The Story of how I became a Christian

[DuelShocker3]

Parents… You love them, you hate them. But why do my parents always have to make me feel like I’m nothing? I’m writing this tonight because I feel anger inside me. Anger that I do not wish to express to my parents as I normally do. See, I grew up in a non-Christian home. Yeah I was baptized as a baby, but ever since that day, my mom just stopped going to church. My dad never went to church. My mom as a kid was forced to go to church. She believed then, but I guess when I was born my mom lost her faith when she stopped going. Because I grew up not going to church, I developed an insecurity about myself. I was very shy as a kid. Kids would always tease me, put me down, and make me feel like I didn’t belong. This happened throughout my entire life from kindergarten to 7th grade. During 7th grade everyone had kind of matured from the teasing state, however because I had really no close friends when I was younger to share my feelings with, all my sad and angry thoughts and feelings were hidden deep inside me. In Elementary school, I would come home crying usually. Not all the time, but sometimes because of the kids. Sure my parents would try to talk to me but they never understood me. In fact, they still don’t. I never talked to my dad about anything. In fact I still don’t because all he does is yell at me. Lately he has begun to curse at me. Usually he makes me feel like I am nothing. Nothing but a speck, no, maybe not even that. But anyway, because I was always depressed and left out of the crowd in my childhood years, I grew to have depression when I entered 7th grade. It grew worse and worse as months progressed, which eventually turned into years. Yes, years. It ended up with me attempting suicide over 5 times and believe me it was not worth it. I’m happy to say though that I’m almost free of this monster. However I am now left with anxiety in place of it which is just as bad. Sometimes I wonder if I was just born to suffer. I try to tell myself it’s not true, but… I don’t know, my 3 years of battling depression has left huge scars on my heart that will never disappear. If only I had God on my side when I was younger… maybe none of this would have happened. You see, I used to be a huge sinner. Cursing, denying God… etc… you name it, I did it. Awful… When I look back on my old sinful life, I wish I could just wipe it all out. But I can’t. Anyway though, back in December of 2001, was when my Christian journey began. It’s amazing how my whole journey started out from a simple talk on IM with my friend Em. However though, the talk wasn’t as great as you might think it was. I will never forget that night, I wish I could though, because it left a hole in both my friend’s heart and mine. Two conversations happened that night. Here’s what the first was about. Em began by telling me a joke about the Christmas story. I told her, I didn’t get it because I never heard the story before. She seemed surprised that I never heard it before. Which got us into the talk of Christianity and ended with me saying this awful stuff about it. God isn’t real, the bible is a book of made up nonsense…etc that kind of stuff. She logged off without saying goodbye. I then sent her a nasty e-mail about the things I said. Oh why did I do that?! I didn’t bring it up to her the next day, but I know today she was probably furious at me. Soon my other friend Emily came online, and again Christianity came up, and also again I began to say all those nasty things. This time however, Emily replied back to me saying she couldn’t believe what I was saying, and then logged off. Well something just hit me then. I knew then that Emily was furious at me, and I began to cry. I must have sat there crying for what seemed like hours. I’ll never forget that night. It’s a night I wish I could just erase out of my life completely and never think about it again. The next day at school Emily was still mad at me, which made me more upset. Luckily however we were able to make up to each other online that night which actually led to something good. Emily asked me if I wanted to come to her church with her that Sunday. I was a little nervous but said I would go. It started off not so good, but eventually I began to enjoy myself. Ever since that day, I wanted to learn more about Christianity and church. However fear was holding me back from attending my own church. What would they think of me if they knew my background? Would they like me? Would they reject me? You know, to this day I have no idea why I would think such things. But I understand that then I was really afraid. But that didn’t stop me from learning on my own. I got a Children’s Bible and began to read that all the time. Day by day I learned more and more. My friend Pam let me borrow her bible to read. I had never looked at a bible before. Then it was very confusing, so I stuck to reading the Children’s Bible. Eventually, my curiosity about my own church began to take me over. My friend Amy went to my church and was a member of my youth group, so I spend a lot of time talking to her about what we did in church and what it was like. Soon Em (who by then wasn’t mad at me anymore) Amy and I decided to go together to my church and talk to my Pastor about my fears and other problems. Em and Amy stuck by me the most while I was learning. I thank them heavily for that. The Pastor turned out to be nothing like how I pictured him to be. He was really nice, and gave me a bible that the church uses. Even though Em wasn’t a Lutheran like Amy and I were, she still came because she agreed to help me. Em taught me so much about God, and I always enjoyed having conversations with her about him.

continued in next post...

[DuelShocker3]

As I learned more I began to understand more. Soon I started going into Christian chat rooms on Yahoo. I learned more from the teens there too. I ignored the bad kids who were always putting others down mind you. But pretty soon, it came down to the point where I wanted to be a Christian. My friends told me the prayer that would help me become Christian, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready. So I avoided saying it for a while. Until finally, one day, I decided that I was going to do it. On April 25 that evening, I opened my heart to God and said the prayer. There was a party in Heaven that night I bet. I was so proud of myself. From that day I began saying some sort of prayer every night before I went to sleep. Oh! Prayer! I almost forgot! Before I became Christian, I was utterly lost and confused one night about Christianity. So for the first time in my life, I went to the window and began to pray to God about finding an answer. I asked God if he could give me some sort of sign that he was real. Anything, anything at all. The next morning when I went out to the bus, there on my driveway I found a yellow dried flower. I picked it up and observed it. It even smelled a sweet sent! I was in complete shock. Could it really be…? I wasn’t sure that morning but I had no place to put it. I saw the bus coming so I put it on the grass near one of the bushes in my yard, I then went on the bus. It was very windy that day, and I assumed that the flower was long gone by now. But when I got home it was still there. Same place as where I left it. Still in shock I took the flower into the house. I knew right then that it had to be a sign from God. It just had to be. But when I told my mom that, she just rolled her eyes and gave me a “get realâ€

[DuelShocker3]

If you read this, please tell me what you think. I know it's really long. And it's all true.

[inkhana]

I think it's awesome! What must be really hard is when you feel pressure from your parents, or they couldn't care less. But what's important is that God brought you out of that and brought you joy and love through your friends. I pray that your parents do eventually see the light, and if they choose not to, I pray that they are at least understanding.

[Rashiir]

Wow. I think that the signs God sends are amazing. He knows exactly what will let us know that He's there. However, if we tell anyone else about the sign, they'll think we're crazy. It's been like that for me.

Don't give up on your parents. You'd be amazed at what prayer can do. All things are possible with God.

[Spiritsword]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, DuelShocker3. I admire your ability to share so openly with others, and your capacity for trust. I'm so glad you were saved.

As you said regarding your parents:
But there isn’t a force in the world that will make them Christians like me.

Not a force in the world, but there is a force above and beyond the world Which (Who) can do it. Be persistent in your prayer. I'll pray for you as well.

Spiritsword

[Kenchii]

Now heres my story.

When I grew up my mom always wanted to make me happy. She should do everything! my dad on the other hand didn't beleve in god, always thinks he is 'right' and hates my side of the family (mom,grand father, ect.) I was never baptized, never went to sunday school, but i read the bible and pray before eatting.

Don't want to give too much away. Can't trust everyone. (like guest reading)

btw, I am planning to kill my father with a knife on his birthday

[Ashley]

btw, I am planning to kill my father with a knife on his birthday

Um, excuse me? Even if you were joking, that really isn't very funny.

[LillyAngel]

Dude... Whoa... Awesome testamony... I was sorta like that... But I grew up in a Christian home, and slowly drifted away from Him. I have since realized that I have to learn to follow Him, no matter what others think of me being a Christian. Well...

[btw, I am planning to kill my father with a knife on his birthday] I agree... Not funny, even as a joke...

IGFE, (In God Forever)
Liana

[Kenchii]

...I'm not.. I have issues..

[Ammaranth]

Duel,
Have you ever considered that maybe your conversion reminded your parents of some of their own failings, and that they have chosen to ignore it because to do otherwise might cause them to have to admit to themselves that some things in their own lives are not so great, either? Just a thought. As to the idea that nothing will help your parents, well, I've known people whom one might NEVER think would ever convert. One comes to mind right now, actually. I won't name any names, but in the case of the person in question, people had tried all kinds of things to try to help, and none of it seemed to make any difference. I think a lot of people had just given up on them altogether. Well, it turned out that in the midst of all this person's bitterness, they were reading all of this inspirational literature and Christian stuff and nobody knew it (you sure couldn't tell from the way they were acting about things), but then one day, they up and converted. It was a shock. The change was so complete, and so instantaneous, it was mind boggling. God doesn't take that approach with everyone. Some of us He turns around right away; others He slowly works on for years. I know my story is a little vague, and I fear I have made a mess of this. All I'm trying to say is don't give up. Your praryers may be doing all sorts of good for them that you are not aware of, and may not find out about until years from now.

Ammaranth

[EireWolf]

But there isn’t a force in the world that will make them Christians like me.

That's true... but there is the Holy Spirit. God hears your prayers for your parents; don't give up on them.

When I was growing up, my father didn't want anything to do with God. Didn't want to hear about it. Didn't come to church, except sometimes with the family on Easter and at Christmastime, but he really rejected God and church. Then something happened and he almost died. God did something in his heart, because after that he believed in God and started coming to church with the family. It's been a slow process of transformation after that, but God is still working in his life. My dad is a believer now, but my mom prayed for him for seven long years before anything happened.

I hope nothing so drastic has to happen for your parents to become believers, but do not underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit. He can soften even the hardest of hearts. So keep praying for your parents. God is faithful.

[Quiet Hood]

DuelShocker3, you had me there. It was really emotional for me to read it. I'm glad you 're not alone anymore. It was really awful for me to read all of it but I make it there. I am really sorry to hear that you have a bad life and your parents were not very supportive parents. I trust you will do everything great with God. I am happy for you. Chin up. *sigh*