Corrupted wish game

[Kaligraphic]

Granted, but, huhuh you said end.

I wish for a sudden spurt of medical humor.

[Yuki-Anne]

Granted, but since none of us are doctors, it's painfully inaccurate.

I wish my femur muscle wasn't sore.

[Edward]

Granted, but the afflicted leg has been amputated.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

[sailorsaturn]

Granted, but now you have too many wished and you know that you will never be able to achieve them all.

I wish my cat wouldn't get scared so easily.

[Yuki-Anne]

Granted. It's time for a kitty funeral.

I wish that cat had gotten scared and moved out of the way of that truck. Poor thing.

[sailorsaturn]

Granted, but he's still as scared as he was before the wishes effected him.

I wish I hadn't involved my poor innocent cat in this game.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. Instead, your poor, innocent cat involved himself in the game and wished his way to the destruction of civilization... before being crushed by some falling masonry.

I wish that we weren't living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, we are now living in a PRE-apocalyptic wasteland, watching in silent horror as the strained, over-taxed institutions of society lean ever-so-much-closer towards total collapse in the face of dwindling resources and the growing onslaught of entropy.

I wish I had a time machine by which I could escape this looming catastrophe.

[Edward]

Granted, but you have been transported to the Cretacous period, and are ripped to shreds by a pack of Velociraptors upon arrival.

I wish I could find vol. 16 of FMA

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, but it turns out I took it with me on my unfortunate time jaunt, so you must brave the Raptors to get it.

I wish the phrase "you must brave the Raptors to get it" were applicable in more situations.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. There is a list of situations where it is applicable, but you must brave the raptors to get it.

I wish for a T-Rex to save us.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, but it's the Dinosaur Comics T Rex, so he have to listen to lots of insane rambling as long as he's around.

I wish for T Rex the musician to save us.

[rocklobster]

Granted, but he rams into your house with a car that has a diamond-star halo hub cap.
I wish there were new Charlie Brown comics.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. They are super-racist comics about Charlie, a caricatured "brown man".

I wish that my bologna had a first name.

[Edward]

Granted, but its name is (insert regional supermarket name here) value brand.

I wish my school offered Japanese as a foreign language class.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, it's first name is Johann. But it insists on being addressed by its its whole name: Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-eine-nurnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

I wish I had a pair of golden socks.

[Edward]

Granted, but you've been gypped: They were actually aluminum socks spraypainted gold.

I wish I had a Nintendo Sixty-FOOOOOUR!

[Wind]

granted but it mutates into a sega genesis

I wish I had a nickel for everytime someone typed LOL

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, but you also have to pay a dime every time someone loses the game, so you still end up in debt.

I wish I hadn't just mentioned... that -___-;;;

[Edward]

Granted, but now that Wind has made millions of dollars from all the people typing LOL, she can afford to have an attorney prove you did mention that, and you lose the game anyway.

I wish I could unterstand text messages.

[rocklobster]

granted, but now it's all you understand.
I wish I was in a rock band. And yes, that means people playing instruments, not a group of rocks. (GOTCHA!)

[Edward]

Granted, but you're just the keyboardist that no one cares about, and the band still plays in your uncle's garage.

I wish I had automail.

[Tamachan319]

Granted. You have automail- but no mechanic. Have fun when it breaks.
I wish I could speed up and slow down time.

[Yuki-Anne]

Granted. Now you're stuck in a Zack Snyder movie.

I wish I could produce fine, beautiful works of art.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. You are now revered by the World Flatulence Appreciation League. It turns out art is subjective.

I wish that I was better at writing Javascript.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, you can now write fluently in the native language of Indonesia's most populous island.

I wish our gutters were self-cleaning.

[Yuki-Anne]

Granted. But toilets everywhere now cease to flush.

I wish I had a kitten.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. All I can say is, when you finally give birth to it, be ready to do some explaining.

I wish that Jewish ninjas would rappel from the Washington monument in the dead of night and spread throughout the country, hiding matzos under people's pillows while they sleep.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, but evidence of their presence spurs the vast Left-Handed Militia to violent action, bringing about the most violent civil strife this nation has ever seen.

I wish a '80s French sedan parked that can talk was parked in the street in front of my house.

[Yuki-Anne]

Granted. But I really couldn't even tell what you were wishing for, so here's car that can speak French for 80 seconds.

I wish Blitzkrieg would speak English.