fantasy, Cowboy Bebop, Big 0, Chrono series games) I'll be quite happy to beta read for you or otherwise help you out.

[mechana2015]

WARNING: BLATANT OPINION

well....heres my 0.02 on this...
...real love. First of all this should be based in a deep and knowing relationship. This should at least be several months if not several years before you make any sort of commitment to a person in any sort of perminant way (marriage, engagement). This way you can discover the flaws (and new advantages) in the person. It takes time to find these things out. Also the waiting period can help quell or at least lesson improper feelings that would threaten the relationship. It also takes a very, very, dedicated person on both sides to have this be true, one who shares your morals and will not make compromises, no matter what.

there are several forms of this type of love...with differeent intensities, and parental love is more protective than co-operative, and obvously without some types of feelings involved. Same w/ friendly love, though that can evolve into other types of love.

"romantic" is a brief, crush like feeling, the intense feelings only and is the type that should not be acted upon, is quite intense and based in feeling, not thinking (per se) and should be ran from in most cases (outside of a marriage).

THIS ENDS A BLATANT OPINION

[Bobtheduck]

Well, at least you recognize that. There are some bestselling authors who can't write a believable female character to save their lives...

My most prominent Female character keeps turning into "Kid" from Chrono Cross (who I prefer over all of the femmes in CT... Don't kill me!)

Anyhow, I'm trying hard to base her on a girl I know, but of course there's only so much a Guy can know about the way a girl (even a specific girl that he knows quite well) is going to respond to something... She ends up being really sarcastic and cynical... I need some serious help with her... There are just so many things that can go wrong with my story...

[Azier the Swordsman]

It's easy to make a realisitic girl for your story, just make her impossible to understand!

Sorry, all you females out there, I couldn't resist.

*gets pelted by rotten tomatoes*

Seriously, though, if I ever write it, I may just have to get someone 'experienced' in the field of love to proofread it for me. 'For accuracy'. I understand that writers often do this for subjects they do not fully understand.

[Azier the Swordsman]

LOL, you CAN write things without having experienced them yourself. My best advice is to read a lot and see how others have written what you want to write, then come up with something that isn't a copy of their style but is totally different.

Oh, and Shadsie and I have touched on a lot of issues in the fanfic we're co-writing. I've never been a priest, a doctor, a wife, a killer, or among the many other things in our story, and neither has Shadsie. . .nevertheless, we've manage to write everything so far, in my opinion, very well.

Research doesn't always mean personal experience. It simply means having somewhat of a valid knowledge of your subject matter from any reliable source (books, TV, magazines, other people, etc) and the ability to apply it to your characters in a reasonable way in the context of the story.

Oh, and Chris, I'll toss out some tips for you as a beginning fanfiction writer, if this is indeed your first fic. Original characters by beginning writers (and any original character in a romance with a canon character) are *invariably* Mary Sues, so I'd stick to canon. Also, by doing that, you have a pretty good idea of the way the characters act toward each other already-you just have to elaborate on that.

As you become more advanced as a writer, you can move on to alternate pairings and hopefully your interest in placing an original character in the story to fall in love with a canon character will fade slowly away. . .or at least all of those of us who flame Mary Sues hope it does.

Secondly, you need to research. Read books, watch other shows, talk to people (as you're doing here) on the topics you'll be dealing with, and read other fanfics in your specific fandom at the very least. That leads into the next tip:

Originality is a plus: for example, let's say every other Cowboy Bebop fanfic out there is a SpikexFaye pairing with [spoiler=ending for Bebop] Spike's death[/spoiler] being only a dream. To stand out, you could write a FayexJet pairing in keeping with the ending, or you could have Spike go into a deep coma in an ending AU, and bring him back-but 20 years later or something. See my point? You want to stand out.

Another tip I can give is to add a plot aside from the love story you want to write-something of which the love story is only one facet. Some writers *can* write stories where the love story *is* the plot (and I know of one I'd recommend to show you a fine example of how to do it right if you were my age and more liberal, if it wouldn't get me banned for life to share the link through CAA, and if I had the nerve to link someone to it) an-however, most of these normally head straight for the sewer of bad fanfiction.

If you need any more tips, need someone to review your story if it's anything I'm familiar with (i.e. Trigun, Final Fantasy, Cowboy Bebop, Big 0, Chrono series games) I'll be quite happy to beta read for you or otherwise help you out.

It's a 6 part Sonic related fanfiction. Not a light one though, the story revolves around a certain character's 'death', and each part gets increasingly darker as the story progresses. There is no actual romance in the story, just a lot of angst.

[mechana2015]

Woooooooot!
Welcome to the CAA!
<Ponders starting a Zim thread to keep JS's thread on topic>
You're right, obsession is quite different from love, and can be quite dangerous if misplaced.

[Stephen]

LOL, you CAN write things without having experienced them yourself. My best advice is to read a lot and see how others have written what you want to write, then come up with something that isn't a copy of their style but is totally different.

Oh, and Shadsie and I have touched on a lot of issues in the fanfic we're co-writing. I've never been a priest, a doctor, a wife, a killer, or among the many other things in our story, and neither has Shadsie. . .nevertheless, we've manage to write everything so far, in my opinion, very well.

Research doesn't always mean personal experience. It simply means having somewhat of a valid knowledge of your subject matter from any reliable source (books, TV, magazines, other people, etc) and the ability to apply it to your characters in a reasonable way in the context of the story.

Oh, and Chris, I'll toss out some tips for you as a beginning fanfiction writer, if this is indeed your first fic. Original characters by beginning writers (and any original character in a romance with a canon character) are *invariably* Mary Sues, so I'd stick to canon. Also, by doing that, you have a pretty good idea of the way the characters act toward each other already-you just have to elaborate on that.

As you become more advanced as a writer, you can move on to alternate pairings and hopefully your interest in placing an original character in the story to fall in love with a canon character will fade slowly away. . .or at least all of those of us who flame Mary Sues hope it does.

Secondly, you need to research. Read books, watch other shows, talk to people (as you're doing here) on the topics you'll be dealing with, and read other fanfics in your specific fandom at the very least. That leads into the next tip:

Originality is a plus: for example, let's say every other Cowboy Bebop fanfic out there is a SpikexFaye pairing with [spoiler=ending for Bebop] Spike's death[/spoiler] being only a dream. To stand out, you could write a FayexJet pairing in keeping with the ending, or you could have Spike go into a deep coma in an ending AU, and bring him back-but 20 years later or something. See my point? You want to stand out.

Another tip I can give is to add a plot aside from the love story you want to write-something of which the love story is only one facet. Some writers *can* write stories where the love story *is* the plot (and I know of one I'd recommend to show you a fine example of how to do it right if you were my age and more liberal, if it wouldn't get me banned for life to share the link through CAA, and if I had the nerve to link someone to it) an-however, most of these normally head straight for the sewer of bad fanfiction.

If you need any more tips, need someone to review your story if it's anything I'm familiar with (i.e. Trigun, Final Fantasy, Cowboy Bebop, Big 0, Chrono series games) I'll be quite happy to beta read for you or otherwise help you out.

Sigh...how many times did you expect to slap the mods in the face before they said somthing Milly? 4 times? 5? I am rather sick and tired of every other of your posts you quipping somthing like....
"Oh better not say this or I might get banned..."

If you were worried about getting banned you would not say anything to begin with...however, if you want to be ignorant to the staff and "make a point" you say it without actually saying it. Cute. Next time you feel the need to slap the staff here in the face...don't be a coward and bend words...just come right out and do it. Also when you want to post nasty liberal links to goodness knows what kind of crap....just keep them to yourself. As you did, though since you are a coherent human being you probably used PM. Consider this a warning Millyfan....don't act like a child with the staff here.

[MillyFan]

Sigh...how many times did you expect to slap the mods in the face before they said somthing Milly? 4 times? 5? I am rather sick and tired of every other of your posts you quipping somthing like....
"Oh better not say this or I might get banned..."

If you were worried about getting banned you would not say anything to begin with...however, if you want to be ignorant to the staff and "make a point" you say it without actually saying it. Cute. Next time you feel the need to slap the staff here in the face...don't be a coward and bend words...just come right out and do it. Also when you want to post nasty liberal links to goodness knows what kind of crap....just keep them to yourself. As you did, though since you are a coherent human being you probably used PM. Consider this a warning Millyfan....don't act like a child with the staff here.

I'm sorry to post this publicly, but since you have chosen to slander me in public rather than via PM, I have chosen to respond publicly.

This is a false accusation. You're free to check my PM box if you wish: I have sent no one any lemons or any other "nasty liberal links to goodness knows what kind of ****" via PM.

The worst I have done was link someone to the non-lemon part of "Dark Mirror" (LOL, the lemon isn't even online yet and will not be at fanfiction.net with the rest of the story) and trade some very mild (not even kissing) shounen ai pics with another user who already liked shounen ai before I ever came along., and my message box would bear me out. In fact, I don't think I have ever e-mailed or PMmed Chris about anything-much less anything "nasty" as you call it since he is of the opposite gender and underage.

I also intended to slap no one on the staff in the face-I was simply referring to a fanfiction that was well-written but definitely not CAA or underage material in my general post on writing good fanfiction.

Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

1 Corinthians 6:10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Among many others.

False testimony and slander are just as bad as anything I've done or not done but been accused of doing. I'm asking you to please retract your allegations and apologize as publically as you have accused.

2 Corinthians 12:20 says "For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder."

Shatterheart, I'm sorry, but your posts have been fine examples of all of the sins listed here. I'm not the only one who's noticed this: I know of at least one person who has left the board because of your conduct so exemplary of this verse (BrianC) and others who are still here but have seriously noticed this. It's not just liberals and bisexuals and shounen ai fans that think you're acting in this manner-it's people who see your posts and see someone with some serious anger management and bullying issues. In fact, engaging in some of the conduct which you have engaged in with members here (sharing private information in public, making false accusations, baiting and slamming members) would automatically get you banned as a troll elsewhere.

I'm sorry about this, but I'm trying to handle it in the most Christian manner I can. I've talked to you privately (as much as you would allow me), I've brought this to others I know who are objective, and I finally went to djnoz, who encouraged me to make a post in my defense.

I know you're probably going to evict me now, but in the eyes of God if no one else, I am not guilty.

[Destiny]

Okay, I just wanna jump in here with my mini speech on love, and what I think it is.


Okay. God gave us love because he loved us. He wanted us to be free and have our own mind, he didn't want us to be robots! Because he loved us so much, and he wanted us to love him in return he gave us the freedom of choice, we can love him, or not. Thats what love is, either you do or you don't. There is no gray in love. Any kind of love, the love between a parent and child, are a husband and wife, it's all the same because it's the same love God feels for us. The love as a husband/wife is giving us a taste of what heaven will be like. True in heaven we won't be married, but it's showing us what it's like to truely be a connected part of God's family.
So in the Caa you should love everyone like a brother/sister in Christ! Yeah you may not like everyone, and some may be EGR's, (Extra Grace required) but face it, we're all sheep, and we all screw up.
And no offence to anyone, but I find it rather funny that there is a, um, bickerment in a thread about love.
Just think about it.
I would like to bring up 1 Chorinthians 13, the chapter on love. That is what love is. ^_^ It's one of my fav. chapters in the Bible! It says love doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth! So you can be attracted to another person, but it's only evil If you don't keep your purity.
As for same sex couples- No, NO no no no no! It's not natural and In Romans Paul so It was wrong, heck in the Old testament they said it was wrong, GOD said it was wrong...so It's wrong.
Lust-yeah it's a bad thing! But being attracted to a person is not lust, I like my horse, so does that make me lustful? No! (I was using it as an example, I am not physically attracted to my horse!) It's lustful when you dwell on gross thoughts and do not remain pure. Just remember, Jesus is ALWAYS watching, and what you feel embarresed about him seeing is most likely wrong then.
Sorry Peeps I just had to put my 2 cents in! ^_^

[MillyFan]

No, there are different types of love. The love of parents for children and of God for redeemed humanity is agape love, no connotations of attraction or anything else (let's hope not anyway).
The nonsexual, non-attracted love of friends is called "philos" if I remember correctly. The basis of that love is not attraction, but common goals and/or a common cause. (i.e. if you like almost everything someone else likes or you count on someone else to save your life or property or reputation or whatever, there will be some dynamic there, but it isn't sexual attraction)

The only love that is complicated is the "lust-love" of sexual attraction which is referred to as "eros." That is romantic love IMHO. The other forms can become romantic love, but they are not that in essence.

[Azier the Swordsman]

since he is of the opposite gender and underage.

I AM about to turn 17 you know. I resent being called underage.

[MillyFan]

About to turn 17 doesn't make you 17. And I wasn't intending to insult you-I had no idea what your age was except that you weren't my age. Sorry!

Nevertheless, no matter HOW old you are, I don't link people to lemon or even lime via the CAA. I know that's totally against the rules and I don't do it.

[Azier the Swordsman]

About to turn 17 doesn't make you 17. And I wasn't intending to insult you-I had no idea what your age was except that you weren't my age. Sorry!

Nevertheless, no matter HOW old you are, I don't link people to lemon or even lime via the CAA. I know that's totally against the rules and I don't do it.

No offense taken. And don't mistake my post for ASKING for lemon/lime stuff, I better NEVER find that junk in my PM box.

[shooraijin]

Let's get back on subject, as we're fully aware no one on this thread is either asking for, nor sending, that kind of stuff.

[Orange Kitten]

I sympathize with the guy who goes on a date with Milly

[Azier the Swordsman]

Let's get back on subject, as we're fully aware no one on this thread is either asking for, nor sending, that kind of stuff.

Agreed. I still have two questions unanswered.

1. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you don't want to?

2. A more hardball of a question: If, let's say, you wake up one day, and you are not in love with the person anymore (meaning no special feelings for them; and they were to die that evening, would you neccesarily miss them, and how much?

[Orange Kitten]

[quote="Chris4150"]Agreed. I still have two questions unanswered.

1. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you don't want to?

2. A more hardball of a question: If, let's say, you wake up one day, and you are not in love with the person anymore (meaning no special feelings for them]

You know, these questions don't have one answer. Everyone is different and they all have their own feelings. Love really depends on the person. Why don't you just wait til it all happens to you, then you'll know your answer.

[Mithrandir]

*looks around*
...
*agrees with the kitten*
...
*ducks off to prayer thread*