Era [Naruto Fanfiction]

[uc pseudonym]

Here is the chapter, as soon as I could update it. It was not until editing that I realized how "large" this chapter was in the sense of content covered. This is likely not a great concern to anyone.

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Chapter Eleven: Precipice

Frantically Hinata focused around herself, trying to pinpoint the exact location of the attack. She could always see it coming, but the attacks were always so blindingly fast that it was difficult to avoid them. Abruptly something flashed at the back of her vision.

Whirling, she managed to get both her hands before her face to guard against the kick. It forced her back some distance, but this time she was able to block the secondary kick with her knee. Instead of pressing his attack, Sasuke used the impact to leap away. He landed some distance away and then straightened, indicating the training session was over. Ino and Sakura emerged from the trees.

“You have all improved,â€

[uc pseudonym]

“I-I’m sorry, Sasuke-san.â€

[uc pseudonym]

“Oh... yer some of them Leaf peoples, ain’t ya?â€

[Kaori]

It was not until editing that I realized how "large" this chapter was in the sense of content covered.

That’s true]His expression was difficult to understand, but Hinata thought she could read it now. Part of him seemed vaguely disappointed, part of him was amused and the rest of him was disgusted.[/quote]
While Hinata has been able to guess what Sasuke was thinking at other places in the story, the complexity of the emotions she attributes to him here seem to mark a new depth of insight on her part.

The other scene of obvious importance to their relationship is their conversation in the forest, so I will abandon a chronological treatment for a bit to group it with my previous comments.

The main thing I want to point out is that scenes where Hinata is followed by Sasuke, watched by Sasuke, or otherwise encounters him while she is alone have happened frequently enough that they have become a sort of type scene within the story. There are some recurring elements within them, as well: Hinata leaves the group. Hinata is not specifically seeking out Sasuke. Hinata is able to sense Sasuke’s presence. To a certain extent, they are somewhat predictable; in this chapter, I anticipated when Hinata left the camp that she would encounter Sasuke.

Hinata does continue to be a believable character, especially in this scene. In her nervousness and tendency to blame herself for everything, it is not difficult to see a recognizable human experience.


From Chapter 6:
[quote]“That’ll be a real hassle,â€

[uc pseudonym]

Although I have expressed interest in the interactions between Hinata and Sasuke several times before, I believe that this focus is justified given the story itself. Assuming that your focusing on their relationship is deliberate, the emphasis is particularly clear within this chapter. For one thing, there is the simple fact that the chapter opens with Sasuke and Hinata by themselves]

Thank you. At this point I'll also thank you for your rather extensive response; I will not respond to each statement individually, but I do appreciate all of them.

The main thing I want to point out is that scenes where Hinata is followed by Sasuke, watched by Sasuke, or otherwise encounters him while she is alone have happened frequently enough that they have become a sort of type scene within the story. There are some recurring elements within them, as well: Hinata leaves the group. Hinata is not specifically seeking out Sasuke. Hinata is able to sense Sasuke’s presence. To a certain extent, they are somewhat predictable]

Hm; I hadn't considered that interpretation. In this scene it was actually my intention that Hinata was actively seeking Sasuke because she wanted to apologize.

With Sasuke showing Hinata his secret scroll, this has all become clear. It is enjoyable and gratifying to see this detail from an earlier chapter (one that could easily have been overlooked) tying back into the plot]

Ah; thank you for noticing.

I liked the irony of this statement]

This is a distinctly ambiguous response, but I find your comment insightful though vaguely worrying. I don't intend to elaborate.

I was very amused by this line.

Good. This story has a number of lines that I found vaguely humorous but were none the less quite low key.

I will not be making any actual predictions, but I do hope that the following comments will be something along the lines of what you are expecting.

Not entirely, but they are indeed helpful. My goal was to gain a greater understanding of how the plot appears at this point to a person who does not have the benefit of a broader understanding.

[Kaori]

At this point I'll also thank you for your rather extensive response

While I am pleased to oblige, it will obviously not be possible for every review to be so extensive. This chapter happened to lend itself to generalizing about characterization, but if I tried to comment on this aspect for every chapter, I would most likely be repeating myself. The fact that the content of this particular chapter was so significant also helped.

Hm]
I had not realized that; it is helpful to know that she did have the intent to meet Sasuke when she left the camp.

My goal was to gain a greater understanding of how the plot appears at this point to a person who does not have the benefit of a broader understanding.

Perhaps one of your other readers can comment on this aspect, since I did not.

[uc pseudonym]

While I am pleased to oblige, it will obviously not be possible for every review to be so extensive. This chapter happened to lend itself to generalizing about characterization, but if I tried to comment on this aspect for every chapter, I would most likely be repeating myself. The fact that the content of this particular chapter was so significant also helped.

I understand this, and certainly don't expect every review to cover such topics.

Perhaps one of your other readers can comment on this aspect, since I did not.

Your answer was helpful, it merely did not satisfy the entirity of my curiosity. I would appreciate any other perspectives, however.

[mastersquirrel]

I apologize that I have not responded sooner. I have been keeping up with the story and I believe that it's coming along quite nicely. The development of the relationship between Hinata and Sasuke is quite convincing and enjoyable. I love the great sense of mystery that hangs over the story right now and I'm enjoying this story in general.
I really liked the way you did Matthew. His way of realizing who they were was convincing and gives us a good idea of just how smart he really is.
I'm not sure what aspects of the story you're curious about so if I didn't cover them, sorry. If there are any you're wondering about specifically just ask.
Great story UC.

[uc pseudonym]

Ah; I am glad to hear that you are reading, even if you did not respond. It is good to hear from you again.

[kryptech]

Sorry I didn't post any comments on the previous chapter. I shall endevour to compile some thoughts on chapter 11.

So Hinata was bold enough to correct Sakura and Ino about their views in Sasuke's interest in them. Hinata has been growing in her understanding and empathy of Sasuke and she's also been learning to be more bold in battle (and therefore probably in general, too). I think together those qualities helped her stand up for Sasuke. I wasn't sure if Sasuke's intense annoyance following Hinata's defence was directed to her much or just to the other two since when Sasuke and Hinata met in the clearing later Sasuke wasn't ticked off at her.

I did a hasty review of a few previous chapters, and it seems Sasuke says more in this chapter than most others. He also has a reasonably-sized conversation with Hinata, which isn't characterized by his regular curt manner.

The apple-seller's accusation that the likeable and helpful Doctor Matthew was the cause of the town becoming rougher sounds rather unfounded, on the surface at least. I wish the apple-seller could have given a little more information, to satisfy my own curiousity... Doctor Matthew struck me as an intelligent, confident man with definate motives under his helpful exterior. He obviously is very aware of the situation in town. And it seems in addition to having studied the ways of the shinobi, he also developed the skill of a keen ear (and I suspect a number of other hidden abilities).

[quote="uc pseudonym"]“Welcome,â€

[uc pseudonym]

Sorry I didn't post any comments on the previous chapter. I shall endevour to compile some thoughts on chapter 11.

If I haven't said this before, I will say it now: none of you are in any way obligated to review, though I appreciate it, so there is no reason to apologize when you cannot.

The apple-seller's accusation that the likeable and helpful Doctor Matthew was the cause of the town becoming rougher sounds rather unfounded, on the surface at least. I wish the apple-seller could have given a little more information, to satisfy my own curiousity... Doctor Matthew struck me as an intelligent, confident man with definate motives under his helpful exterior. He obviously is very aware of the situation in town. And it seems in addition to having studied the ways of the shinobi, he also developed the skill of a keen ear (and I suspect a number of other hidden abilities).

You picked up on an important detail, but that's all I'll say.

It seemed to me that Sakura initiated (or was going to initiate) contact with Doctor Matthew and that she was also to one to lead the others back outside. This struck me as a little odd since Sasuke has always been decidedly the leader.

In the first case, Sakura is merely more inclined to talk than Sasuke. The second I had not considered, primarily because I didn't find who left first important. Interesting note, however.

I must say that I shared Kaori's interpretation before I read your response, uc. I didn't really expect Hinata to approach Sasuke, especially after his reaction at the fire.

Perhaps some rewriting is in order, then.

[uc pseudonym]

I appreciate any comments, regardless of size.

-

Chapter Twelve: Mutual Agendas

When she first sat up, Hinata couldn’t help but yawn. Yesterday had been tiring, and in an unusual way. She had been given first watch, so she had slept very soundly until morning. But now she felt rested enough to do whatever they had to do today.

Getting up, she padded to the door of her room soundlessly. It was an extremely small place, a single story inn with only a few rooms. But for their purposes, it was good enough, though the four of them took up every bed available. At the moment it was quite early, so no one else seemed to be awake.

The back door opened noiselessly, and Hinata discovered that the building had a small back yard. Not very common, in the city. There were a few trees and a swing that looked as though it had been heavily used. Somehow, she just couldn’t see this place offering a serious threat. Everything had been completely and totally normal, expect for their encounter with Doctor Matthew. She wasn’t willing to believe he was evil, though; something about him seemed trustworthy.

She moved to one of the trees, the dewy grass very cold on her feet. They were at the very northern edges of Fire Country, she realized. If they went much further they would be in another nation, and there could actually be snow. Before she could continue that line of thought much further her stomach growled.

An apple fell down beside her, startling her enough that she barely caught it. Puzzled, she glanced up. This wasn’t an apple tree... but Sasuke was sitting on a higher branch of it, levitating a group of leaves in a strange spherical pattern. He didn’t look at her even slightly, but she knew it had been him. Smiling timidly, she took her first bite of the apple.

“Today we’re going back to the hospital,â€

[uc pseudonym]

“What about Ino?â€

[mastersquirrel]

I guess it's my turn to have the burden of first, well here goes...

[quote="uc pseudonym"]“It’s a beautiful morning, Hinata-san,â€

[Kaori]

First, I agree with mastersquirrel in that I liked the conversation between Hinata and Sasuke at the beginning of the chapter. Hinata’s surprise at Sasuke’s opening statement was mildly amusing, and I enjoyed the characters’ use of indirection quite a bit. It is apparent from this conversation how well Hinata and Sasuke understand each other.

Also, as a passing note, I found it interesting that Hinata thinks Matthew seems trustworthy.

In regard to Ino’s wound, I felt that it would be more plausible if Sakura were the one to cleanse the wound with chakra, since she is the medical expert of the group. Sucking out the poison is something anyone could do, but I am a bit dubious as to whether someone who is not a medical specialist would be able to perform the jutsu that Sasuke used to heal Ino.

We do seem to be seeing a new facet of the relationship between Ino and Sakura, although it isn’t for very long. I find the fact that Sakura shows concern only when Ino is in immediate danger fairly plausible; it is consistent with the idea that they are friends but do not show it in the usual manner.

I do not know whether this is actually of any significance, but the advice that Matthew gave Sasuke in this chapter does not seem terribly helpful. They had already been attempting, albeit unsuccessfully, to neutralize their attackers, so the plan that Matthew suggests seems like something that they should have been able to come up with on their own.

The fight scenes in this chapter are much briefer and more subdued than many of the previous ones, but that makes sense considering that the emphasis of this chapter is more intellectual, like in the conversation between Matthew and Sasuke.

Yet again, Doctor Matthew impresses with his uncanny abilities. I'm guessing that he too is a shinobi, or perhaps I missed the hint all together.

If he is, that would explain why he is also being targeted by the assassins.

[uc pseudonym]

I like this part a lot. The way Sasuke got Hinata's attention was quite amusing, and how Hinata told him that she understood was just as good. The fact that these assasins killed themselves when they failed gives the definite sense of conspiracy, especially when the last one smiles before he takes the poison.

First, I agree with mastersquirrel in that I liked the conversation between Hinata and Sasuke at the beginning of the chapter. Hinata’s surprise at Sasuke’s opening statement was mildly amusing, and I enjoyed the characters’ use of indirection quite a bit. It is apparent from this conversation how well Hinata and Sasuke understand each other.

I am glad to hear this.

In regard to Ino’s wound, I felt that it would be more plausible if Sakura were the one to cleanse the wound with chakra, since she is the medical expert of the group. Sucking out the poison is something anyone could do, but I am a bit dubious as to whether someone who is not a medical specialist would be able to perform the jutsu that Sasuke used to heal Ino.

It actually wasn't a medical jutsu]We do seem to be seeing a new facet of the relationship between Ino and Sakura, although it isn’t for very long. I find the fact that Sakura shows concern only when Ino is in immediate danger fairly plausible; it is consistent with the idea that they are friends but do not show it in the usual manner.[/quote]

That was my premise, in any case.

Yet again, Doctor Matthew impresses with his uncanny abilities. I'm guessing that he too is a shinobi, or perhaps I missed the hint all together.

I'll merely say this: don't overanalyze at this point, there are not a great many hints.

[uc pseudonym]

This chapter was plagued by Microsoft Word's grammar check, which was apparently set to correct automatically. I believe I fixed all of this, but please forgive any sentences that abruptly switch tense.

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Chapter Thirteen: A Day Off by Any Other Name…

They moved around town quite a bit, went to a lot of places and did a lot of things. None of it really got through to Hinata. The outer shell of her mind prevented her from accidentally wandering into a door and stayed ready for an attack, but the rest of it was decidedly absent. Only Sasuke really noticed, but after one curious glance he did nothing.

Of course, he was the cause of her confusion. Where did she stand in regard to him? Was she even in a position to know? How did anyone ever know anything about this, for that matter? It wasn’t really anything like what she had felt for Naruto, but nothing like her best friends, either. If only Shino were here... Shino would know. He could probably make things clearer for her in a sentence or two, then return to being silent.

But no, she had to do this herself. Perhaps it was better this way. If she couldn’t know herself, who could? It was during this thought that she realized they hadn’t been moving for some time. She knew they were in a park of some sort, but she finally took the time to look at it for something other than tactical purposes.

When she looked, she discovered the park was a beautiful place. It seemed to be fairly small, but a canopy of leaves made it seem as though they were in the middle of the forests back home. The light that reached them was slightly green from reflecting through the leaves. Sasuke first sat down on a park bench and spread his arms out to the either side of him; when Sakura and Ino both tried to slip in front of either arm he retracted them and crossed his arms.

She was sitting on a bench on the opposite side, her back to the other three. They had been speaking for some time, and she actually began to listen to what they were saying. It took her only a moment to realize what they were saying; the exact words were irrelevant: it was the same as always.

Sakura and Ino were being typical again; by this point Hinata was getting terribly tired of it. They were more mature than this, but being around Sasuke seemed to make them temporarily devolve. As usual, both of them were trying to catch his attention but spending more time snapping at each other. Sasuke was staying out of it when he could, and though he said very little, Hinata could sense his annoyance rising.

This always made her so sad. Hopefully the mission would be over soon so that he wouldn’t have to deal with them any more. It was depressing to her to see him so annoyed; if only they had other allies, like Shikamaru or Temari, who would make him temporarily happy again. That was all she really wanted, she realized: for him to be happy. If she could make him happy-

Abruptly she jerked her head up, eyes widening. The other three glanced back at her immediately.

“Are you alright?â€

[uc pseudonym]

“Nothing official. Matthew-sama has just done quite a few things for me.â€

[mastersquirrel]

Alright, let's see...
Most of this chapter focused on Hinata's internal struggle (which I might add was done rather well) and we didn't learn anything new about the enemy.
The way Hinata's thoughts took form was well done, and quite believable. I think that most people would have seen this coming from early on in the book, but that's not a bad thing. The lunch with Sasuke was well done, especially Hinata being able to resist one of her bad habits with Sasuke around.

He hadn’t sensed any chakra around Doctor Matthew, and while it wasn’t likely he had missed anything, it was possible he had made a mistake. There wasn’t any doubt that Mathew was no shinobi, but that didn’t mean he was entirely normal, either.

Well, this single statement blows my suspicion out of the water. I don't want to think that Doctor Matthew is a bad guy, but Matthew's last statement seems rather sinister... and foreboding. I'm guessing that a fight scene is coming up.
I await the next installment.

[Kaori]

He could probably make things clearer for her in a sentence or two, then return to being silent.

I found this description of Shino fairly interesting. I had not thought of Shino as being this type of person before, though I am aware that there are people with this ability in real life. It is a fairly plausible commentary on his personality, however.

Finishing her meal, Hinata began rolling her cup on its rim on the edge of the building. Silently she watched the water slosh around inside. It was in turmoil, just like she was.

I liked this description] That was all she could do. It would have to be enough. [/quote]
This works well as a summarizing statement, and it does seem very much like a conclusion that Hinata would come to.

Also, the chapter leaves off at an interesting point. Although it is not as much of a cliffhanger as some of the previous chapters, there is a nice note of suspense to it. As an aside, Matthew’s gesture of readjusting his glasses reminds me of Kabuto.

I'm guessing that a fight scene is coming up.

Speaking of fight scenes, the fact that there were none at all in this chapter is a bit unusual.

[uc pseudonym]

The way Hinata's thoughts took form was well done, and quite believable. I think that most people would have seen this coming from early on in the book, but that's not a bad thing. The lunch with Sasuke was well done, especially Hinata being able to resist one of her bad habits with Sasuke around.

That is reassuring to hear.

I found this description of Shino fairly interesting. I had not thought of Shino as being this type of person before, though I am aware that there are people with this ability in real life. It is a fairly plausible commentary on his personality, however.

It is how I defined my Shino, in any case.

As an aside, Matthew’s gesture of readjusting his glasses reminds me of Kabuto.

Hm. I expected this, as I was intentionally trying to avoid this association (I realized after creation that Matthew did seem similar to Kabuto). By the time I realized I had used the glasses mannerism, however, it was essentially too late to change it.

Speaking of fight scenes, the fact that there were none at all in this chapter is a bit unusual.

It will balance. Trust me on this one. That having been said, I hope the story doesn't find it necessary to include constant action.

[kryptech]

I haven't written anything on Chapter 12 yet but I did still have some thoughts I figured I'd share:

[quote="uc pseudonym"]“It’s a beautiful morning, Hinata-san,â€

[uc pseudonym]

It smacks of grand conspiracy, as mastersquirrel mentioned.

My only hope is that the eventual revelation will not disappoint...

Although I can't recall Sakura saying anything good about Ino or vice versa, I was not surprised by Sakura's deep concern for Ino here. One does get the idea they did really do care for each other underneath all their abusive dialog.

That was my intent.

Concerning Chapter 13, Hinata's inner turmoil over the nature of her relationship with Sasuke was well written and believable. I could definately catch the feeling of confusion and then depression from her.

It is a relief to hear that.

I also like the comparison Hinata made between the water and her mind. And, interestingly, I also noted the same nervous action while I was just looking over the first chapter today.

I am glad to hear the detail is appreciated.

Also, I regret to inform those of you that are not yet aware that I will be unable to update this Monday.

[uc pseudonym]

This chapter should answer some questions. Also, there are more chapters on Fanfiction.net, for those who are following there.

-

Chapter Fourteen: Connections

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?â€

[uc pseudonym]

Certain Sasuke would be victorious, Sakura instead focused on her own opponent. Having halted her run, the shinobi paused for a moment, then hurled a pouch that exploded in midair. Only a shower of dust-like particle rained down from it. For a moment Sakura paused, watching them, a strange expression on her face. Slowly the particles drifted through her shield of air.

Then she snapped her hands forward, and the chakra bound wind surrounding her rushed forward. The dust washed over her opponent, who choked and then collapsed backward. For a moment there was silence as the four remaining shinobi stood alone on the battlefield.

“We did it!â€

[mastersquirrel]

Very interseting... It looks as though we'll be seeing more of the good doctor now.
The fights, as usual, were very good. Just one thing I found a little odd, and maybe you can enlighten me UC, is how exactly Ino could take so many explosions including two directly in her hands without seeming to be injured. Maybe it's just that I don't understand shinobi very well, but it just seemed strange.
Matthew's clues were not as noticable I thought, but when I looked back I could see some of them. I'm glad we get to see more of him. He's a very mysterious character.
That's my two cents anyway.

[uc pseudonym]

Just one thing I found a little odd, and maybe you can enlighten me UC, is how exactly Ino could take so many explosions including two directly in her hands without seeming to be injured. Maybe it's just that I don't understand shinobi very well, but it just seemed strange.

At a certain point, a shinobi's chakra has advanced to the point where he or she is physically more durable. I base this primarily on the fact that Orochimaru took a blast of flame directly to the face and suffered no more than superficial damage. However, I believe that this does deal "damage" to the shinobi, merely not visible damage, therefore Ino was moderately injured by the direct hits.

[mastersquirrel]

However, I believe that this does deal "damage" to the shinobi, merely not visible damage, therefore Ino was moderately injured by the direct hits.

Your explanation is greatly appreciated.

[Kaori]

[quote="uc pseudonym"] “A stunning jutsu,â€

[uc pseudonym]

[quote="Kaori"]She is also the first to finish her individual fight in the earlier battle, and does far better than either Ino or Sakura (Ino requires Sasuke’s assistance]

Yes; at this point it should be obvious that of the primary four, Hinata is the second most powerful. This is hardly surprising, given Sasuke's level of strength.

[quote="Kaori"]I have to agree that the clues were not terribly noticeable]

The entire conversation has a stilted feel to me that is the most obvious clue, but that is likely due to my creation of it. However, I believe that in real life certain details would be more apparent.