Okami’s Mental Health Report

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying for you, Okami. Wooow, that must be a strange new issue to face. I can relate in the fact that I can't relate, if that makes any sense at all.

[Sheenar]

Happy anniversary!

*hugs* Weight gain from meds is hard. I'm dealing with that currently myself (am on a steroid and steroids cause weight gain). It is definitely a struggle and is frustrating.

You are loved, my friend!

[Okami]

Thank you for the support and encouragement, friends!

This past month has started a period of stability, we think...I'm not entirely sure, but there are definitely periods where I'm feeling better.

We had a bit of a rocky situation with meds for a few days, had to deal with two pharmacies and the psych to figure things out...long story short I was low on meds, one pharmacy didn't have one of them, there was miscommunication and I ended up a day only half medicated. That was scary because I wasn't sure what would happen to my stability, but things smoothed themselves out.

To end on a praise, last month I was approved for SSI! We wanted to wait until my notice of award letter was in to spread the good news. I can finally focus on my recovery!!

I'm sorry it can be long periods of time between my posts here these days - without wifi forum browsing here is kind of difficult and I've found it more so recently.

Please pray for continued stability!

[Okami]

Stability has been shot the last few days due to a few instances of recklessness....I'm tired and frustrated.

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami. Sorry we're all so slow to keep up with this; but know that we're here and praying for you.

[Okami]

Thank you Cece...
I'm getting very discouraged by the lack of response on this thread.

I don't know if the size is scary to people or what.... (in which case, there's always the timeline I made to catch up on important events and skipping to recent history, but meh....)

Psych appointment is on Friday. I'm thinking I need a med adjustment, I just don't know exactly what and that makes me very anxious. Please pray that that goes okay.

[Sheenar]

You are loved, dear one! Praying for you.

[Makachop^^128]

Praying for you :O

[MomentOfInertia]

Thank you Cece...
I'm getting very discouraged by the lack of response on this thread.

I don't know if the size is scary to people or what.... (in which case, there's always the timeline I made to catch up on important events and skipping to recent history, but meh....)

Psych appointment is on Friday. I'm thinking I need a med adjustment, I just don't know exactly what and that makes me very anxious. Please pray that that goes okay.

Put me down for "awkward thumb twiddling while trying to figure out what to say"

[Okami]

Thanks guys, I appreciate you all.

Got off my one med causing weight gain, and onto another that could cause weight loss (oh, how I hope...I gained so much, so quickly...) This one is a mood stabilizer or an antipsychotic or something. I can't remember right now.

I've had a bad few days. Really emotional. Really struggling. Ryosuke has been lovingly taking care of me...I am blessed with an amazing husband. All the same, things are hard right now. I realized a bit ago that today, two years ago, I graduated college. Maybe that has something to do with it. I don't know.

Just...I don't know. I don't know. Please pray.

[Mullet Death]

I don't normally post prayer responses in general because my own prayer life is really, really inadequate. To make a long story short, though, I'll be praying tomorrow at Church and hopefully every available opportunity afterwards, and I'm sorry that you're having a hard time right now and not always getting responses from people like me. Here's hoping the medication switch goes smoothly.

[Okami]

Thank you, Mullet. Your response means a LOT right now...Know I've been praying for you too, friend.

I'm not really sure why I feel the need to post but right now I need to write and this is a safe space to do it....

I am very chaotic. Borderline. Struggling. Upset. Hurting. The medication is working, I can feel it, but right now this is behavioral and I know it...yet I don't have much control of that. My eyes dart to the lie my mind believes is a comfort - knives. I'm resisting, but Lord knows it's hard. Lord knows the implications that has on my marriage.

Right now things are very tight and confusing financially, and things that we thought were fixed a long time ago are unravelling and I don't know. I am so confused by what's going on that I don't KNOW what's going on right now. Insurance and work and student loans and I don't know anymore...

Pray for peace, safety, stability...clarity...

[Psycho Molos]

(Hugs Okami)

[ClaecElric4God]

I'm so sorry this is so late, Okami. Know that I'm always praying for you. I won't pretend to be able to relate, but I hurt for you, and I really hope things get sorted out quickly. God is faithful.

[Okami]

Thank you, Molos, Cece.

Things are hard. That's probably an understatement. Ryosuke is suspended from work - they're claiming he never had the FMLA we clearly have approval paperwork for, and have him under "investigation"... He took a few days off to care for me after my med change three weeks ago, and now everything since has been falling apart mentally.

Our marriage is solid and we have support and prayer covering us all around...that much remains unshakable.

But without going into too much detail, this medication has made my appetite nearly nonexistent, intimacy difficult, and I've suddenly developed some adverse side effects that will have me requesting to be taken off ASAP when we see the psych tomorrow (as if the previous two weren't enough).

I have been severely depressed. Ryosuke has spent much of his time at home caring for me, worried for my safety. Passive suicidal thoughts...self-destructive behavior...dissociation...he's seen a lot in me lately that leaves me feeling "back at square one" ...sigh...

On top of this, we're not even sure we have insurance anymore to see this psych, so we might have to request a referral elsewhere. I'm so confused.

At least this time together has been healing, all things considered.

Continued prayers for peace, stability, safety, and clarity would be appreciated. Thanks friends!

[Sheenar]

Continuing to pray for you, dear friend!

[Corkyspaniel]

Hope everything gets better. Glad you're still around. It's been a few years since I've been here. You're in my prayers always.

[Jonathan]

I'll pray for you Okami, I know what it's like to be depressed.
I hope that things get better for you.

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami. *hugs*

[Okami]

Sheena- Thanks as always, dear friend!
Corky- It's great to see a new face here on the thread and an old friend returned!  Thanks for your prayers.
Jonathan- Like I said above, it's great to see a new face here!  Thanks for the support.
Cece- Thank you, dear friend!  *hugs*


Yesterday's psych appointment went well. He kindly took me off that wretched medication when I explained what all was going on with me.  I honestly wonder if it had anything to do with my sudden switch of mood...  Now I'm back to simply being on another increase of the medication I've been on since January of 2014 - one I was placed on in the hospital.

I know it sounds stupid, but right now I'm REALLY missing my manias. All I really even have left of the mixed episode is my racing thoughts and occasional impulsivity. I'm tired of this. This whole treatment/recovery thing has been a long road, and I've got a longer way still...

There was a bomb dropped on me as well....it's something I will be processing for a while... [Edit: I realized I'm not ready to talk about this yet...] Now I have to digest this information, because it brings a lot of questions to the table alongside a few possible answers.

Prayers that we would seek Him in this time and cling to Jesus while I chew on this are appreciated, alongside the others already mentioned previously.

[Psycho Molos]

I'm sure everything will be ok Okami

[Okami]

Hey guys, sorry for the long delay in a response here...

Thank you, Molos.

We've been dealing with a lot. My grandpa died a few weeks back and the time surrounding the funeral was especially hard on me - I don't grieve well and my psychological symptoms spiraled out of control.

Things are much better now - medication wise I am staying the course and my psychiatrist gave me some brother in Christ wisdom to help me through some stuff that was going on at the time.

Ryosuke and I are making things work financially, so we're okay for the time being, by God's provision!

Right now we're just enjoying each other's company and happy to be together.

[Sheenar]

Thanks for the update, Okami. Praying for you and Ryosuke as always. You both are loved!

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami. It's good to hear from you; I was beginning to worry.

[AdriTan]

Good to hear from you! You'll be in my prayers.

[Wolfsong]

Praying for you Okami - hope everything gets better soon.

I'm sorry I don't comment more - like MOI, there's a lot of Not sure what to say...but I pray everything goes for the better.

[MIBuddy]

Praying for you!

[Ryosuke]

Wow... I haven't been on in, well...awhile.

To make an otherwise very long story short:
I'm still out of work atm (prayers are always
appreciated ), but through various means, we are financially secure.

There have been several hiccups in Okami's mental/physical health, as there have been for myself... But I honestly think we're doing better than we have been. We still have shortcomings and make mistakes, but we seem to heal more as time passes.

Thank you all for your love and prayers... Hopefully I'll be on more in the times to come XD

Love always,
Ryosuke

[Sheenar]

Have been thinking of you guys! Praying for you both as always. You are loved!

[Okami]

First off, thank you everyone for your prayers, and for your patience as I know updates are often sparce... *sigh*

And thank you, my love, for giving an update last month.

Things are stressful at the moment, but mostly similar things to the last several months. I'm still staying on course with my psychiatric treatment, which is a real blessing. Psych sees me as doing well enough (and trusts my word when I say at this moment I am "happy" with progress) to give me my next appointment in two months - this is the first time going this long in the past year and a half!!

This will really help us put our finances in order for the time being.

All in all, things are okay. God has really provided for us!