Now I write a lot of poems that tell about my Savior. I have always had a heart to reach people for Christ. In fact one of my favorite passages of scripture is Isa. chp. 6. So I've written many poems on that. I also wrote a lot on going out. The poem that I'm about to post was written about a week ago after I wrote a poem of encouragement. I realized that the first line for it could proclaim as well. So here it is
Let His Light Be Your Life
Let His light
Be your life,
And let it shine
On the Darkness of man.
He is the Word
Who was in the beginning
With God.
He was God.
He is the Life
And the Light
Who came and died
To redeem those
In darkness.
Let His light
Be your life,
And let it shine
On the Darkness of man.
We are mirrors
Darken and dull
For we left
The one who made us.
When He comes in
He cleans and restores us.
Now we must
Shine out His Light
So that others may see
And come be restored in Him.
Let His light
Be your life,
And let it shine
On the Darkness of man.
Creed4's proclaimation poems
17 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Creed4's proclaimation poems
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Here is a new one. Please comment I wish to improve my writing, and if no one says anything I can't do that.
More Than Conquerors
More than conquerors
Though Him who Loved us.
Forgiven
Redeem
Though the work of the Son
His Blood
That was shed
We now can come to His throne.
I heard it said
We are just saved sinners
No more than that,
But the Word Shot
Through my Heart
We are more than overcomers
Adopted by the Father
Because of the King
Who died.
Though nothing we did
Brought us anything
All through through the Son
Who came, Lived as one of us
As the second Adam
To give us Life
Kinsman Redeemer.
More than conquerors...
Redeemed by the Son
He is the source
Adopted to be his brother
In awe of the Great God
Who want a relationship with us.
More than conquerors...
Because of Christ
We have overcome
The World
Through the foolishness of the Cross
All can be redeemed
We have overcome.
More than conquerors...
More Than Conquerors
More than conquerors
Though Him who Loved us.
Forgiven
Redeem
Though the work of the Son
His Blood
That was shed
We now can come to His throne.
I heard it said
We are just saved sinners
No more than that,
But the Word Shot
Through my Heart
We are more than overcomers
Adopted by the Father
Because of the King
Who died.
Though nothing we did
Brought us anything
All through through the Son
Who came, Lived as one of us
As the second Adam
To give us Life
Kinsman Redeemer.
More than conquerors...
Redeemed by the Son
He is the source
Adopted to be his brother
In awe of the Great God
Who want a relationship with us.
More than conquerors...
Because of Christ
We have overcome
The World
Through the foolishness of the Cross
All can be redeemed
We have overcome.
More than conquerors...
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Wow that's some good stuff there^^ It's neat with things like praise poems and songs, how it's not like it's always quoting scripture or anything, but can still bring hope, comfort, courage, among other things to people^^ And always, giving praise to The One who deserves every last bit of it^^
神 は、 その 独り 子 を お与え に なった ほど に 世 お愛 された。
独り 子 を 信じる 者 が 一人 も滅 ひない で, 永遠 の 命 お得る ため で ある。
ヨハネ 3:16
独り 子 を 信じる 者 が 一人 も滅 ひない で, 永遠 の 命 お得る ため で ある。
ヨハネ 3:16
-
Tenshi no Ai - Posts: 4789
- Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2004 11:01 am
- Location: l
What a good idea for a thread! I will make this comment once at the beginning so that I don't sound redundant on each poem: You had a great message!
I liked Let His Light Be Your Life. The way you phrased the chorus felt like an original twist on a familiar saying.
More Than Conquerors
More than conquerors
Though Him who Loved us. [This is a sentence fragment. Unless that was intentional, I would suggest adding a subject and verb.]
Forgiven
Redeemed
Though the work of the Son
His Blood
That was shed
We now can come to His throne. [This stanza feels a bit choppy; it doesn't flow easily. I might change the last three lines to something like this:
His Blood
Was shed
So that we can come to his throne.]
I heard it said
We are just saved sinners
No more than that, [I would change this comma to a period.]
But the Word Shot [Why is 'Shot' capitalized?]
Through my Heart [To indicate that what follows is the Word, I would end the line with a colon.]
We are more than overcomers
Adopted by the Father
Because of the King
Who died. [Random thought: a person who knows almost nothing about Christianity might think that we were orphaned by the King.]
[In order to use parallel structure, I would rephrase the next stanza:]
Though nothing we did Through nothing we did
Brought us anything Were we brought anything.
All through through the Son All we have is through the Son
Who came, and Lived as one of us,
As the second Adam, [I find all of the different names of Jesus interesting. I haven't heard The Second Adam before, although I had heard The Second Joshua.]
To give us Life.
Kinsman Redeemer.
More than conquerors... [I don't know to what type of music you like to listen, but I am hearing this as a song of soft rock with maybe a little bit of techno, and this line would sort of be in the background, as an underlying theme, perhaps whispered.]
Redeemed by the Son [Is this thought a continuation of the previous line?]
He is the source
Adopted to be his brother [This line does not make sense.]
In awe of the Great God
Who wants a relationship with us. [I would add the adjective 'personal' here in order to better convey the feeling.]
More than conquerors...
Because of Christ
We have overcome
The World
Through the foolishness of the Cross
All can be redeemed
We have overcome. [This ending sparks another idea for a poem. Imagine if the punctuation were switched around a bit and it read: "We have overcome more than conquerors." Hmm... I may have to pursue that idea if I get the time...]
More than conquerors...
I liked Let His Light Be Your Life. The way you phrased the chorus felt like an original twist on a familiar saying.
More Than Conquerors
More than conquerors
Though Him who Loved us. [This is a sentence fragment. Unless that was intentional, I would suggest adding a subject and verb.]
Forgiven
Redeemed
Though the work of the Son
His Blood
That was shed
We now can come to His throne. [This stanza feels a bit choppy; it doesn't flow easily. I might change the last three lines to something like this:
His Blood
Was shed
So that we can come to his throne.]
I heard it said
We are just saved sinners
No more than that, [I would change this comma to a period.]
But the Word Shot [Why is 'Shot' capitalized?]
Through my Heart [To indicate that what follows is the Word, I would end the line with a colon.]
We are more than overcomers
Adopted by the Father
Because of the King
Who died. [Random thought: a person who knows almost nothing about Christianity might think that we were orphaned by the King.]
[In order to use parallel structure, I would rephrase the next stanza:]
Though nothing we did Through nothing we did
Brought us anything Were we brought anything.
All through through the Son All we have is through the Son
Who came, and Lived as one of us,
As the second Adam, [I find all of the different names of Jesus interesting. I haven't heard The Second Adam before, although I had heard The Second Joshua.]
To give us Life.
Kinsman Redeemer.
More than conquerors... [I don't know to what type of music you like to listen, but I am hearing this as a song of soft rock with maybe a little bit of techno, and this line would sort of be in the background, as an underlying theme, perhaps whispered.]
Redeemed by the Son [Is this thought a continuation of the previous line?]
He is the source
Adopted to be his brother [This line does not make sense.]
In awe of the Great God
Who wants a relationship with us. [I would add the adjective 'personal' here in order to better convey the feeling.]
More than conquerors...
Because of Christ
We have overcome
The World
Through the foolishness of the Cross
All can be redeemed
We have overcome. [This ending sparks another idea for a poem. Imagine if the punctuation were switched around a bit and it read: "We have overcome more than conquerors." Hmm... I may have to pursue that idea if I get the time...]
More than conquerors...
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Thanks,
More than conquerors
Though Him who Loved us. Is a reference to Romans 8:37
And the Second Adam is reference to Romans chp 5
More than conquerors
Though Him who Loved us. Is a reference to Romans 8:37
And the Second Adam is reference to Romans chp 5
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Anna Mae This is the poem that yours remind me of, It was written in 96 a couple of months before I graduated High school It is also one of my first experiments with a chorus
What next
Coming down a long road,
in the path of my life.
Now heading toward a fork.
As I am
wondering forward
in this wondering path.
Don’t know my future,
and afraid of my past.
Soon the security
will be gone
only one thing left
the hand of the Son
who I must let guide
my life.
The rain has clouded
my sight
all I can do
is
follow his light.
Lost on this journey
I need the Son,
to show me the course
I need to follow.
Don’t know my future
afraid of my past
the security gone,
now safety has pass.
My support has fled.
The Son is all I have left
that my heart
can securely grasp.
Still,
I don’t know my future,
and I am afraid of this past.
The only light I see,
Is Jesus my King.
He knows my future,
He has erase my past.
In him is security
that I can count on
even when this world,
had burned to ash.
his light will shine
when the sun
is put out.
His grace will be there
pass eternity’s begin.
What next
Coming down a long road,
in the path of my life.
Now heading toward a fork.
As I am
wondering forward
in this wondering path.
Don’t know my future,
and afraid of my past.
Soon the security
will be gone
only one thing left
the hand of the Son
who I must let guide
my life.
The rain has clouded
my sight
all I can do
is
follow his light.
Lost on this journey
I need the Son,
to show me the course
I need to follow.
Don’t know my future
afraid of my past
the security gone,
now safety has pass.
My support has fled.
The Son is all I have left
that my heart
can securely grasp.
Still,
I don’t know my future,
and I am afraid of this past.
The only light I see,
Is Jesus my King.
He knows my future,
He has erase my past.
In him is security
that I can count on
even when this world,
had burned to ash.
his light will shine
when the sun
is put out.
His grace will be there
pass eternity’s begin.
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
What next
Coming down a long road,
in the path of my life.
Now heading toward a fork.
As I am
wondering forward Do you mean "wandering" instead of "wondering"? I would suggest changing one of them to "wandering" and leaving the other, as a stylistic tool that would catch people's attention and make them think.
in this wondering path.
Don’t know my future,
and afraid of my past.
Soon the security
will be gone
only one thing left
the hand of the Son
who I must let guide
my life.
The rain has clouded
my sight
all I can do
is
follow his light. Interesting portrayl of rain.
Lost on this journey
I need the Son,
to show me the course
I need to follow. I appreciate the subtlety of your parallel structure here.
Don’t know my future
afraid of my past
the security gone,
now safety has pass. Do you mean "passed"?
My support has fled.
The Son is all I have left
that my heart
can securely grasp.
Still,
I don’t know my future,
and I am afraid of this past.
The only light I see,
Is Jesus my King.
He knows my future,
He has erased my past.
In him is security
that I can count on I don't know if you wish to bother with trivial matters like dangling prepositions, but if so, the line should be: on which I can count.
even when this world,
had burned to ash. Your choice of past tense here interests me.
his light will shine
when the sun
is put out.
His grace will be there
pass eternity’s begin. Do you mean "beginning"?
Hurrah for kindred poems.
Coming down a long road,
in the path of my life.
Now heading toward a fork.
As I am
wondering forward Do you mean "wandering" instead of "wondering"? I would suggest changing one of them to "wandering" and leaving the other, as a stylistic tool that would catch people's attention and make them think.
in this wondering path.
Don’t know my future,
and afraid of my past.
Soon the security
will be gone
only one thing left
the hand of the Son
who I must let guide
my life.
The rain has clouded
my sight
all I can do
is
follow his light. Interesting portrayl of rain.
Lost on this journey
I need the Son,
to show me the course
I need to follow. I appreciate the subtlety of your parallel structure here.
Don’t know my future
afraid of my past
the security gone,
now safety has pass. Do you mean "passed"?
My support has fled.
The Son is all I have left
that my heart
can securely grasp.
Still,
I don’t know my future,
and I am afraid of this past.
The only light I see,
Is Jesus my King.
He knows my future,
He has erased my past.
In him is security
that I can count on I don't know if you wish to bother with trivial matters like dangling prepositions, but if so, the line should be: on which I can count.
even when this world,
had burned to ash. Your choice of past tense here interests me.
his light will shine
when the sun
is put out.
His grace will be there
pass eternity’s begin. Do you mean "beginning"?
Hurrah for kindred poems.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Here is a new poem
If I Were the Scarecrow
If I were the Scarecrow
I wouldn't settle
For a bag of sawdust
I'd want a mind renewed.
And if I were the Tin man
I wouldn't settle for a wooden heart,
I'd want a fresh new one.
Looking for You, I won't settle
For a shadow,
I don't want a symbol that are pale represents
I want to see Your face.
Like Gulliver I know
The pale wonders
Do not compare to home.
And Like the Robinson family
I'm depending on you to bring me there.
Looking for you
I won't settle for
The glitter the world offers
For the only true thing
Worth all of me
Is being servant to my King
And like the traveler
Who went to the future and back again
To guide a lost lost world
I want to tale your word to the lost.
In looking for you
I can't settle going alone
For there is a world
Who is lost
Not seeing you
So let me bring others to the path.
If I Were the Scarecrow
If I were the Scarecrow
I wouldn't settle
For a bag of sawdust
I'd want a mind renewed.
And if I were the Tin man
I wouldn't settle for a wooden heart,
I'd want a fresh new one.
Looking for You, I won't settle
For a shadow,
I don't want a symbol that are pale represents
I want to see Your face.
Like Gulliver I know
The pale wonders
Do not compare to home.
And Like the Robinson family
I'm depending on you to bring me there.
Looking for you
I won't settle for
The glitter the world offers
For the only true thing
Worth all of me
Is being servant to my King
And like the traveler
Who went to the future and back again
To guide a lost lost world
I want to tale your word to the lost.
In looking for you
I can't settle going alone
For there is a world
Who is lost
Not seeing you
So let me bring others to the path.
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
If I Were the Scarecrow
If I were the Scarecrow
I wouldn't settle
For a bag of sawdust [I suggest a semicolon here.]
I'd want a mind renewed.
And if I were the Tin man
I wouldn't settle for a wooden heart, [And a semicolon in place of this comma.]
I'd want a fresh new one.
Looking for You, I won't settle [Noted: change from "wouldn't" to "won't".]
For a shadow,
I don't want a symbol that are pale represents [Do you mean: "I don't want a symbols that are pale representations;" ?]
I want to see Your face.
Like Gulliver I know
The pale wonders
Do not compare to home.
And Like the Robinson family
I'm depending on you to bring me there.
Looking for you
I won't settle for
The glitter the world offers
For the only true thing
Worth all of me
Is being servant to my King [Until this point I figured you had been speaking about a girl, but now I am confused.]
And like the traveler
Who went to the future and back again
To guide a lost lost world
I want to tale your word to the lost. [If you mean "follow," it should be spelled "tail". This line is difficult to understand.]
In looking for you
I can't settle going alone
For there is a world
Who is lost
Not seeing you
So let me bring others to the path. [I like your ending, but I am not quite clear on what you are trying to say in this poem.]
If I were the Scarecrow
I wouldn't settle
For a bag of sawdust [I suggest a semicolon here.]
I'd want a mind renewed.
And if I were the Tin man
I wouldn't settle for a wooden heart, [And a semicolon in place of this comma.]
I'd want a fresh new one.
Looking for You, I won't settle [Noted: change from "wouldn't" to "won't".]
For a shadow,
I don't want a symbol that are pale represents [Do you mean: "I don't want a symbols that are pale representations;" ?]
I want to see Your face.
Like Gulliver I know
The pale wonders
Do not compare to home.
And Like the Robinson family
I'm depending on you to bring me there.
Looking for you
I won't settle for
The glitter the world offers
For the only true thing
Worth all of me
Is being servant to my King [Until this point I figured you had been speaking about a girl, but now I am confused.]
And like the traveler
Who went to the future and back again
To guide a lost lost world
I want to tale your word to the lost. [If you mean "follow," it should be spelled "tail". This line is difficult to understand.]
In looking for you
I can't settle going alone
For there is a world
Who is lost
Not seeing you
So let me bring others to the path. [I like your ending, but I am not quite clear on what you are trying to say in this poem.]
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Have been working night so I haven't been doing much else. Haven't even written that much. This is the last poem I wrote down back in February tell me what you think
Engraved
Engraved on my hands
The Names of the ones
I love
Who I have called out of the world.
The ones who have called me by name
Never to be erased
But to live with me
For eternity.
Written close to me
Those I love
Never to be abandon
Chosen to be
Saved from the world
Those who Heard “follow meâ€
Engraved
Engraved on my hands
The Names of the ones
I love
Who I have called out of the world.
The ones who have called me by name
Never to be erased
But to live with me
For eternity.
Written close to me
Those I love
Never to be abandon
Chosen to be
Saved from the world
Those who Heard “follow meâ€
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Engraved
Engraved on my hands[It would flow more smoothly if you added a verb here to make it a complete sentence.]
The Names of the ones
I love
Whom I have called out of the world. [This is the point where I realize it's Jesus.]
The ones who have called me by name [I find it interesting that you capitalized "Names" but do not capitalize this "name".]
Never to be erased
But to live with me
For eternity.
Written close to me
Those I love
Never to be abandoned
Chosen to be
Saved from the world
Those who Heard “follow meâ€
Engraved on my hands[It would flow more smoothly if you added a verb here to make it a complete sentence.]
The Names of the ones
I love
Whom I have called out of the world. [This is the point where I realize it's Jesus.]
The ones who have called me by name [I find it interesting that you capitalized "Names" but do not capitalize this "name".]
Never to be erased
But to live with me
For eternity.
Written close to me
Those I love
Never to be abandoned
Chosen to be
Saved from the world
Those who Heard “follow meâ€
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Please I just wrote this and need your comment's, its now finished any thing will help
I know My words.
I know my words
Can't break the stone inside
But I know a stronger hammer
In in my life.
What can I do to break the lies
You grew up with all your life
That gave you a shadow of the truth.
Yet led you far away.
I let the tears fall
I want to see you live
But your stuck in an illusion
That says your fine
Can my life change your mind.
I know my words...
I've prayed for years
For you to know Him.
Yet you've settled for just knowing about
This is not the belief that will save
For it keeps you away.
Step the 14 inch bridge
Take the knowledge from your mind
Come now
Let Him save your life
I know my word...
I know My words.
I know my words
Can't break the stone inside
But I know a stronger hammer
In in my life.
What can I do to break the lies
You grew up with all your life
That gave you a shadow of the truth.
Yet led you far away.
I let the tears fall
I want to see you live
But your stuck in an illusion
That says your fine
Can my life change your mind.
I know my words...
I've prayed for years
For you to know Him.
Yet you've settled for just knowing about
This is not the belief that will save
For it keeps you away.
Step the 14 inch bridge
Take the knowledge from your mind
Come now
Let Him save your life
I know my word...
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
I know My words. [Good title. Why is "My" capitalized, though? The poem does not appear to be from God's perspective.]
I know my words
Can't break the stone inside [Inside the life of the person being addressed?]
But I know a stronger hammer
In in my life.
What can I do to break the lies
You grew up with all your life
That gave you a shadow of the truth,
Yet led you far away. [Your choice of the word "yet" interests me. Please explicate.]
I let the tears fall.
I want to see you live,
But you're stuck in an illusion
That says you're fine.
Can my life change your mind?
I know my words...
I've prayed for years
For you to know Him. [To avoid using the same preposition twice in such close proximity, I would change this line to "That you would know Him."]
Yet you've settled for just knowing about [I don't understand this line.]
This is not the belief that will save
For it keeps you away.
Step the 14 inch bridge [I assume you are referencing the physical distance from the head to the heart?]
Take the knowledge from your mind [I don't know how common-knowledge that number is, so you may want to add a line here about the heart.]
Come now
Let Him save your life
I know my word... [I would like to hear you elaborate on this phrase (or sentence, depending), and also on why the last word is singular this time.]
[Good poem. Your message in this one seems to go even deeper than some of your others. You begin by humbly admitting that your words only have so much power, but cleverly allude to the Omnipotent One. You identify the cause of the addressed person's pain and openly mourn with him. You then wonder if, in lieu of words, your actions might convince him. You confess that you have already been praying for a long time. You also admit that intellectual triumph is usually not enough to convert people, and seek to have the love of Christ a reality in their hearts. Then you circle back around and recognize that once again, these are just words.]
I know my words
Can't break the stone inside [Inside the life of the person being addressed?]
But I know a stronger hammer
In in my life.
What can I do to break the lies
You grew up with all your life
That gave you a shadow of the truth,
Yet led you far away. [Your choice of the word "yet" interests me. Please explicate.]
I let the tears fall.
I want to see you live,
But you're stuck in an illusion
That says you're fine.
Can my life change your mind?
I know my words...
I've prayed for years
For you to know Him. [To avoid using the same preposition twice in such close proximity, I would change this line to "That you would know Him."]
Yet you've settled for just knowing about [I don't understand this line.]
This is not the belief that will save
For it keeps you away.
Step the 14 inch bridge [I assume you are referencing the physical distance from the head to the heart?]
Take the knowledge from your mind [I don't know how common-knowledge that number is, so you may want to add a line here about the heart.]
Come now
Let Him save your life
I know my word... [I would like to hear you elaborate on this phrase (or sentence, depending), and also on why the last word is singular this time.]
[Good poem. Your message in this one seems to go even deeper than some of your others. You begin by humbly admitting that your words only have so much power, but cleverly allude to the Omnipotent One. You identify the cause of the addressed person's pain and openly mourn with him. You then wonder if, in lieu of words, your actions might convince him. You confess that you have already been praying for a long time. You also admit that intellectual triumph is usually not enough to convert people, and seek to have the love of Christ a reality in their hearts. Then you circle back around and recognize that once again, these are just words.]
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
I wrote this one today, please give me some feed back
Where is My Heart
Where is my heart
When not searching for you
Lost on a road to death
By your grace only can I return.
Found by a Love beyond my mind
but I must seek
To you more
A taste was all I received
But to Know you more.
My life desires
To find you.
Yet a man am I
And often sway
Your love brings
Me again to you
My King
I can't help but seek.
You are my kind
Jesus Lord
I surrender
Take me back
Oh my King
I Love
Forever in you
No better place
A servant of my King
I miss you when
I run away
I want to be
Forever surrender to you.
Where is My Heart
Where is my heart
When not searching for you
Lost on a road to death
By your grace only can I return.
Found by a Love beyond my mind
but I must seek
To you more
A taste was all I received
But to Know you more.
My life desires
To find you.
Yet a man am I
And often sway
Your love brings
Me again to you
My King
I can't help but seek.
You are my kind
Jesus Lord
I surrender
Take me back
Oh my King
I Love
Forever in you
No better place
A servant of my King
I miss you when
I run away
I want to be
Forever surrender to you.
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Where is My Heart
Where is my heart
When not searching for you?
Lost on a road to death
By your grace only can I return. [Good beginning!]
Found by a Love beyond my mind
but I must seek
To you more [This sentence doesn't make sense to me.]
A taste was all I received
But to Know you more. [I would suggest putting a period at the end of the previous line. It's okay that this line is a fragment because it is a thought. Might I suggest an exclamation point?]
My life desires
To find you.
Yet a man am I
And often sway.
Your love brings
Me again to you
My King [I would suggest using punctuation to attach this either at the end of the preceding line or the beginning of the next.]
I can't help but seek.
You are my kind
Jesus Lord
I surrender
Take me back
Oh my King
I Love [More punctuation in this stanza would make it read more smoothly. The ideas you express are good.]
Forever in you
No better place
A servant of my King [At this point I would advise the use of sentences rather than fragments.]
I miss you when
I run away.
I want to be
Forever surrendered to you.
[I can relate to this poem.]
[The ideas you express here are authentic and refreshing.]
Where is my heart
When not searching for you?
Lost on a road to death
By your grace only can I return. [Good beginning!]
Found by a Love beyond my mind
but I must seek
To you more [This sentence doesn't make sense to me.]
A taste was all I received
But to Know you more. [I would suggest putting a period at the end of the previous line. It's okay that this line is a fragment because it is a thought. Might I suggest an exclamation point?]
My life desires
To find you.
Yet a man am I
And often sway.
Your love brings
Me again to you
My King [I would suggest using punctuation to attach this either at the end of the preceding line or the beginning of the next.]
I can't help but seek.
You are my kind
Jesus Lord
I surrender
Take me back
Oh my King
I Love [More punctuation in this stanza would make it read more smoothly. The ideas you express are good.]
Forever in you
No better place
A servant of my King [At this point I would advise the use of sentences rather than fragments.]
I miss you when
I run away.
I want to be
Forever surrendered to you.
[I can relate to this poem.]
[The ideas you express here are authentic and refreshing.]
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Here is one I just wrote
Come seek His Heart
Come seek His Heart
Don't fall away,
For life is in His hold.
He changes lives.
He renews the soul.
Starting off dead,
We depart
Alone in the dark
He calls our name
We came to Him
He creates life.
He is the one that lives
The life we have in His
I His life.
Born again, when we Choose Him.
For He is salvation.
Come seek His Heart
He will change yours.
In Him a new being you'll be.
If you seek His Heart.
Come seek His Heart
Come seek His Heart
Don't fall away,
For life is in His hold.
He changes lives.
He renews the soul.
Starting off dead,
We depart
Alone in the dark
He calls our name
We came to Him
He creates life.
He is the one that lives
The life we have in His
I His life.
Born again, when we Choose Him.
For He is salvation.
Come seek His Heart
He will change yours.
In Him a new being you'll be.
If you seek His Heart.
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Come seek His Heart
Come seek His Heart;
Don't fall away,
For life is in His hold.
He changes lives.
He renews the soul.
Starting off dead,
We depart
Alone in the dark
He calls our name
We came to Him
He creates life. [Your verb tenses are changing all around in this stanza.]
He is the one that lives
The life we have in His
I His life. [?]
Born again, when we Choose Him.
For He is salvation.
Come seek His Heart;
He will change yours. [Good sentence]
In Him a new being you'll be.
If you seek His Heart.
[I like how at the end you remind the reader that we will only receive God's gift if we sincerely seek it.]
Come seek His Heart;
Don't fall away,
For life is in His hold.
He changes lives.
He renews the soul.
Starting off dead,
We depart
Alone in the dark
He calls our name
We came to Him
He creates life. [Your verb tenses are changing all around in this stanza.]
He is the one that lives
The life we have in His
I His life. [?]
Born again, when we Choose Him.
For He is salvation.
Come seek His Heart;
He will change yours. [Good sentence]
In Him a new being you'll be.
If you seek His Heart.
[I like how at the end you remind the reader that we will only receive God's gift if we sincerely seek it.]
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
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