Losing my faith

[Never thirsty!]

I have been lying awake at night for the past week because I haven't been able to sleep and my mind has just pondering the question of "If God really loved me why is my life on the verge of shattering. If he really loves humanity why are my brothers getting slaughtered because our cells produce more melanin. If he really loves his creation why is he allowing it to destroy itself by slowly cluttering it's habitat and draining it's resources.

Why?! If He can stop it why doesn't He Why doesn't He help us? is He Incapable or does He just not give a crap about us? If he was capable He didn't love us. If He loved us He would do something unless He was Incapable. For reasons unknown I feel a pull to keep hold of what little faith I have left. Pray for me that I will be able to because nothing makes sense. I hope if nothing else my prayers were given a yes so that before I fall away God pulls the plug.

[Davidizer13]

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Habakkuk, because it looks right at that problem and demands that God give an answer for evil. The writer lays it out - if God is in charge, why is evil so prevalent? But God says back, I'm coming soon to punish Israel, Habakkuk's people, for the evil they do - Babylon will come and ravage them.

Habakkuk is, to put it lightly, concerned with this plan. Isn't that just replacing one evil with a greater evil? But God responds again, saying that the day will come when Babylon too will be punished for their own evil. In the end, God is using them and will swap the plot around on them. As Martin Luther King said, the arc of the universe is long, but it bends towards justice.

Evil is still around now, but I believe that God is powerful enough to bring even the things done against Him to proclaim His glory. And one day, God and His people will win for good. And in the meantime, I have touched God, I've felt Him working in me, speaking to me and pushing me in certain ways. Go and shout to Him, and I have no doubt that He will answer in one way or another. You just have to be able to perceive when that is. The Orthodox tradition has the Jesus prayer - "Lord Jesus, have mercy upon me, a sinner." I'm not Orthodox, but I've enjoyed meditating on every word, emphasizing them, drawing out all the meanings of each one and how I relate to it.

Right now, seek out the people who actively resist evil. You talked about environmental causes - find ones important to your area, and find groups who are trying to make them better. The best ways to change something is to start smaller, and work outwards. Volunteer or work for them, and see what is being done where you are. Don't get discouraged if it takes a while to see results or have breakthroughs; this is politics, and its wheels grind excruciatingly slowly. I work for a company that does environmental work, and after all that has gone through the process of deciding that Something has to be done, it can still be a struggle to get things going. You want to be an artist, so make works that show your own experience with racism, its foolishness, demonstrating the problem and what you think needs to be done in your experience.

You have an uphill battle, I know. I'm praying for you, that you can find others who want to fight the fights you want to be a part of, and that they are successful. Evil hasn't won yet, evil will lose in the end, and I believe that you are called to resist it in your own way.

[Yami]

The world is just weird like that and theirs a massive amount of info we just don't know.

Humans were given free will but humans are also idiots. Could god instantly correct everything? Sure! But that would kinda interfere with the previously mentioned free will. You could also think about it like god modding in a rp thread, someone could easily make a 100% perfect world that way but it would be pretty forced and unnatural... So seeing as god gave us free will and wanted us to learn to be decent little humans of our own free will going overboard with forced alterations would alterations defeat the purpose. (You know... that one big picture greater purpose that we still don't know)

If it was up to me I would have called it quits and activated the rapture ages ago but there is some reason it hasn't happened yet. (Not that we know that that is.) The bible also mentions that things will get worse as we get closer to the end times so the current state of things could just be a part of that. (Then again people have been thinking that for a few generations now)

But yeah. I do believe that god has some kind of a plan for the world and at some point or another said plan will be revealed. But untill then just try not to be to hard on the guy . If you think of things in a butterfly effect sort of way you can get some idea of what he has to go through. Change one tiny thing and that will lead to a greater chain of events that can easily change things for better or worse. If you could see all that nothing would be as simple as it seems so if it seems prayers go unsanwered there could be billions of reason for it. (Plus that godmodding thing I mentioned earlier. If every request was approved it would break the world)

No clue how helpful any of that will really be but that's just my personal take on it.

I grew up in church and always believed in god. Which is really lucky for me because I'm a pretty skeptical person and it would have been pretty difficult for me to believe in the bible if I wasn't raised in that kind of environment. I pray every so often when I think of something to pray about but never really felt like I got any significant responses to those prayers but it never really got to me because I just figured the all powerful entity that had the power to create and obliterate our world had some idea what he was doing and if my request wasn't accepted there must have been a reason for it. I also never really felt the presence of god myself but I could definitely tell that people around me did and it went beyond some kinda lame placebo effect. (not to say some people don't experience that) I've seen tons of believers die for the lamest reasons and I've also heard tons of first hand reports of miraculous healing from people I grew up with and legitimately trust. (And i really don't trust the majority of humans so that's saying something)

I also had a close family friend die a few years ago. A huge part of one of their intestines died and all signs indicated she was gong to die but by the time my family got over there to say goodbye they made a miraculous recovery that should not have been possible according to all previous reports since entering the hospital. The staff all seemed to agree it had to be a miracle, so much so that they even nicknamed them the miricle easter lady and the husband he saw some kind of a glow at some point during the recovery. (Of course someone under that kind of stress couldn't be in perfect mental health but I still like to believe that was something more then just a small delusion) They still passed away 3 -4 years later due to something else but they still recovered and got a few extra years with their family before that happened..

Anyway i feel like this thing dragged on long enough so time to throw some kinda conclusion thingy together.

God cares but theirs a limit to what can realistically be done without breaking the world. And if everyone single good person always lived the worlds population would be way more out of controls then it already is.
This planet isnt sustainable and that was obvious from the beginning. Even if we were capable of bringing it back to its optimal state the sun will eventually die and wipe it out.
Thats a big part of the reason Jesus was sent here in the first place. Things weren't going especially well so he was sent to earth to die and create a system that allowed us allowed us to realistically make it into heaven threw him and then headed out to set everything up for us after this resurrection.
(Of course that entire thing is also shrouded in mystery but rather then stress about it I just compiled it into a very long list of questions i have for god whenever I make it up there.)

So yeah the planet is doomed and that's why they set up a system so we wouldn't all perish along with it. Knowing that doesn't really make loosing people any easier as I learned this year after loosing my Nana and Papa but up till the very end they had no doubt about where they were headed after their bodies were forced to power down. (bleh..... I'm still kinda dealing with that one...)

But yeah that's more or less my view of the world and god! ill make sure to pray that everything works out somehow!

[Selfless]

Praying.