"Silver Wings"

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"Silver Wings"

Postby LostChild » Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:33 pm

okay, so i'm writing a story and Sora[soathkeeper] said that i should post it to see what ya'll think 'bout it. seein' as how its like, really long (and not even finished yet...), i'm only gonna post a little at a time. if ya wanna read it, continue; if not, thats okay too. :sweat:



Chapter 1: Fitful Dreams

Kaylin woke with a start. She saw her mother’s face in the woods. She was smiling brightly as though the sun was stolen and placed on her brow, hers to keep for the rest of eternity and beyond. The rusty leaves on the forest floor seemed to chase her heels in a race across time. Suddenly the trees stopped and a great green plain rolled on to meet the dawn. The daises and tulips were glittering like diamonds with the morning dew as they warmed their faces in the early sun.

Kaylin’s mother stopped and turned around, but it was too late. The roses shot up out of the earth from nowhere and caged her up as a rampaging dragon. Kaylin knew Mariee hated roses; her mother hated roses as if they were the root of all evil in the world.

Now Kaylin looked out the window and saw the lights in the sky. It was not yet day. Her dreams were growing worse, but never before had they woken her in the night. Softly she stained her pillow with tears trying not to wake Albekcc, her father.

He still heard the weeping, despite her efforts, and softly crept into the room. She was asleep again on her wooden framed bed before he got there so Albekcc pulled the woolen blanket over her shoulders and stroked her auburn hair before turning to go back to bed. Albekcc was worried for his daughter. She was starting to forget things that she knew were important. It was hard for him to have to raise Kaylin on his own, without the help of his beloved wife. There were things that Albekcc couldn’t teach Kaylin, only things that a mother could teach. Even Kaylin’s immediate female relatives would not be able to explain these things. Elves don’t forget things, but then again Kaylin wasn’t fully an elf. Her grandfather Traenkin was an elf, but her grandmother Gorgin was mortal. Albekcc wasn’t sure how to help his daughter; the mortality came from Mariee.

Kaylin’s birthday was in a month. She will be 33, the coming of age for elves. It was tradition for the mother to take the daughter and go to the Cliffs and find the peak called Mongrind; the dragons dwelled there. The oldest and wisest dragon was sought to tell the mother and daughter which egg would be given and where to find it.

The father would be the one to stay home and plan for a return party, giving the new adult whatever was wanted; it was a similar ritual for the men, but instead of the mother going it was the father. Kaylin was worried she would be the only one in the Klan that wouldn’t have an egg for this event; but was more sorrowed by the fact she didn’t have a mother to share the time with.

Albekcc tried for many years not to worry about this time, but now that it had come he couldn’t push the thought away. Even though she always wanted a mother figure, Kaylin hadn’t said what it was she wanted from her father, and he hadn’t thought about or even made arrangements for the egg search.

Hours went by and he thought in silence on the flet of the tree, trying to think of a way to send Kaylin on her journey. At times he thought of sending Gorgin, his mortal mother-in-law, but she was already too old even for her own race. He wished he could go with Kaylin to search, but who would tend to the festival? Even if someone else were willing, he would be the main course to the hatchlings of the first dragon he met. It wasn’t permitted for a father to take a daughter, as is a mother can’t take a son.

It was possible, with coaxing, that Limbar would take her cousin up to Mongrind, but Arshtec could do the same. Arshtec was willing to do anything for her great granddaughter and more.

Albekcc would talk to both of them that week and see what could be done. But right now he would sleep. Kaylin was peacefully dreaming, as peaceful as soft waves on the shore. She had not had a decent night’s sleep since Albekcc could remember. He couldn’t bear to wake her, even to greet the coming sun.

i'll continue after i get some input from people, unless i am badgered to keep on going. hmm... ya rite! :lol:
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Postby SorasOathkeeper » Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:39 am

Yay you posted it!^^ :dance: :dance: :dance:
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Postby Esoteric » Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:37 am

Gosh, i've been reading a lot of stories lately in which the female character had a name starting with 'K'...sorry, that just threw me off for a bit, nothing wrong with it, it just seems to be overpopular at the moment.

I like the story. I had to read through it twice in order to understand everything, but that's somewhat typical for me too. I found myself wondering why Kaylin (checks to make sure I'm using the right 'K' name) would have such a dream about her mother...and why her mother isn't there. I hope this will be answered later. I am also wondering how this relationship between elves and dragons got started. It may be a complex subject, but even a brief explanation right now would be nice as to why the dragons entrust elves with their precious eggs.

Other than that, it's really hard to say more about the story without more of it here. There were a few grammatical inconsistenties, but that's about it.
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Postby LostChild » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:37 pm

i didn't realize that "K" was popular rite now; ironic... ya, the whole thing about her mom is explained later, and sora has already given me ideas for a sequel to this one. but i'm trying to stay with what i have for now.... actually, the dragons are like already born when the elves come to "claim" one for their own; but that is explained a little later.

:hug: but i'm glad that you're wondering why or how the relationship was first started, that'll give me something to add; i'm sort of at a brick wall right now. not that i choose to be, i just have too much homework to write, and i actually shouldn't be here rite now... but who cares? ^_^

what inconsistensies did u see? i would like to know so that i can be able to correct them; that is, after all, one reason why i posted this. :sweat:
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Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:50 pm

Chapter 1: Fitful Dreams

Kaylin woke with a start. She saw her mother’s face in the woods. She was smiling brightly as though the sun was stolen and placed on her brow, hers to keep for the rest of eternity and beyond. The rusty leaves on the forest floor seemed to chase her heels in a race (against?) time. Suddenly the trees ceased moving and a great green plain rolled on to meet the dawn. The daises and tulips were glittering like diamonds in the morning dew as they warmed their faces in the early sun.

Drawing to a stop, Kaylin’s mother turned around, but it was too late. The roses spewed out of the earth from nowhere and formed a cage around her, where she thrashed around like a rampaging dragon. Kaylin knew Mariee hated roses; her mother hated roses as if they were the root of all evil in the world.

Now Kaylin looked out the window and saw the lights in the sky. It was not yet day. Her dreams were growing worse, but never before had they woken her during the middle of the night. Muffling her sadness as not to wake her father, Albekcc, her pillow became stained with tears.

He still heard the weeping, despite her efforts, and softly crept into the room. She was asleep again on her wooden framed bed before he arrived. Albekcc pulled the woolen blanket over her shoulders and stroked her auburn hair before turning to go back to bed. Albekcc was worried for his daughter. She was beginning to forget things that she knew were important. It was hard for him to have to raise Kaylin on his own, without the help of his beloved wife. There were things that Albekcc couldn’t teach Kaylin, only things that a mother could teach. Even Kaylin’s immediate female relatives would not be able to explain these things. Elves don’t forget things, but then again Kaylin wasn’t fully an elf. Her grandfather Traenkin was an elf, but her grandmother Gorgin was mortal. Albekcc wasn’t sure how to help his daughter; the mortality came from Mariee.

Kaylin’s birthday was in a month. She would be 33, the coming of age for elves. It was tradition for the mother to take the daughter and go to the Cliffs and find the peak called Mongrind; the dragons dwelled there. The oldest and wisest dragon was sought to tell the mother and daughter which egg would be given and where to find it.

The father would be the one to stay home and plan for a return party, giving the new adult whatever was wanted; it was a similar ritual for the men, but instead of the mother going it was the father. Kaylin was worried she would be the only one in the Klan that wouldn’t have an egg for this event; but was more sorrowed by the fact she didn’t have a mother to share the special event with.

Albekcc tried for many years not to worry about this time, but now that it had come he couldn’t push the thought from his mind. Even though she always wanted a mother figure, Kaylin hadn’t said what it was she wanted from her father, and he hadn’t thought about or even made arrangements for the egg search.

Hours went by and he thought in silence on the flet of the tree, thinking of a way to send Kaylin on her journey. At times he had imagined sending Gorgin, his mortal mother-in-law, but she was already too old even for her own race. He wished he could go with Kaylin to search, but who would tend to the festival? Even if someone else were willing, he would be the main course for the hatchlings of the first dragon he met. It wasn’t permitted for a father to take his daughter, as a mother can’t take her son.

It was possible, with coaxing, that Limbar would take her cousin up to Mongrind, but Arshtec could do the same. Arshtec was willing to do anything for her great granddaughter and more.

Albekcc would talk to both of them that week and see what could be done. But right now he would sleep. Kaylin was peacefully dreaming, soft waves on the shore. She had not had a decent night’s sleep since Albekcc could remember. He couldn’t bear to wake her, even to greet the coming sun.
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Postby LostChild » Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:03 pm

:eyebrow:
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Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:09 pm

Sorry, I hadn't got to editting it yet. I clicked the button to early. My bad.
I have edited parts of it that could be fixed like so, but there are others which I wasn't sure of and someone else may be able to help.

Nice beginning for a story by the way!
Keep up the good work.
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Postby Photosoph » Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:30 pm

I was wondering why there was a double post so far apart from the first post. ^_^
Very cool! I like your writing style... -hey! I didn't know you wrote, W4J! Well, anything besides posts ;) .

I think the coming of age event sounds very cool. Hmm... dragon egg... will there be something to do with raising a dragonling (...or dragling? What on earth is a baby dragon called? :grin: ) later on in the story? (is a rhetorical question... I'd rather wait to read more and find out than have you tell me right away. :) ). Sounds very interesting so far, and I will be waiting for more. Be encouraged! Your writing so far is highly enjoyable. :thumb:
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Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:38 pm

Yeah, Photosoph I'm writing a Christian themed science-fiction/fantasy with mystery/horror and adventure elements. I love to write!

Maybe LostChild could call the baby dragons "drogs?" I don't know it sounds cool to me. Does my editting help you any Lost?
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Postby Esoteric » Tue Mar 01, 2005 7:17 pm

Hmmm, glimpsing back through, this is the only one that stood out.

Kaylin’s birthday was in a month. She will be 33, the coming of age for elves.


'She would be 33' is the correct tense. Just watch for little things like that.

Warrior 4 Jesus wrote:Yeah, Photosoph I'm writing a Christian themed science-fiction/fantasy with mystery/horror and adventure elements. I love to write!

Maybe LostChild could call the baby dragons "drogs?" I don't know it sounds cool to me. Does my editting help you any Lost?


drogs? That just made me think of druken frogs... err, um, no I think the elves would have a much more elegant name for the little wyrmlings.

A scifi/fantasy mystery/horror adventure story? Wow. That must be a long story!
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Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Tue Mar 01, 2005 7:35 pm

Drunken frogs? Why not? (laughs)

I don't know how long my story's going to be but it will contain elements of those. (I'm aiming for 80,000 words).
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Postby LostChild » Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:16 pm

fun, fun! "drogs" "druken frogs" :lol: i love it! maybe i'll call something "drogs" but i'm not sure yet. :lol: and thank you! i'll change those things in my notes right away. i knew that you people would find mistakes that i couldn't. :sweat: you're all so helpful! :hug:
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Postby LostChild » Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:37 pm

okay all, coolishness! i re-wrote what was suggested, but not the way it was suggested. i didn't want to "plygerize" (or however ya spell it), and also wanted it to sound more like something i might say; but i did keep the same context, if that atones for anything! :sweat: so i'll re-post that bit, and then post the next section. thanx all for being so kind. :hug:

Chapter 1: Fitful Dreams

Kaylin woke with a start. She saw her mother’s face in the woods. She was smiling brightly as though the sun was stolen and placed on her brow, hers to keep for the rest of eternity and beyond. The rusty leaves on the forest floor seemed to chase her heels in a race across time. Suddenly the trees ceased their movements and a great green plain rolled on to meet the dawn. The daises and tulips were glittering like diamonds in the morning dew as they warmed their faces in the early sun.

Coming to a halt, Kaylin’s mother turned around, but it was too late. The roses surged out of the earth from nowhere and formed a cage about her, as she thrashed about as a rampaging dragon. Kaylin knew Mariee hated roses; her mother hated roses as if they were the root of all evil in the world.

Now Kaylin looked out the window and saw the lights in the sky. It was not yet day. Her dreams were growing worse, but never before had they woken her during the middle of the night. Making it so her cries were incoherent to keep her father, Albekcc, from waking, she stained her pillow with tears.
He still heard the weeping, despite her efforts, and softly crept into the room. She was asleep again on her wooden framed bed before he came to her door. Albekcc pulled the woolen blanket over her shoulders and stroked her auburn hair before turning to go back to bed. Albekcc was worried for his daughter. She was beginning to forget things that she knew were important. It was hard for him to have to raise Kaylin on his own, without the help of his beloved wife. There were things that Albekcc couldn’t teach Kaylin, only things that a mother could teach. Even Kaylin’s immediate female relatives would not be able to explain these things. Elves don’t forget things, but then again Kaylin wasn’t fully an elf. Her grandfather Traenkin was an elf, but her grandmother Gorgin was mortal. Albekcc wasn’t sure how to help his daughter; the mortality came from Mariee.

Kaylin’s birthday was in a month. She would be 33, the coming of age for elves. It was tradition for the mother to take the daughter and go to the Cliffs and find the peak called Mongrind; the dragons dwelled there. The oldest and wisest dragon was sought to tell the mother and daughter which egg would be given and where to find it.

The father would be the one to stay home and plan for a return party, giving the new adult whatever was wanted; it was a similar ritual for the men, but instead of the mother going it was the father. Kaylin was worried she would be the only one in the Klan that wouldn’t have an egg for this event; but was more sorrowed by the fact she didn’t have a mother to share the amazing event with.

Albekcc tried for many years not to worry about this time, but now that it had come he couldn’t push the thought to the side, away from his mind. Even though she always wanted a mother figure, Kaylin hadn’t said what it was she wanted from her father, and he hadn’t thought about or even made arrangements for the egg search.

Hours went by and he thought in silence on the flet of the tree, searching for a way to send Kaylin on her journey. At times he played with the thought of sending Gorgin, his mortal mother-in-law, but she was already too old even for her own race. He wished he could go with Kaylin to search, but who would tend to the festival? Even if someone else were willing, he would be the main course for the hatchlings of the first dragon he met. It wasn’t permitted for a father to take his daughter, as is a mother can’t take her son.

It was possible, with coaxing, that Limbar would take her cousin up to Mongrind, but Arshtec could do the same. Arshtec was willing to do anything for her great granddaughter and more.

Albekcc would talk to both of them that week and see what could be done. But right now he would sleep. Kaylin was peacefully dreaming, as peaceful as soft waves on the shore. She had not had a decent night’s sleep since Albekcc could remember. He couldn’t bear to wake her, even to greet the coming sun.
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Postby LostChild » Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:39 pm

“I had a dream about mom again last night,â€
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Postby LostChild » Wed Mar 02, 2005 6:55 am

okay, this is gonna be off topic for this thread, but who thinks my signature is too long? it seems like that to me, but i don't know what to get rid of! its all so awesome! *points at sora* its her fault! ( " )> ~( " )~ nah, not really, but she got me hooked on this place, and now all the other forums i go to miss my being there. ^_^
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Postby Esoteric » Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:15 am

None of these things could be given by Albekcc, none of it. (this sentece sounds weird to me, but i can't figure out how to fix it)


Simple, the first half of the sentence is plural (things). The second half must be plural also.

None of these things could be given, none of them.
[quote]
“There is still 9 months until I am supposed to leave. She could get her in time.â€
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Postby LostChild » Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:45 am

:sweat: whoops! that's an embarassing mistake. ^_^ thank ya!
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Postby Photosoph » Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:33 pm

Yay! There's more! *is happy*. I'm not sure why, but I think I liked your second chapter better than your first. Possibly because it expands on what was written previously.

Your sig -I don't think it's too long; the only thing that makes it 'tall' is the picture. You do have quite a bit of text in it, but not too much.
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Postby starwarsboy90 » Wed Mar 02, 2005 8:14 pm

Hey Estoric, nice writing! It looks pretty good! I never thought there would be another Fantasy Writer here. I'm currently working on one myself. It's called Aldean Chronicles, it has to do with Angels, Demons, Elves and Dragons. It's a little brand new hit fantasy/anime series, which is airing on the internet, under it's own copyright and everything. It's pretty good all around. Check it out sometime!
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Postby starwarsboy90 » Wed Mar 02, 2005 8:15 pm

Oops, I mean lostchild,lol. Need coffee!
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Postby LostChild » Wed Mar 02, 2005 9:23 pm

lol! that's great. i respond to just about anything, so that's fine. ^_^ were is this fantasy/anime series at? i would like to go and check it out. oh, and here ya go! *hands starwarsboy90 some coffee* i love coffee! just ask sora. ^_^

oh, and i'm glad that you don't think my sig is too long. i was begining to think i should get rid of some stuff. but it all shows who i am, what i do, and why i'm crazie.
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Postby Anna Mae » Thu Mar 03, 2005 1:25 pm

I look forward to seeing how this story develops!
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look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby LostChild » Thu Mar 03, 2005 8:10 pm

:sweat: haha! i found a mistake i made! earlier i said that the dragons are already hatched, and then in my writing it said she'll get an egg! i think i was in the middle of reading something when i typed that, i'll make up my mind about which is which later, but here's a little bit more:

Draqon was wading in the stream under the waterfall. As Kaylin approached he stretched his wings and yawned showing diamond like teeth with razor sharp edges; his abalone colored scales glittered in the afternoon sun.

“What’s wrong Kaylin?â€
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Postby Photosoph » Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:14 pm

Yay! More! *grins*
Very cool... I like the way you've written about the dragon. And I can so imagine a dragon taking a bath under a waterfall. That would look spectacular... cool scene!

Yeah, it does appear she has a bit of an attitude. ^_^
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Postby LostChild » Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:40 pm

cool. ^_^ there is still a lot that i can show everyone right now, but i don't want to make ya overwhelmed; besides, if i show it all now, i won't have anything to show later. as its developing, i'm hoping that people can help me continue from where i am right now: stuck. but what am i telling ya'll this for right now? you'll see it all eventually. O_O
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Postby Photosoph » Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:54 pm

I understand... I actually write too, though I haven't posted anything, and I hate getting stuck at certain scenes. ...But here are a few ways that I've found to get past writer's block:

1. even though it's hard, just push on through past the scene you're stuck at until you get to a scene you like.
2. That, or through in some wild, random idea (but not so random that it doesn't fit in with the story): for example, you could add an interesting character, spot an amazing piece of furniture... etc.
3. Another way is to leave it for a couple of months before you come back to it, perhaps even longer. This way it'll be like you're reading your story for the first time and you might be inspired to continue.
4. Another way is to leave it, and play the whole story idea and scenes over in your head and think about it at different times during the day until you come up with a way to continue from where you're stuck.
5. You could also finish the scene as quickly as possible and go on to the next scene (did I mention that?) -since you can always come back and add or change details of what you're writing later. The most important part is just to continue.
6. You could even completely skip the rest of the scene you're writing to get on to a scene you like.

Um... you are talking about writer's block, right? :sweat: :grin:
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Postby SorasOathkeeper » Fri Mar 04, 2005 1:06 pm

Just go watch LOTR, that should clear up your mind, lol
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Postby LostChild » Fri Mar 04, 2005 3:09 pm

:poke: haha, sora, very funny! :eyeroll: i watch it all the time anyhow, so how would that clear my mind? i can basicly quote the whole thing! :drool:

writers block! that's what it was called. :comp: i'm a dunce, don't mind me. :shake: thanx for those suggestions, :hug: i'll have to try 'em. but if i do, then don't be mad if nothing is added for a few months. :grin: then i'll blame it on Photosoph, and everyone will be mad at you and not me. :sweat: nah, jk. i do bits and pieces here and there, and then stick 'em all together. that's why i want people to read it so they can tell me if it all "flows" or just randomly changes all the time.
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Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:58 pm

(I've edited next section a little for you- hope it helps)


Kaylin broke the silence of the morning meal on the balcony of the flet. “I had a dream about mom again last night.â€
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Postby LostChild » Fri Mar 04, 2005 10:21 pm

do you know how much i love you right now, warrior? a lot! this is really helping me. thank you ever so much!

oh, and that whole "sprinkles" thing; like rain, when its sprinkling outside. does that help? ^_^
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