Causality -a SciFi short story

[Esoteric]

I don't write much scifi, but I thought I'd take a shot at it. I've posted the first two sections here. If you wish to read the rest, new stuff begins at the bottom of this page: http://www.wbepic.com/causality/page2.html Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Language: PG Violence: PG-13

Causality

Iteration 1

November 8th 2006
[6:41 p.m.]

“I bet it’s cold outside. You should have a warmer jacket with you,â€

[Anna Mae]

The beginning drew me in right away.

They’d sent him upstairs after one of the execs had been mindlessly deleted some critical system files while tidying up his hard drive.

You might want to check your verbs in this sentence.

The restoration went smoothly, however, in the process he’d opened that one file.

I would change the first comma to a semicolon.

At the very bottom of page seven you must mean "past" instead of "passed."


Bravo. I really like it.
You do a good job of making the characters seem real.
Of course, the sci-fi is always interesting speculation. Were I Mark, I would pursue the memory at the end. I am curious as to how Thomas remembers Mark. Of course it is interesting to wonder that they would think if they do manage to remember. However, the story ends at a good point.

I am glad that I took the time to read this.