Postby Dot » Tue Dec 14, 2004 2:49 pm
oh, man i hate computers... i just wrote out my tear jerking testimony, and i went to post it, and then the stupid computer tells me it went and logged me off. sick!!! well, here we go again:
so i'm living at home, and frankly it sucks. mom and dad either fight or ingore eachother. i'm caught in the middle of it all, under the thumb of an over protective mother, who just has my best interest at heart, and who's afraid i'll get rapped if i step out my back door (if you knew the town i lived in, you'd understand how insane that is). i always thought my family was the perfect family, and only recently have my eyes been opened. in my family, tension was just something you heard about... the parents never had any issues... it was normal not to have any conversations at the supper table, we never had family devoes, and that was normal; we never held hands while praying, and no one though it odd that mom and dad never went out together alone for a date. oh, they loved us, i mean, we were their speical children that they waited for for a long time (my sister and i are adopted). but, no one notised the tension because the masks went on the second anyone entered the house. i was told all the details of dad's issues and why mom doesn't do anything about it a couple weeks ago... i don't think i've ever felt so blind. i'm sick of it all, and all i'd like to do is shut myself away from the world and just ignore it all... but i can't do that. then i go to school, and i feel God's arm around me there, i drive home, and i see the sunset (that you only get here) and i sing and i cry and i laugh, but then i have to shut up all the emotions before i enter the house because i'll get the third degree. (*Dot smiles) God has given me friends... so many friends, and i don't thank Him enough for them... He has given me music... i don't know where i'd be without my music... and yes He has given me a family, and a house, and love... and if mom and dad didn't adopt me, i don't know where i'd be right now... i gotta stop while i'm a head... i'm gonna cry.. AGAIN! (*tear). well, i've never been so open with a handful of strangers before in my life... well, you asked for it.
hugs for you
"i want to give music like a cow gives milk" ~ R. Strauss
"God does not forget His own/ He will lead you safely home/ you can pass this test/ He has the best in store/ His love is not on loan/ God does not forget His own...