Era [Naruto Fanfiction]

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Postby mastersquirrel » Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:31 pm

uc pseudonym wrote:Wordlessly Sasuke straightened his arm, and the mandible retracted itself, flesh sealing over Shino's palm when it was gone.

It says Sasuke instead of Shino at the beginning.

The first two fights were down right awesome! Even though not much was desribed of Iruka's fight, it was funny just to hear him say, "So... who wants some of this?" (Iruka and Kakashi are two of the few characters I know from Naruto. I've been watching the dub.) Those fight were just hilarious.

I don't know who Shino is, but he was pretty cool.

Great fight scenes as usual UC. I await the next installment. (Tuesday, got it.)
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Postby Kaori » Fri Sep 30, 2005 5:01 pm

uc pseudonym wrote:"Take care of her." Then he was gone.


Whether or not this was your intent, this parting line seems to me to have something of a somber or ominous feel to it.

I found your view of Kakashi’s future occupation and general demeanor fairly plausible, and the inclusion of his novel is also an effective tactic in establishing a character consistent with the manga.

uc pseudonym wrote:"Fair? Who said anything about fair? Who said anything about necessity? Who said anything about justice? Above all, who said anything about peace?"


Kakashi’s repeated use of the phrase “Who said anything about . . .â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:03 am

I intend to update next Tuesday, and because I had a quiet moment Friday night I have already prepared the chapter.

mastersquirrel wrote:It says Sasuke instead of Shino at the beginning.


This mistake has been corrected many times, yet it always seems to either be eliminated by a file/server error, or only be corrected in a document that is not used. I hereby name it Era's Bane, and I shall strive to smite it.

Sorry for that piece of randomness. This is what you get from rereading Lord of the Rings and large sections of the Pentateuch. Thank you for noting it.

mastersquirrel wrote:I don't know who Shino is, but he was pretty cool.


He is definitely a side character, but my favorite of those. You would probably have seen him in one or two shots of the dub so far, but he doesn't have any lines in the first episodes (nor in the series as a whole).

Kaori wrote:Whether or not this was your intent, this parting line seems to me to have something of a somber or ominous feel to it.


It was intentionally somber, but this was meant to primarily reflect upon Shino's personality and emotions.

[quote="Kaori"]Kakashi’s repeated use of the phrase “Who said anything about . . .â€
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Postby Kaori » Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:59 am

uc pseudonym wrote:I have another completely unrelated question for you, this one regarding your username. What was your motivation and intent in choosing it? This came to mind primarily because I have met a fellow student whose actual name is Kaori.

My reasons for choosing this username were fairly straightforward. It seemed fitting to choose a Japanese name since this is, mostly, an anime forum. I like both the sound and meaning of the name Kaori ("strong") which is the only reason I chose it; I had no specific anime character or deep symbolic meaning in mind.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 04, 2005 8:17 am

I was not even aware that it was a proper name, so your answer is more than sufficient.

-

Chapter 22: And so it Begins…

The sun had already set, leaving Sasuke barely visible atop the building. He didn’t move, merely staring into the endless void of stars. Dawn was hours away, yet. There was the possibility that the primary army would not gather until reinforcements arrived, but he highly doubted it. Soon the city would be overrun by opponents out for blood.

Much of this city would be destroyed, he knew. Though the city seemed unnaturally closed and uncommunicative, news of the explosive battles his team had fought in it had quickly spread. For the past day many people had been evacuating the city, which was fortunate given what it was about to go through. Still, all of them wouldn’t make it before the battle started, and there would probably be many civilian deaths in addition to the immense property damage. It was unavoidable, but not any more pleasant for it.

His mind remained for a moment upon the winged warrior he had fought earlier. Probably the most powerful warrior who had tried to kill him in a very long time. He had been working for the enemy, and yet he had retained a certain degree of inner nobility. It was that which captured Sasuke’s interest.

If one warrior involved in the overall plot was willing to give it up, how many more likewise would be? Could this battle actually be on a moral plane as well as a physical one? That would certainly make everything messier, and he preferred not to think about it. His hand tightened against itself dangerously. Afterward, of course, he would be forced to deal with such things.

Afterward, however, he would have better things to do. Hinata flitted through Sasuke’s mind, nearly bringing a smile to his face. Before any of that, however, there was the upcoming battle. Already in the distance he could feel a solid wave of chakra approaching... and a group of decently-sized chakras heading directly toward his back.

Calmly Sasuke turned toward the group of samurai that were leaping over buildings toward him. Most of them he wrote off as generic warriors of no particular threat; though all of them wore similar robes and carried katanas, some had stronger chakras. In the center of the group was a much older man, bald except for a ring of shaggy grey hair, that struck Sasuke as the leader. Before the group reached him it slowed to a halt.

The leader raised a hand, and instantly all of the other samurai made a slight bow. They formed a line and the older man moved toward Sasuke, wiry arms folded behind his back. No words had yet been spoken, and Sasuke saw no reason to speak any. Hopefully it would begin soon... he was in the mood for a fight.

“Are you Sasuke-sama of the Hidden Leaf?â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 04, 2005 8:21 am

“Not quite.â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 04, 2005 8:22 am

A slight grin on his face, the warrior hurled another boomerang, this one large and red. Hinata evaded it as well, simultaneously back stepping the homing boomerang, but when it passed her by some distance it exploded in a shower of small red shards that flooded toward her. Instead of dodging, Hinata ran in the direction they were moving, which was toward the warrior who had thrown them.

With startling speed she was almost upon him, and the warrior panicked, pulling another boomerang from his belt. This one burst into a wall of flame before him. Hinata managed to pull back in time, then shot into the air to evade the red shards. These dissipated on the flaming wall, and the warrior smirked as it faded. One of her sleeves had caught on fire before she could pull away. That was a start-

The homing boomerang failed to curve up in time and smacked him directly in the face. He flipped backward from the momentum and collapsed to the ground. Some distance away, Hinata quenched the flame on her sleeve and dropped back into a fighting position. With a growl the Ragnarok Clan warrior flipped back to his feet.

“You’re better than I gave you credit for,â€
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Postby Kaori » Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:44 am

uc pseudonym wrote:If one warrior involved in the overall plot was willing to give it up, how many more likewise would be? Could this battle actually be on a moral plane as well as a physical one?


uc pseudonym wrote:it doesn’t seem to be dangerous in any way.


uc pseudonym wrote:Taking a drink from an enemy... you will be pleased to know that I poisoned your glass.


Normally, the this bit of treachery would have been fairly predictable. Sasuke’s thoughts above, however, make it seem as if there is a possibility that some of the enemy actually will defect]The homing boomerang failed to curve up in time and smacked him directly in the face.[/quote]
Having a blustering, clumsy opponent makes an interesting change of pace.

Although I won’t quote any specific lines from it here, I did enjoy Neji’s appearance at the end of the chapter; I smiled when I realized—a few paragraphs before his name was revealed—that he was the one speaking.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Oct 06, 2005 10:53 am

Kaori wrote:Having a blustering, clumsy opponent makes an interesting change of pace.

Whenever I write stories that involve action, my general tendency is to focus upon those at the upper end of the talent spectrum. Though in a world such as Naruto it is to be expected that there are many high-powered warriors, having everyone be such would strain plausibility.

[quote="Kaori"]Although I won’t quote any specific lines from it here, I did enjoy Neji’s appearance at the end of the chapter]
As such was intended, I am glad to hear it.
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Postby mastersquirrel » Thu Oct 06, 2005 12:42 pm

I too liked the way you did the treachery of the samurai. I'm anxiously awaiting the fight, I'm wondering what the followers' reactions will be, though I'm not making any predictions.

Though I do not know Neji, I did like his appearance and I'm looking forward to that fight. Also I liked how you did Hinata's fight. She's definitely developed into a fearsome fighter over the course of this story.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:39 pm

This chapter is a good example of why you should not write a fight scene for which you have many ideas in a single sitting. I hadn't been writing for very long, but that was exactly what the scene became. In a way it seems very like the actual Naruto manga: things are moving along and then it shifts to another fight scene that lasts ten or so chapters.

Also, I personally dislike it when authors constantly personal information at readers, but because I assume you collectively care more than people who have no other knowledge of me, I have included a brief paragraph at the end of this chapter. It may be skipped if you like.

-

Chapter Twenty Three: Dreams

The rocky tundra was empty, only the slight wind disturbing it. Fairly little dust was blown across it, giving it an endlessly desolate feeling. All that broke the monotony was a city in the distance, a fairly isolated forest with mushrooms growing through and around it and the occasional rocky outcropping. The rocky tundra was empty...

And then heavy boots smashed into it, leaving footsteps in the rock. Two warriors raced across the barren landscape, heading directly for the city. Both of them looked very similar, though one had lightly green skin and the other lightly red. Similar expressions were on their faces, a slightly unnatural grin, and they glanced at one another at the same instant.

“The armies have arrived,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:44 pm

Already the green skinned monster was striking, his blade swiping down to decapitate the immobile Lee. Pulling his head free of the tentacles, Lee bit down on the blade before it could strike him, jerking it from his opponent’s grasp.

His eyes widened the next instant as both of the green skinned warrior’s arms split down the middle, silver glinting within them. Both arms were swung, something erupted in a shower of red and suddenly there were blades that severed through the tentacles to slice their target in pieces. Lee barely managed to push himself free, but they still drew lines of blood across his chest.

The red skinned warrior had somewhat emerged from the ground, though the tentacles that had formerly been his arm still bound Lee in place. A short distance away, the green skinned warrior was grinning savagely. From the elbows down his arms were no more, only long cylindrical blades extending from his bones.

“You’re monsters...â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:47 pm

Just as the green skinned warrior was getting to his feet Lee collided with him feet first. He was sent flying back across the rock, while Lee barely evaded another slash of the animated blood. One of the red skinned warrior’s tentacles picked the blade off the ground, drawing another line across him. More blood leapt into the air, forming a gigantic set of teeth that slashed down, only barely missing Lee.

The red skinned warrior was beginning to laugh, harshly and loudly. He had never felt this much power before, surging through his veins like nothing he had ever felt. It was true he had never let this much blood before, but he had never imagined it would make him so powerful. Energy rushing throughout his body addictive waves... he continued to make his blood lash after his opponent, who now could do little more than retreat.

Again Lee passed him, but only managed to touch his leg and couldn’t get off an attack. Laughing even louder, the monster sent tendrils of blood snaking into the air. They ripped large columns of rock from the earth and hurled them toward each other with Rock Lee directly between them. The resulting explosion sent rock scattering in every direction.

“Done yet?â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:47 pm

When he landed some distance away, only a crater remained where his opponent had once been. Had it been a suicide attack? Narrowing his eyes, Lee remained where he was, tensing his muscles in preparation for movement. There was still a chakra... it was active, pulsing, churning and terribly malevolent. Inside the crater something was definitely alive, and its power was building, no, being unleashed.

Pure chakra emerged from the crater, gripping the side in the form of a massive claw. Another chakra claw grabbed the edge, rock crumbling before it. The monster within pulled itself up, a gigantic lizard of glowing chakra. At its head hung the remains of the green skinned warrior, which were laughing softly and staring blankly in Lee’s direction.

“Can’t... win,â€
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Postby kryptech » Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:35 pm

Whoa, now there are two chapters I've not read and quite a few I've not commented on. I've been kinda busy lately and haven't been keeping up with my subscriptions here, but I will try to catch up and post some comments, UC. See y'all later here then...
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Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Oct 13, 2005 7:58 am

That's perfectly alright. I can be as patient as necessary.

Also, there is likely not to be an update this next week. I will probably be too busy to post something as involved as a chapter.
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Postby mastersquirrel » Thu Oct 13, 2005 9:48 am

Goodness, this was an amazing fight UC. Your ideas for this fight were so amazing! The animated blood was pretty cool. The way Lee killed the first warrior was impressive, and the way he evaded the final strike of the second warrior was awesome! The idea that the warrior was able to unleash a monster of pure power was interesting.

[quote="uc pseudonym"]“You are correct,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Oct 14, 2005 8:17 am

I suppose that is encouraging. Personally, I never intended the fight scene to be so long, so I was a bit disappointed during this chapter. But if you found the elements in it interesting it at least did not fail as a fight sequence.

Of course, I know the people at Fanfiction.net will love it, simply because they've been demanding Rock Lee for quite a few chapters now.
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Postby Kaori » Sat Oct 15, 2005 6:02 pm

uc pseudonym wrote:In a way it seems very like the actual Naruto manga: things are moving along and then it shifts to another fight scene that lasts ten or so chapters.


I didn’t have that impression. Even though this fight scene did last for the entire chapter, it does not seem to drag out the way the long fight scenes in the Naruto manga and anime do.

uc pseudonym wrote:The monster within pulled itself up, a gigantic lizard of glowing chakra. At its head hung the remains of the green skinned warrior, which were laughing softly and staring blankly in Lee’s direction.


Is this man supposed to be another one of the persons who have spirits sealed within them, like Naruto and Gaara? (I’ve forgotten the Japanese word for this).

I liked that the chapter both began and ended with reference to the landscape; the mood is consistent with other recent chapters.

While I don’t feel that I have much to say about your fight scene (which in this case is the chapter), and I am not particularly qualified to do so anyways, I will say that I look forward to reading the next chapter, whenever you should happen to post it.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sun Oct 16, 2005 12:54 pm

Kaori wrote: I didn’t have that impression. Even though this fight scene did last for the entire chapter, it does not seem to drag out the way the long fight scenes in the Naruto manga and anime do.

That is a relief to hear. Perhaps some of the difference can be found in the fact that I had no goal for the length of the fight scene, only a great number of ideas. From what I have heard, manga-ka frequently expand or contract scenes in order to fit into a predetermined number of pages or issues. Gladly, these disadvantages do not exist in this medium.

Kaori wrote: Is this man supposed to be another one of the persons who have spirits sealed within them, like Naruto and Gaara? (I’ve forgotten the Japanese word for this).

Yes. I wrote this prior to their introduction as an important element in the plot, but even now it does not matter, because he had a spirit bound inside him after all those events would have ended.

I included that aspect for two reasons, one being that it is a logical extension of genetically manipulating a person to be a weapon, and the other for Rock Lee. Without any special heritage or abilities, he has always had to struggle against those who naturally have talent. A spirit that is bound to someone is pretty much the ultimate extreme in that path, so I thought it fitting that it would be one of his greatest battles.

Kaori wrote:I will say that I look forward to reading the next chapter, whenever you should happen to post it.

It may be possible to post at my usual time, as I have completed much more of my work than I had anticipated over the weekend.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:46 am

This is the last chapter. It sort of crept up on me, because this story's climax isn't an action-oriented one. In any case, there is an epilogue to follow in a week's time. Because this is the "last" chapter, it is rather long.

-

Chapter 24: Ragnarok

Again the Samurai Kage slashed, and again Sasuke wove away from the blow. As the battle had continued to rage he had patiently and consistently been evading his opponent, waiting for the old man to grow short on breath. It had not been going long, but a smirk was already building on the elderly samurai’s face.

They parted, Sasuke’s opponent panting slightly and leaning on his blade. Sasuke slid a kunai to his hand, but did not begin his attack when the Samurai Kage pulled something unknown from a pouch. It was a small vial of a liquid that the elderly man downed in a single gulp. He laughed slightly.

“That drug is the most potent battle enhancer Ragnarok Incorporated can provide,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:47 am

Both knives exploded the next second, but passed through nothing but air. The Hyugas were already racing across the street toward their opponents. One of them bolted in the opposite direction, aiming to clothesline them both, but was easily flowed around by the two without slowing. Neji and the first of the Ragnarok members clashed, neither connecting.

Narrowing her eyes, the other warrior began shifting her hands before her, in constant motion as Neji merely watched and waited. Eventually she struck at him in a series of swift punches, only to find each and every one evaded. Neji flipped over her the next second, kicking her from behind. She whirled, both fists moving for him. His hands came up, blocking each with a flat palm.

Hinata ducked beneath a slashing blade and immediately flipped away to avoid the kick of the completely armored opponent. While flipping, she noticed that the leader was flipping through the same katas he had before launching his seals toward her earlier, this time focused on Neji. Sliding a kunai out of her sleeve, she hurled it directly into the center of his workings, hoping it would throw him off. He hissed in surprise, and instantly shifted the technique he was using.

The next time Neji did not both to dodge, and his opponent’s fists struck him. They bounced off like pebbles, and for a moment she paused in shock. Energy wasn’t moving to her fists anymore... why wouldn’t it- her bewilderment was ended when Neji smacked a hand onto her forehead.

Abruptly the kunai jerked off the ground, seals covering it, and flew toward Hinata. She jerked to the side, catching the blade as it moved past and then hurling it back. The leader’s eyes widened slightly, but he managed to catch the blade before it struck him. It began to burn, but before it exploded he changed hand signs again, and the seals on it shifted to make the weapon harmless.

Hearing footsteps behind her, Hinata realized the armored warrior was attacking from behind, blade in hand. She wasn’t going to be able to dodge... but she didn’t need to, as one second later Neji caught her around the waist, pulling her back away from the slash. After it passed over her, Hinata struck back, kicking the armored warrior away from them both.

She landed, and the next instant Neji used her as leverage to kick in midair. To his surprise, the warrior he had struck at caught his leg and jerked. Hinata gasped as she realized that he intended to smash Neji head first into the concrete, but was forced to leap away to evade a massive fist coming her direction the next second.

Neji rocketed toward the ground, but at the last second put his hands out, catching himself and stopping his momentum instantly. His free leg struck back, sharply cracking against his opponent’s head. The movement made his opponent lose his grip, and Neji flipped back to his feet, striking the enemy warrior’s chest with a palm the next instant.

Again the armored warrior struck at Hinata, barely missing as her target wove to the side. She tried to strike again, but the Hyuga had already struck back. Her hand collided with the front of the heavy armor and stopped cold. Across the battlefield, Neji glanced back to Hinata, realizing her attack had been stopped.

“Is that all?â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:48 am

Several shinobi emerged from the shadows behind him, slashing with long, pole-like weapons. At the same time another set of warriors charged into the clearing, katanas ringing from their sheaths. Just as they rose up behind the Stone warrior, the entire group crumpled in midair, crashing to the rock pile below. The samurai charging at the wounded shinobi were abruptly swept by a blast of frigid air, all of them freezing in their places.

Shadows melted away from the forest, and a warrior with burning black eyes became visible, two fingers raised to his face. “Hidden Mist is here.â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:49 am

“We shinobi have a gift for you,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:50 am

“Hello, Lee-san,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:51 am

“Me too!â€
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Postby Kaori » Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:29 pm

uc pseudonym wrote:It sort of crept up on me, because this story's climax isn't an action-oriented one.

Just out of curiosity, what point, exactly, do you consider the story’s climax?

uc pseudonym wrote:His master, who he had formerly considered so powerful, would be utterly consumed by this burning flame.

I like the descriptions of Sasuke scattered throughout this scene]He did not hate those individuals, he hated the shinobi way of life. A system that created merciless, inhuman killers... if he had to be destroyed along with it, so be it.[/quote]
This line is terribly ironic, given Matthew’s past.

I would have liked to know a little bit more about the concept of "anti-shinobi" and how these warriors earned such a title.

I believe that in the anime, Sakura refers to Lee as “Lee-sanâ€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sat Oct 22, 2005 10:35 am

I did not answer every comment you made, because for some my comments would have very little substance.

Kaori wrote:Just out of curiosity, what point, exactly, do you consider the story’s climax?

I don't. Unless I am creating a story that will benefit highly from having a well-defined or explosive climax, I rarely make an effort to distinguish them. However, if I were analyzing this story, I would say the dramatic climax is definitely the confrontation of Father, the action climax is Sasuke versus the Seven, and the emotional climax was probably back when Hinata thought Sasuke had died.

Kaori wrote:It seemed a bit ironic that the younger samurai who objected to his master’s treachery would then be willing to kill his master in cold blood after Sasuke had defeated him.

My concept of samurai honor (which isn't exactly the one of our history) doesn't really condemn killing in any way, provided that it is done honorably. In this specific case, killing the Samurai Kage was simply a matter of ending his life, as in their mindset when he lost his honor his life became worthless.

Kaori wrote:Of the various fight scenes in this chapter, I thought Sasuke's battle against the "seven" was the best. Its main virtue is its brevity: the very rapidity of the fight scene gives it a sense of cleanness.

That was my intention, so it is good to receive confirmation of this. The Hyuga-Ragnarok fight turned out to be difficult to visualize and a bit long, so I wanted the final battle to balance it, among other things.

Kaori wrote:It was good to see the significance of the story's title in the story itself, even though the word was only used in passing.

Yes, I decided that it was probably worthwhile to include it directly at least once, though I'm sure you and others understand how the idea includes the story as a whole.

Kaori wrote:Did "father" envision a time of rebirth following the downfall of shinobi, like the name Ragnarok seems to imply? If so, it would have been nice to hear a bit more about it, since that would make an interesting parallel.

Yes, that was part of the choice of the term. However, I didn't really develop the idea.

Kaori wrote:This line is terribly ironic, given Matthew’s past.

Generally speaking, I have found that many see nothing wrong in fighting fire with fire, even while condemning the fire itself.

Kaori wrote:The quieter scenes towards the end of the chapter served fairly well as resolution, and the end of the chapter in general seems like it will lead nicely into the epilogue.

Good. As for the epilogue, I may need to do some rewriting of it. It addresses many of the subtler issues of the story, which I have been changing as I edit, so the epilogue is in need of change. Depending on how quickly I can finish my projects this weekend, it may or may not be ready by next Tuesday.
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Postby kryptech » Tue Oct 25, 2005 5:54 pm

[quote="""]Calmly the warrior slid across the street and beside Hinata, shifting into a fighting stance as well. His pure white eyes glanced at her just slightly, and then a hint of a smirk appeared on his face. “Well, Hinata-chan? I believe that a challenge has been issued.â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:41 am

Though I thank you, I have very few responses to your comments.

kryptech wrote:Sasuke's rapid decimation of Father's prized Seven was well done. Sasuke hasn't blazed with full intensity often and it was interesting to see how he compared to the finest anti-shinobi. When I realized that the playback of the battle was looping in Father's mind, I thought that was a very apropriate punishment.

This is one of the elements that I was unsure of in writing (both the final fight and the punishment), so it is gratifying to hear this.

kryptech wrote:I look forward to the epilogue and then...

I am uncertain when I will be able to post the epilogue, but rest assured that it is fairly high on my list of things I intend to do.

kryptech wrote:well, it would be too cool if you began another tale... (BTW, do you have other lengthier works besides Metroid and Era?)

You may be interested in my other Naruto fanfiction, Change. It is considerably shorter but would probably provide one good sitting's worth of reading. Though I do have a few very lengthy original works, they are currently not available online. I have one very lengthy fanfiction (perhaps as long as the two you mentioned combined) but I would not recommend it. It is exceedingly old writing.

As for future projects, I am afraid I have nothing that is currently ready to be posted on CAA. Depending upon how Death Note ends (and it has not as of this post) I may eventually create a medium-length work regarding it. I have an idea for Bleach that I feel is one of my best, but due to its nature I cannot finish it until Bleach itself is finished, and that may take some time. Also, I have a lengthy story based on The Legend of Zelda, but it has taken a back seat to original projects I felt were more important and may never be completed.
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