I'm writing a story, and I'm nervous.

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Postby Kesshin » Sat Jun 12, 2004 1:23 pm

*laughs* Thanks, Loch. ^^ For the encouragement, and keeping my thread alive while I was gone. :hug: You're a good friend.
Don't worry, I'm back. I promised I would finish this story, and so help me, I will! *goes into spontaneous ninja mode* "This shinobi will finish what she started!" And to prove it, it's new installment time. (Note: I've had a little too much sugar, myself...)
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Kern returned Pen's smile with a slightly reluctant one of his own. Frankly, he was relieved. He hadn't expected her to have taken it so well. He was just as sorry to be leaving Eli's as the rest, but somebody had to bring the subject up.
"Um, okay, then. I guess we'd better.... uh....," He ruffled his dark hair thoughtfully.
Pen's smile slowly turned into a suspicious frown. "You mean you don't have a plan?"
"Uh, no. I don't, actually. I was hoping...." He didn't finish, but his tone implied, "I was hoping YOU had one".
Pen sighed. "Well, we'd better call Laowra, then," she answered, shrugging. Pen suddenly noticed that she did not like being a leader. When she thought of Laowra, confined to a wheelchair with a huge gash in her side, she understood why. Being a leader was much more difficult than she had imagined. Sitting in your classroom, nibbling at your eraser and daydreaming about leading an army against a band of blood-thirsty Loam was quite different from actually commanding people.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
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-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
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Postby Kesshin » Mon Jun 14, 2004 6:58 pm

All right, that installment was kind of short. I'm working on a new one, and it should be ready to be posted by tomorrow.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Kesshin » Wed Jun 16, 2004 6:01 pm

And here's the new installment.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen walked up to the videophone, and dialed in the number for the Center. After several rings, Sharon's anxious, hair-framed face popped into view.
"Hello? Oh, it's you, chicos. What did you need?"
"Uh," Pen hesitated, noticing the black lines under Sharon's eyes, and the way her hands shook. "Is this a bad time?"
Sharon shook her head sleepily. "No. Not at all."
"Hello, Sharon," Joyce jumped in, much to Pen's annoyance, "We would like to see Laowra."
Pen covered the receiver with her hand, and turned around to glare at her. "Ralda."
"Yes?"
"Did you notice that she's dead tired?" she asked in exasperation.
"Yes. So...?"
Pen would have very much liked to hit her teammate over the head with something, but she resisted this urge and turned back to Sharon, only to find that she had already gone.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Kesshin » Sun Jun 20, 2004 5:00 pm

Another installment... Sorry I didn't post the last few days. We've been moving into the new house, and you know how that is...

Sharon reappeared a few moments later, Laowra in tow. Pen's mood brightened when she caught a glimpse of the leader. Her face had its healthy glow back, and her eyes were noticeably more focused. It was comforting to know that at least someone was feeling better...
Laowra gave the three operatives her customary peaceful smile. "Hello, you three. I trust you're doing all right?," She paused to allow them time to nod, "Good. Well, what did you need to see me about?"
Boldly, Kern spoke up, "We've been at Eli's for a while now. We'd like to know where to go from here."
To Pen's dismay, the peaceful look on Laowra's face was gone. The smile was still there, but it was a mere shadow of what it had been seconds before. Laowra stared at all three of them individually, causing more than one of them to look away. She sighed softly, looking more tired than ever.
"All right. But before that, I must say this: I can't tell you what to do."
The three operatives frowned in shock. "A-are you saying," Pen asked her leader frantically, "That you won't help us?"
Slowly Laowra shook her head. "No, not at all. What I'm trying to say is that you three adults now, and you need to make your own decisions."
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Jun 21, 2004 9:07 pm

Kesshin I think it's time for your three to start moving and going somewhere. Is that what you're thinking? ^__^

Anyways, good installments. I haven't commented for awhile I just realized looking back through here. Sorry bout that. ^^;; You're doing good but the story needs to be moving to somewhere or something - not sure. Good job, though.

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Kesshin » Tue Jun 22, 2004 4:57 pm

Yeah, they're going to get out of there pretty soon, and it'll be onto the Henson powerplant. It will be the "big finale", with more action than we've seen previously in the book. I'm going to post that tomorrow...
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Icarus » Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:27 pm

And... It's tomorrow.

Obviously, I'm not one to talk, but I do enjoy this story.

Oh, I hope you don't mind. *points to sig* :)
The Forsworn War of 34

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Postby Kesshin » Fri Jun 25, 2004 4:56 pm

Oh, thank you, Icarus! ^^ It's an honor to be on your sig. Though I don't think my work is anywhere as good as UC's....
I'm so sorry, guys. Kesshin has been a bad, bad shinobi. I promised this installment would be posted two days ago, and I'm late once again. *sighs* I apologize. I won't let it happen again.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen stared at the sandy-haired woman, mouth slightly ajar. "What the heck do you mean, we're adults now? What, we reach puberty and suddenly we're on our own?!"
Laowra hung her head, and suddenly all of Pen's anger evaporated, replaced by shame. She had no right to yell at Laowra, especially when she was in this condition.
"I.... I'm sorry, Laowra. Go on."
Laowra looked up at them, and somehow this hurt Pen more than when she had hung her head.
"I'm not going to tell you what to do, not only because you are of age, but also because in the end," she raised her hands in a gesture of helplessness, "I'm a lady in a wheelchair on the other side of the planet. It's up to you. But I can give you information and advice."
The three operatives nodded solemnly, fearful of doing something to further upset her.
"Here is the information: There have been six more murders since Sheila, Sharon, and I have returned. It would take another month for us to put together another mission to the power plant. Now here is the advice: Before making your decision, first decide if you think you can do it. If so, do you WANT to. Sharon?"
Sharon jumped slightly. "Oh. Right." She grabbed the handles of the wheelchair in her hand and proceeded to wheel Laowra out of the room. The leader raised a hand in parting. "Goodbye."
Pen called out desperately toward her. "Wait!"
Sharon paused, allowing Laowra to turn around. "Yes?"
"Laowra.... What do YOU think? Do you think we can do this?"
Laowra suddenly smiled with a sparkle of her old energy. "Yes, Pen. I think you can."
With that, she turned away, and the connection was broken.

The three operatives were silent, each seeming to stare inside themselves, rather than at the tabletop their eyes rested on. Slowly they stood, and as if in unspoken agreement, retreated to different parts of the house.
Pen chose the dark tunnel that led to the outside. The blackness soothed her, and left her mind free to focus on the difficult decision before her. Unpleasant as it would be, she was finally forced to go over the painful question of her family.
If they're alive, and I die.... But what if I live? If I run away from this mission, I'll never be able to forgive myself. And if they're.... dead? What's the point of living, then?
Thoughts turned through Pen's head without any real pattern or reason, until one thought prevailed. If they're alive and I don't go, they'll be ashamed of me.
In the end, running away was the act of a coward. And even if she saw her parents again, she could never face them and tell them what she'd done.
She stood and walked to the kitchen table, and found Kern and Joyce were already there.
"You guys... What did you decide?"
Kern motioned to Joyce. "We're going. And you?"
They stared at her expectantly, and once again the weight of being a leader fell on Pen's shoulders. Why me? Why do I have to be the one who has the last say?
But Pen waved these questions aside. It didn't matter; not anymore. Once again she was reminded of Laowra. Some things just had to be done.
Pen grinned at her companions. "Heck, yeah."
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Jun 27, 2004 6:44 pm

Good section. ^___^ *thumbs up*

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Kesshin » Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:17 pm

^^ Arigato, Chloe. And now, FINALLY, our three heroes are outta here!!
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Pen, Kern, and Joyce stood at the edge of Western Bordertown, staring at the metal buildings looming above them. The sparkle of machinery created an alien feeling, like they were on another planet. Pen paused to chuckle at herself. Alien feeling. Well, duh, I'm standing next to an alien. And this certainly isn't Earth. I must be losing it...
Pen could hear Kern rifling through their packs, checking the weapons for the tenth time. Eli had apologized profusely for not being able to provide them with proper lasers, but he had found some stun guns that worked nearly as well.
Maybe Kern was just checking the weapons for practical purposes, but Pen was willing to bet it was because he was trying to delay their infiltration of the plant. Joyce had told them with painstaking details about the scanner mines that surrounded the factory. "If your appearance does not correspond with a person in the computer database, the mines will explode beneath you, tearing your limbs apart and shattering your skull, killing you instantly. It would not be pretty, to say the least."
Yes, Pen thought, noting the way her own hands were shaking, That's enough to make anybody nervous.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Kesshin » Fri Jul 02, 2004 3:57 pm

All right, another installment. The next one will be where the climax begins...
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

The three operatives walked through the maze of metalic buildings, led by Joyce. The buildings were so mind-numbingly similar, Pen couldn't help but wonder if their guide really knew where she was going. And who could blame her? You can't tell one d*** skyscraper from the other. The Bordertown on the Eastern side of the moon was almost the exact opposite of its Western sister. Where one was crowded with noisy cars and shouting people, the other was silent as a grave, filled instead with glittering factories and offices, with only the occasional person in a lab coat wandering through. These people stared with raised eyebrows at the companions, until they were forced to look away by Pen's glare of annoyance.

Suddenly the three stopped. Pen was about to inquire as to why, when she noticed Joyce's face. She was gazing up at the tallest building yet, but the thing that really set it apart from the others was the fact that it was surrounded by nearly two acres of lifeless, baren dirt. The girl's eyes were uncharacteristically cold, and Pen could have sworn she saw a flicker of blue amidst the apple-green. Yes, she thought, Eyes truly are the windows of the soul.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Sat Jul 03, 2004 2:41 pm

In all respects, sometimes you have use less nicer words and writing to make something more realistic. Will a death blow act like a paper cut? When someone is killed by the bad guy, will another character call him a "poo-poo head"? Its all nice for children's stories, but for a serious story you have to take into account what a slice to the gut makes in the form of gore and to how words slip in a moment of frustration. Use these two questions to judge these moments: "Does it look real if you were seeing it in your own eyes?" "Does it sound real if you hearing it in your own ears?" If it doesn't then you might want to change it. An utopia usually doesn't make an impact on the audience.

"Infultration" is infiltration. I should know... ^^

EDIT: Of course neither am I saying you should shove the F-bomb around, or make a battle sound like open heart surgery.

*Stream of blood hits the glass of the viewing room over the operating room.*

Surgeon: Up...we have a geyser here.

*Shudder* Thats from a movie, I'm certain.
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Postby Kesshin » Sun Jul 04, 2004 11:47 am

Thanks for the advice, Loch. ^^ And you're right ... I suppose I could take a leaf out of UC-sempai's book, (no pun intended) and use words like d*** and h***. That would probably make things a bit more realistic...

Anyway, I did go back and edit. I think it's a bit better now.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Jul 04, 2004 3:18 pm

Okay, thanks for writing and keeping up with this story. I know you have talent within you just bursting and ready to come out.

I have a question, mostly out of curiousity: Do you enjoy writing the Journey to N. Cloud with UC and Psycho Ann more than writing this? ^__^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Kesshin » Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:27 pm

Um... *scratches head* Gee, Chloe. Don't quite know how to answer that one...
In some ways I do, because, for one thing, I never know where the story will go. It's so fun to log in to my computer every day, and find a new plot twist I'll have to adapt to. It's more challenging and unpredictable that way.
On the other hand, On the Dark Side of the Moon is MY story; my baby. I NEED to write it, because I'm an author; I think it's what God wants me to do, and I love doing it. Pen, Kern, Ralda, Sheila, Laowra, and Sharon are kind of like friends to me. Their story must be told, and I'm honored to be the one telling it. *shrugs* I basically love writing, period. ^^

Do you read our rpg, Chloe? I know other people have been reading it, because it gets lots more "view points" than three people should be able to generate.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:37 pm

Yes, I have to remember that Roleplaying helps writers sometimes. *Scribbles notes on a notepad with a large bold title: "Project Hydra"*
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Postby Icarus » Tue Jul 06, 2004 5:46 pm

Internet isn't working at home, or I would be on more.

*still reading*
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Wed Jul 07, 2004 4:54 pm

Kesshin wrote:Do you read our rpg, Chloe? I know other people have been reading it, because it gets lots more "view points" than three people should be able to generate.

Actually, my son reads it and lets me know when Aki has fallen asleep somewhere. He points out the funny sections. So, I finally wander over and read what he told me is funny, like the scene where UC wrote how someone had to dive in and pull Aki out of the water before she drowned. Anyway, all three of you write very well in that rpg and its fun to read. I'm sorry, I haven't read the whole thread - its very long. But, I'll read tidbits here and there.

I signed up for the Chronicles of Tairis RPG, and its rather intimidating, since there are so many good writers on it. I figured I could use the practice though. *heh*

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Kesshin » Wed Jul 07, 2004 5:29 pm

>>>Yes, I have to remember that Roleplaying helps writers sometimes. *Scribbles notes on a notepad with a large bold title: "Project Hydra"*<<<

Yeah, I think rping really does help peoples' writing skills, especially when it's with people like Ann and UC.

>>>Internet isn't working at home, or I would be on more. <<<

That's all right, Icarus. I can sympathize; *mumbles* Stupid computer....
Whenever you have the time. ^^

You and Elric read parts of our rpg, Chloe? How cool. ^_^
But my rpg partners are the ones who do the best stuff. *heh heh* Like when Nalome has to save Aki. Ann came up with that one; It's kind of a running joke.
And don't worry about rping with other writers; you're one of the best writers on this site, and I know you'll do great! ^^
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
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Postby Kesshin » Fri Jul 09, 2004 1:40 pm

Rrrg... Now that I've gotten to one of the most important parts of the story, I've developed a massive case of writer's block. But I'll do my best.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Kern pulled Joyce out of her daze by gently placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Hey... You okay?"
She nodded slowly, still not taking her eyes from the building. "I am fine."
Pen frowned sympathetically, and walked over to her two companions. "Ralda, I know this is hard for you, but we need to be going."
Joyce hesitated, then finally mumbled, "All right."
Not without a little effort, she tore her eyes from the factory and faced them. "The only way into the factory without clearance is at twelve in the afternoon, when the trucks of semi-processed ore drive through. The mines will be deactivated for several minutes; just enough time to make a break for the entrance."
Joyce paused, and Pen noted with a sigh that once again she would have to play the role of a leader. This is getting old...
"Well, Pen?" Kern asked expectantly.
"Um... Yes. Sounds good. We'll just wait here until twelve, then..."
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
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Kesshin
 
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Postby Kesshin » Sun Jul 11, 2004 4:55 pm

Sorry, guys... Writer's block is getting to me again. *sighs* I'll try and post more as soon as possible.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Jul 11, 2004 6:55 pm

I understand writer's block. You might try some writing exercises. Read about architecture or something and then draw what your characters are seeing. I think the city you're trying to describe is what's blocking your mind. I don't know, I could be totally wrong. Just a guess. *heh*

Anyway, I'll be keeping an eye out for your next installment. ^______^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby Kesshin » Mon Jul 12, 2004 5:44 pm

Thanks, Chloe. ^^ I think that may be part of it; It's so hard sometimes to describe the things you see in your mind's eye. But there's also the fact that this is such a crucial part of the story. The last thing I want is to mess it up.
Anyway, I will try looking at some architecture books. Think my pop has some upstairs somewhere...
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
User avatar
Kesshin
 
Posts: 376
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:33 pm
Location: Sometimes I wonder...

Postby Kesshin » Wed Jul 14, 2004 12:43 pm

Good news. My writer's block is almost gone, and I could have the next installment ready by tomorrow. Again, thank you, Chloe. ^^
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
User avatar
Kesshin
 
Posts: 376
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:33 pm
Location: Sometimes I wonder...

Postby Kesshin » Fri Jul 16, 2004 11:33 am

Finally! I have a new installment. ^^
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

The three operatives sat down in the shadow of one of the shining buildings. Pen sighed to herself, letting her eyes run along the sharp ridges of the skyscrapers. Great. What's the only thing worse than heading towards a possible death? WAITING to head towards a possible death, THINKING about heading towards a possible death...
Rather than dwell on what they were about to do, she focused her thoughts on the unusual city surrounding them. The offices, or whatever they were (it was hard to be certain) rose all around them, casting reflected ripples of light across their hands and cheeks. As the sun rose towards its zenith, the light intensified, making them feel as though they were in the center of an oven. The light was no longer pleasantly warm, as it had been a couple of hours ago, but instead heated the air, making it shimmer. Sweat ran down the back of Pen's neck. Her vision faltered, and she wondered vaguely if she was becoming dehydrated. She noticed how the windows of the buildings were like one-way mirrors... someone could be watching them, at this very second....
Pen shook her head nervously, and took a swig of water from one of the canteens Eli had provided. You're just thirsty. It's the heat.
A voice called out beside her, "Pen?"
"Hm?" She squinted towards the figure, who sharpened into Joyce.
"The trucks are here."
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
User avatar
Kesshin
 
Posts: 376
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:33 pm
Location: Sometimes I wonder...

Postby true_noir_chloe » Fri Jul 16, 2004 12:13 pm

Pretty good. It's very short, but then you know I like short installments. *hehe*

You know, I can't get used to these guys being called "operatives." I don't know what it is, but I must have missed somewhere in the story where they became "operatives." It just seems odd for you to call them that. I'm sure its just me, and I've read this after long periods of not reading it, that I'm not following the flow as well as I should.

Anyway, your writing is good, so don't let my odd observations bother you too much.

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby Kesshin » Fri Jul 16, 2004 3:13 pm

Thanks, Chloe. ^^ Nah, your observations aren't odd at all. I need reader feed-back if I ever want to improve. Guess I should have made it more clear towards the beginning. The three main characters are now working for C.R.A.L., and that's why I refer to them as operatives. It's my fault for not clarifying.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
User avatar
Kesshin
 
Posts: 376
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:33 pm
Location: Sometimes I wonder...

Postby true_noir_chloe » Sat Jul 17, 2004 10:21 pm

no problem ^____^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby Mylares » Sun Jul 18, 2004 11:09 pm

o-0 Nice, make sure you keep the goal of finishing it in sight! I'm sure it'll make a really great story.
Mylares
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Jul 18, 2004 10:28 pm
Location: Louisiana

Postby Kesshin » Thu Jul 22, 2004 4:43 pm

Thanks, Mylares. Speaking of finishing, I should have another couple of chapters ready soon. Finally, some action!
"Consider the lilies of the field. They neither sew nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. If God so clothes the grass, which is in the field one day and cast into the oven the next, how much more will he clothe you, o ye of little faith?
-Luke 12:27-28
Image

-CAA's official writing shinobi.

"Mostly I write action/adventure, and while I dislike romance, I seem to end up doing it and I've been told I do so well. To that I give a cliche "Feh.""
-uc pseudonym
User avatar
Kesshin
 
Posts: 376
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:33 pm
Location: Sometimes I wonder...

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