CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

This is a Passion/Resurrection poem. God bless and enjoy!





R&R please but use constructive criticism! God bless and thanks for reading this!

Love it, Mewster.

This critique is going to be honest and detailed, so be prepared.

The poem starts off with a set meter but quickly looses that after the second stanza. At that point, there is a mixture of rhyme and free verse that I don't think works well. The switching interrupts the flow and some of the later rhymes like "Look up above/And close your eyes./Go to your heart and be surprised" feel a little forced.

Although the syllable count has a mostly consistent pattern, the meter is off in some places, which makes certain parts of the poem clunky. This website has basic examples of different kinds of meter: http://writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/meter.html

This is why you need to decide if you want this piece to be form poetry or free verse. If you're going to include both forms, make the switches clear and intentional for the meaning of the poem as a whole. For example, metered stanzas can convey the structure and harmony God provides while free verse stanzas can convey the disorder of earthly existence.

Moving on to the content of the poem, I found it to be just a repeat of every other joyous resurrection phrase that Christians have thought of. There is nothing wrong with using those phrases, but I don't see anything in this poem that shows your distinct voice. I'm sure you can think of ways to put the Resurrection in words that don't simply rehash the language Christians have been using for centuries. I would suggest looking at poetry/music that portrays Christianity in very distinct ways. Here are some examples:

Thrice--"Silver Wings":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9uz51a_ges
http://www.lyrics007.com/Thrice%20Lyrics/Silver%20Wings%20Lyrics.html
As an added bonus, this song is a sonnet so you can really see what smooth metered poetry looks like.

Thrice--"The Messenger":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spe3mAN-Y9I

Thrice--"Moving Mountains":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1li2hfgNQoM

Thrice--"Come All You Weary":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlRmKBYbymI
http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/thrice/comeallyouweary.html

mewithoutYou--"A Stick, a Carrot, and String":
http://www.songlyrics.com/mewithoutyou/a-stick-a-carrot-string-lyrics/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNdC7oDEQac
mewithoutYou tends to have a very interesting way of formatting their poems, which isn't replicated on lyrics websites, but you can still get the basic idea.

mewithoutYou--"Paper Hangar":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXNBzhGI83A
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/paper-hanger-lyrics-mewithoutyou-me-without-you/175f9528ed46dcbf48256f2500095e47

mewithoutYou--"In A Sweater Poorly Knit":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4g-3WRXIts&playnext=1&list=PL73E9F827B8775596

Showbread--"Matthias Replaces Judas":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIRxb2y3H1w

Showbread--"The Beginning (Nervosa)":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ito6N6BVwxA

So that's basically all I have to say. If you're really interested in writing poetry, I suggest taking classes whenever you have the chance so you can expose yourself to the variety of ways a poem can be formed. Good luck!