I'm writing a story, and I'm nervous.

[Icarus]

As always, you're more than welcome what little advice I can give. Thank you for posting this story.

[Kesshin]

And thank you for being a loyal reader, Icarus. ^^ Here's my new installment (It's a long one). My poor characters, you have to feel sorry for them. The things I put them through....
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Kern grit his teeth.
“I fear the worst, Pen. She could be lying somewhere with every last one of her bones broken, and there’s no one there to help her!â€

[Icarus]

Cool.

There are a coulple of typos; at the beginning, Kern grit his teeth, third paragraph, As listened to the sound, and next to last paragraph, you left the "y" off of they.

And the plot thickens...

[churchgirl111]

*churchgirl gapes at the many pages of posting*
i like the writing style a lot...its very descriptive...i would only suggest that you put a little more movement between the two that way..you can always tell who is talking and you can add more to what the character is feeling while talking...

IT's awesome though and I love it...i haven't had a chance to read the whole story..for that i feel is going to take two hours but i will read it soon..

[Kesshin]

Thanks, guys. ^^ As usual, I'm too tired to edit, but I'll get around to it soon. And I know you guys must be getting tired of my characters falling down holes. I promise this'll be the last time. *chuckles*
Anyway, I'll post more later.

[Kesshin]

New installment!
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

With a sickening sound, like rotten fruit hitting concrete, Pen and Joyce's bodies connected once more with the earth, making them see stars. Pen bit her tongue on impact, tasting blood. It took a few moments for the pain to sink in. When it did, both of them wished they had been knocked unconscious, rather than face the waking world in such agony. Silently, Pen took inventory of her limbs: all were still attached, and nothing was broken to the best of her knowledge. 'Then again,' Pen told herself, 'when your body feels like a bruised, swelling mass of pulp, it's pretty hard to tell if something's not broken. With the arm that hurt slightly less than the other, Pen reached over to Joyce. Due to the narrowness of the shaft, she had landed right next to her. Pen shook her shoulder, trying to be gentle and urgent at the same time.
"Joyce? Are you awake?"
"Yes, unfortunately."
"I know what you mean. Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"
Joyce thought about it for a moment. "No."
Pen sighed in relief. Silently she gave thanks that both she and Joyce had made it through the drop with their lives intact, and their bodies relatively unharmed. She lay there for a few minutes, just breathing the air and reveling in the sheer joy of life, a life that could quite possibly have been extinguished if someone upstairs had not been watching.

[Kesshin]

Sorry I haven't posted for a couple of days. I'll post the next installment tomorrow.

[true_noir_chloe]

I'm finally letting you know I read the last installment. It's not bad. ^_^ I wanted to ask you, do you write directly onto your computer, or do you write everything long hand first and then type it in?

[Kesshin]

Thanks, Chloe. ^^ I type everything on my other computer first, then type it manually onto the site. It's a pain, but oh well (this computer won't take floppy disks).
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

When she felt good enough (if good you could call it), Pen stood on wobbling knees, and offered Joyce a dirt-encrusted hand up. For the first time they began to question just where they were. They walked on bruised legs, wandering through what appeared to be a forest of extremely tall machines. The odd mechanisms clicked and purred, their chrome coverings reflecting the light of a single lightbulb suspended from the ceiling. Pen stared at her own reflection. She had changed since she began the trip, though exactly how she couldn't put her finger on. Maybe it was her tangled mat of hair, her bleeding lip, or the frayed rags that had once been pants; but she had a feeling it was something else. She felt like the person she was looking at was another girl, one who lived in a war zone. As they trudged on, she tried making herself look at least half-way decent. After a few attempts of trying to comb her hair with her fingers, Pen threw her hands in the air in defeat. Joyce, on the other hand, somehow maintained a near-perfect appearance. Pen was squinting at her, trying to see how such a thing could be possible, when her eyes caught sight of something breaking through the predictible pattern of machines to their left. It was a wall of dirt, dotted with deep holes leading off to who-knows where; and sitting cross-legs next to one of the holes was Kern.

[Icarus]

Very descriptive.

Just from idle curiosity, where is the bulb placed?

[Kesshin]

Thanks, Icarus. I was aiming for descriptive. ^^ Well, you know how bulbs are put into the ceilings of storage closets, etc.? It's kind of like that. And now, the next installment.
BTW, there was something I wanted to talk to my fellow writers about. My mother came up with the idea that when I graduate high school, I should see about an internship at a publishing house somewhere, like the ones in New York. I want to get a degree in writing someday, and this seemed like a good idea to me. Do any of you guys have any comments and/or advice about that?
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Kern's eyes widened in surprise. Sitting on the hard stone floor, deep below the moon's surface, he had given up all hope of seeing the light of day, much less his friends again. Now here they were, running towards him like it was the most natural thing.
"Guys, what the heck are you DOING here?"
Pen grinned at him, and replied with a slightly patronizing tone, "What do you think, goofball? We came after you to help."
Joyce beamed at her side, nodding enthusiastically.

"But," Kern protested, "but, what if that hole had been deeper? You could have-"
"Died?" Pen cut in. "We thought about that. But did you really think we could have abandoned you?"
Kern was touched by their loyalty. He looked up at her, grinning in spite of himself. "What you did was stupid, but," he added, "I am very grateful."

[true_noir_chloe]

by Kesshin

BTW, there was something I wanted to talk to my fellow writers about. My mother came up with the idea that when I graduate high school, I should see about an internship at a publishing house somewhere, like the ones in New York. I want to get a degree in writing someday, and this seemed like a good idea to me. Do any of you guys have any comments and/or advice about that?

I would suggest for starters to invest in some issues of "Poets & Writer's" magazine. It is a wealth of information for serious writers. They have every worthwhile contest, conference, school, MFA and creative writing program, or internships listed throughout and in a very large section at the back. The articles are extremely helpful for serious writers. It is much better than Writer's Digest. I'd suggest using that for some initial research.

You might want to consider looking into some classes in writing first before you jump into an internship, also. I think it would help you out in both retaining an internship and in feeling confident in doing an internship.

In writing, I agree, that having some type of mentor program is the best. If you can find a writer, a published writer, or professor of writing who would take you under his/her wing I think that would help you out immensely.

I hope you the best.

[Icarus]

As I have no idea, I'll stay silent on the writing issue but to second what Chloe said: Best wishes in all you do.

In the story, there is one slight thing.

>>Joyce beamed at her side, nodding enthusiastically.
"But, but what if that hole had been deeper? You could have-"
"Died?" Pen cut in...

The first time through, I momentaryily thought that Joyce was speaking. It was easily sorted out when the replies did not make sense (in that context), but it may be something to look into. While I'm at this spot, as this section is told from Kern's third person view, I think it should be Ralda and not Joyce.

[Kesshin]

Thanks a bunch, Chloe. ^^ I am going to find me one of those magazines. Now, where to look is another story....
As it so happens, I do know a lady who is a published author. I should probably get to know her better. I bet there's a bunch she can teach me.

Thank you for the tip, Icarus. I'll edit that soon. My next installment will be posted tomorrow.

[Kesshin]

There we go. I edited it. And now, a new installment.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Kern took this opportunity to ask an apprehensive Ralda about her wound.
"It is fine. It is healing well," she answered cautiously.
Pen decided to ask her own question.
"So, Kern; were you seriously hurt from the fall?"
"No."
"Good."
She slapped the back of his head. "What IS it with you and falling down holes?! That's the second time I just about killed myself jumping in after you!"
Kern angrily rubbed his stinging scalp. "It's not like I meant to! It was practically impossible to see where I was going."
"Yeah, well-" Pen stopped in mid-sentence. Some very odd people stood in a circle around them. They were covered in earth-colored cloaks that covered their faces, only allowing their glowing goggles to peer out from the hoods. Kern whirled around. "What the- How'd they do that? We didn't even notice them!"
Pen frowned. "More importantly, what do they want?"
One of the people stepped forward, holding a clawed hand out towards them menacingly.
"Okay.... So they're definitely not human... and they don't look like they mean well," Kern whispered. "Right, here's the plan. Pen, stand back to back to me with Ralda between us. Obviously she can't defend herself with that wound."
"And then?" Pen asked frantically.
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"
Pen was about to make a sarcastic remark, but this wasn't the time. It looked like there was going to be a fight.
Without warning, the creature in front of them let out a strange shriek, bringing its mouth out from the darkness of the cloak to reveal hideously sharp teeth. Before the operatives had time to recoil in horror, the thing lurched forward, its claws and fangs bared.

[Icarus]

Have I mentioned what I think of cliff hangers? J/K.

[Kesshin]

Yeah, I seem to recall that.
I will post more of my story soon, God willing.

[Kesshin]

Okay, good news. I have a new installment for my story. Bad news, it's going to be the last for a long while. All of you who regularly read my story, I'll explain via pm.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

A sharpened claw stung Pen's face. She felt her warm blood pouring down her cheek. Reeling her arm back, she prepared to punch. Her fist connected with a creature's stomach, making it bend over in pain. She was holding her ground, but there were just too many. Kern wasn't faring much better. Already his arms and face were marked with cuts and bite-marks.
Thoughts swam frantically through Kern's head. 'I'm going to die; I'm going to be some alien's afternoon snack.'
For a moment, he felt almost a kind of morbid peace as the claws and teeth tore at him. 'NO! I can't think like that. I must keep fighting. It's not going to end like this!!'
With a frenzied yell, he fought on with new strength, mauling down aliens.
Then, as suddenly as the attack had started, it stopped. The aliens became eerily silent, and faded away, running down the holes they had come from.
Pen and Kern grinned at each other.
"What happened? Not that I'm complaining," Pen asked.
Kern looked behind them. "That's what happened."
Behind them was what at first glance appeared to be a human mountain. It was a man, dressed in the traditional garments of a miner. His expression was half kindly, half terrifying.
"Got rid of those pests quick, didn't I? What cowards. Darn Moiroes. You kids okay?"
Joyce nodded, stunned by this huge man. Pen felt an instant liking for him, and Kern was indignant.
"We're fine," Kern answered, "but what are aliens doing down here?"
The miner shrugged. "Cheap labor. The mining company uses them for the more dangerous jobs. They work for raw meat," he shuddered, "and they don't care if that meat's beef or human."
Kern scowled, and shook his head. "Honestly. What's this world coming to? Aliens working alongside humans."
The miner shrugged again. "Oh, I dunno. They're not so tough. They're scared of people."
'If those people happen to be the size of a bus,' Pen responded in her head.

[Icarus]

Thank you. I'll be here when you get back.

[true_noir_chloe]

Kesshin, I hope you're not taking a complete break from CAA. And for this story, I hope it's only a short while.

Please, keep writing while you're taking your break from this story. I'd hate for you to stop writing all together, since you have so much potential.

[churchgirl111]

I love the story!!!!!!!!!!
You have really improved since your first installment!! I love your writing style...it's very fluid!

Defintely pursue the writing internship! KEEP WRITING!!!

[HikariChan]

Neat story!

[Kesshin]

Aw, thanks, guys. T_T I missed you all, and I'm ready to post more!!! Here's a new installment!! (finally)
And Chloe, it seems I have misunderstood something. I sent you a PM before I saw your last post. Oops. Er, sorry. Anyway, I'm glad you still want to read my story.

Kern scowled defiantely at the minor. Staring the tall man straight in the eye, he declared with chilling hatred, "The only good alien is a dead one."
Pen shivered. She hadn't seen that look in Kern's eyes since the day of the accident, at school. She had hoped it was gone for good.

The miner shrugged. "Well, I s'pose everyone's entitled to his own opinion."
With a grin the size of a dinner plate, he stretched out his grime-encrusted hand. "The name's Eli."
He held his hand to Joyce, but for some odd reason (and Pen was pretty sure she knew what that reason was) she had just gone pale-faced. Her eyes, glassy with horror, stared off into space. Obviously, her mind was somewhere else. After a few moments, the bemused man held out his arm instead to Kern. Kern shook, and afterwards his scowl faded. Apparently he was beginning to like this Eli. Pen furrowed her brow. 'Typical Kern. If you have anything positive to say about aliens, he hates you. But once he starts liking you, you can do no wrong. Poor Joyce...'
Joyce, in question, was looking ill. Her injuries, coupled with the bruise to her heart she had just received, made her appear quite sickly. Eli squatted close to the ground, level with her face. "Hmm... you don't look so good, missy; what with that bandage wrapped around your waste, and those cuts. I know just the thing. You three'd better come to my place."
Scooping down with his huge hand, he hoisted Joyce onto his shoulder as if she were no more than a toddler. This was more than enough to pull Joyce from her daze. "No, please, I am fine. I can walk-"
"Nope, I can't let you do that, er, uh... what's your name? You were too busy thinkin' about something a while ago."
Joyce's paleness was replaced with a blush. "Oh yes, where are my manners? I am Ralda."
"Hmm, odd name. And you two?"
"I'm Pen."
"It's Kern."
Oh well. Come on, you two. I'll take you to my house, topside."
At the thought of fresh air and sunlight, Kern and Pen eagerly followed Eli, who was still holding the protesting Ralda on his shoulder.

And for today's installment, special occasion as it is, I have a new feature. The "Development of my Characters" column. Today's subject, Pen. Enjoy!
Penelope Ann Williams:
Well, Pen, the main character of my bizzarre story, developed in three stages, which are as follows:
Stage One: Pen started off as a shy, book-ish sort of girl, who lived with her grandmother and a cat. Her personality was pretty vague, and she had a lot of room to grow.
Stage Two: She was a little less shy, more fiesty, but still not the Pen she is today. She still lived with her grandmother, but now she was Laowra's cousin.
Stage Three: Pen as we know her today. Now she is a real go-get-em, and (excuse my language) butt-kicking kind of girl. I decided against her living with her grandmother, although she does appear. Now she has parents, and no cat. *heh*
Pen is now not related to Laowra. Instead she meets her through Kern.

[Mangafanatic]

There is nother to worry about here. Me and the other writers are not going to bite your head off for simple mistakes and the like.

*Casually bites off Lochaber Axe's head as she talks* Yes, we would never bite off anyone's head.

[true_noir_chloe]

I'm glad you added that stuff about Pen. *hehe* Nice installment, and I'm glad you're back, Kesshin. ^_^ *hug*

If I may bug you with a small comment, remember, to show, not just tell. It's too awkward when Kern goes from dislike to like with Eli. It happened too quick. You need to place some actions in which this happens. I'll go more into this via pm if you like; otherwise, this will become too long. But, I can see definite growth in your writing. As with everything else in life, practice makes perfected. *heh*

[Kesshin]

Aw, thanks, Chloe. Sure, write up a storm in a PM. I don't mind. And I'm happy you think I've improved. ^^ I'll try and fix the Kern and Eli thing.
So, you approve of the new feature? I thought you'd like it. I'm doing a column of Kern later, and let me tell you, he sure is a different character from what I had imagined. *heh* But that's for next time.

[Icarus]

*rubs hands together with glee as he maniacly plots what to say* ... *still plotting*

[Lochaber Axe]

It is good to know that many of our writers are coming back online. One small thing I saw is that you mispelled miner in the first sentence. I'll post more as I go through the update.

[Kesshin]

Thanks, guys. I'll be posting more soon, and eventually I'll get around to editing. *sigh* But you know me, it takes me forever. The good news is, I wrote quite a bit during my absence, most of the installments will be longer. ^^

[Kesshin]

Okay, new installment.
This story is copyrighted by Kesshin, 2004.

Hours and hours stretched out before the four travelers. Their feet ached with weariness, and at least three of them longed to be in the light once more, to feel the sun on their face for the first time in days. Pen grew more and more impatient by the minute. To think, she had hated the sun on their trek on the desssert. Now.... 'Well, one knows only the value of water once the well is dry.'
And speaking of dry.... Pen ran her tongue across the top of her parched mouth.
"Hey, Eli, you wouldn't happen to have some water, would you?" she asked, squinting up at him in the dim lighting.
"Nope. Sorry, I drank it all before I found you guys. But, you can check the canteen to see if there's a bit left at the bottom."
He handed her the heavy canteen, about the size of a dinner plate. At first her heart had pounded in her chest, hopeful that the weight of the container was due to water being inside. She screwed off the top, and shook contents into her mouth. A drop of water hit her tongue, almost seeming to mock her.
Pen quite literally nearly cried; that is, she would have if she had any liquid in her body to spare for tears. 'Now really,' she told herself, 'this is silly. A seventeen-year old girl, crying because she can't have a drink. Pull yourself together!'
But deep down, Pen knew this wasn't about a girl crying over a petty drink. She and her companions hadn't had any water for who knew how long. Time seemed to not exist this deep below the earth. She knew a human could survive three or four days at most without water before they started fading away. The weight of this realization nearly drove her to panick. She licked her parched lips.
"Come on, Eli, you must have SOMETHING!"
In reply, the miner shook his head ruefully. "I'm sorry, Pen, but you'll just have to wait. Don't you fret, we're almost there."
Pen frowned. "I can't go on like this for much longer. Can I at least do something about this heavy canteen?"
"You can put it down, I can always pick it up later."
With a regretful sigh, she tossed the canteen over her shoulder. Seconds later, she heard a 'clunk,' followed by an irritated 'ow!'
She stopped walking to investigate. Kern stepped up closer to her, rubbing his head.
"Oh gosh. Sorry, Kern."
Kern scowled at her through tired eyes. "What's this thing you have with hitting me on the head?"
"Look," Pen replied, "I said I was sorry."
"Well be more careful next time."
"It wasn't my fault you were half asleep! You get innatintive when you're tired."
"At least I don't get cranky when I'm thirsty," Kern sneered.
"Look who's talking! And at least I'm not cranky when I'm in good health, like one short sourpuss I know!"
Kern gasped, offended. "I am NOT short!"
"Oh please. My grandmother's taller than you, and she's five foot five!"
"Stop it!!!" Eli roared, interrupting their argument, "It's the thirst. You're not in your right minds right now. So stop squabbling and concentrate your energy on gettin' out of here. Understood?"
Kern and Pen nodded meekly. What else could you say to a man his size? Silently, they resumed their walking.
"Sorry," Pen muttered.
"Apology accepted. And I'm sorry too," Kern answered, nodding.
Before they drifted into quiet once more, Kern asked one last thing, almost to himself, "Do you really think I'm short?"

And now, the Development of my Characters column. This installment's subject, Kern.
Kern Rodriguez:
Kern has changed the most out of all of my characters in this story. He, like Pen, developed in three stages.
Stage one: In the beginning, Kern was a normal-sized, quiet, hispanic foreign exchange student from Hawaii. What he was doing on the moon, or how he'd meet Pen, I didn't know. All I knew was that he would become a vital part of the story. Back then, his name was Terri.
Stage two: Now he was Sheila's cousin. His parents lived in Hawaii, and sent him to help his cousin on the moon. I changed his name to Damian, simply because that sounded more like a name someone from Hawaii would have. In this version he was more arrogant and mean than he is now. He meets Pen one day when he walks in on her fight with an alien. I also at this point decided he would be short.
Stage three: Now I get to the odd part; his name. I really liked Damian, but one day in the car I told my mom about my story, and she cracked up. When I inquired what was so funny, she said, "Ever hear about a movie called "The Omen"?
She explained. 'Just perfect,' I thought to myself. 'And here I am, posting this on a Christian website.'
So I decided to ask the readers what I should name him. I tentatively added Damian to the names I was considering. There was no negative reaction to the name, but I still didn't want his name to have that kind of connotation. So I settled on Kern, a short name for a short guy.
I wanted him to have a reason to be cold, (coldness being a part of his personality) so I decided his parents would be killed in the slave wars by aliens. Sheila and Sharon were no longer his cousins, they were his aunts who adopted him. Kern's personality changed as well. He was still arrogant, still a bit mean, but more friendly towards people he liked. He's intelligent and a brilliant strategist, but sometimes this doesn't appear so. That's because I gave him one major flaw to his personality. If he likes someone, he looks at them through rose-colored glasses. If he doesn't, or they have anything to do with aliens, he assumes they're evil. In the end of the story, (though I can't explain in detail, obviously) he has to confront his prejudices, because Ralda is an alien, but he likes her. His illusions are shattered, and he is forced to see people for who they really are. All in all, he turned out better than I expected.