Metroid Fanfiction

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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Nov 22, 2004 8:55 am

Again, a general thank you.

That conversation was rather difficult, because I had to make the false Tal act in character, but also manage to fool at least some readers. There are clues all throughout that scene that should indicate that something isn't right... I'm glad to hear that you picked up on one.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Nov 29, 2004 9:01 am

It is Monday, and the story has returned. I anticipate no future posting difficulties. This chapter starts us off with more Universal News, which is always a bizarre addition to the story.

-

Chapter 23: Growing Pains

“-ed for increased taxes seven times in this past year. The Galactic public has just one question to ask itself: does it want a liberal tax and spend government? Every single fault that has ever been known to mankind is due to liberalism. Yes; all of them. Fascism? Yeah, that was liberals. The Moral Majority? Liberals. It’s all their fault. So there.

“Stop their vicious smear campaign next election; make the right choice: vote for you.... vote for Bill Ytpmuh.â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Nov 29, 2004 9:02 am

“The question is how you’re alive,â€
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Postby skynes » Mon Nov 29, 2004 11:05 am

I understand why you wanted opinions.

The TV station: Works well. Shows that you're thinking past Samus and the Council and working more toward creating a universe instead of just a story. It'll be useful if you ever decide to write a second Metroid fanfic (which I REALLY hope you do!)

Tal being back: I knew it. I didn't think he'd die so easily, especially not to acid. The blue flamethrower is a nice power, but do you think he may be overkill? With his skeleton, wings and powers it seems like he is pretty much invincible.

The romance: I seen this coming a mile off. Still kinda surprised me though, I never took Samus to be a romantic type. Seems very typical, it's not a bad addition, but there's always a romance thing in every story somewhere...
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Nov 29, 2004 1:27 pm

skynes wrote:The TV station: Works well. Shows that you're thinking past Samus and the Council and working more toward creating a universe instead of just a story. It'll be useful if you ever decide to write a second Metroid fanfic (which I REALLY hope you do!)


Well, we shall see. For the moment, I certainly will be unable to do so due to the number of projects I am trying to complete.

skynes wrote:Tal being back: I knew it. I didn't think he'd die so easily, especially not to acid. The blue flamethrower is a nice power, but do you think he may be overkill? With his skeleton, wings and powers it seems like he is pretty much invincible.


I never thought that acid-power would be a clue... the only real clue I dropped was the scientist's reference to why the acid worked. Actually, if you think Tal is invincible you underestimate Samus and bounty hunters in general. Now he is actually to the point where he can compete with the most dangerous beings in the galaxy (prior to this, he was playing catchup).

skynes wrote:The romance: I seen this coming a mile off. Still kinda surprised me though, I never took Samus to be a romantic type. Seems very typical, it's not a bad addition, but there's always a romance thing in every story somewhere...


This shouldn't have been a surprise (that I really didn't want to do... I'm sick of people being astonished that they're in love). Samus admitted it some seven chapters ago when Tal "died." By the by, Samus isn't the romantic type... neither is Tal.
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Postby Icarus » Mon Nov 29, 2004 2:55 pm

I was pretty close to laughing aloud several times during the news report, particularly when I found out that people will still be debating Mary Ann and Ginger into the next millenium. I'm glad Tal is back, and did I ever mention I really enjoy your sense of humor?
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Postby Anna Mae » Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:17 am

I knew Tal was coming back! And, as everyone else has said, the TV commercial was very funny.
Icarus wrote:I ever mention I really enjoy your sense of humor?
As do I.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:21 am

No, you hadn't ever mentioned it. Thank you for doing so. I will be posting the next chapter hopefully within the hour. It is another of my favorites.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:36 am

Chapter 24: The Contender

Guards lined the corridors, looking alert and ready to fire. Their orders were to kill anything that entered the corridor on sight. All of them were fully prepared, even eager, to follow the order. Nothing, they thought, was going to get past them.

Explosions rocked through the corridor as carefully planted bombs took out the first of the troops. Plasma was already exploding through the air, killing the next wave of guards just as they began pulling up their guns. Five guards remained around the door at the end of the hallway. Five shots; five guards dropped to the ground. Samus strode through the flames, their low level heat unable to reach her, and blasted her way through the door.

The room beyond was silent, sophisticated and empty. Unlike the rest of the station, it had a thick, soft carpet and wallpaper. It looked almost like a classy hotel, except more opulent. Samus half-way expected to see a chandelier on the ceiling. Walking into the room, she examined the opposite wall.

It was relatively obvious there had once been a ship built into this point. A special ship that would not appear unusual on the station but would allow for quick escapes in dangerous times... such as now. Then she was too late. By the looks of things, far too late. Hopefully Tal was having better luck, but by the looks of this place Samus was pretty certain Mr. Divel had been the one down this corridor.

Raising a hand behind her head, Samus calmly caught the spike of a grappling hook moments before it struck her. Almost casually she turned, still gripping the wire tightly, to look at the bounty hunter standing in the shadows of the room behind her. There was a long moment of stony silence.

“Veronica.â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:37 am

Dodging fire to the center of the room, Samus rerouted energy to another new weapon. Before Veronica could fire on her new position, an ear-shattering wave of sound exploded from Samus’ bio suit. Veronica gave a slight cry and put both hands to her ears reflexively.

Her brief noise pinpointed her location for Samus, and a massive plasma shot smashed into the cloaked bounty hunter. Crashing back and partially through a metal wall, Veronica hissed in anger. This battle was slowly wearing her down: heavy damage to her overall system, jet packs only partially online, armor almost completely wasted, cloaking functions offline. Most of her weapons still worked, though.

Growling in the back of her throat, Veronica rose to her feet, glaring out from the smoke rising from her impact. She realized with shock that there appeared to be no one else in the room. The next second her feet were swept from the ground and she was falling back. It didn’t cause any damage... but the energy bolts slamming into her in midair did.

Skidding back across the ground, Veronica shifted one arm and launched a fine spray through the air. Instantly glowing sparks lit up around Samus’ cloaked form, making her location quite clear. Dropping out of cloaked mode, Samus immediately leapt left to avoid further fire from Veronica.

Moving to close range, Veronica fired a missile directly toward Samus, taking advantage of her momentary jump. With startling speed Samus flipped backward, kicking the rocket away from her. It crashed into one of the walls and blew away a major portion of it.

In midair Samus’ back was exposed, and Veronica capitalized on the moment. Shifting a blade out of one of her arms, she aimed to slice through the blond bounty hunter’s back. Before it struck, Samus turned slightly, and clamped the blade between a knee and an elbow. The move put her fist aimed for Veronica’s head... and a blast slammed directly into the former attacker’s helmet.

Flipping in midair and landing on her feet, Veronica slapped her helmet in an effort to clear static from her vision. That had taken out a few computer systems, though thankfully nothing vital. Changing her other hand to a blade as well, Veronica struck out at her opponent, who was just now landing on her feet.

She just doesn’t learn, does she? Samus mused to herself, shifting to a mode where she could use her hands. With startling speed she gently pushed aside Veronica’s blows, effortlessly defending herself. The instant she had an opening, she smacked a palm into her opponent’s helmet, knocking her off balance. Striking with all the physical and mechanical power she had, Samus kicked the purple bio suit directly in the chest.

Hurtling backward across the room, Veronica slammed into a wall. Cracks had formed across the front of her bio suit. She realized with a cold sweat that one good shot would leave her completely exposed. Flesh struck by plasma...

Touching the ceiling with magnetically charged hands, Veronica pulled herself up to it, barely avoiding Samus’ shots. Too late she saw the wire slicing through the air, hitting her arm and wrapping itself around her wrist. Jerked off the ceiling, Veronica braced herself for the blasts she knew were coming, doing her best to spin and avoid them.

Shots blazed around her, but Veronica felt no fatal impact. Amazing, and quite fortuitous. Landing just before Samus, she leveled both her guns at the other bounty hunter’s head, energy charging dangerously within them. A smirk spread across her face.

“Game Over. You missed.â€
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Postby mastersquirrel » Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:53 am

The story's back!! I love it! I liked reading the "I'm not bashing my opponent, he's bashing me." adds, and the Giligan's Island special.
Tal's back, I figured. I liked how they encountered each other. And yes, the shy admission and Samus cutting in.
I too enjoy your sense of humor greatly UC, thanks for the story.

EDIT: Sorry, I posted right after you did so my first part is about the chapter before this one.

This was very good. I liked the fight between Veronica and Samus, although, you'd think Veronica was smarter than that...
Any way, I liked how Samus' part and Tal's part began the same way, very good.
Excellent, I await the next installment.
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Postby skynes » Tue Nov 30, 2004 12:46 pm

I thought the Tal and Samus section beginnings were a nice tie in, I actually thought for a second that it was a typo!

I assumed Veronica wasn't that smart, she could afford a high power suit but that doesn't mean she could handle it. Anyway with Samus' enhanced genetics she didn't stand a chance :P
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Postby Anna Mae » Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:40 am

Explosion of white light? Shucks. I was hoping that this was the end of Veronica. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens.
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“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
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Postby Anna Mae » Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:42 am

Explosion of white light? Shucks. I was hoping that this was the end of Veronica. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Raiden no Kishi » Thu Dec 02, 2004 8:25 am

GAH! Not a cliffhanger!

This fight scene would look great animated. Throw in some tasteful bullet-time and I think it could work. I applaud your cinematic style.

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Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Dec 02, 2004 1:30 pm

Actually, I mentally have bullet time built into my head for some parts of this fight (one of them being when both Samus and Veronica hookshot across the room parallel to one another), so I am glad someone thought the same thing.

This chapter I like much less...

-

Chapter 25: Paradigm Shift

Bleary shapes. Colors shifting apparently at random. Relatively severe cold.

Several things immediately registered in Samus’ mind. First, she was out of her bio suit. Second, she was bound by chains that felt like some manner of plastic/steel hybrid. Worst, she had some sort of sedating drug in her system. Whatever the situation, it was a bad one, and she was in the hands of the enemy.

Abruptly there was a face directly in her own, leering at her. Working past the drug, Samus managed to focus upon it slightly. Veronica.

“The tables have turned, haven’t they, Samus?â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Dec 02, 2004 1:31 pm

Now all that was left was to sneak into the Bounty Hunter HQ, not difficult given the rebuilding state it was in, find or steal a ship, fly to the Galactic Council and then find Samus. Beyond that he wasn’t sure what they would do, but they were already conveniently close to authorities, so he had a few ideas.

Floating through the desolate space, Tal let his thoughts drift from his plans to Samus. Seeing her again would be very good. It was odd how their relationship had changed, but it wasn’t really uncomfortable. Besides, at the moment they had more important issues on their hands. After the situation had been resolved, then there’d be a bit more time to explore those possibilities.

Beneath the exoskeleton that covered his body, Tal smiled slightly. Throwing a few more waves of nega photons behind him, he put on another burst of speed and vanished into the endless darkness.



Yawning and glancing to the side, David Anez nudged the stack of papers, making them drop off the edge of the computer terminal and fall mostly in the trash. Maybe he could “accidentallyâ€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Dec 02, 2004 1:31 pm

Already David was bursting out the door, nearly running in his excitement. Tal followed at a relaxed pace that managed to nearly keep up with David’s rush. Letting him stay in the lead, the former human sighed. This was going to be annoying, but if it got him into a ship he didn’t care. He did not need this guy following him when they reached the Galactic Council, though. Sighing, Tal flexed and nearly extended blades from his fingertips before remembering his position.

“Here,â€
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Postby Anna Mae » Fri Dec 03, 2004 5:26 am

Oh look! Another cliffhanger! I think I know what will happen, though.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby skynes » Fri Dec 03, 2004 6:07 am

Yup, Tal's going to get a new job, slicing meat for the HQ kitchen.

In the last battle I had imagined the whole bullet time thing too. I think everyone reading that who's seen the Matrix would.
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Postby mastersquirrel » Fri Dec 03, 2004 6:14 am

David is going to be quite annoying...
Yes I agree with you UC, this isn't the best chapter but it is done well.
I think the bounty hunters underestimate "normal" people. This isn't gonna be pretty.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:07 am

Nah, this isn't really a cliffhanger. Really, what is there hanging?

What David is going to be is a short lived character. His presence was the reason I didn't like the last chapter, and the reason I really don't like much of this one. It was nigh-impossible for me to write it naturally, which meant I had to force myself. Thank you for the compliment in any case.

-

Chapter 26: Worthiness

Moaning slightly, David put a hand to his head. So dizzy, so confused... he must have been terribly drunk the previous night. And this bed was- no, wait, this was a floor. Sitting up slowly, he shook his head in an effort to restore his vision. Feeling something sticky on the back of his head, he felt it and discovered he was bleeding.

“Are you alright?â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:09 am

He’d arrived at the Galactic Council itself in the Fleeting-class ship and managed to dock without any major trouble. Once inside, he’d quietly gotten himself arrested by some corrupted security officers, who had bound him with some pathetic bonds, injected a worthless tranquilizer into his system and were now taking him to their boss. Which was exactly what he wanted them to do. The station was largely a peaceful and bureaucratic place, so anywhere they would hold him had to be close to Samus’ location.

This stage of the plan would be the most difficult to pull off. Not without massive numbers of civilian deaths, anyway. Before entering the station, Tal had carefully found a few highly protected maps of the gigantic station and discerned the most important points. If he was correct about where the corruption had spread, it would be possible to be here only a short time and leave quickly with Samus and without causing any undue harm.

Of course, that was assuming that all continued to go well. Gunfire outside the door was not a sign of everything going well. Shifting slightly in the chair he was chained to, Tal glanced about the blank white containment room he had been placed in. There was only one door, and he was facing it.

Outside the door, shots continued to be fired, and Tal discerned what he could from them. Two parties involved, one with many weapons and the other composed of a single person. All the weapons involved appeared to be hand held energy pistols. The solitary side had a far higher caliber weapon, with a silencer. Interesting. In all probability, not Samus.

Plasma fire eventually ceased, and some time after the door began to slide open. Tal watched with mild interest, ready to move at a moment’s notice or bring out his exoskeleton. The person who was soon framed in the doorway, however, did not immediately start shooting.

Based on the slick blue body suit she wore, Tal determined she were probably a bounty hunter, minus a bio suit. The real question was what her motivations were; his previous record with bounty hunters involved most of them trying to kill him, but this one had killed the soldiers guarding him. Curious.

She, whoever she was, sauntered closer to him, gaze examining him skeptically. The way she carried herself led Tal to believe she was dangerous. Tossing aside a lustrous black lock with her hand holding a military class gun, she walked around his chair. He did not want her behind him, and kept a careful eye on her. Subconsciously the exoskeleton within his feet formed claws that began sliding out through small slits in his boots...

“So you’re the TA1 that everyone keeps talking about,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:12 am

This chapter seemed determined to go to any lengths to stop itself from being posted. Theoretically this should have gone in two posts, but it constantly acted as though it was too long. Perhaps Word counts characters differently than CAA does.

-

None of them had a chance to fire before he was among them. Slicing through a guard on one side with his right hand, Tal immediately ducked as he ran to avoid plasma fire. Digging the claws on his feet into the floor, he changed direction abruptly, cleaving through another guard. As he continued his spinning motion he dropped into a crouch, both hands whirling in a deadly circle.

Within a matter of seconds the guards were dead. Not pausing even slightly, Tal raced away down the corridor. He knew he was close, but how much time did he have? Where was Samus now?



Everything slowly came into focus. Instantly she became aware that the effects of the drugs had worn off, though she was just now completely recovering. The last thing Samus remembered was Veronica taunting her on her own ship, and now she was here. It had thrown her internal clock out of whack, but she was pretty certain a long time had passed.

Opening her eyes, prepared for anything, Samus discovered she was in a large white room, clad only in her body suit. The ceiling and the floor were identical, and the room was a large rectangle. Two walls were merely blank white, but the other two appeared unusual. The short side at the opposite end had a massive door, and one long side appeared to be covered by layers of grey. Before she could get to her feet, Samus froze at the sound of gears grinding.

The layers of grey began to slowly shift up, revealing that they had merely been parts of an opaque screen. Beyond it was further space, which appeared to be likewise white and blank. She watched edgily as it continued to rise. Beyond it sat a number of men in business suits, calmly sitting in a variety of comfortable chairs. Watching her.

She didn’t even bother moving toward them. There would almost certainly be something in her way. An energy barrier or an electric field or something to that effect. Noticing a bit of distortion, Samus looked more closely and realized that there was a plate of glass several feet thick between her and the people.

Glancing at them scornfully, Samus moved to the wall opposite the door and leaned against it, folding her arms and almost closing her eyes. There was nothing she could do against what they might try to do to her, so she might as well rob them of any satisfaction. Through the slits of her vision she examined them further. Many of them were members of the Galactic Council, she noted. Mr. Divel and quite a few other important business people were there as well. She could guess where this was going.

“Gentlemen,â€
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Postby skynes » Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:11 am

*pummels UC badly*

U 'hole'ly deserve that for that last horrible pun... (Hey if I'm going to the 7th layer of Pun hell, I'm dragging you with me!)

Ok my run down of whats cool.

Tal scaring that guy senseless. Very nice
Showing the results of that guy adds a sense of dimension
Tal Aran. Very nice touch

Death of Veronica. ABOUT TIME!!! She's like the chewing gum on your show that just wont go away.

Samus' death? Typical UC Cliffhanger.... We all know the outcome though. Tal comes along and minces it.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:16 am

skynes wrote:*pummels UC badly*

U 'hole'ly deserve that for that last horrible pun... (Hey if I'm going to the 7th layer of Pun hell, I'm dragging you with me!)


Pardon me, but to what exactly do you refer?

skynes wrote:Samus' death? Typical UC Cliffhanger.... We all know the outcome though. Tal comes along and minces it.


I am going to break convention here and tell you that you are dead wrong.
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Postby mastersquirrel » Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:26 am

Tal Aran was the funniest thing! I loved David's reaction, and the scaring senseless.
Veronica is dead! Dear goodness she was annoying. She's stupid to have even tried to get him on her side.
More story needed. Great job UC.
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Postby Raiden no Kishi » Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:34 am

I'm wagering Samus ends up killing it without her Power Suit.

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Postby mastersquirrel » Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:54 am

I'm wagering it charges through the glass "containment" into the pompas officials' room. :) It'd be an interesting situation.
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Postby skynes » Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:02 am

UC, I'm 'hole'ly serious when I say I was trying to make a bad reference to the last set of puns based on the word 'hole'.

What pun I was referring to was your statement of "A cliffhanger... imagine that."
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