The Black Dragon (tentative title)

[the_wolfs_howl]

It was very dark under the trees. Most of the branches grew near the tops of the trees, and as Shynael descended between the long, smooth trunks, Shard felt as though they were entering some ancient temple that had not been disturbed for thousands of years. Soon the large shadowy mass that was Andrael came into view. It was hard to make out at first, but as they drew nearer Shard saw that one of the enormous trees had split in two, now lying on the forest floor. Andrael lay beneath one massive log, pinned and very still. Advent was nowhere in sight, but that was most likely due to the deep shadows and his camouflaged armor.

Shynael landed in the thick layer of dead plant matter that covered the ground, and after a moment's hesitation, Shard slid off his back. He slowly walked towards the bluish mound of scales, keeping his sword at the ready just in case.

Advent came into view at last, staggering around Andrael's head. He had somehow lost his helmet, his breastplate, and one of his greaves. His right arm swung uselessly at his side, broken or at least dislocated, but a greater pain than that showed on his face. Shard watched, stricken, as Advent knelt by Andrael's head and solemnly closed the dragon's great, staring eye. He remained there for a moment, then rose to his feet so swiftly Shard took a few unconscious steps backward. "Well?!" Advent demanded, voice harsh and torn, eerie in the hush of the forest. "What are you waiting for? Hurry up and kill me!"

He moved steadily forward as he spoke, and Shard saw that the dragonrage had left his face. But in its absence was a hollow emptiness, a wretched look of being utterly alone. "Advent...." Shard said weakly. "I...."

"Don't!" Advent came to a stop and gripped his head in his hands, as if Shard's voice caused him physical pain. "Don't you dare say you're sorry for me! I don't want your pity, you monster!"

Shard flinched, struck dumb by his words.

"You don't understand what I've gone through," Advent continued in an almost desperate mutter. "You don't understand what I have to deal with. You don't understand...no one understands.... Andrael understood. He was the only one. But now...." For a moment Advent's lips trembled as though he was about to burst into tears, but suddenly a little giggle erupted from him. The sound was jarring, hair-raising, unnatural.

Advent looked up at Shard, his eyes filled with a different kind of madness. "You want to know a little secret, church boy?" His voice trembled on the edge of another giggle. "Want to know what happened when Andrael found me? I was six years old, church boy. When I went running to show my parents the pretty rock I'd found, they tried to smash it. They said it was a dragon egg. When I tried to protect it, they told me I was possessed by an evil spirit, so they brought in a wise woman to purge me. You know what purging is like up north, church boy? They drug you, then leave you naked on the mountain slopes. Supposed to purify your soul somehow. Andrael hatched when I was out there, and he came rushing to me in my greatest need. When we went back to the village together, everyone wanted to kill us." He cocked his head and let the giggle out again. "So I killed them first."

"You've gone completely mad!" Shard choked out.

Advent didn't seem to hear him. The lopsided smile slipped off his face and he moaned, "How is it you have everything? Why is everything snatched from me? Everyone notices you, but do they ever give me a second glance? I try so hard to make people notice me, but I'm invisible! Do you know what it's like to be invisible, church boy? To know you're nothing but the scum beneath other people's shoes? Only Andrael ever saw me...and now he's dead!" His voice tore through the air, livid and hoarse.

Advent started forward again; Shard held his sword warily between them. Advent just kept on coming. "That's why I hate you, Shard," he whispered harshly. "It wasn't enough to take my place. It wasn't enough to steal my kills, the only thing I had to make people notice me. It wasn't enough to steal Legacy's attention and praise. You had to take my dragon from me as well! All right. That's fine. You win. But don't think you'll ever be able to forget me. To your dying day, my voice will be in your ear, reminding you...reminding you of what you've done to me. Go ahead and be a hero. You'll never be able to escape the knowledge that you're a murderer...that you're just like me."

And before Shard could do anything to stop him, Advent grabbed Shard's blade with his left hand and shoved it with all his might into his own chest. Shard kept his grip on the hilt, and he could feel flesh tearing and bones crushing through the sword. He felt weak. Was this what it had been like for Advent when he had stabbed him?

Advent grinned shakily, blood dribbling down his chin. "Look...familiar...church boy?" He slumped to his knees, then to his side, gave a final twitch, and died.

[kryptech]

First of, I think I mentioned before how cool aerial dragon battles are. I can still get a neat image in my mind in this section, though it focuses much more on the characters and their dialog than the details of the combatants' moves.

Vannasai flipped over and flew quickly away; Shynael rushed to attack Andrael and cover her departure.

No word or protest from Vesper or Vannasai. I assume the imminent threat of Advent and Andrael prevented dialog plus Vesper still had the urgent task of warning the human villages.

As the dragons clashed again, he sent up a quick prayer that was more emotion than words, and tried to get a grip on himself.

I liked this.

"Keep quiet about what you can't understand, boy!" Advent snarled. "Legacy chose me above all others! I am the one who understands her; I am the one she goes to for comfort. When all this is over, I will rise by her side as her king!"

Perhaps, Advent, but I doubt it would have turned out that way. You strike me as just another tool in Legacy's hand.

Advent let out a sharp laugh. "You really are simple, church boy! You think she would keep you alive after your insolence? She only told you that to gain your allegiance; as soon as the fighting was over, she would have you executed as a traitor. You should never have gone against her, boy. You will pay the price – and I will be the one to make you pay!"

Hmm, or she might have just pit the two against either other and see which tool emerged the sharper. But such speculation doesn't matter at this point anymore...

Your explanation of Shard and Shynael's tightly synchronized bond contrasted with Advent and Andrael's brutally powerful but individualistic fighting style was enlightening. It showed the benefits of the close dragon-human bond and the disruptive influence of dragonrage on this bond. It helped clear up some prior questions about whether dragonrage would be beneficial to Shard in the final battle.

Advent's recount of his tortured childhood shed some light on the kind of brutal person he'd become. Though I'm still having a hard time seeing him giggle.

Advent didn't seem to hear him. The lopsided smile slipped off his face and he moaned, "How is it you have everything? Why is everything snatched from me? ...

I liked this.

The final stretch!

[Esoteric]

So, the end of Advent has come....

I am a little surprised that Vesper didn't protest leaving Shard and Advent...especially after what happened last time they fought, although I could see Vannasai flying her off in spite of any protests.

I like the fight itself. Very dramatic and descriptive. I am satisfied with the explanation of why dragonrage was to be avoided. Yes, it worked well and fit with the previous sections, so obviously you'd planned this. Nice work!

I'm a little curious as to how a six year old and newly hatched dragon killed everyone in a village. Even, if Advent used dragonrage, that just seems a little young to me.

I'd always thought of Advent as grudging, vindictive and doggedly protective of Legacy. But I'd never really seen him as unstable, which is what probably also made it hard for Kryp to see him giggling.
He's certainly acting insane now and his killing spree as a child also suggests mental pathology. I might, ...I dunno, like to see just a few more hints that Advent is 'unhinged' prior to this. Maybe some unusual, or unexplained behaviors which don't quite make sense until we discover he has serious problems (and not just with anger management). Maybe when he almost kills Shard before, he lapses into his memories and says some things which don't make sense...until we learn of his violent, lonely past. Just an idea. But it was certainly a dramatic section! (especially to music )

Wow, you're really that close to the end huh? Congrats on making it so far with this huge project! Hah, I'm actually kinda jealous since I'm nowhere near finishing any of my current projects. *goes back to brainstorming*

[the_wolfs_howl]

Phew. It's okay. I get so nervous about what you guys are going to say....

Okay, it's super late here, so I'm just going to address the important stuff.

Advent's recount of his tortured childhood shed some light on the kind of brutal person he'd become. Though I'm still having a hard time seeing him giggle.

I'd always thought of Advent as grudging, vindictive and doggedly protective of Legacy. But I'd never really seen him as unstable, which is what probably also made it hard for Kryp to see him giggling.
He's certainly acting insane now and his killing spree as a child also suggests mental pathology. I might, ...I dunno, like to see just a few more hints that Advent is 'unhinged' prior to this. Maybe some unusual, or unexplained behaviors which don't quite make sense until we discover he has serious problems (and not just with anger management). Maybe when he almost kills Shard before, he lapses into his memories and says some things which don't make sense...until we learn of his violent, lonely past. Just an idea. But it was certainly a dramatic section! (especially to music ]
*sigh* Toldja. Advent grabbed the reins for a while and revealed a new facet of his character - a little late for that, Advent, don't you think? - and there's absolutely no way to go back and work that into the story. I'm serious, I wasn't expecting him to end up unhinged (or...at least not this unhinged), but when the characters write themselves like this, I don't feel I should interfere. When Shard did it, it led to the whole thing with dragonrage, and you know how important that's become to the story. So yes, I know it's rather sloppy, but in the next draft I'll go back and slip in those little necessary hints.

But one thing I feel I should mention: He's had some issues in his past, obviously, but what tipped him over the edge was the death of his bonded dragon. When that bond is broken, it tears your soul. Some people die of a broken heart, some people manage to pick themselves up again, some people go crazy. And him giggling was supposed to feel incongruous, to show that something has drastically changed in him.

I'm a little curious as to how a six year old and newly hatched dragon killed everyone in a village. Even, if Advent used dragonrage, that just seems a little young to me.

Ah, but that's another story...*chuckles and rubs hands together*

[the_wolfs_howl]

Author's Note: Well. I had fun with this section. It's a bit longer than usual, but as it's the flippin' climax, that's understandable. You won't believe how incredibly satisfying it was to finally get all of this out. Almost literally from day one, I've had this particular scene in my head. After that first morning where I wrote the first scene in a burst of inspiration, I took to figuring out what would happen, especially how it would end (this story is a perfect example of how I come up with stories - come up with the beginning and the ending, then let the middle fill in the gaps). After a week, I knew exactly what the climax was (I just didn't know how they were going to get to that point). I thought through this scene so many times; I could see it all unfolding before me like a movie, and...now I actually get to put it down in words. As ever, it turned out slightly different from what I'd been envisioning, but I'm really satisfied with it - for now; I'll probably spot a bunch of glaring errors after the euphoria wears off Nightwish's "The Last of the Wilds" was my best friend for this battle.

"Come on, Shard. Come on! Gyvael passed us ages ago!"

Shard dragged his eyes away from Advent's body with difficulty and looked up at Shynael. "R-Right," he said shakily. He reached out, grasped the hilt of his sword, screwed up his eyes, and tugged his sword out of Advent's chest. But he couldn't keep from staring at Advent's blood on it. Shard knew he was being stupid. He'd known it would come to this, hadn't he? One of them would have had to die in the end, and he should just be glad it wasn't him. "I never wanted to kill him," Shard sighed, wiping his sword on Advent's clothes.

Shynael watched him impatiently, silently begging him to hurry up, so Shard quickly swung back up onto his dragon's back. Shynael took a little longer than usual to get airborne, tired as he was from the battle, but soon they were above the canopy again. "They were heading due northwest!" Shynael called back to Shard, immediately setting off in that direction. "That must be where Legacy is!"

Shard laid his sword across his knees and tried not to think. He tried not to think about Advent and Andrael, lying broken on the forest floor. He tried not to worry over the imminent battle that he couldn't see himself winning. He tried not to wonder if Vesper was safe. But he didn't have much success.

After a surprisingly short time, the forest faded away beneath them and gave way to rolling hills. Then the silver thread of the Snake River passed below, and they were in human territory for the first time in months. Several miles across the border, Shard spotted a knot of dark shapes moving in the distance. Shynael sped towards them, and as they drew nearer they saw it was Glaive and Gyvael fighting five enormous dragons at once. Even as they approached, a blue one let out a shriek and fell heavily to the ground far, far below. Shynael let out a roar and a jet of flame as he drew near, and the remaining four dragons around Gyvael darted out of the way. They regrouped and turned back almost immediately to meet this new threat.

"Go!" Gyvael roared at them. "We can take them!"

"Get Legacy, quick!" Glaive shouted at the same time.

There was no time to protest; Shynael fled just as the four dragons attacked Gyvael at the same time. Shard craned his neck around, trying to see if they were all right. Gyvael moved swiftly between her four adversaries, fending them off with unparalleled skill. Shard faced forward again, knowing that if anyone could withstand four ferocious dragons at once, it was Glaive and Gyvael.

All too soon, Shard saw the sight he had been dreading ever since he had heard the plan to eliminate all the humans: Linygae, making wide circles in the air like a red, elongated bird of prey. Shynael tightened the bond between them; they would need it more than ever in this battle. Shard adjusted his grip on his sword, and then they had overtaken the red dragon.

Shynael shot a blast of fire at Linygae's face, but she dodged out of the way and circled around behind them. Shynael whipped around and caught Linygae's talons before they could cut through his scales. The two dragons grappled in the air, snapping vainly at each other's throats, and Shard gripped one of Shynael's neck spikes to stay seated.

"So!" Legacy shouted, her voice strengthened and deepened by dragonrage. "You killed Advent. I should have known he would be useless. But you will not defeat me so easily! Glaive cannot hold out much longer, and you will fall as well. I warned you! You have brought this destruction on your own head!"

Before Legacy could say any more, Shynael slipped away from Linygae's clutches, ducked beneath her, and snapped at her tail. Linygae swung her tail out of reach, then whipped it back around, hitting Shynael squarely in the jaw. Shynael recoiled, and before he could recover Linygae swept upside-down over him. As they passed overhead, Legacy sliced at Shard, who parried with difficulty.

The two dragons darted around each other, their humans striking their swords against each other when they came within reach. Shard and Shynael pulsed with their bond, minds and bodies inseparable, but what little advantage they had held over Advent and Andrael was lost in the sheer force of Legacy and Linygae's rage. Shard had never crossed blades with Legacy before, but now he saw why she had become the Dragon Queen. She and Linygae were equally ferocious, unrelenting in their attack, not allowing even a moment's respite.

The two dragons were slowly circling downwards, too focused on fighting each other to do more than stay airborne. An idea flashed across Shard and Shynael's minds at the same time, and before they could think better of it, Shynael rammed himself hard against Linygae's side. Shard leapt from Shynael's back as soon as they collided, hurtling feet-first towards Legacy. As Linygae tipped to the right in midair, Shard landed on Legacy's side with a jolt he could feel all the way up his legs. Though she cried out, the reflexes and strength that dragonrage gave her allowed Legacy to flip her arm upward. Shard fell over Linygae's other side, hurtling down to the ground that was still far below. But Shard wasn't afraid; he could feel Shynael disentangling himself from Linygae and darting beneath. As easily as grabbing someone's hand, Shard landed on his feet on Shynael's back.

Before he could even crouch to keep his balance, an immense force collided with him, knocking him back into the air. Legacy clutched his arm as they fell to the ground, so they would stay together. Fortunately Shynael had been forced to swoop low to catch Shard, so they didn't have very far to fall. They hit the ground with an almighty crash, and Legacy's grip on Shard's arm was broken. They rolled away from each other, then scrambled to pick up their swords that had gone flying. Shard straightened up, gasping for breath. He realized his breastplate was hanging from only one strap, and hastily ripped it away; there wasn't time to refasten it, and as hazardous as it was to leave his chest unprotected, it would hinder him more if he let it flip and bang around. Other parts of his armor felt loose as well, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Legacy seemed to be having similar problems with her armor, stripping several pieces away and pulling off her helmet, letting it fall to the ground. Her lip was bleeding, and strands of hair fell from her long braid. As she slowly advanced towards him, he looked into her bloodshot eyes, gleaming with power and hatred.

[the_wolfs_howl]

"You must stop this, Legacy!" he cried as he backed away from her warily. "Think of how many lives you're ending! Can you live with that?"

"Stupid fool!" Legacy spat, blood trickling down her chin from her lip. "Would you have a morality crisis if you stepped on an ant? For that is what these humans are: vermin!"

She darted forward, and Shard met her sword with his own, stumbling back with surprise at how strong she was. Their swords met and parted, met and parted, like hands clapping together, urging them onwards. Legacy pressed her attack, moving her sword almost faster than Shard could defend against it. His arms ached and sweat poured down his brow. The sun beat down mercilessly on his head, burning hot even behind an enormous cloud. He was exhausted, and he knew he couldn't keep it up much longer. He would stumble, fall, die....

A sudden surge in his bond with Shynael breathed new life into his limbs. Don't you dare give up! Shynael growled in his mind. As Shard danced backwards and circled around Legacy, trying to keep out of the way of her sword, he glimpsed Shynael and Linygae fighting on a hilltop not too far away. Shynael's movements mirrored Shard's exactly, and the sight of such a strong, graceful creature moving when he moved encouraged Shard more than anything else. Shard pressed the attack himself, forcing Legacy back a few paces. Wrapped up in Shynael's mind, he could forget all fear and simply do what he had to.

For a few moments, Shard thought he might have gained the upper hand. Then Legacy recovered herself, her eyes gleaming as red as her armor, and the strength of her dragonrage won out. Her blade moved so fast that Shard was forced to block it with his left arm. The sword made a loud clang as it hit his armor, and pain skittered up his arm. Legacy raised her sword again, but just then they heard an almighty roar of rage and pain somewhere overhead.

Legacy and Shard broke away from each other and looked upwards. Almost directly above them, Glaive and Gyvael fought against not four but eight dragons, and several more in the distance were winging their way towards the fight. Even Gyvael couldn't fight so many foes at once; talons struck at her from all sides, and though she moved faster than ever before, some tore into her flesh. Then a tail struck at her, and a tiny figure fell from her back, like a little stone dropped from a great height. Gyvael thrashed frantically, but the other dragons closed in on her and cut off every retreat. The tiny figure hit the ground on the other side of a hill that began to slope steeply upwards a mere stone's throw away. As soon as it disappeared from sight behind the hill, Gyvael let out an ear-shattering scream as though she was being burned alive, as though her flesh was being torn from her bones, as though her soul had been ripped in two. The dragons separated, and Gyvael fell to the ground like a boulder, landing close to her human with a crash and a tremor like a small earthquake. Overhead, the dragons dispersed to return to the front.

Before Shard even had time to understand what had happened, Legacy took advantage of his distraction and lunged at him. He turned to face her again, but the sun chose that moment to break free from the cloud cover, and the shiny plates of Legacy's armor dazzled him. He didn't even see her sword angling towards his, and suddenly his hand was empty. She raised her sword above her head, and when she brought it down all he could do was grab her wrist. They struggled for a few moments, then Shard kicked at Legacy's legs.

Legacy stumbled, then fell backwards with Shard on top of her. She dropped her sword and lashed out with her other fist instead. Stars appeared before Shard's eyes as her armored fist connected with his cheek. Disoriented, he felt himself falling to the side, and then they were rolling down the hill, locked in a desperate struggle as they both tried to remain on top. At the bottom of the hill, Shard rolled off of Legacy and attempted to roll onto his feet, but he only managed to rise to his knees. Legacy slowly picked herself up from the ground, her shoulders heaving with her labored breathing, strands of hair stuck to her face with blood and sweat. Shard wanted nothing more than to fall to the ground and never get up, but he forced himself to his feet as well. Linygae and Shynael stood on a nearby hill, panting from their fierce tussle.

"Why...do you...hate humans?" Shard panted, trying to win himself a brief respite.

"Because they took...everything away from me," Legacy forced out between deep breaths. "They...hunted me down...from the first...and then when...Adamant and I went...to negotiate...they killed him! They don't care, Shard! If you're associated with dragons...all they'll do is kill you...even if you were family! They'll kill you without remorse.... So how can you ask me to have mercy on those who would show no mercy to me?!" She shouted these last words, running towards him again.

Shard felt Shynael beat his wings just enough to leap over Linygae as she charged at him. At the same time, Shard became aware of his own legs bending, then pushing him into the air, as he leapt right over Legacy's head. Shynael's strength pulsed through his veins, as strong as dragonrage. Shard ran as hard as he ever had, away from Legacy, up the hill, his eyes flitting from side to side, searching the tall grass for a glint of metal. He could hear Legacy's footsteps pounding behind him.

Then he saw something shining on the ground, and he dived for it. Grabbing at the hilt, he swung it wildly around, hoping to fend Legacy off. The blade glanced off her armor, and they both staggered away from each other. Exhaustion had turned Shard's limbs to lead, but he forced himself to advance again, swiping at Legacy with what little strength he had left. She blocked his blows with her arm as he had done, staggering backwards. Then her foot caught in a rabbit hole, Shard rammed his shoulder into her with the last of his strength, and they both fell to the ground again.

Shard wearily straddled her, his knees pinning her upper arms to the ground so she couldn't get up again. He could see, out of the corner of his eye, Shynael pressing Linygae to the ground, one paw against her throat. Shard crouched over Legacy, holding his sword with both hands, its point hovering mere inches from her throat. Every muscle in his body seemed to be trembling from exertion, and the sword point moved in little circles in midair.

Legacy lay beneath him, the gleam of dragonrage gone from her eyes. "Well?" she said in a surprisingly calm voice. "Aren't you going to kill me?"

Shard gazed into her fathomless eyes, those eyes that had mesmerized him at one time. She had killed so many people, and she had been planning to kill countless others. Her hatred of humans knew no bounds. Didn't she deserve to die? Hadn't he meant to do this all along? Wasn't this why they had all put their lives on the line?

But then...was he really any different from her? He had killed as well. He had killed more soldiers than he could count, and he had been the cause of Advent and Andrael's deaths. Even Glaive and Gyvael had died because of him. He had convinced them to join his fight. Maybe he had even killed Vesper and Vannasai. Maybe he should have insisted they stay back home. Maybe he had sent them to their doom. His hands were just as bloody as Legacy's, his heart just as stained. What right did he have to exact judgment on her?

"I...I'm not," he said shakily, still breathing hard. "All I have to do is stop you. Make you call the troops back, end this war before anyone else dies. I don't have to kill you."

Legacy watched him intently as he spoke, confusion entering her eyes. Shard felt her left arm moving beneath his knee, but before he could look down, she spoke. "I don't understand you, Shard. I really don't. You have power over me...why don't you use it?"

Shard sighed. "Because it wouldn't be right."

"Then you are a fool."

A small spot of cold entered his chest, then began to seep outward in all directions. Shard slowly looked down and saw a knife embedded in the right side of his chest. Legacy's hand slipped from the handle, her work accomplished. Shard numbly watched his own blood drip down the blade of the knife as the coldness spread up to his shoulders. With great effort, he lifted his head to look at Legacy again.

Legacy was smirking and watching his shocked face with satisfaction. Her face blurred, then came into focus, then blurred again. The whole world seemed to swim around him, as the chill numbness spread farther and farther through Shard's body. He couldn't stay upright; he wavered back and forth as the edges of his vision began to grow dark. It was strange, how Advent's blows had seared and burned like the hottest furnace, but this little knife only made him feel cold.

The chill spread to his fingertips, to the top of his head, to his toes. He was so tired.... He just wanted to sleep somewhere warm, and never get up again. His vision had narrowed to pinpricks of shifting colors. Shard pitched forward, felt something crunch beneath him, and then he was falling sideways, down into the darkness. As his eyes closed at last to the blessed darkness of oblivion, his figurative hand slipped from Shynael's.

[Esoteric]

Are you sure this is the 'climax' climax? I think your author note was a little misleading, because wow…I know you like depressing endings, but “Shard dies, game overâ€

[the_wolfs_howl]

Are you sure this is the 'climax' climax? I think your author note was a little misleading.

From dictionary.com:
climax, noun, "(in a dramatic or literary work) a decisive moment that is of maximum intensity or is a major turning point in a plot."

The climax of a story is the part of highest intensity, where everything comes to a head, for better or for worse. It's not the end]because wow…I know you like depressing endings, but “Shard dies, game overâ€

[Esoteric]

From dictionary.com:
climax, noun, "(in a dramatic or literary work) a decisive moment that is of maximum intensity or is a major turning point in a plot."

The climax of a story is the part of highest intensity, where everything comes to a head, for better or for worse. It's not the end]
Falling action? In other words, that was the 'big fight'? There won't be another 'bigger fight' after it? Hmm, I see. It's rather unconventional to have the main character lose the biggest fight. I'm curious to see how you plan to resolve this...

Your comments on Legacy and Shard ring very true for me. For all my lovely fantasizing over this scene years in advance, with dramatic movie music playing in my head and everything, I paid a pitiful amount of attention to what they were actually saying. Those things can easily be fixed up, and I'm tempted to actually go in and change them right now so you can comment on them; what do you think?

If changing it now will help you go forward, then go ahead. If not, changes can certainly wait. It's up to you.

:/ Well, just be glad you got to see it at all. For the longest time (like, till a few months ago) I wasn't even going to show it at all; the characters were just going to be talking about it afterwards.

hehe, yeah I would've seen a total omission as a cop-out. But your explanation surprises me again with its unconventional approach. I'm not complaining, but you do have me completely thrown at the moment. I can't make any predictions about what will happen next.

Okay, I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that I'm going to write the final section (yes, there is only going to be one more section T_T) sooner rather than later. Like...not next month. In a week or two. I hope that'll be soon enough! I'm eager to write it as well; the final scene is another one that's been playing through my head over and over again for the past couple years.

Yay! *Sits and waits by computer.*

[the_wolfs_howl]

Falling action? In other words, that was the 'big fight'? There won't be another 'bigger fight' after it? Hmm, I see. It's rather unconventional to have the main character lose the biggest fight. I'm curious to see how you plan to resolve this...

How much bigger did you want? Were you expecting towers of flame and the world breaking into pieces as a thousand souls cry out in terror and are suddenly silenced? Sorry to disappoint you

If changing it now will help you go forward, then go ahead. If not, changes can certainly wait. It's up to you.

It certainly won't delay me by much, I think. I'll PM you when I've implemented the changes.

hehe, yeah I would've seen a total omission as a cop-out. But your explanation surprises me again with its unconventional approach. I'm not complaining, but you do have me completely thrown at the moment. I can't make any predictions about what will happen next.

I should probably make Glaive's death more dramatic and forceful. I just really get annoyed with most death speeches, at least in movies (an example of one I actually liked quite a bit would be Boromir's in Fellowship of the Ring, or Theoden's in Return of the King). One of the best movie death scenes that I know of that makes you feel all the force of the death without it being hard to believe is Obi-Wan's.

...But that is neither here nor there, so I shall shut up and get my lazy butt moving to write the rest.

[Esoteric]

Were you expecting towers of flame and the world breaking into pieces as a thousand souls cry out in terror and are suddenly silenced? Sorry to disappoint you.

Totally!! I was kinda hopin' that Legacy would launch a huge fireball into the earth and split it apart, but then Shard and Shynael would pull the two halves together again, like Superman!

No, no, it wasn't a bigger fight I wanted. The fight was plenty big and exciting! What gave me a problem was: Climax + Hero loses. Those two things don't normally go together. So that led me to two conclusions. A: This wasn't really the climax, which for me is defined not necessarily as the 'biggest craziest fight' (although it often turns out to be), but the last fight which resolves all conflict.) Or B: You wanted a depressing finale in which the hero failed his purpose.

Yeah, I think the misunderstanding comes from our definitions of 'climax'.
For me, the climax of the story will be the scene in which Legacy is subdued, peace is assured, etc... regardless of whether or not is it accompanied by a fight, although given the situation, a fight would be expected. You're right that most stories don't show the climax and then 'bam!', cut off. They usually have one or two scenes which wrap up the aftermath of the climax, and display how the characters will live after the climax or resolve minor subplots. But the primary threat to everyone's happiness is removed by the climax...otherwise, it's not the climax because there is still tension in the reader. That's my definition of climax.

[kryptech]

Shard, you let that tricksy Legacy pull a fast one! You should know better by now.

I thought the battle was done well, with some variety. I liked where Linygae swept upside-down over Shynael. I got a sense of the desperation and weariness (where two people are locked in mortal combat, but almost fighting in slow motion from exhaustion). Of course I was thinking, "OK Shard, you've got her now. Finish this!" But I didn't think he'd have the courage or feel morally innocent if he just killed her while she was down.

As for heroic Glaive, it would have been swell for his death to be a bit more epic, but overall I think this was good. Too much coverage of his fight would have stolen the focus from Shard and Legacy's showdown. Maybe it would have been cool if Gyvael had brought down a dragon foe or two in her plummet. Though after Glaive's death, perhaps she wouldn't be able to accomplish that sort of feat...

The climax is different from the norm, and it still leaves the major conflict unresoved ('cause Legacy is still alive and dangerous, presumably). Sort of more like The Climax Part 1 of 2. Definitely a cliffhanger.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Author's Note: So, uh...for some reason I can't edit my own posts in this stupid thread <_< Um...so I'm reposting the last section, so that you can see the changes I've implemented in dialogue. All the action is the same; basically, just look for when they talk throughout the battle, and then the stuff at the end. This is a really clunky way to go about it

"Come on, Shard. Come on! Gyvael passed us ages ago!"

Shard dragged his eyes away from Advent's body with difficulty and looked up at Shynael. "R-Right," he said shakily. He reached out, grasped the hilt of his sword, screwed up his eyes, and tugged his sword out of Advent's chest. But he couldn't keep from staring at Advent's blood on it. Shard knew he was being stupid. He'd known it would come to this, hadn't he? One of them would have had to die in the end, and he should just be glad it wasn't him. "I never wanted to kill him," Shard sighed, wiping his sword on Advent's clothes.

Shynael watched him impatiently, silently begging him to hurry up, so Shard quickly swung back up onto his dragon's back. Shynael took a little longer than usual to get airborne, tired as he was from the battle, but soon they were above the canopy again. "They were heading due northwest!" Shynael called back to Shard, immediately setting off in that direction. "That must be where Legacy is!"

Shard laid his sword across his knees and tried not to think. He tried not to think about Advent and Andrael, lying broken on the forest floor. He tried not to worry over the imminent battle that he couldn't see himself winning. He tried not to wonder if Vesper was safe. But he didn't have much success.

After a surprisingly short time, the forest faded away beneath them and gave way to rolling hills. Then the silver thread of the Snake River passed below, and they were in human territory for the first time in months. Several miles across the border, Shard spotted a knot of dark shapes moving in the distance. Shynael sped towards them, and as they drew nearer they saw it was Glaive and Gyvael fighting five enormous dragons at once. Even as they approached, a blue one let out a shriek and fell heavily to the ground far, far below. Shynael let out a roar and a jet of flame as he drew near, and the remaining four dragons around Gyvael darted out of the way. They regrouped and turned back almost immediately to meet this new threat.

"Go!" Gyvael roared at them. "We can take them!"

"Get Legacy, quick!" Glaive shouted at the same time.

There was no time to protest; Shynael fled just as the four dragons attacked Gyvael at the same time. Shard craned his neck around, trying to see if they were all right. Gyvael moved swiftly between her four adversaries, fending them off with unparalleled skill. Shard faced forward again, knowing that if anyone could withstand four ferocious dragons at once, it was Glaive and Gyvael.

All too soon, Shard saw the sight he had been dreading ever since he had heard the plan to eliminate all the humans: Linygae making wide circles in the air like a red, elongated bird of prey. Shynael tightened the bond between them; they would need it more than ever in this battle. Shard adjusted his grip on his sword, and then they had overtaken the red dragon.

Shynael shot a blast of fire at Linygae's face, but she dodged out of the way and circled around behind them. Shynael whipped around and caught Linygae's talons before they could cut through his scales. The two dragons grappled in the air, snapping vainly at each other's throats, and Shard gripped one of Shynael's neck spikes to stay seated.

"No!" Legacy shouted, shock mingling with rage in her voice. "Impossible! I told Advent to kill you! How could you...unless Advent...." She let out a scream of rage, drowned out by Linygae's roar. The red dragon struggled more fiercely than before to bite Shynael's neck, her razor-sharp teeth slashing through the air inches away from Shynael's dancing head. "Murderer!" Legacy screamed over the sounds of Linygae's gnashing teeth. "I'll tear your heart out! I'll-"

Before Legacy could say any more, Shynael slipped away from Linygae's clutches, ducked beneath her, and snapped at her tail. Linygae swung her tail out of reach, then whipped it back around, hitting Shynael squarely in the jaw. Shynael recoiled, and before he could recover Linygae swept upside-down over him. As they passed overhead, Legacy sliced viciously at Shard, who parried with difficulty.

The two dragons darted around each other, their humans striking their swords against each other when they came within reach. Shard and Shynael pulsed with their bond, minds and bodies inseparable, but what little advantage they had held over Advent and Andrael was lost in the sheer force of Legacy and Linygae's rage. Shard had never crossed blades with Legacy before, but now he saw why she had become the Dragon Queen. She and Linygae were equally ferocious, unrelenting in their attack, not allowing even a moment's respite.

The two dragons were slowly circling downwards, too focused on fighting each other to do more than stay airborne from pure instinct. An idea flashed across Shard and Shynael's minds at the same time, and before they could think better of it, Shynael rammed himself hard against Linygae's side. Shard leapt from Shynael's back as soon as they collided, hurtling feet-first towards Legacy. As Linygae tipped to the right in midair, Shard landed on Legacy's side with a jolt he could feel all the way up his legs. Though she cried out, the reflexes and strength that dragonrage gave her allowed Legacy to flip her arm upward. Shard fell over Linygae's other side, hurtling down to the ground that was still far below. But Shard wasn't afraid; he could feel Shynael disentangling himself from Linygae and darting beneath. As easily as grabbing someone's hand, Shard landed on his feet on Shynael's back.

Before he could even crouch to keep his balance, an immense force collided with him, knocking him back into the air. Legacy clutched his arm as they fell to the ground, so they would stay together. Fortunately Shynael had been forced to swoop low to catch Shard, so they didn't have very far to fall. They hit the ground with an almighty crash, and Legacy's grip on Shard's arm was broken. They rolled away from each other, then scrambled to pick up their swords that had gone flying. Shard straightened up, gasping for breath. He realized his breastplate was hanging from only one strap, and hastily ripped it away; there wasn't time to refasten it, and as hazardous as it was to leave his chest unprotected, it would hinder him more if he let it flip and bang around. Other parts of his armor felt loose as well, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Legacy seemed to be having similar problems with her armor, stripping several pieces away and pulling off her helmet, letting it fall to the ground. Her lip was bleeding, and strands of hair fell from her long braid. As she slowly advanced towards him, he looked into her bloodshot eyes, gleaming with power and hatred.

[the_wolfs_howl]

"You must stop this, Legacy!" he cried as he backed away from her warily. "Think of how many lives you're ending! Can you live with that?"

"You hypocrite!" Legacy spat, blood trickling down her chin from her lip. "You come to me with this while Advent's blood is still fresh on your blade?"

She darted forward, and Shard met her sword with his own, stumbling back with surprise at how strong she was. Their swords met and parted, met and parted, like hands clapping together, urging them onwards. Legacy pressed her attack, moving her sword almost faster than Shard could defend against it. His arms ached and sweat poured down his brow. The sun beat down mercilessly on his head, burning hot even behind an enormous cloud. He was exhausted, and he knew he couldn't keep it up much longer. He would stumble, fall, die....

A sudden surge in his bond with Shynael breathed new life into his limbs. Don't you dare give up! Shynael growled in his mind. As Shard danced backwards and circled around Legacy, trying to keep out of the way of her sword, he glimpsed Shynael and Linygae fighting on a hilltop not too far away. Shynael's movements mirrored Shard's exactly, and the sight of such a strong, graceful creature moving when he moved encouraged Shard more than anything else. Shard pressed the attack himself, forcing Legacy back a few paces. Wrapped up in Shynael's mind, he could forget all fear and simply do what he had to.

For a few moments, Shard thought he might have gained the upper hand. Then Legacy recovered herself, her eyes gleaming as red as her armor, and the strength of her dragonrage won out. Her blade moved so fast that Shard was forced to block it with his left arm. The sword made a loud clang as it hit his armor, and pain skittered up his arm. Legacy raised her sword again, but just then they heard an almighty roar of rage and pain somewhere overhead.

Legacy and Shard broke away from each other and looked upwards. Almost directly above them, Glaive and Gyvael fought against not four but eight dragons, and several more in the distance were winging their way towards the fight. Even Gyvael couldn't fight so many foes at once; talons struck at her from all sides, and though she moved faster than ever before, some tore into her flesh. Then a tail struck at her, and a tiny figure fell from her back, like a little stone dropped from a great height. Gyvael thrashed frantically, but the other dragons closed in on her and cut off every retreat. The tiny figure hit the ground on the other side of a hill that began to slope steeply upwards a mere stone's throw away. As soon as it disappeared from sight behind the hill, Gyvael let out an ear-shattering scream as though she was being burned alive, as though her flesh was being torn from her bones, as though her soul had been ripped in two. The dragons separated, and Gyvael fell to the ground like a boulder, landing close to her human with a crash and a tremor like a small earthquake. Overhead, the dragons dispersed to return to the front.

Before Shard even had time to understand what had happened, Legacy took advantage of his distraction and lunged at him. He turned to face her again, but the sun chose that moment to break free from the cloud cover, and the shiny plates of Legacy's armor dazzled him. He didn't even see her sword angling towards his, and suddenly his hand was empty. She raised her sword above her head, and when she brought it down all he could do was grab her wrist. They struggled for a few moments, then Shard kicked at Legacy's legs.

Legacy stumbled, then fell backwards with Shard on top of her. She dropped her sword and lashed out with her other fist instead. Stars appeared before Shard's eyes as her armored fist connected with his cheek. Disoriented, he felt himself falling to the side, and then they were rolling down the hill, locked in a desperate struggle as they both tried to remain on top. At the bottom of the hill, Shard rolled off of Legacy and attempted to roll onto his feet, but he only managed to rise to his knees. Legacy slowly picked herself up from the ground, her shoulders heaving with her labored breathing, strands of hair stuck to her face with blood and sweat. Shard wanted nothing more than to fall to the ground and never get up, but he forced himself to his feet as well. Linygae and Shynael stood on a nearby hill, panting from their fierce tussle.

"Why...do you...hate humans?" Shard panted, trying to win himself a brief respite.

"Because they took...everything away from me," Legacy forced out between deep breaths. "They...hunted me down...from the first...and then when...Adamant and I went...to negotiate...they killed him! They don't care, Shard! If you're associated with dragons...all they'll do is kill you...even if you were family! They'll kill you without remorse.... So how can you ask me to have mercy on those who would show no mercy to me?!" She shouted these last words, running towards him again.

Shard felt Shynael beat his wings just enough to leap over Linygae as she charged at him. At the same time, Shard became aware of his own legs bending, then pushing him into the air, as he leapt right over Legacy's head. Shynael's strength pulsed through his veins, as strong as dragonrage. Shard ran as hard as he ever had, away from Legacy, up the hill, his eyes flitting from side to side, searching the tall grass for a glint of metal. He could hear Legacy's footsteps pounding behind him.

Then he saw something shining on the ground, and he dived for it. Grabbing at the hilt, he swung it wildly around, hoping to fend Legacy off. The blade glanced off her armor, and they both staggered away from each other. Exhaustion had turned Shard's limbs to lead, but he forced himself to advance again, swiping at Legacy with what little strength he had left. She blocked his blows with her arm as he had done, staggering backwards. Then her foot caught in a rabbit hole, Shard rammed his shoulder into her with the last of his strength, and they both fell to the ground again.

Shard wearily straddled her, his knees pinning her upper arms to the ground so she couldn't get up again. He could see, out of the corner of his eye, Shynael pressing Linygae to the ground, one paw against her throat. Shard crouched over Legacy, holding his sword with both hands, its point hovering mere inches from her throat. Every muscle in his body seemed to be trembling from exertion, and the sword point moved in little circles in midair. "Su...Surrender...." he gasped out.

Legacy lay beneath him, the gleam of dragonrage gone from her eyes. "No," she said in a surprisingly calm voice. "You'll just have to kill me, won't you? Like you killed Advent." Her lip curled and her eyes blazed defiantly.

"Please," he breathed wearily. "Just...call the troops back, end this war before anyone else dies. I don't want to kill you."

"Then don't," she purred, her eyes half-closed. "Let me go, and I will reward you beyond your wildest-"

Shard let out a mirthless laugh that sounded more like a cough. His arms trembled from holding up his sword; it had never felt so heavy before. "Don't start that again. If you won't surrender, I have no choice but to kill you. I can't allow you to kill so many innocent people just because of what they are."

Inexplicably, Legacy smiled. Shard felt her left arm moving beneath his knee, but before he could look down, she spoke. "You won't kill me. You can't bring yourself to do it. Just think – how could you live with yourself if you did?"

Her mocking tone hit Shard and turned his chest cold. It took him a few moments to realize that this cold feeling came not only from her words, but from a knife embedded in the right side of his chest. Legacy's hand slipped from the handle, her work accomplished. Shard numbly watched his own blood drip down the blade of the knife as the coldness began to seep outward in all directions from the small frozen epicenter, creeping up to his shoulders. With great effort, he lifted his head to look at Legacy again.

Legacy was smirking and watching his shocked face with satisfaction. Her face blurred, then came into focus, then blurred again. The whole world seemed to swim around him, as the chill numbness spread farther and farther through Shard's body. He couldn't stay upright; he wavered back and forth as the edges of his vision began to grow dark. It was strange, how Advent's blows had seared and burned like the hottest furnace, but this little knife only made him feel cold.

The chill spread to his fingertips, to the top of his head, to his toes. He was so tired.... He just wanted to sleep somewhere warm, and never get up again. His vision had narrowed to pinpricks of shifting colors. Shard pitched forward, felt something crunch beneath him, and then he was falling sideways, down into the darkness. As his eyes closed at last to the blessed darkness of oblivion, his figurative hand slipped from Shynael's.

[the_wolfs_howl]

I thought the battle was done well, with some variety. I liked where Linygae swept upside-down over Shynael. I got a sense of the desperation and weariness (where two people are locked in mortal combat, but almost fighting in slow motion from exhaustion). Of course I was thinking, "OK Shard, you've got her now. Finish this!" But I didn't think he'd have the courage or feel morally innocent if he just killed her while she was down.

Heehee, I liked that part too. I guess this was the battle where I felt I could go all out and write all these moves I've wished dragon riders would do for so long. Did it come across as a little too...Jedi?
I also felt the characters' exhaustion while I was writing it, so I'm glad that came across to you as well. I wanted to make sure Shard wasn't fit as a fiddle all through the battle, especially after he'd just fought another exhausting duel.
What do you think of the slightly-altered end of the scene up above?

As for heroic Glaive, it would have been swell for his death to be a bit more epic, but overall I think this was good. Too much coverage of his fight would have stolen the focus from Shard and Legacy's showdown. Maybe it would have been cool if Gyvael had brought down a dragon foe or two in her plummet. Though after Glaive's death, perhaps she wouldn't be able to accomplish that sort of feat...

I know I need to work on Glaive and Gyvael's deaths]The climax is different from the norm, and it still leaves the major conflict unresoved ('cause Legacy is still alive and dangerous, presumably). Sort of more like The Climax Part 1 of 2. Definitely a cliffhanger. [/QUOTE]
Hmm. You guys have also brought to light a possible problem with the climax that I may have to rethink. I'm not sure what to do yet, and I can't really discuss it with you guys yet, because you don't know the last bit of the story. It's food for thought, anyway.

[Esoteric]

What do you think of the slightly-altered end of the scene up above?

Muuuuuuuuuch Better!
Amazing what slightly different dialogue does.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Author's Note: This is it, guys. The last section. I can't believe we're here already. I've now been writing and posting this for two years and almost two months; Black Dragon has been a part of my life for so long that it's going to be very strange not to be writing this anymore. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm done and finished, and it's only when I go to think through the next section that I realize all the story is laid out, and it's not just this nebulous thing in my head anymore. But strangely enough, even though the events are pinned down and, for the most part, satisfactory to me, this story doesn't seem dead and finished to me. Shard and Shynael were quiet for a while after I finished writing this, but then when I started reading and talking about dragons a bit, they burst back again. They're still alive in my mind, even if their story is finished. And I hope they never leave; they're way too fun to have bouncing around my mind They've been riotously happy to see their story come to a conclusion, especially when they heard this is only the second original novel-length story I've actually finished the first draft of. The final word count of this is 81,902 (126 pages). Not quite as long as the longest thing I've ever written, which was a fanfic at about 84,000 words, but still I'm very proud of myself for getting this far.

Shard, Shynael, and I dedicate this story to our dear friend Esoteric. Without you, Eso, we'd still be in our egg, at the chapel, and staring at a blank screen. You're the reason this is finished, and you're also part of the reason it's this long, because you've helped us discover and remember all the things that happened. Your advice has been invaluable, your companionship immensely encouraging. If this ever gets published, you're getting a free copy with all three of our autographs

And a big thanks to you too, kryptech (and any lurkers who might be secretly reading *peeks into corners*). Thanks for sticking around this long, and providing incentive for me to keep going. Enjoy the final segment! *wonders what you're going to make of it, after all the comments last time*

"...my shepherd; therefore can I lack nothing."

The first thing Shard became aware of was a voice, soft and even, murmuring as smooth and steady as a brook. It was like the breath of his soul, familiar and essential. He was quite content to just listen quietly to it as it spoke words he knew by heart, yet seemed new and fresh with this voice speaking them.

"He shall feed me in a green pasture, and lead me forth beside the waters of comfort."

The waters of comfort.... That voice sure knew what it was talking about. A cool, damp cloth lay across Shard's forehead, slipping down to cover his eyes as well. Everything around his body was soft and comforting, as if he was in the midst of a warm, fluffy cloud. He could lie here like this forever.

"He shall convert my soul, and bring me forth in the paths of righteousness for his Name's sake."

Slowly a thought occurred to Shard's slow-moving mind. Maybe he was in heaven. He couldn't remember why, but that idea vaguely resonated with something that had happened. Something.... What was it? His thoughts floated weightless in and out of those murmured words, content for things to remain as they were.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death-"

Suddenly the voice cut itself off, and the sounds of someone crying softly reached his ears instead. Something inside Shard stirred restlessly; he wanted that soothing voice to continue, and the crying made him feel uneasy. A scrap of discontent fluttered through Shard's mind as he realized that he must not be in heaven after all, because who would be crying in heaven? Two warm hands closed around Shard's right hand, and he felt something hard pressing against his palm. The shape was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. It reminded him of...kneeling, clasping his hands with that shape between them.... His cross.

The voice was trying to continue through its tears. "Yea, though I w-walk through the...the valley of the shadow...of death...."

"I will fear no evil," Shard whispered, curling his fingers around the hand that pressed his cross into his palm, "for thou art with me...."

Someone gasped, and then there came a thudding and crashing as though a giant was rampaging towards him. Someone pulled the cloth away from his eyes, but the first thing he saw was not the hangings of the four-poster bed, nor the bookcases crashing to the floor, nor even the enormous black dragon bounding towards him. He saw a little black-haired, golden-eyed boy racing towards him with all his might, arms outstretched and pure joy blazing across his face. Shard reached out to catch him, and they clung to each other as though they hadn't seen each other for a year. Shard realized there had been an aching gap somewhere inside him, for what felt like an unbearably long time. It felt as though he hadn't touched Shynael in ages, and now that he held onto the person who completed his soul, he never wanted to let go again.

After a few moments lost in the inferno of their shared affection, the boy drew back a little, though he still clutched Shard's hand with all his strength. Shard found himself gasping for breath as the black dragon laid his head on Shard's lap and began to purr loudly. Shard laughed breathlessly and stroked the smooth scales of Shynael's nose. "Well, at least you're in one piece."

Shard looked around and found himself in his own room. Other than the felled bookcases and overturned furniture in Shynael's wake, it looked exactly as he had left it. Shynael lay in an overjoyed black mass on the left side of the bed, and Vannasai approached the foot of the bed, smiling. Before he could even turn his head to the right, Vesper threw her arms around him and held him so tightly it hurt, though he wasn't sure if that was mainly the wound twinging behind the stiffness of bandages or his heart aching with happiness. "Vanessa," he breathed, savoring her name like a drop of honey on his tongue. It was such a pretty name, too, as if Vesper wasn't beautiful enough.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Vesper finally let him go, then helped him sit propped up against the pillows while tears poured down her face. While Vesper desperately tried to wipe her tears away, Shard gingerly felt the wound on his chest. He realized he was covered with bandages – one wrapped around his hand, one on his shoulder, one on his ankle – and littered with bruises. Once he had finished inspecting with his fingers the spectacular bruise on his cheekbone, he looked up at Vesper. "How long was I out?"

Her lip trembled, but Vesper took a deep breath and said, "Four days. There were a few times...." Her voice wobbled dangerously; she hastily fell silent and took his hand again, as if to reassure herself he was all right.

Vannasai smoothly took over for her human. "When the warriors stopped their advance, we knew you had succeeded. Everyone was rushing to see what happened, so we followed them to where you were. We found...Glaive and Gyvael...." She dropped her eyes to the bedspread, and Shard felt a pang unrelated to his wound. "When we saw the four of you lying on the ground like that, we thought we'd lost you." She looked sadly at Shynael, who tore his gaze from Shard's face for a moment to meet her eyes.

"There was a knife in your chest and a sword through Legacy's throat," Vesper said, wiping her eyes again. "We feared the worst, but you two were still alive. Thank heaven."

"I was okay after a couple days," Shynael piped up, his head bouncing comically on Shard's lap as his jaws moved. "But even after they gave you lots of their blood, you still wouldn't wake up! Humans sure do take their pretty time about things!"

Even as he chuckled and flicked Shynael playfully on the forehead, Shard glanced over and saw a bandage around Vesper's wrist. The thought that some of Vesper's blood now ran in his veins was very comforting, he found. It was like a talisman.

Thinking he was looking at the ivory cross in her hand, Vesper reached over and put the cord over his head. "You'll be wanting this back."

Shard smiled at her as she bent towards him to give him the cross. "I told you I'd stick around to get it back."

Vesper immediately began to fuss over the coverlet, keeping her face ducked out of sight, and Shard let out a sigh as he looked around at their little group. They were the only Ambassadors left; everyone else was dead now. Dead.... There was a cold lump in his stomach that persisted even with the warmth that burned brightly among these people he held so dear. More to keep his mind off the corpses lurking in the back of his mind than anything else, Shard asked the group at large, "So what's happened while I've been out of it? Did you...manage to...?"

"We managed to spread the warning before the dragons got too far," Vesper said, now plumping up his pillows for him. "Most of the humans reached safety in time."

"Meaning, most of them turned tail and fled at the first sight of me," Vannasai said with a wry smile. "I suppose it was just as effective, but it would have been nice if they'd known I wasn't trying to eat them."

"Yeah, well, humans have pretty thick skulls," Shynael said, sticking his tongue out at Shard.

Ignoring Shynael's words, Vannasai continued, "As soon as you two defeated their commander, the warriors couldn't coordinate their attacks, and had to retreat. Since Linygae and Legacy were the Queens, and you defeated them...you became the Dragon Kings."

Stunned, Shard stared at Shynael. "What?" This was a side of the matter he'd never considered before.

Shynael gave a trill that Shard could feel vibrating his stomach. "Don't worry; we're not anymore. They had a Talon thing the other day because lots of people didn't want us. Thought I was too young or something. When I woke up, they asked me if they should wait for a while so I could fight in it too, but I told him we didn't want to be any old Kings anyway!"

Shard couldn't help smiling at Shynael's cheerful tone. "You're right about that." He didn't find the idea of being a king all that appealing. Too much responsibility, as if he didn't have enough things to worry about already. They'd have to do something about the human slaves, and now there would be even more tension between the two races that they would have to deal with. They needed to forge a good relationship with the Dragon King, and it would be good to make contact with humans in authority as well.... There was so much to do; for a moment he felt overwhelmed and frustrated that he couldn't begin any of this until his wound was at least somewhat healed.

Shard was so preoccupied with his plans that he didn't notice Vesper and Vannasai trading looks and gestures. "I have something I want to show you," Vesper said, breaking Shard from his thoughts. Before he could ask what it was, she pushed back the chair she was sitting in and hurried away out the door.

"What's this about?" Shard asked the dragons, but they shared secretive smiles and wouldn't tell him anything. Bewildered, Shard rubbed his thumb in absent-minded circles over one of Shynael's scales while he waited for Vesper to return.

When she did, she had brought someone with her. The man was leaning on her shoulder for support and limping, one arm in a cast and a bandage around his head. His habit was torn and a little scorched in places, but though he looked rather worse for the wear, he moved as quickly as possible to Vesper's chair at the side of the bed. Shard stared at him, his mouth slightly open, and was unable to find his voice until the man sat down. With effort, Shard swallowed and gasped out, "Father Mark!"

The old priest grinned ear to ear and reached out with his good hand to clasp Shard's. "Sean," he said, and Shard felt a thrill to hear his old name again. "My dear boy."

"Father...." Shard wondered if his heart would burst with happiness. "But...why are you here?"

"When this young lady swooped down on the village," he said, smiling up at Vesper, "I thought there might be a chance she would have news of you. Sure enough, she told me that you were...the greatest of friends." He gave them both a smile and a wink as if he thought there was more to it than that, and Vesper blushed bright red. "So as soon as all the ruckus with the dragons was over, I asked her to bring me here."

"I'm so glad you did," Shard said. "I've missed you, Father."

"And I you." Father Mark gazed into Shard's face for a few moments, then said softly, "Ah, you're no longer the little lad learning his prayers and letters at my side. You've grown into a man, Sean. And a fine one, too; Vesper has told me what you've done. I am very proud of you, my boy. I know your parents would be, as well."

Shard squeezed the old man's hand. "Thank you, Father."

He looked around himself, at all the people he loved most. Father Mark smiling at him from the chair; Vannasai and Vesper talking quietly to one another, Vesper unknowingly smiling the most beautiful smile Shard had ever seen; Shynael gazing fondly up at him, the firelight glistening on his obsidian-like scales. He remembered a time, not too long ago though it felt like years, when he had resented Shynael for crashing in and changing everything he held dear. Had he thought that he'd lost everything when Shynael came into his life? He saw now how wrong he had been. He had gained the world.

[SIZE="3"]The End[/SIZE]

[Esoteric]

Ahhhhhhh. I wondered what the 'crunch' was Shard felt beneath him as he fell. Legacy did die there, huh? You psyched us into a bigger cliffhanger than it actually was! That's why both kryp. and I thought of it as climax part 1 of 2. I might suggest making the irony of Legacy's action a little more obvious then and there--that by trying to kill Shard, she killed herself.
I don't think it I would be bad to have the last thing Shard is aware of is his sword getting heavy and it plunging downward into something with a crunch, etc... give a stronger hint at what happened. When he wakes up to discover he killed Legacy after all, I almost feel like I 'missed the big scene', you know?

Anyway, a touching ending. Woooo, you finished it! I like that Father Mark is there--that's an excellent way to bring things full circle. I was surprised the slave situation didn't get a little more 'screen time' because it seemed to become such an important element in the conflict with Legacy. At least that girl, Maria(?) might have been there to say something, but oh well.
The part where Shard wakes up as Vesper is reading was very nicely done. Good pacing, and very powerful.

So they turned down the kingship, huh? Well, if they were going to have to fight for it, I can see that. I'm less than optimistic that the next dragon king will be easy to negotiate with, which leaves me with some considerable doubts about peace, but that's anther story I guess.
Oh hehe, and I really liked when Vannasai talked about the people fleeing from her instead of hearing the warning. That sounds about right!
Well done, Wolf. You've finished at....over 80,000 words?! :O Can I borrow some? Well now you get to start on it all over again with rewrites. Doesn't that just sound like so much fun?

[Ante Bellum]

Yay, you're done! ^_^
Okay, I admit I have to go through and read everything nonstop, but I look forward to it!

[kryptech]

The End

Wow. It seems kinda weird that this is over... Anyway, my final thoughts:

I liked how Shard returned to consciousness, with Vesper quoting the Psalm. Like Shard I wasn't sure where / when it was at first (maybe even with Father Mark). The cross and then Shard finishing the line was nice.

Shard looked around and found himself in his own room. Other than the felled bookcases and overturned furniture in Shynael's wake, it looked exactly as he had left it.

Ha, ha! Some parts of your story are serious or grim but one can always count on Shynael to lighten up the mood.

While Vesper desperately tried to wipe her tears away...

Vesper immediately began to fuss over the coverlet, keeping her face ducked out of sight...

That is exactly how I'd expect Vesper to act.

"There was a knife in your chest and a sword through Legacy's throat,"

Ah, ha! I assumed that Vesper was out of the picture somehow but I wasn't in what manner that would have occurred.

I don't think it I would be bad to have the last thing Shard is aware of is his sword getting heavy and it plunging downward into something with a crunch, etc... give a stronger hint at what happened. When he wakes up to discover he killed Legacy after all, I almost feel like I 'missed the big scene', you know?

I'm inclined to think along the same lines.

"... Since Linygae and Legacy were the Queens, and you defeated them...you became the Dragon Kings."

Stunned, Shard stared at Shynael. "What?" This was a side of the matter he'd never considered before.

Hmm, never thought of that either... I didn't think Shard would accept that role and I was even more sure Shynael wouldn't be interested.

I was surprised the slave situation didn't get a little more 'screen time' because it seemed to become such an important element in the conflict with Legacy. At least that girl, Maria(?) might have been there to say something, but oh well.

I also wondered about this and when Vesper left all secret-like, I thought perhaps Maria or some of the slaves might return with her.

I kind of expected Father Mark might reappear at point and it was great to wrap up with that reunion.

Well now you get to start on it all over again with rewrites. Doesn't that just sound like so much fun?

Ouch, that is rough! ]The Black Dragon[/I] (still tentative title?) here! Three cheers y'all (one each for you, Shard, and Shynael).

[the_wolfs_howl]

Ahhhhhhh. I wondered what the 'crunch' was Shard felt beneath him as he fell. Legacy did die there, huh? You psyched us into a bigger cliffhanger than it actually was! That's why both kryp. and I thought of it as climax part 1 of 2. I might suggest making the irony of Legacy's action a little more obvious then and there--that by trying to kill Shard, she killed herself.
I don't think it I would be bad to have the last thing Shard is aware of is his sword getting heavy and it plunging downward into something with a crunch, etc... give a stronger hint at what happened. When he wakes up to discover he killed Legacy after all, I almost feel like I 'missed the big scene', you know?

Yeah, you're right. I need to make that more obvious, more hinting at something so the reader won't feel like it's a deus ex machina or something.

I was surprised the slave situation didn't get a little more 'screen time' because it seemed to become such an important element in the conflict with Legacy. At least that girl, Maria(?) might have been there to say something, but oh well.

I also wondered about this and when Vesper left all secret-like, I thought perhaps Maria or some of the slaves might return with her.

*grimace* You definitely have a point there. That will need to be squished into the scene too.

So they turned down the kingship, huh? Well, if they were going to have to fight for it, I can see that. I'm less than optimistic that the next dragon king will be easy to negotiate with, which leaves me with some considerable doubts about peace, but that's anther story I guess.

Whaddya know, Shynael? We just might have enough material for a direct sequel after all!
One thing I dislike about stories is when they fix everything up. Especially if the hero survives. I mean...what's the hero going to do after that? It would seem like the rest of his life would be really boring. But I doubt Shard and the other Ambassadors will ever be bored, what with all the tough things they still have to deal with now. It's almost like...Legacy was just the beginning.

Well done, Wolf. You've finished at....over 80,000 words?! :O Can I borrow some? Well now you get to start on it all over again with rewrites. Doesn't that just sound like so much fun?

>:( No! They're mine! My own! My precious! *hugs words to self*
And actually, you know what? Call me crazy, but rewriting this does sound fun. I don't think I want to start all over again quite so soon, but when I do it's going to be a very enjoyable process. I guess that's because I don't want to give my lovely characters up, and I already know oodles of things I want to change.

Yay, you're done! ^_^
Okay, I admit I have to go through and read everything nonstop, but I look forward to it!

See, I knew there was a lurker around here!

That is exactly how I'd expect Vesper to act.

You know...every time you say something like this, I just feel all warm inside. I'm used to people talking about how I'm staying in character when I write fanfics, but I think this story is the first one where anybody's said that about characters of my own creation. It's heartening to know that I can make a character distinctive enough that someone will recognize the way they act.

Excellent work, the_wolfs_howl's! Thank you very much for sharing your epic tale with us. I can't believe it has been that long you've been posting The Black Dragon (still tentative title?) here! Three cheers y'all (one each for you, Shard, and Shynael).

Thanks, to both of you! This has been an amazing ride for me; I've learned so much, and I feel that I've grown some as well.

Now. Shynael, it's time!

*Shynael carts in huge stacks of paper*

Wolf: I just have a short questionnaire I'd like you guys to do...let's see. *picks up a page and starts to read* "What is Shynael's coolest feature? ... What are three complimentary words you could use to describe Shynael?" Hmm. *flips through pages* Did you come up with these yourself, Shynael?

Shynael: Yup! I dictated to Shard as usual.

Wolf: Well...maybe it's a bit much for them to do all at once. How 'bout we just give them these questions? Just a few questions, now that you've got to the end of the story! Answer as many or as few as you feel like:

1. What was the best scene/part?
2. What was the worst scene/part?
3. Who was the best character?
4. Who was the worst character?
5. Were there any parts of the story that seemed to drag?
6. Was there anything you didn't understand by the end?
7. Do you feel there are any loose ends that weren't tied up by the end?
8. Say there's already a really popular book called The Black Dragon. What would you name this book instead?

[Esoteric]

Just a few questions, now that you've got to the end of the story! Answer as many or as few as you feel like:

A good idea, but it'll be a week or two before I can give answers. Why? Well to accurately answer, I need to reread the whole thing in one go so it's all fresh. I was meaning too anyway, I just need to find a chunk of time....

[kryptech]

A good idea, but it'll be a week or two before I can give answers. Why? Well to accurately answer, I need to reread the whole thing in one go so it's all fresh. I was meaning too anyway, I just need to find a chunk of time....

Ditto, though it may take me a bit longer to get at it and through it...

[the_wolfs_howl]

Aww, you guys! (said in a I'm-so-touched way rather than a I'm-so-disappointed way) You're actually going to do that? You guys rock.

Well, I'm going to be stuck in the hospital for a while, so that'll be a great opportunity for you to read it in peace My brother's also going to be reading it, so this'll be great.

[Esoteric]

Okay, I've reread most of it. (wow...I forgot how long it was...<.<)

1. What was the best scene/part?
It's difficult to highlight one specific scene as the best, but the highlights for me were the beginning chapters. The strange new relationship between Sean and this know-it-all little dragon were fascinating and fun. When they got to the Ambassadors, the story began to take on a whole different flavor which wasn't bad, it just wasn't quite as...charming? Not sure that's the right word. Advent's scene bloody revenge in the middle of the story also enthralled me rather strongly.

2. What was the worst scene/part?
The 'training arc' was a bit slow. As I mentioned, the story changed pace dramatically after Shard joined the Ambassadors. It was no longer a story about 'a boy and his dragon', but about potential destiny in a meager, flailing order of dragon knights.
Looking back, the scene with the dragon king seemed a little arbitrary. They don't really do anything there except introduce Shard to the king. And then we never see the king again. Shard never interacts with him in the future, so what does it matter to the story? It seemed like an excuse to describe more of the dragon kingdom and just break up the monotony of the training.

3. Who was the best character?
Oooooh, this could cause problems if I don't say Shynael.
This is tough, because I assume you're asking who was the best written. The story is told from Shard's perspective, so we get an exponentially higher amount of characterization for him. He seems like the easy answer, because he's kind, handsome, sympathetic, generous, sacrificing etc...

However, it sometimes feels like he changed very little through the course of the story. Yeah, he learns to fight. Yeah, his scales grow. But emotionally, mentally, the biggest change in him was a decrease in his level of guilt for past actions. The morality of killing and forgiveness are the two BIGGEST themes in the story. He learns about forgiveness, but he never decides about killing, not wholly.

His emotional development on the issue went like this:

I accidentally used dragon rage to kill knights threatening me. Noooo!
I willingly used dragon rage to kill knights slaughtering baby dragons. I am an evil horrible person!
I fought Advent and accidentally killed him. Oh dear.
I fought Legacy and accidentally killed her. Oh well.

He tears himself up over killing bad people he doesn't know, but he almost seems numb when Advent and Legacy die. It felt emotionally anticlimactic for me. What do you want Shard to learn about killing by the end of the story?--that it's never okay, or that it's sometimes necessary?

Recently I've been watching the anime Moribito, in which a bodyguard named Balsa vows not to kill anymore in her line of work. Quite a tall order, but for years she has succeeded. She has also vowed to protect a young prince with her life.
One day she encounters an old enemy, bent on fighting a death duel with her. She refuses and the man cruelly declares he will kill an innocent person every day until she agrees to fight. Trying to keep her vow, Balsa still refuses and instead attempts to protect these random targets, but it becomes increasingly clear that there is no escape from a fight. She cannot protect random people indefinitely. She'll just get them and herself killed. She will also fail to keep her vow to protect the prince. Balsa agrees to fight, hoping to overpower him and make him submit. But he is strong. She realizes she cannot keep both vows and must choose. She kills him. It had to be done. She is victorious, but clearly loathes herself for it. She failed to keep her vow, and ultimately, to escape the reality of her job.
(Later it turns out she only thought she killed him, but that's totally a writer's cop-out if you ask me. The fight lost almost all of its meaning as a result).
But Shard needs to decide what he'd do in this situation. Would he kill? Would he run? Would he die trying to protect those random people? Having him accidentally kill Legacy sidesteps the issue instead of answering it.

4. Who was the worst character?
The Dragon King was bland and sounded a little addled (like the old king in Princess Bride)
Legacy and Glaive aren't bad characters, but they do get the awards for most unstable personalities (as in sometimes difficult to understand motives for choices or actions).

5. Were there any parts of the story that seemed to drag?
[SIZE="4"]Training[/SIZE] [SIZE="3"]training[/SIZE][SIZE="2"] training[/SIZE] training...
There are a few places in the middle where character development really stalled, where Shard doesn't interact with the other Ambassadors outside of training.

6. Was there anything you didn't understand by the end?
Well, I understood things pretty well, I think. But I would've enjoyed a bit more backstory on the Ambassadors. How did the order get started? Did the ever act as ambassadors? How did it become reduced to a rag tag group of four malcontented members before Shard arrived?

7. Do you feel there are any loose ends that weren't tied up by the end?
The fate of the slaves. The fate of the Ambassadors (now that there are only two....) Are Shard and Vesper gonna get hitched or what?

8. Say there's already a really popular book called The Black Dragon. What would you name this book instead?
ehehehehehehe.
The Amazing Misadventures of Shard and Shynael!
Errrm, no...
On a serious note, Ambassador's Call has a nice ring to it. It avoids the umpteenth fantasy titles with the word 'dragon' in them, and it sings to the idea of Shard's destiny among the Ambassadors. But there's a problem. Shard doesn't actually ambassador anything in the book, so uh...kinda misleading. It may also be taken as well. I'll just throw some other words at you that might sound cool as part of a title. Try combining them in random variations. Maybe something will strike you.

Obsidian
Shards
Oriflamme
Banner
Sky
Forest
Stone
Blood

Well, hope that helps. I guess it's my last picky-fit for a while on this story!

[the_wolfs_howl]

Heehee. I've just finished reading my brother's critique of the story, and now this! It's like Christmas four months early!

...And at the same time, I realize how much work this story still needs

1. What was the best scene/part?
It's difficult to highlight one specific scene as the best, but the highlights for me were the beginning chapters. The strange new relationship between Sean and this know-it-all little dragon were fascinating and fun. When they got to the Ambassadors, the story began to take on a whole different flavor which wasn't bad, it just wasn't quite as...charming? Not sure that's the right word. Advent's scene bloody revenge in the middle of the story also enthralled me rather strongly.

I agree. Writing it as I came up with things made the story kind of willy-nilly and purposeless. The writing book I've been reading makes an excellent point about a story needing a premise, a purpose that everything in the story is driving towards. I've realized I need to decide what the premise of this story is before I can really fix it up.
(And I think my favorite scene was Advent's stabbing spree too )

2. What was the worst scene/part?
...
Looking back, the scene with the dragon king seemed a little arbitrary. They don't really do anything there except introduce Shard to the king. And then we never see the king again. Shard never interacts with him in the future, so what does it matter to the story? It seemed like an excuse to describe more of the dragon kingdom and just break up the monotony of the training.

Precisely what I thought when I read through it again! Everyone seems to be in agreement about that.

3. Who was the best character?
Oooooh, this could cause problems if I don't say Shynael.

Snrk.

This is tough, because I assume you're asking who was the best written. The story is told from Shard's perspective, so we get an exponentially higher amount of characterization for him. He seems like the easy answer, because he's kind, handsome, sympathetic, generous, sacrificing etc...

Ooh, handsome? Shard's turning bright red....

However, it sometimes feels like he changed very little through the course of the story. (etc.)

Those were some very excellent points. I think you're exactly right - I sidestepped the issue of what he thinks about killing people by the end of the story, because I afraid and unsure of myself. This will require much introspection and serious discussions with Shard, but I hope he'll come out much stronger for that.

4. Who was the worst character?
The Dragon King was bland and sounded a little addled (like the old king in Princess Bride)
Legacy and Glaive aren't bad characters, but they do get the awards for most unstable personalities (as in sometimes difficult to understand motives for choices or actions).

Duly noted. One thing my brother had problems with was keeping everyone straight. Did you have trouble with that, like maybe when they were first introduced? He also has issues with how everyone's dragon starts with the same letter as their own name. What do you think?

5. Were there any parts of the story that seemed to drag?
[SIZE="4"]Training[/SIZE] [SIZE="3"]training[/SIZE][SIZE="2"] training[/SIZE] training...

I knew you were going to say that

6. Was there anything you didn't understand by the end?
Well, I understood things pretty well, I think. But I would've enjoyed a bit more backstory on the Ambassadors. How did the order get started? Did the ever act as ambassadors? How did it become reduced to a rag tag group of four malcontented members before Shard arrived?

Mmm, good ideas!

7. Do you feel there are any loose ends that weren't tied up by the end?
The fate of the slaves. The fate of the Ambassadors (now that there are only two....) Are Shard and Vesper gonna get hitched or what? ]
Hmm, yes, I do need to address those things, don't I? I'd debated saying outright that they would "get hitched", but I didn't because I thought it might sound cheesy. (It would've been something like Father Mark saying, "I'd better stick around. Someone's got to perform the marriage ceremony." And Shard and Vesper blush.)

8. Say there's already a really popular book called The Black Dragon. What would you name this book instead?
ehehehehehehe.
The Amazing Misadventures of Shard and Shynael!

Shynael likes that name, but I think I'd have to put my foot down.

On a serious note, Ambassador's Call has a nice ring to it. It avoids the umpteenth fantasy titles with the word 'dragon' in them, and it sings to the idea of Shard's destiny among the Ambassadors. But there's a problem. Shard doesn't actually ambassador anything in the book, so uh...kinda misleading. It may also be taken as well. I'll just throw some other words at you that might sound cool as part of a title. Try combining them in random variations. Maybe something will strike you.

Yeah, my main problem with "The Black Dragon" is that it has 'dragon' in it, and sorry Shynael, but everyone and their brother wants to write about dragons, so by now people would just pass over a title like that. I know I would.
I like the idea of something like "obsidian scales", but I've realized that ultimately, I can't come up with a really fitting title until I figure out what the premise is, what the story's actually about, and then I can come up with something - a title that embodies brotherly love spanning enemy cultures, or what it means to be human, or struggling with whether it's all right to kill....
But I have to ask: why "oriflamme"?

Thanks, Eso, for those lovely additional comments!

And now that the story's all done, I feel I can reveal something. Remember back when you told me what you were expecting from the ending? One thing you said was that I could surprise you and make Vesper die. Well, I never considered Vesper dying, but there was a time towards the beginning of the story where I was actually going to kill Shard. When I first came up with what the climax would be, I had two outcomes in mind: the one I wrote, or one where Shard dies and Shynael is left to grieve. I had a vague idea of him nearly falling prey to dragonrage, but then realizing Shard wouldn't want that, and then he'd find an abandoned baby human, and raise it - kind of the reverse of what Shard did for him.

All three of us at this end, anyway, think the route I chose was better for everybody, but naturally the premise will determine how it ends.

[Esoteric]

Heehee. I've just finished reading my brother's critique of the story, and now this! It's like Christmas four months early!

...And at the same time, I realize how much work this story still needs

Got coal in your stocking, eh?

The writing book I've been reading makes an excellent point about a story needing a premise, a purpose that everything in the story is driving towards. I've realized I need to decide what the premise of this story is before I can really fix it up.

Good, good, and good. ]
Those were some very excellent points. I think you're exactly right - I sidestepped the issue of what he thinks about killing people by the end of the story, because I afraid and unsure of myself. This will require much introspection and serious discussions with Shard, but I hope he'll come out much stronger for that.[/quote]
Yeah, between murder and slavery, you set yourself up with some pretty tough issues! When deciding on your 'premise', you'll have to figure out if you truly wish to tackle these issues on a philosophical level, or downplay their roll in the story. If you do take the challenge, I'll try to offer some food for thought.

Duly noted. One thing my brother had problems with was keeping everyone straight. Did you have trouble with that, like maybe when they were first introduced? He also has issues with how everyone's dragon starts with the same letter as their own name. What do you think?

Eh, maybe a little with the dragons. But now you've got me thinking though. Based on the principle that a human's name is somehow subliminally obvious to a dragon, it makes sense that they have human-sounding names (or should I say, their names are translated) from mutual concepts (broken piece=shard, a piercing weapon=glaive, a bold visionary=legacy etc...)
If that's the case, why aren't there translations for the dragon names? Except where a dragon concept is foreign to humans (i.e. soul bond), humans understand the meaning just fine. Do the dragons literally say Linygae, Gyvael, Andrael, or do they(as is my impression) speak in subtle grunts and growls which are magically understood by bonded individuals?
Seems to me a human would hear the human translation of whatever Linygae, Gyvael and Andrael 'mean' instead of the pretty but cryptic name.
You're probably sorry you asked now...

Hmm, yes, I do need to address those things, don't I? I'd debated saying outright that they would "get hitched", but I didn't because I thought it might sound cheesy. (It would've been something like Father Mark saying, "I'd better stick around. Someone's got to perform the marriage ceremony." And Shard and Vesper blush.)

hehehe, it would've sounded a bit cheezy, actually. I guess I just wanted to know more about Shard's feelings for Vesper. Does he just care about her as a friend, or as something more?

But I have to ask: why "oriflamme"?

Because it sounds totally cool, and unlike 'dragon' nobody uses it. Actually, there was a mystery puzzle book I once read that had beautiful artwork and cryptic verses written in it. One of the pages talked about riding a bicycle and 'bearing aloft the oriflamme.' I've loved the word ever since.

It originated as the red/gold battle standard of the French kings, but its meaning is more diverse now. Generally speaking, it's any banner with royal, religious or ideological connotations. It stands for/represents something, either literally or symbolically. And when thinking of the values Shard stood for, it made me think he bares aloft his own tarnished oriflamme.

Explained enough?

And now that the story's all done, I feel I can reveal something. Remember back when you told me what you were expecting from the ending? One thing you said was that I could surprise you and make Vesper die. Well, I never considered Vesper dying, but there was a time towards the beginning of the story where I was actually going to kill Shard. When I first came up with what the climax would be, I had two outcomes in mind: the one I wrote, or one where Shard dies and Shynael is left to grieve. I had a vague idea of him nearly falling prey to dragonrage, but then realizing Shard wouldn't want that, and then he'd find an abandoned baby human, and raise it - kind of the reverse of what Shard did for him.

Ahh. I'll tell you why I never foresaw that ending. The entire story is written from Shard's perspective. Never once does it shift. Therefore, if Shard died the story would end, period. The viewpoint would be lost--no other had been established. Typically, you can't kill off the main character if that character is also the primary view point. If you had started from Shynael's point of view, or shifted back and forth between them, then yeah you could've killed Shard, if you'd set it up properly. I kinda like the tragic idea come to think of it... You know, if you choose to have Shard swear off ever killing again but still stand up for justice, well...he might just have to die. There might not be a way around it.

[Derek_Is_Me]

Interesting, VERY INTERESTING!!!!!

[the_wolfs_howl]

Thanks, Derek!

Got coal in your stocking, eh?

Nah, more like deer bones

Yeah, between murder and slavery, you set yourself up with some pretty tough issues! When deciding on your 'premise', you'll have to figure out if you truly wish to tackle these issues on a philosophical level, or downplay their roll in the story. If you do take the challenge, I'll try to offer some food for thought.

Yeah, I realized about halfway through that I'd picked for my themes just about all the hardest issues I could come up with. But yeah, we'll talk about dinner rolls later XD

Eh, maybe a little with the dragons. But now you've got me thinking though. Based on the principle that a human's name is somehow subliminally obvious to a dragon, it makes sense that they have human-sounding names (or should I say, their names are translated) from mutual concepts (broken piece=shard, a piercing weapon=glaive, a bold visionary=legacy etc...)
If that's the case, why aren't there translations for the dragon names? Except where a dragon concept is foreign to humans (i.e. soul bond), humans understand the meaning just fine. Do the dragons literally say Linygae, Gyvael, Andrael, or do they(as is my impression) speak in subtle grunts and growls which are magically understood by bonded individuals?
Seems to me a human would hear the human translation of whatever Linygae, Gyvael and Andrael 'mean' instead of the pretty but cryptic name.
You're probably sorry you asked now...

Ooh, actually, I'm not sorry at all! I don't think I'd ever thought about it consciously before, but now that we've both got the wheels churning, I think I have an answer for you about why the dragon names are the way they are, rather than words understood by bonded humans who understand everything else.
It's sort of like how some people have a name like Grace or Hope or Chase, a name that's also a word in our vocabulary. But then most people have names like Rachel or Anna or Michael, names that have meanings but don't mean anything when you just say them. You know what I mean? Like, Rebecca comes from a Hebrew name that means "a snare" (according to behindthename.com, anyway), but when you say, "Rebecca, come here!" you're not saying, "A snare, come here!" Nobody hears that, not even people who actually know what it means. So in this story, the human names like Shard or Vesper are names like Grace and Hope, while Shynael or Linygae are names like Rachel or Anna. It would have something to do with the way dragons can see people's names, and the "translation", if you will, of human names makes them the different category from dragon names.
*pant pant* Does that make sense?!

hehehe, it would've sounded a bit cheezy, actually. I guess I just wanted to know more about Shard's feelings for Vesper. Does he just care about her as a friend, or as something more?

Aha! See, there's something I can actually do something with! I wasn't 100% sure what you found lacking, but now I know what to add. Rather than a cheesy bit of added dialogue or whatever, I can stick in other things throughout the story to try to make it crystal clear what he feels for her. (Lemme tell ya, as soon as I wrote that Vesper was female, my brother knew she was going to be the real love interest! Sometimes I think he just knows me way too well.)

Because it sounds totally cool, and unlike 'dragon' nobody uses it. Actually, there was a mystery puzzle book I once read that had beautiful artwork and cryptic verses written in it. One of the pages talked about riding a bicycle and 'bearing aloft the oriflamme.' I've loved the word ever since.

What does an oriflamme have to do with riding a bicycle?! That's all I can think of right now. But you're right, it is an awesome word. The reason Glaive and Vesper have those names is because I fell in love with those words.

It originated as the red/gold battle standard of the French kings, but its meaning is more diverse now. Generally speaking, it's any banner with royal, religious or ideological connotations. It stands for/represents something, either literally or symbolically. And when thinking of the values Shard stood for, it made me think he bares aloft his own tarnished oriflamme.

Explained enough?

Ah, yes, I see it now! That really might work, you know. "Obsidian Oriflamme", maybe I'm just playing around with it for now.

Ahh. I'll tell you why I never foresaw that ending. The entire story is written from Shard's perspective. Never once does it shift. Therefore, if Shard died the story would end, period. The viewpoint would be lost--no other had been established. Typically, you can't kill off the main character if that character is also the primary view point. If you had started from Shynael's point of view, or shifted back and forth between them, then yeah you could've killed Shard, if you'd set it up properly. I kinda like the tragic idea come to think of it... You know, if you choose to have Shard swear off ever killing again but still stand up for justice, well...he might just have to die. There might not be a way around it.

Exactly! The perspective! That's exactly why I didn't just go for the depressing ending from the beginning! It would feel sort of tacked on. And I really like stories that stick to one perspective]feel[/i] the dragonrage, feel when Advent stabs him. So the only time I could use Shynael's perspective was when he had that weird out-of-body experience when Shynael shed his blood for him.
You know, there was a time when I would just go for depressing and tragic simply because I could (you know how I love torturing my characters). But now, especially after reading this stuff about premise, I've realized that you can't just decide off-hand whether a character is going to die or not. Death of a character puts a new twist on everything you've been saying in your book. And sometimes it's necessary, but I'm not going to kill Shard unless it really is necessary to complete the message - and then I'd have to write it so it couldn't end any other way.