Corrupted wish game

[KeybladeWarrior]

Granted but the wish is for a pair of old gym socks.

I wish I had some cheesecake.

[F.M Disciple]

Granted, but its two years past it's expiration date.

I wish that I had a million times, a million times, a million times three million dollars.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Granted, you had a million times, a million times, a million times three million dollars, but you invested it all in some 8-year-old's lemonade stand. And the kid spent -ahem, invested- it all on gumballs.

I wish I was better at writing, and still am better at writing.

[RefractedAhav]

granted but you develop carpal tunnel syndrome from all the writing you've been doing.

I wish officer string wouldn't copy my wishes.

[OfficerSting]

Granted. officer string doesn't copy your wishes, but I, the great OfficerSting still do.

I wish that the cake wasn't a lie.

[RefractedAhav]

Granted but it's the poisoned cake from the Mary Martin rendition of Peter pan

I wish I spelled officersting's name right when I wished that he wouldn't steal my wishes.

[rocklobster]

Granted, but he steals your wallet instead!
I wish I could go to a Gorillaz concert.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Granted, but the concert stinks so bad (crowds, noise, etc.) that it was a total waste.

I wish I could go/stay online more.

[KeybladeWarrior]

Granted but you have to pay a large fee.

I wish I could play Samurai Warriors 3.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted, you play poker with three samurai warriors, who become convinced you are cheating. They kill you for it.

I wish Hitler had gotten into art school.

[rocklobster]

Granted, but he creates a new movement of fascist painters.
I wish Salvador Dali worked for Disney.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Granted, but he's their head janitor.

I wish summer lasted longer, and was warm the whole time.

[OfficerSting]

Granted. 140 degrees fahrenheit is warm, right?

I wish that time traveling didn't always have horrible consequences.

[ST. Attidude]

Granted, nothing tremendous or terrible ever happens while you time travel.
Except now you must deal with the horrible transportation fees...well, hey something's gotta be exchanged...

I wish that Genie from Aladdin really did raise someone from the dead.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. The genie was an evil necromancer who raised all the dead, made them evil, and used them to destroy the world. So much for happy endings.

I wish that Jesus had been Spanish.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, which results in the entire western hemisphere being overrun by giant, fanged slugs. Don't ask me how one led to the other, the butterfly effect is weird like that.

I wish I could eat a giant, tasty pizza, take a nap, and dream about eating it all over again.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted. Of course, it's less appetizing after the first time you vomit it back up, but that's the price you pay for not being a proper ruminant. Just make sure that you eat the whole thing the second time. No leftovers.

I wish that giant fanged slugs could talk.

[mastersquirrel]

Granted, but they don't exist so...

( Also Kaligraphic, just gotta say, you avatar ROCKS! )

I wish I were a toy in Toy Story 3.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Granted. You're Barbie.

I wish I could see Toy Story 3...tomorrow!

[rocklobster]

Granted, but you have to sit behind the tallest dude in the theatre and can't see anything anyway.
I wish I could enter Eden just to see what it was like.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted, you find yourself in Eden, Kansas, a small, unincorporated community. It looks like the middle of nowhere.

I wish for free Monster energy drinks.

[rocklobster]

Granted, but when you drink them, you turn into a green-skinned muscle-bound savage human wearing purple shorts and saying stuff like "Hulk smash!"
I wish there was a Firestorm cartoon.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Granted, but it's a Care Bears crossover for some reason.

I wish I could dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted, then Jack Nicholson shoots you in the face.

I wish for bat-cheese.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Granted. The cheese is so delicious you get addicted to it and ruin your life.

I wish my hair dried sooner after getting wet.

[Kaligraphic]

Granted, you are on fire, and the fire dries your hair.

I wish for a ninja squirrel to serve me and slay (or torment) my enemies.

[ST. Attidude]

Granted except he'll only serve you roasted chestnuts with red wine and slay you're enemies when it feels like it.

I wish I could kick a kickball so high and far it falls out of sight.

[FllMtl Novelist]

(Oh you knew this was coming...)
Granted, you kick is so high/far it goes all the way around the Earth and hits you in the head.

I wish I had unlimited and fast internet.

[OfficerSting]

Granted. Too bad your computer got stolen, though.

I wish, I wish, I had a fish.

[RefractedAhav]

granted but the fish is putrid and just being near it has made you a living bio hazard.

edit: I wish I didn't forget to wish