How are shy people supposed to do our part in finding a girlfriend?

[dothackzero]

Basically, I know that God is gonna provide me with a wife. But because I'm so shy, I'm having a problem doing my part and getting out there and talking and to make friends with girls. Basically, I have no idea how I'm gonna receive a girlfriend from God if I can't even get girls to notice me.

[TopazRaven]

I have a similar problem, just with guys. Often times I can't even talk to a guy I don't know well. In the end I think it's all gotta come down to trying to be more social. No one is gonna do it for us after all. Also...I know this might sound mean, but I think you need to remember that God might not provide a wife for you or even a husband for me. The sad truth is some people never get married even if they want to.

[Furen]

I'm not likely much help by this here, but I figure you were brave enough to post this, you must be able to say something to a girl you like.

[SincerelyAnomymous]

Girls make me extremely shy as well. But I think I'd be able to relate more easily though to shy girls. But like Topaz said, having a wife may not be what God wants for you.

[Atria35]

In short: Just do it. The only way I've ever gone on a date is by sucking it up and just asking the guy out.

@Ferb- yeah, but unless you talk to those shy girls, then chances are they aren't going to talk back because... they're shy!

[DaughterOfZion]

Me being shy, I find when I meet another shy person, we just kind of sit and stare at each other.

[K. Ayato]

You're gonna have to be willing to take some risk, shy or not.

[Jingo Jaden]

You pretty much answered your own question.

You're not doing your part, so you probably won't get one out of the blue.

[K. Ayato]

How do you know for sure God is gonna provide you with a wife?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

What everyone else said. The only way to get over shyness is to just do it. There's no harm in trying.

There are deeper things to be sure (least I think so). Your own sense of self-worth usually tends to dictate your behaviors regarding shyness.

[Xeno]

You're going to have to put some initiative forward though and try to talk to a girl. You don't have to be Rico Suave and woo her with your words of passion and desire, since neither Spanish sex-symbol nor an Italian sports car. But striking up standard conversation is the best place to start IMO because it lays a good groundwork.

The way I met my girlfriend is one day she came in to work and just happened to sit down beside where I was while I was doing overtime, I noticed she had a brace on her knee and crutches and asked what happened to her. We didn't start dating the next day, we've only been together for about a month but have been friends or talking or whatever you want to call it since June. So even if something doesn't happen immediately with a girl, don't take that as a sign that nothing will ever happen.

[goldenspines]

Are girls really that scary? D: I mean, most of us don't bite and if we do, we don't deserve a boyfriend/husband anyways.

That being said, most if not every good relationship starts with a great friendship. Don't go into a friendship looking for a girlfriend, though. That will make you more stressed out and nervous (I'd never be friends with any guys if I was always thinking "I might be marrying this guy later in life! I can't screw this up!"). Just relax and make friends. Girls, while it will seem they are like aliens some days, are human just like you.

In regards to girls noticing you, in what way do you want them to notice you? I mean, how will you know if they notice you? If they talk to you? If they flirt with you?

In my experience, most "noticing" goes on behind the scenes and, like Atria mentioned, usually by those who are too shy to speak up themselves (just like you!). This is why you take a deep breath and take the initiative to go out to make friends. Nothing will ever happen immediately, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Best of luck to you. And make sure to not lose hope too quickly. You're only 23.

[KougaHane]

I'm shy but some girls think it's cute and hang around me anyway. Maybe something similar will happen to you.

[seaglass27]

Are girls really that scary?

...

Yes.

[aliveinHim]

I'm scary to guys. I just act weird around guys .

[Okami]

Are girls really that scary? D: I mean, most of us don't bite and if we do, we don't deserve a boyfriend/husband anyways.

Hey now!

[Dante]

Are girls really that scary? D: I mean, most of us don't bite and if we do, we don't deserve a boyfriend/husband anyways.

Far worse. I think most men would rather be bitten then face rejection on a silver platter in the way some girls can serve it up. For a more sensitive guy, cruelly stated rejection is really something to be frightened of - it's really emotionally painful.

At the same time, consider your audience, the Nike phrase doesn't really help people that are shy. Something lighter is probably best to avoid a painfully awkward introduction followed by an hour of silence. Either A) you have to get some help with being shy by spending more time around people (spending time around other guys can help with this too) or B) you have to spend time in an activity that is enjoyed by a group of both guys and girls... or C) something I haven't thought of. Whatever it is, I imagine that it's going to take time - shyness is not so easy to overcome.

You're not doing your part, so you probably won't get one out of the blue.

What about if she comes from Soviet Russia? Because, in Soviet Russia, bride mail orders you! Back in the USSR! Don't know how lucky you are! XD

[Nami]

...

Yes.

You may never get a girlfriend if you are scared, yo! Just because we act tough doesn't mean we don't want a guy to lean on!

I'm not a prime example for a girl, though. I get along with guys and girls, rarely have any shyness and punch guys in the shoulder. >>; I suppose it's a form of nervousness? Probably not. ^^ I'm just abnormal.

But, like someone up there said, you really just gotta go for it. Don't be worried to much. Make friends! Have fun, someone will see you for who you are and appreciate that. ^^ and if they don't, *shrugs* they aren't worth it.

[Cognitive Gear]

Step 1: Have self confidence.
Step 2: Go about your life, working towards your own goals, aspirations, and callings.
Step 3: Be ready and willing to be friendly.

Really this is all it takes.

I do want to say, though, that being shy doesn't mean that you are incapable of talking to other people. You can still do it, you just have to push yourself a little harder.

[Hiryu]

The girl of your dreams isn't going to fall in your lap one day. Man up and go talk to some girls. So what if they reject you? Don't let that affect you from talking to another girl.

[Makachop^^128]

I think first focusing on God for self confidence would be good, You don't have to go out and look for a wife, I think God would bring you one if he wants you to have one. Just keep praying you will do your part when the time comes.
Maybe God could use this time to Help you become stronger for the wife you will have, or maybe God will use this time for you to do something great that you can't if you had a women in your life. I guess what I'm saying is focus on God, and if he wants you to have a Wife I'm sure he will bring you one.

[ich1990]

http://pickuppodcast.com/2007/01/13/episode-1-introduction-to-the-pickup-podcast/

[PrincessZelda]

Man up!

I'm in the same boat, though. I always forget how to talk when around guys I like. I think I usually make them think they're annoying me, so they give up, when really I'm just extremely nervous. XD;;

[Cognitive Gear]

Step 1: Have self confidence.
Step 2: Go about your life, working towards your own goals, aspirations, and callings.
Step 3: Be ready and willing to be friendly.

Really this is all it takes.

I do want to say, though, that being shy doesn't mean that you are incapable of talking to other people. You can still do it, you just have to push yourself a little harder.

Somehow, I completely forgot to directly talk about the most important thing in all of this. It's best summarized, however, through this short story.

[K. Ayato]

Wow. Simple yet real deep. Thanks for sharing, Gear .

[Garland]

I am one of those really shy people too.

Currently, I am working on being more social. I would like to tell you that it can be done.
This year I am talking to people more and hanging out with more people as well than I was last year.

It's not really one of those things that can be done with a formula because it's one of those things you have to learn as you go along.

Remember that just sitting with people is a way to become more comfortable with people. If someone asks you a question, answer it and if you can, ask them a question. It will take conscious effort, but it is worth it. It may take a while for people to notice you, like it seemed to for me, but people have started talking to me more this year too.

Also remember to take breaks from socializing because it is taxing. The more you do it, the more comfortable and less draining it will be.

I hope this encourages you.

[TWWK]

Goldy almost took the words right out of my mouth.

The way most people in the west approach dating is, when we think about it, kind of strange. Guys get up the courage to ask a girl out who they may not know very well, and the girl is usually taken by surprise. It's kind of strange start to a relationship.

Getting to know someone as a friend first and then approaching the idea of a relationship could take some of the nervousness out of it - I did it this way, and although I was still nervous in asking a girl out, it wasn't so bad (and I'm a fairly shy person). Plus, we had already established such a good friendship, that there was less nervousness and pressure, I think when we did start to date.

Oh, and by the way, in my example above, the girl ended up becoming my wife.

[mechana2015]

Getting to know someone as a friend first and then approaching the idea of a relationship could take some of the nervousness out of it.

This of course presumes that the girl doesn't 'friend zone' you once you get to know her.

[goldenspines]

This of course presumes that the girl doesn't 'friend zone' you once you get to know her.

The "friend zone" is somewhat an immature way to approach relationships, imho. I know people (especially girls) will categorize their male friends like this, though.
Yet, the point I was driving at is that before a relationship can start growing, it's best when it starts in a friendship. Granted, just because you are someone's friend doesn't mean it has to stay that way (it can develop into something more), yet it shouldn't feel like you have to be more than their friend either (otherwise, I'd feel obligated to ask out every guy I considered a friend. Or wait, that sounds like an insult. I don't mean it like that! D: Maybe I should ask them out...*mulls over this*).

Though, what do you do with a girl who operates by the rules of the "friend zone"? With all due respect, wait for her to grow up. :\

/preachy goldy

[Cognitive Gear]

The "friend zone" is somewhat an immature way to approach relationships, imho. I know people (especially girls) will categorize their male friends like this, though.
Yet, the point I was driving at is that before a relationship can start growing, it's best when it starts in a friendship. Granted, just because you are someone's friend doesn't mean it has to stay that way (it can develop into something more), yet it shouldn't feel like you have to be more than their friend either (otherwise, I'd feel obligated to ask out every guy I considered a friend. Or wait, that sounds like an insult. I don't mean it like that! D: Maybe I should ask them out...*mulls over this*).

Though, what do you do with a girl who operates by the rules of the "friend zone"? With all due respect, wait for her to grow up. :\

/preachy goldy

Well, honestly I don't know that the "friend zone" is something that most people realize that they do. If you have a friend of the opposite sex, and you aren't interested in dating them, then you have put them into the friend zone.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you will never be interested in them, but generally speaking, the longer two people are friends without feelings occurring on both sides, the less likely it is that they ever will develop. (There are exceptions, of course. Just don't expect to be one.)

That said, there are definitely immature people that will say that it's impossible for them to ever consider dating someone, though.