Insanewitapen's Story (Still Untitled)

[insanewitapen]

XD thankyou and o.o;;; that was NOT on purpose XD (the repeated watch thing) o.o; I fix! ^o^/

[insanewitapen]

“Something wrong?â€

[insanewitapen]

Alexander brushed back the bangs in his eyes as he walked down the long oriental hallway. His breathing was unnaturally heavy and he continued to wipe sweat from his brow. Perhaps I should have kept this issue a secret from him. But no doubt he would have found out eventually. Taking one last deep breath he pulled out his cell phone from his pants pocket. Before he could finish dialing the number it began to vibrate in his hand. Jumping slightly he hit the accept button and held it up to his ear.

“My, Lord,â€

[insanewitapen]

Dangit…I can’t run forever and I can’t do anything else without revealing my isignia. Kain continued to zigzag down the large isles of boxes as the bullets whizzed past him. Once again the creature roared again and leapt into the air after him. ****! Kain spun around, held his staff up in the air, and closed his eyes. After murmuring a few words his insignia began to glow and a circular shield materialized around him. Just before it completed he felt a bullet pierce the side of his right leg. He barely had any time to worry about that before the large creature rammed its body against the blue shield. Cringing Kain forced himself to ignore the searing pain.

“What the hell?!â€

[Photosoph]

XD thankyou and o.o;;; that was NOT on purpose XD (the repeated watch thing) o.o; I fix! ^o^/

That usually happens to me if I change around a sentence. For example, if I type, 'he went off in a matter of seconds', then look back at it and decide I want to change it to 'he was gone in a matter of seconds,' sometimes I forget to delete the latter part and end up with 'he went off was gone in a matter of seconds'. Ah well, that's always there for me to find and wonder 'why I earth did I write that?' when I reread through it later. ^_^

dunn dunnnnn DUNNNNN *coughcough* ^_^;

Lol!
I've read up to here, but will probably continue to read the rest a little later. If I don't reply (or edit this post to add a reply) in the next couple of days, please PM me to remind me; I can be a little forgetful at times.

Great stuff, Iwap. Keep it up! (Which I can say with confidence since you've said you've got more that you haven't posted yet )

[insanewitapen]

[quote="Photosoph"]That usually happens to me if I change around a sentence. For example, if I type, 'he went off in a matter of seconds', then look back at it and decide I want to change it to 'he was gone in a matter of seconds,' sometimes I forget to delete the latter part and end up with 'he went off was gone in a matter of seconds'. Ah well, that's always there for me to find and wonder 'why I earth did I write that?' when I reread through it later. ^_^

Lol!
I've read up to here, but will probably continue to read the rest a little later. If I don't reply (or edit this post to add a reply) in the next couple of days, please PM me to remind me]

okay~ ^_^ sankyu

[Photosoph]

Whoot! I've managed to read more. Very exciting... and again, the story is progressing well. The only other thing I'd comment on is that Arys (I'm guessing it's her, anyway....) suddenly driving a forklift to Kain's aid seems a little out of place, unless you put a few more details in. Other than that, though, it was cool. And like the other tips, they're just little things to go back and look over later. ^_^

[insanewitapen]

Whoot! I've managed to read more. Very exciting... and again, the story is progressing well. The only other thing I'd comment on is that Arys (I'm guessing it's her, anyway....) suddenly driving a forklift to Kain's aid seems a little out of place, unless you put a few more details in. Other than that, though, it was cool. And like the other tips, they're just little things to go back and look over later. ^_^

yeah I had trouble with the forkliftpart. And no thats not Arys @_@;; just a random fellow female worker. I'm not sure how to fix it either..>>; I'll read over it and think about it though....if I remember @_@ okay time for more ^_^

[insanewitapen]

~*~

Kain held his leg painfully as he made his way to the last level on as many back roads as possible. He couldn’t stay in this town much longer, and neither could Arys. None of his employees or anyone at work knew where he lived or much about him, thankfully. He never really attempted to open up to them since he left so often. But where could he go? That question could be thought of later, he had to make it back to the inn first.
Halfway into the middle of the first section rain began to turn the dirt roads into slippery mud. Kain had a couple close calls as he felt the wheels on the motorcycle begin to slide, but he never fell. As he neared the inn the lights were on and the usual happy laughs could be heard outside regardless of the rain. He stopped his motorcycle at the edge of the inn and slid it into the alleyway. Cringing he limped back over to the front and opened the door. As thunder crashed across the sky as he walked in all heads turned. Gasps filled the room, followed by silence and clangs of silverware falling from people hands. Kain could feel the blood dripping down his leg and onto the floor as he ignored the stares.

“KAIN!â€

[insanewitapen]

~*~

Arys yawned and slowly opened her eyes. The room was already bright with sunlight and people could be heard buzzing outside. Rubbing her eyes she stared over at the clock and gasped. Seven A.M.?! She pushed herself upward and stretched her arms over her head. Why did her body wake her up this early?

“Sorry,â€

[Photosoph]

Whoot! More! I like your av, btw! ^_^
I'm definitely going to read through this, though as I'm feeling tired today I'll probably just edit this post to add an 'I'm finished!', though I might go on and add a few more comments... it just depends, since, as I've said, I'm feeling more tired than usual.
Cheers for posting more!

[insanewitapen]

X3 sankyu rest well ^^

[Photosoph]

Well, disregard my former post, for the most part. I've finished, and I've got more time and energy today, so I can post a bigger reply! \(^o^)/ ...Sorry about it all, though; I do just get tired and sometimes making a reply takes a bit of energy. Reading doesn't, it's just that trying to search for any help I can give sometimes does. ^_^" Usually when I'm tired -which I've been more than usual, recently.

Just a note: in the second post, this bit may need some editing; perhaps the last bit could be changed to something like: 'we've lost them' or 'if we lose them'. ^_^
[I]“Okay, okay.â€

[insanewitapen]

[quote="Photosoph"]Well, disregard my former post, for the most part. I've finished, and I've got more time and energy today, so I can post a bigger reply! \(^o^)/ ...Sorry about it all, though]“Okay, okay.â€

[insanewitapen]

(Possible dream sequence…suggestions are welcomed ^_^; )

“Ma’am?â€

[insanewitapen]

Arys opened the drawer of the table next to her bed and set her Old Testament Bible inside. After she closed the drawer she curled up comfortably in sheets as her mind floated through her thoughts peacefully. The sounds from downstairs grew quieter as the light from outside grew darker. Ban must be closing down earlier since I’m out today. Yawning contently she switched sides and pulled the comforter up to her chin. Her abdomen slowly stopping pulsing with pain and her headache subsided. As fatigue began to come to her, Arys thought about getting home. How did she even get here in the first place? Would this world even have a way to get her back? What if she couldn’t find a way home? Fear instantly gripped her heart and the thought made her stomach churn with discomfort. Her hands instinctively grasped the blanket harder as the feeling of doubt overtook her. No, there has to be a way. I was sent here somehow, and there has to be a way to get back. It was just a matter of finding out how, it seemed so simple. I wonder if the people here even know about earth… Suddenly her thoughts where interrupted as her door burst open. Gasping she shot up and pulled the covers over her as much as possible.

“Kain?!â€

[Photosoph]

Whootage for posting more! Oh yes, and I did forget to comment on the dream sequence idea... Hmm... it seems to go on all right without the dream sequence, but if you added it in, and made it mysterious and enlightening at the same time, it could be really cool. Especially since it could bring us back to the mystery of how/why Arys is in this world.
When you said you wanted suggestions, did you mean as in you were wondering whether it would fit or not, or suggestions as to what would happen in the dream sequence?

Just a little thing: you forgot the 'turn' in this sentence: [i]“WHAT?!â€

[insanewitapen]

[quote="Photosoph"]Whootage for posting more! Oh yes, and I did forget to comment on the dream sequence idea... Hmm... it seems to go on all right without the dream sequence, but if you added it in, and made it mysterious and enlightening at the same time, it could be really cool. Especially since it could bring us back to the mystery of how/why Arys is in this world.
When you said you wanted suggestions, did you mean as in you were wondering whether it would fit or not, or suggestions as to what would happen in the dream sequence?

Just a little thing: you forgot the 'turn' in this sentence: [i]“WHAT?!â€

[Photosoph]

I had a quick look over it... and I think you're right. I think I might've got confused at this bit:

[i]“I guess,â€

[insanewitapen]

XD okay *hug* And I'll be typing a big part today...if Suikoden IV doesnt pull me into the playstation >>; so an updated should be soon...but I'm not aloud to get online on schools nights unless I'm over at my dads..(todayis one of those days...obviously ^^; )

[Photosoph]

Ah yes, the addictiveness of Playstation games. =^_^= Personally, I love Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, the original Crash Bandicoot games, and other good platformers.

It's a good rule, though; otherwise you can get behind on homework and study and stuff... <.< >.> ...Don't ask how I know this. ~_^

[Kawaiikneko]

*poke* Get on aim... its a weekend...

[insanewitapen]

*poke* Get on aim... its a weekend...

T_T b-but....I'm almost done with Suikoden! *puppy dog eyes* I will type...I promise ^-^;;

[Photosoph]

Muwhahaha! Yesh, you better!

And whether it's a weekend or not depends on where you are situated on our little planet Earth; but bah, I'm in NZ and it's still a weekend... tomorrow, however, that shall change. *Wipes a tear away from her eyes* Must enjoy Sunday while it lasts! ...And, as a sidenote, it's Father's Day today! I completely forgot until this morning... <.< >.>

Hope your typing goes really well. ^_^ Have you got more of the story written down on paper, or are you transfering it from your brain to the computer rather than typing something up which you've already written?

[insanewitapen]

[quote="Photosoph"]Muwhahaha! Yesh, you better!

And whether it's a weekend or not depends on where you are situated on our little planet Earth]

Yeah I have more typed down and I'm working on it. ^_^ I'm slow right now sorry ^^;;

[insanewitapen]

MORE~! ^-^

Before she could get out another word Kain walked out and slammed the door. Arys fell backwards onto her pillow and let out a very long exasperated sigh. Aaah, what have I gotten into?
~*~

“Ah, ut a day,â€

[insanewitapen]

Arys shrieked as the stool she was standing on wobbled back and fourth. All eyes turned to her and everyone was silently holding they’re breath as they watched her try to balance herself. Finally it steadied out and Arys hammered the nail into right side of the curtain rod Ban had bought. He had told her when she came down for breakfast that Nomeds where watching this place like legna outpost, which didn’t seem so far from the truth when she thought about it. Spreading out the blue curtain across the last window she stepped off the stool and smiled triumphantly. A couple claps and laughs sounded across the room as she walked over to the bar counter. Blushing from embarrassment Arys asked Ban if there was anything else that needed to be done.

“Nope, we ave all da orders served fer ‘ow,â€

[insanewitapen]

Kain looked at her and the Bibles as Arys rushed over to the corner of the room and shoved them into the hole. Suddenly everything registered. “Why did Vilamar have those?!â€

[Photosoph]

Arys was too tired to argue. Resentfully she walked over and picked up her staff. This next hour was going to seem like a decade.

I can relate to moments like those. ^_^; Though I have to say at least I'm not trying to dodge swipes from a bladed weapon!

Very cool; I love the way you've developed Vilamar as a character; he was rather mysterious before, and he still is, but it's cool to learn more about him.

[insanewitapen]

[quote="Photosoph"]I can relate to moments like those. ^_^]

*grin* and there will be much MUCH more to learn abou thim soon too. And thats an understatement ^-^