How are shy people supposed to do our part in finding a girlfriend?

[Nate]

Now we just need TCC.

[ClaecElric4God]

I don't really believe that God picks people out for each other. Go have a look for yourself and see if there's anything you like.

And try not to propose on the first date.

I don't want to start an argument, but I have to disagree. I believe God does pick people out for each other, and if you don't let God show you who your spouse is supposed to be, then you get second best. That doesn't mean life is horrible, but you don't get what God originally planned for you. And I think it's pretty shallow to say "see if there's anything you like". It sounds like you're shopping for clothes or something. And if you accidentally get a shirt that's too big, or not quite your style, then you get rid of it, right? Personal relationships are bigger and more important than that.

[K. Ayato]

Hold on. Each situation is going to be different. Personally, I think it's a bit of both. There's nothing wrong with dating to see which personality best meshes with your own, but I also believe as you get out there and start meeting people, you'll soon find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and chances are it may not be the one you "feel" is the right person. Even if that person turns out to be the "wrong" one, I believe God can and will work through it. And sometimes, that person has the green light in all places.

It's not always perfect fit, nor is it trial and error. If you don't get out and date (and maybe have a breakup), how are you to know who best meshes with your personality if you don't take a risk or two?

Granted, when I met the man who is now my husband, there was something that connected us almost right from the beginning, and I still can't fully explain how I knew we were meant for each other. That may happen with you, that may not. Again, sometimes you have to take a risk in order to find out for certain what works best and what is better left out of the equation.

[Okami]

I don't want to start an argument, but I have to disagree. I believe God does pick people out for each other, and if you don't let God show you who your spouse is supposed to be, then you get second best. That doesn't mean life is horrible, but you don't get what God originally planned for you. And I think it's pretty shallow to say "see if there's anything you like". It sounds like you're shopping for clothes or something. And if you accidentally get a shirt that's too big, or not quite your style, then you get rid of it, right? Personal relationships are bigger and more important than that.

You have to be careful with this thought too, though, because singleness/celibacy is an option that God can bring a person to, or that they may choose instead of marriage. Relationships and friendships remain crucial regardless of marital status, as what truly matters is the Kingdom of God.

[seaglass27]

Do you have reasons for believing that God will show you who he wants you to marry? I look at it this way: If God's will is your will, your will is God's will. If you are looking for a good Christian girl who meets biblical standards for a good wife then you are in God's will.

[K. Ayato]

Big "if" is whether His will is for you to get married in the first place. That's important to keep in mind. If God doesn't want you looking for a mate (for a certain time, or not ever), then in the end you won't have the desire for a mate. If you can't shake off that desire, then just hold on and trust Him. Maybe He doesn't want you looking for one just yet.

[seaglass27]

This. ^

I have a friend who has chosen to be celibate because she believes she will be a more effective Christian that way. That is an excellent example of what I was saying and I really respect her.

[Nate]

I believe God does pick people out for each other

I don't. I believe God gave us free will to make our own decisions and choices in our lives. I do not believe I am a puppet on God's string who has my life scripted for me and I am playing a part like an actor.

if you don't let God show you who your spouse is supposed to be, then you get second best.

"Second best?" What? You're doing what I chastised dothack for doing here, you're treating a spouse as an object. You didn't get first prize, so here's the reward for second place! People are not objects! People are people! They are not a prize to be won, and they certainly are not ranked as "first best, second best, third best, honorable mention!"

And I think it's pretty shallow to say "see if there's anything you like".

No, it isn't. Marriage is difficult, and if you're not in it with someone who you care about, it's going to fail. This is why getting to know someone, to see if you "fit" (for lack of a better word) is extremely important.

Personal relationships are bigger and more important than that.

Says the person who used the phrase "second best" in reference to a spouse.

[K. Ayato]

Cool it, Nate.

[Zeldafan2]

We're getting off topic. I don't usually play mod-pants, but this is not what the point of the thread was.

And I can't say I agree with you either, claec. God doesn't just hand stuff (like women), to us on silver platters. God doesn't do everything for us, like pick our spouses.

[K. Ayato]

You'll know when He's got blessings all over one person. Near impossible to explain, but you'll know.

[seaglass27]

Back on topic, why don't you just go and meet some nice girls, Dot?

[dothackzero]

Back on topic, why don't you just go and meet some nice girls, Dot?

Let's put it this, I know a lot of good Christian girls. My main problems are that I don't really know how make friends(the ones I have are mostly by luck), I don't know what to say to people, and I really don't know how to deal with people. I'm thinking this is where the lack of contentment comes from(lack of fellowship).

and I'm back to down to one Chruch event for the week that is good for looking for single girls. Would be more but they make me work evenings.

btw Nate, before you jump on me. It seems like God is telling me wait on him, but not the sitting on my butt waiting. But actively waiting while I'm trying to make friends people(including girls), Working on becoming a stronger Christian, letting God prepair me to be a husband.

[Nate]

and I'm back to down to one Chruch event for the week that is good for looking for single girls.

letting God prepair me to be a husband.

*shakes head*

You just don't get it.

I give up. Some people gotta learn the hard way.

[K. Ayato]

For the last time, dothackzero, stop waiting for God to hand it to you on a silver tray. If you want to be the best boyfriend or future husband you can be, then DO IT! Enough with the "letting God prepare me" nonsense. He's already given you the tools to do such an action. Your problem is you refuse to do it.

[seaglass27]

Three easy steps to getting a girl:
1. Identify target.
2. Approach slowly.
3. Ask out.

(Oh, and it helps if you bathe regularly.)

[K. Ayato]

Step 4: Be prepared to face a lot of rejection before you land a good one.

[dothackzero]

For the last time, dothackzero, stop waiting for God to hand it to you on a silver tray. If you want to be the best boyfriend or future husband you can be, then DO IT! Enough with the "letting God prepare me" nonsense. He's already given you the tools to do such an action. Your problem is you refuse to do it.

I already believe that I need to go out look for a wife(friends->girlfriend->blah blah blah), my point is that I think God was telling me to patient while I'm searching.

[seaglass27]

Then why does this thread exist?

[K. Ayato]

dot, He's been telling you that for a LONG TIME. You were just too bone-headed to listen the first time He sent the message.

[K. Ayato]

Man up and admit you've been lazy the whole time.

[seaglass27]

Are you talking to me or Dot? 0_o

[goldenspines]

Let's put it this, I know a lot of good Christian girls. My main problems are that I don't really know how make friends(the ones I have are mostly by luck), I don't know what to say to people, and I really don't know how to deal with people. I'm thinking this is where the lack of contentment comes from(lack of fellowship).

and I'm back to down to one Chruch event for the week that is good for looking for single girls. Would be more but they make me work evenings.

btw Nate, before you jump on me. It seems like God is telling me wait on him, but not the sitting on my butt waiting. But actively waiting while I'm trying to make friends people(including girls), Working on becoming a stronger Christian, letting God prepair me to be a husband.

As if this thread hasn't been filled with enough good advice (as well as bad, but that's life), I'll throw my two cents in (again), though it may be in vain in the long run.

Your focus is too small in the world. You choose to focus on your flaws rather than the blessings God has given you already. So, you don't know how to make friends? Who the heck does? There's no secret formula for making friends (no "Five easy steps to friendship!") neither is there a formula for finding a future spouse. You discover it for yourself by actually living instead of wallowing in your pity. You won't learn anything that way.

So, widen your focus. Or rather, stop looking at only one option in your life. If you continue to live with one earthly goal in mind (your own, by the way, God doesn't get much out of you getting married, so don't try to put "His will" on that) and you seem blind to all else.

Or in other words, you refuse to move because you don't want you. I'm going to be a bit harsh here (but hey, I don't think you've read my posts in this thread anyways, so it may not matter! ^_^), but you need to stop lying to yourself. You keep making excuses as we try to help you. Every single piece of advice given to you in this thread has been rejected by you with an excuse.

Excuses, excuses, excuses. If that's all you're going to throw at us, you don't need nor want our help, so stop wasting our and your time with complaining about how much your life apparently sucks because you don't have a wife or don't have friends. Stop lying to us and yourself about what you want.

If you have trouble making friends, do something about it! Find out how to make friends - read books about it, ask the friends you have (e.g. "I think that person is cool, but I feel like I wouldn't know what to say to meet them, any advice?"), or search online (not the best advice, but it's better than nothing).

Otherwise, drop your selfish desires and put your heart out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Put a little faith in God why don't you? But don't focus on making yourself a good husband for anyone, focus on making yourself the best you can be for GOD. After all, he loves you SO MUCH more than any woman could.

If you can't do that, continue to wallow in your self pity for the rest of your life, I personally can't say I'd lose sleep over it. But, while I'm a rather mean person (I tend to be really), I do know that all the people giving you advice, good or bad, in this thread actually gave enough of a crap about you (yes, you) to give you that advice in order to help you become a better person. They weren't ignoring you, they were showing a gesture of honesty and love. IN FACT, this should be a sign to you. How on earth can all these people be so kind and caring towards you? Because they know God loves you, despite any faults you claim you have.

As one who tends to work by extremes, you have two choices, continue to disrespect everyone in this thread and make more excuses or pick yourself by your boot straps and give things your better than best effort because God loves you. Never give up so easily because of circumstances in your life. Keep moving forward. Life is forever changing, but God's love is not.

[/mean old lecturing goldy post]

If you happen to have a response or something to this, PM me, since I probably will not be responding in this thread.

[Xeno]

Are you talking to me or Dot? 0_o

She was talking to dot, lol.

[dothackzero]

Then why does this thread exist?

I just got that a couple days ago.

[K. Ayato]

Then don't make another one in the future.

[seaglass27]

Lock time?

[Sheenar]

I'm going to have to agree with Goldy here. Many people have given you sound advice in this thread. It is up to you to take action and DO something --go out and meet people. So what if it's awkward? Living among and with people gets messy sometimes --it's life. It's what makes it beautiful.

Please own up and take responsibility for your actions (and non-actions).

Also, there is SO much more to life than getting a girlfriend/getting married. Like Goldy said, find a hobby you enjoy. Join a club. Meet other people. Live life. If you meet someone and y'all decide to get married, cool. If that doesn't happen, also cool. The important thing is, whatever circumstances/situation/life stage you find yourself in, to love people and share the bread of life with them.

[ClaecElric4God]

I don't. I believe God gave us free will to make our own decisions and choices in our lives. I do not believe I am a puppet on God's string who has my life scripted for me and I am playing a part like an actor.

"Second best?" What? You're doing what I chastised dothack for doing here, you're treating a spouse as an object. You didn't get first prize, so here's the reward for second place! People are not objects! People are people! They are not a prize to be won, and they certainly are not ranked as "first best, second best, third best, honorable mention!"

No, it isn't. Marriage is difficult, and if you're not in it with someone who you care about, it's going to fail. This is why getting to know someone, to see if you "fit" (for lack of a better word) is extremely important.

Says the person who used the phrase "second best" in reference to a spouse.

I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean to anger anyone. I didn't choose my words carefully, and didn't get my point across right at all. I didn't meant to treat people as objects. I meant that you don't get the best plan God has for you. When you get married, I believe God will still make an amazing relationship with that marriage. I don't rank people. People are people, like you said. I'm really sorry and feel like an idiot. Please forgive me and don't judge my personality by this one stupid post I made.
And even my opinion about marriage and dating, as long as I can't hold it up against the Bible and prove it, I'm open to the possibility/probability that I'm wrong. It's just my opinion. Again, I'm really sorry.

[ClaecElric4God]

We're getting off topic. I don't usually play mod-pants, but this is not what the point of the thread was.

And I can't say I agree with you either, claec. God doesn't just hand stuff (like women), to us on silver platters. God doesn't do everything for us, like pick our spouses.

Again, I apologize. I just blurted without thinking, and I didn't word my thoughts right at all. What I meant was that I believe (emphasis on the fact that this is just my honest opinion) that God brings two people together. God knows us inside and out, and He knows whats best for us. God can't hand women to men on silver platters, because the woman has to be just as open to God's will as the man. I'm really sorry I spoke so offensively, and I promise in the future to be more considerate and rational in my posts. Thanks for the reality check. I'm truly sorry.