Era [Naruto Fanfiction]

[Kaori]

Completely imaginary, worthless and utterly meaningless cookies to anyone who knows why this chapter was titled as it was.

Might it possibly have something to do with the resemblance of some of the new characters to characters from a certain well-known American comic?

He cried out, and flames began shooting wildly from his eyes.

Faunus seems to bear a resemblance to Cyclops...

Both of his hands were gloved, and long claws shot from these gloves as he dropped into a fighting stance.

And this assassin is suspiciously like Wolverine.

Abruptly she smiled at him, and a wave of electricity coursed through his body....Her fingernails extended swiftly, each of them tipped by a clear liquid.

I have no idea who Liana is supposed to resemble (if my guess is correct), or Hilsoth for that matter, but I have not actually read the X-men comics and am only vaguely familiar with the characters. The connection to the title of the chapter, I'm guessing, is that the creator of X-men must be turning over in his grave because of this parody.

That aside, this chapter does have less overall unity to it than the others, and the relevance of the attack on the group of younger shinobi and Sasuke's training exercise to the overall plot of the story are not obvious at this point. However, I do not feel that this detracts from the quality of the story]Then he recovered, bolting forward and clothes-lining her with his arm.[/quote]Ah... what exactly is clothes-lining?

[uc pseudonym]

Might it possibly have something to do with the resemblance of some of the new characters to characters from a certain well-known American comic?

This is a highly interesting observation that I completely failed to notice myself. However, it is not correct. Due to how interesting this observation was, however, I will provide another hint: it has to do with an element of the original Naruto manga.

The connection to the title of the chapter, I'm guessing, is that the creator of X-men must be turning over in his grave because of this parody.

Also, the person is Kishimoto.

Did you invent the names of Hilsoth, Faunus, and Liana yourself? They seem distinctly non-Japanese, but I don't know whether that is deliberate or not.

Liana is a real name, Hilsoth is my own creation and Faunus is the name of an obscure pagan diety. This is fairly unimportant.

Are you aware that Liane is the only member of the team for whom we are given a physical description? Once again, for all I know this could be deliberate on your part, but it seems odd (or perhaps I am overlooking something).

I am aware of that, yes. You are not overlooking anything, but I will say no more in this regard.

I did find myself wondering a bit about how three shinobi who at the outset of the battle seemed rather overpowered suddenly revealed themselves to be extremely powerful. The level of their abilities does not seem unrealistic given that one of the team members is an Anbu member, but I did wonder why there was a delay before they started using their mutantlike powers.

Hm. I feel the progression is fairly natural]I liked it how Liane, who initially seemed meek and almost helpless, turned out to have abilities at least as strong as those of her teammates.[/quote]

Good.

Ah... what exactly is clothes-lining?

An American technique in which the user runs past the target while holding their arm to the side extreme swiftly. Done properly, it knocks the opponent on their back without slowing the attacker.

[kryptech]

I did find myself wondering a bit about how three shinobi who at the outset of the battle seemed rather overpowered suddenly revealed themselves to be extremely powerful. The level of their abilities does not seem unrealistic given that one of the team members is an Anbu member, but I did wonder why there was a delay before they started using their mutantlike powers.

I also found that the shinobi seemed to suddenly become more powerful part way the battle. But after rereading that section in light of your explaination of the natural developement, it seems more logical to me.

[uc pseudonym]

My personal philosophy of battle (which comes out in my writing) is to begin battles defensively and without expending significant effort to get a feel for the opponent. Even an incredibly powerful jutsu is worthless if it misses, hence one would want to ensure that when one does utilize chakra, it deals damage.

[uc pseudonym]

I apologize if any harm was caused by the delay in this update. Chapter five is now up on Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2203094/5/

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Chapter 8: Careful

Her eyes flickered open slowly, still heavy from sleep. Waking up this way was very pleasant; most of the time on missions you had to sleep with one eye open and be fully awake in an instant. There wasn’t much to look at, just campfire ashes. Blinking solid white eyes, Hinata forced herself to her feet.

She didn’t really remember much of the past night, probably because she had fallen asleep nearly instantly. After the brief training session, they had traveled at moderate speed for the rest of the day. Lots had fallen so that she had the first watch, and as soon as she woke Sakura she was bone tired. In fact, she’d just laid down on her bedroll and gone to sleep. Most likely, each day was going to be like this.

Obviously, she’d ran for long distances before, but Sasuke led harder than any of the leaders she’d worked under. His speed was just past comfortable, which tired them all though it significantly increased their rate of travel. Sakura and Ino had started whining midway through the day, and by the end were unable to speak at all. She had felt pretty tired herself, but decided not to say anything. As usual, Sasuke seemed completely blind, or simply uncaring, to their troubles, not lessening his pace. By the end of the day, though, he had worked up a healthy sweat as well.

Stretching, Hinata glanced around the campsite. Ino and Sakura were sound asleep and Sasuke was gone. When she stepped off her bedroll, she realized her feet were bare. Apparently she’d managed to take off her sandals before collapsing, then. Not bothering to replace them, she padded out into the forest.

The sound of running water caught her attention, and she moved toward it. Cleaning up might do her some good. Pushing aside several branches, Hinata discovered a small stream peacefully making its way through the forest. Any chances of taking a bath, however, evaporated.

Sasuke was standing on the bank, clad in light grey pants and having changed into a black shirt. At the moment he was still turned away from her; she knew she should announce her presence but couldn’t bring herself to speak. His hair was still wet and glistening. As she watched he pulled his cloak around himself... and then turned purposefully to glance at her.

“Yes?â€

[uc pseudonym]

“He really isn’t letting up,â€

[Anna Mae]

Hmm. I don't have time to think of some worthy feedback at the moment - but I will PM you or something later. Very good, though.

[Kaori]

This is a highly interesting observation that I completely failed to notice myself. However, it is not correct.

Alas. What a shame. Unfortunately, I have no further guesses at the moment, although it isn't for want of trying.

This chapter seems noticeably briefer than most; correspondingly, I have fewer comments than usual. The rivalry between Sakura and Ino is moderately amusing, particularly their joking about the possibility of Hinata actually being relatively dangerous. Also, the dynamics of the exchanges between Sasuke and Hinata continue to be extremely interesting.

[uc pseudonym]

I am glad to hear the last two comments; the latter I had hoped for, and the former is an unexpected bonus. Upon reflection I realize this chapter is significantly shorter than most. Less than 3000 words.

[kryptech]

Ignoring the two of them, who returned the favor, Hinata carefully took the spit away from the fire and sat down.

I liked your way of phrasing the first part of this sentence. ß-)

You do not truely know someone until you have fought them.

The above quote isn't all that true but in this chapter I found that the fight sequence focuses on showing us the characters' personality and relationships more than on providing action. It seems like Sakura and Ino could start becoming jealous of Hinata easily enough. Sasuke told those two that they needed to correct/improve their abilities/strategies while he acknowledged that Hinata is simply holding back from the abilities she already has. I might be reading that wrong though.

[quote="uc pseudonym"]Just as both of them landed in the clearing to either side of Hinata, however, Sasuke swept back away from them. By this point he was actually breathing heavily, and his brow was lined with sweat. He raised a hand indicating them to wait a moment, which they did.

“Are we done now?â€

[Kaori]

Sasuke told those two that they needed to correct/improve their abilities/strategies while he acknowledged that Hinata is simply holding back from the abilities she already has. I might be reading that wrong though.

I noticed that as well, so I would guess that it is both important and not incorrect.

[uc pseudonym]

The above quote isn't all that true but in this chapter I found that the fight sequence focuses on showing us the characters' personality and relationships more than on providing action.

This is my intention and my hope.

Sasuke told those two that they needed to correct/improve their abilities/strategies while he acknowledged that Hinata is simply holding back from the abilities she already has. I might be reading that wrong though.

I noticed that as well, so I would guess that it is both important and not incorrect.

You are both correct in this aspect, but it is not extremely important (though not insignificant).

Having seen only a handful of Naruto episodes, I am not included in the everyone who knows the story of Sasuke and his brother. I trust this isn't too important for me to know?

It is made obvious fairly quickly in the series, so no. Itachi slaughtered all of the Uchiha Clan except himself and Sasuke (who he says he left alive because he was too weak, but others believe he did so because he didn't want to have killed everyone in his family). He did this (apparently) just to see if he could, and left Sasuke with a great deal of hate and an incredible desire for revenge. Almost all of Sasuke's motivation is to become powerful enough to kill his brother (who was one of the most powerful shinobi in the world).

[kryptech]

Thanks for the notes on Itachi, UC. I knew about the destruction of the Uchiha Clan but wasn't aware it was caused by his own brother. Brutal...

I mentioned before about Ino and Sakura possibly becoming jealous of Hinata in regards to her fighting skills. But they could also envy her in the way that she is able to get closer to Sasuke than they can, such as when he allowed her to tend to his injury. Hinata seemed to treat his injuriy simply out of care for him as one of the team members. She was careful not to annoy him or pay much attention to him when he didn't want it. So ironically Sasuke appreciated her dis-interest enough to allow her to get closer while he pushed the very interested Ino and Sakura away. Ino almost discovered some of this at the end of the chapter. If I were Hinata I'd be none to eager to have the other two girls find out that I'd been patching up Sasuke while he'd forcefully reject them. Perhaps Hinata felt guilty because Sasuke accepted her, and so in a way she stole him from Ino and Sakura who had always had their eyes on him?

[uc pseudonym]

Thank you for your thoughts. I find them very helpful to me as an author.

Meanwhile, I apologize, but I am unable to get access to my files this week. Hence, there will be no new chapter until the following Monday.

[kryptech]

No prob. I look forward to next Monday.

[uc pseudonym]

Chapter 6 is now up on Fanfiction.net:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2203094/6/

Meanwhile, I apologize for the relatively long delay in this chapter. Hopefully it will not disappoint.

-

Chapter 9: Broken

“S... Sasuke-kun!â€

[uc pseudonym]

Already his leg was kicking at her, but by this point she wasn’t surprised at his speed. The best she could do was block the attack. Before she could use the contact to inflict an inner coils strike, however, he jerked his leg away and was hitting again. This blow she was also able to turn aside. She was about to block his next punch as well, but suddenly remembered what he had said about being too timid.

Instead she slid around the blow, getting closer to him and hitting him in the chest, directly over the heart. He stumbled backward, blood welling up in his mouth. Despite herself, Hinata winced and drew her hands closer to her mouth.

“I-I’m sorry...â€

[uc pseudonym]

Being bored, he did one of the few things that he was able to do: observe the man slumped by the bar. He was rough-shaven, and when his eyes had been open they had been bleary. The few times he had talked his voice seemed whiny and depressed. Most obviously, he was hideously overweight. Shuddering slightly, the owner looked away from the folds of fat.

“Hey, buddy,â€

[kryptech]

Nice work. I liked the further relationship development between Sasuke and Hinata. And it was great to meet Chouji! Your description of him before the transformation painted a colourful picture. Note to self - do not get between Chouji and his ramen!

It did... and Chouji didn’t even move. Still in midair, the assassin realized that the Leaf shinobi’s shoulder and arm looked like chiseled granite. His foot actually hurt from the impact.

Not as much as Chouji’s knee did. He flew backward, crashing heavily into the street.

The part "Not as much as Chouji's knee did." has a nice ring to it but struck me as a little confusing in its relation to the previous sentence "His foot actually hurt from the impact." It almost sounds like it was Chouji's knee that was hurt. Maybe it is just me, but it reads a little strangely.

I enjoyed the chapter. I'm still puzzling about who this nasty crew that is trying to kill off the folks from Konoha (or whatever Naruto's village is called). Ah, time will tell (hopefully).

[Kaori]

I have to say that my favorite part of this chapter by far was the scene where Hinata and Sasuke are resting in the forest after their training. The parallel between the quietness of the landscape and the mood of the characters was very effective, and the use of breaks in their conversation was also done well; the silences fall at very believable places.

I want to make sure that no one can ever kill the people I care about again.

Sasuke's answer here is rather similar to sentiments expressed by several of the characters in the manga itself; the desire to protect loved ones seems to be a primary motivation for a number of people. It does, of course, inevitably raise the question of who the people are about whom Sasuke actually cares.

[uc pseudonym]

The part "Not as much as Chouji's knee did." has a nice ring to it but struck me as a little confusing in its relation to the previous sentence "His foot actually hurt from the impact." It almost sounds like it was Chouji's knee that was hurt. Maybe it is just me, but it reads a little strangely.

You're probably correct, and it is easily corrected in any case.

I enjoyed the chapter. I'm still puzzling about who this nasty crew that is trying to kill off the folks from Konoha (or whatever Naruto's village is called). Ah, time will tell (hopefully).

By the time you understand that in full, there won't be much story remaining.

[quote="Kaori"]Sasuke's answer here is rather similar to sentiments expressed by several of the characters in the manga itself]

I pondered that, but ultimately decided that because it was such a common theme in Naruto, it was aligned with the plot not merely derivative. As for the legitimately raised question, I don't think I'll immediately respond.

[Kaori]

For the record, I did not expect you to answer that question. I have my own suspicions, and I understand that to answer directly would very likely ruin the thrill of discovery.

[uc pseudonym]

For the record, I didn't think you expected an answer. But I actually have a real reason for posting.

For the record, I did not expect you to answer that question. I have my own suspicions, and I understand that to answer directly would very likely ruin the thrill of discovery.

I haven't made an effort (nor do I believe I should) to make this story much of a surprise. Sasuke cares about more people than one might expect, as I (and he, at that point in the story) was using the term in a more general sense. Naruto, for example, is one of Sasuke's best friends. But I would suspect you referred to another definition.

[Anna Mae]

Good work, uc. I love the way you did Chouji! I also like the scene between Sasuke and Hinata. Well done in general.

[uc pseudonym]

This is late due to the server downtime, but I decided to update this week regardless. I think this chapter is edited, but today is a hectic day and I don't have time to make certain (I mean edited in terms of grammar and the like, not characterization; that is certainly done).

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Chapter Ten: Kiba and Tenten

In a few moments Sasuke shifted from running at top speed to a complete halt. The others couldn’t begin to react to the stop; Sakura nearly stumbled over herself in an attempt, Ino shot on past and then trotted back, Hinata flipped forward and used one hand to drag herself to a halt.

“Something to the west and east,â€

[uc pseudonym]

Abruptly Kiba laughed. “I think I remember you,â€

[uc pseudonym]

In an instant it seemed Sasuke dismissed the entire scenario and turned away, leaping to the nearest tree branch. This time Hinata was more prepared for his abrupt movement and was only a bit behind. They began flying over the forest branches swiftly, green practically flying about them.

Reflecting over what had happened, Hinata realized that she subconsciously classified people into different categories like Sasuke did. Certain people made her feel terribly uncomfortable, and made her revert to her old self more than ever before. Kiba... Sakura... Ino... even Naruto, though she knew that he really meant well. There weren’t many people that didn’t bother her: Neji, Shino… and Gaara, strangely enough.

Yet she couldn’t get away from them, even if she had wanted to try. Very much like Sasuke, constantly pursued and never allowed the slightest bit of peace. But where she was always very obvious about how uncomfortable she was, Sasuke didn’t reveal anything. For all she knew, she annoyed him just as much as Sakura and Ino. The thought put a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Picking up speed just slightly, she glanced over at Sasuke. As always, he was moving swiftly and efficiently, not swerving from his path. Just above his collar, his eyes were completely focused on the path before him, nearly obscured by dark locks of hair. She couldn’t tell the first thing about what he felt, if he felt anything at all.

Sighing, Hinata increased her speed and lost herself in the biting winds.



Like lightening Sakura and Ino flashed through the trees. Their movements were nearly identical, pace matched for pace, jump for jump. It was a race without being a race; they were neck in neck but neither trying to outrun the other. A slight smile appeared on Sakura’s face. It’s just like old times, eh? Her expression was slightly mirrored by Ino’s.

A corpse flew between them quite abruptly, shattering Sakura’s reminiscing. Only quick footwork on their part prevented both of them from hitting the dirt. They stopped themselves and were focused upon the flying body, but they weren’t nearly as fast as the shuriken that flitted between them into the body, which was knocked even further, now obviously dead.

As one they turned toward the direction the body had been flung from, and discovered that a battle was going on not far from their location. Neither had really noticed it while moving, and both berated themselves for it. Most of the warriors involved seemed to be wielding blades, which they were using in vicious slashes against an opponent wheeling amid them gracefully. One by one the warriors were dropping.

“Is it just me,â€

[Kaori]

Although I was glad to see this update, regrettably, I can think of little to say by way of generalizations that is actually of any value.

As far as characterization goes, I have no complaints about Tenten, and I would simply note that Kiba’s personality in this chapter seemed fairly similar to that of Naruto earlier in the story, particularly in his cheerfulness.

Sighing, Hinata increased her speed and lost herself in the biting winds.

I like this line—with the sense of melancholy and idea of losing oneself in nature, it almost comes across as a Romantic image (in the sense of the literary movement).

[uc pseudonym]

Although I was glad to see this update, regrettably, I can think of little to say by way of generalizations that is actually of any value.

Your post is appreciated none the less.

As far as characterization goes, I have no complaints about Tenten, and I would simply note that Kiba’s personality in this chapter seemed fairly similar to that of Naruto earlier in the story, particularly in his cheerfulness.

Hm; I had not given that consideration. However, they are often considered similar in the manga, so that is not entirely out of line. In my mind their future selves are different, but perhaps that was not brought into the text.

[uc pseudonym]

It is simply not practical for me to update this week. I apologize; there should be another chapter on the 18th.