fictional poem I wrote: In The View of Maria's Eyes

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

fictional poem I wrote: In The View of Maria's Eyes

Postby Gekkeiju » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:22 pm

I've been writing a bunch of poems and posting them on my website, which is in my profile if you want to read more....

In the View of Maria's Eyes

A girl's name is Maria.
Rob is her best friend's brother.
She's known that she has been in love
Since they first met each other.

She loves how he treats her:
He's always very kind.
But he doesn't reveal his feelings
Or what is on his mind.

When another year passes by,
Rob tells her about his stress.
He tells her just how long it's been
And she discovers he is depressed.

She tries to bring him comfort
With a sweet hug and a kiss.
Is it fair that he can feel this sad
When all she knows is bliss?

One day Maria looks for Rob.
He's nowhere to be found.
She calls the police to find some help
And she hears the siren sound.

Her best friend came to her later
And between great sobs she said,
"They finally found my brother.
Unfortunately he's dead."

A shockwave hits her heart
At the sound of those startling words.
All that stress and the thought of death
Is a fate he does't deserve.

Her friend leads her onward.
They run quickly to the scene.
And the sight that they arrive to see
Is the worst she's ever seen.

She kneels o'er her loved one dear
And o'er his death she cries.
Rob's image will always be strong and clear
In the view of Maria's eyes.
Join us at Gaia Online. Hope to see you there! And tell them Gekkeiju referred you! :grin:

Read my poems in the Writing section of the forums and at my website
User avatar
Gekkeiju
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:46 pm
Location: MD

Postby Saru » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:44 pm

I loved your poem. :) It's very well put together. It was kind of dark, but really good.
User avatar
Saru
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:33 pm
Location: Somewhere...

Postby Gekkeiju » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:49 pm

^^ Thanks. This is one of my favorites because of the emotion in it. Most of them like that that I wrote were based on real events. I want to write more but I have so little inspiration :(
Join us at Gaia Online. Hope to see you there! And tell them Gekkeiju referred you! :grin:

Read my poems in the Writing section of the forums and at my website
User avatar
Gekkeiju
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:46 pm
Location: MD

Postby Saru » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:53 pm

Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find some inspiration somewhere soon. :thumb:
User avatar
Saru
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:33 pm
Location: Somewhere...

Postby Gekkeiju » Mon Jan 24, 2005 4:50 pm

Recently, I had the inspiration to write a story based off of this poem. A character name was changed because it was already in use. Anyways, now I have decided to use another poem as well to write the story. I posted it here before, but here it is anyway:

Fallen Tears

There is nothing that you can do
That will stop my falling tears.
I have been holding all of them back
For far too many years.

I can see you turn your head
'Cause you hate to see me cry.
The lost connections between each other
Are what made our friendship die.

I'm crying over what I've gained
Instead of what I've lost.
I feel so unworthy from my gains -
Could all this guilt be the cost?

From all the times that I have snapped
When nothing seemed to be right;
I guess whenever I'd say "I'm sorry,"
The phrase just seemed too trite.

It feels that my sins are so extreme
That the only one who can forgive
Is the Lord Himself; but for everyone else,
The sins get caught in their sieves.

So now in public I'm by myself
With only the Lord at my side.
I feel so alone from those boring eyes
That make me just want to hide.

Oh, what I'd give for another friend
Who'd for me be always there.
But I feel like a stranger in these lands
Where nobody seems to care.

Alone at heart, I cry to myself,
Wishing that someone would come.
But I guess no one will dare to approach
So now I'm without a chum.

I guess now I must correct myself
And say that I was wrong;
I'm crying because we won't speak
While we could be getting along.
Join us at Gaia Online. Hope to see you there! And tell them Gekkeiju referred you! :grin:

Read my poems in the Writing section of the forums and at my website
User avatar
Gekkeiju
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:46 pm
Location: MD

Postby Magekind » Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:06 pm

Read that poem again, folks. I keep trying to tell her she's the one that opened me up to the more emotional side of the poetry thing. Honestly, if it wasn't for having read her poetry, I'd have never gotten past Stillholde Grove and Unwilling Guest.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

At-Close Paren-Right inclusive bracket-Tilde. Thanks to CAA mods. Taken from Jaden Mental's sig.
Magekind
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:55 pm
Location: Lost somewhere between here and reality. Help?

Postby Gekkeiju » Tue Jan 25, 2005 3:44 pm

"I'm sorry, Maria, but we can't be friends anymore."

The words seemed to impale her with the mere thought of not being friends. Her eyes glazed over with tears.

"Why not? We've known each other for seven years. How can we all of a sudden not be friends?"

Her former friend bit ler lip and gazed downward and said, "I'm really sorry. But things change."

By now, Maria's face reddened around her eyes from crying. She hurried across the cafeteria to another table, wishing the others would not stare at her. She had already made a fool of herself countless times. But this was by far the worst. A small group of friends looked at her with concern as she sat down. She laid her head down in her crossed arms on the table.

"What have I done?" she sobbed. A girl with teal eyes and dark brown hair lightly touched her elbow.

"It's not your fault. If Kara were truly your best friend, she would not have done this to you. None of us would," she said, indicating the others at the table.
"I still feel alone, though. Having no one to be with among a massive group... It's one of the worst feelings in the world to me."

"As long as we have the same lunch shift, you'll be fine... Would you like to spend the night at my house tonight? We could take you to your house to get your stuff, and then do things to cheer you up. How does that sound?"

Maria lifted her head up and smiled vaguely. "That would be great. I'll just have to call my mom after school.... What would I do without you, Anita?"

"What are friends for?"

The bell rang, so everyone stood up to go back to class.

"Hang in there," said Anita.

"I will. See you."

* * * *

to be continued...
Join us at Gaia Online. Hope to see you there! And tell them Gekkeiju referred you! :grin:

Read my poems in the Writing section of the forums and at my website
User avatar
Gekkeiju
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:46 pm
Location: MD


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 280 guests