Lunatic Writings Ep. 1

[Mister]

Claude: The darkness consumes me... it surrounds my very being... i am filled with the stench of my own despair!!

Wilbur: THEN TURN ON THE LIGHT AND FLUSH YOU CRACKING IDIOT!

Claude: Wilbur! i'm trying to compose LITERATURE!

Wilbur: Literature!? it's bad enough that you read too much, now your writing!? *Wilbur mutters to self* What is this world comign too?

Claude: I've had quite enough of your contentious badgering! now leave me alone to me work!

Wilbur: Yes Master of Poets and Philosophers! as you wish! mother wouldn't agree with your attitude you know.

Claude: Leave Mother out of this! we're ...grown men and can descide things on our own!

Wilbur: Then decide to stop wetting the bed, GROWN MAN...

Claude: I HEARD THAT!

Wilbur: well of course you heard it! i'm not exactly whispering now am i!?

*claude walks into room*

Claude:now listen here you...

Wilbur: i have a name you know...

Claude: shut up! now, i am sick and tired of your constant sarcasim!

Wilbur: Only JUST now? i thought that happened years ago....

Claude: there you go again! i'm fed up with it!

Wilbur: then stop eating....

Claude: GAH! i've had it up to here!

Wilbur: up to where exactly? up to the level of your own self importance? or up to the level of your diapers, you big baby?

Claude: OK! THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO FONG YOU! i regret ever being born your brother!

Wilbur: you're a boy? ..... strange.... now Claude, i can't beleive you'd say that. why if father heard that he'd turn over in hsi grave!

*old raspy voice comes from next room*

Dad: Stop saying that! i'm not dead! Yet!

Wilbur:............

Claude:........... why do i even try?

Wilbur: cause you're an idiot? or maybe its-

Claude: ok! i get it!

Wilbur: just trying to help!

*knock on door*

Claude: i'll get it.

*Claude opens door. young lady stands just outside door*

Claude: Can i help you miss?

Maurice: why yes sir! could you direct me to a mister..... uh.... Wilbur Maxwell?

Claude:...... yes..... Wilbur!

Wilbur: the ladies love me!

Claude: hardly.....

Wilbur: well then, how can i help such an attractive young lady?

Claude: oh spare me....!

Maurice: hello Mr. Maxwell-

Wilbur: please call me Wilbur.

*Maurice blushes a little*

Maurice: ok, W...Wilbur... my name is Maurice Packerton.

Wilbur: A Pleasure Ms. Packerton

Claude: Charmed...

Maurice: Anyway Mr. Maxwell.... i mean, Wilbur. i have been sent here by my employer, Don Andre Le ChanteLeon, Don of the House of Mousier.

Wilbur: did you hear THAT CLaude? a Don!

Claude: i'm not deaf you idiot....

Maurice: my employer requests the precense of one Wilbur Maxwell... that's you...

Claude: nooo.....

Maurice:.... moving on. he invited you to his summer home in the Carribean.

Wilbur: The Carribean! Claude!

Claude: Jolly Good. maybe there will be sharks and a plank.... avast ye hearties!

Wilbur: oh stop it you spoil sport! Now, Miss. Maurice, am i to come alone?

Maurice: oh no! you may bring whoever you like!

Wilbur: whoever i like eh?.... well Claude's out... i don't like him....

Claude: daft....

Wilbur:........ ok! it's decided! inform your employer that i shall arrive at his specified time!.... whenever that may be! me and my faithful though unenthusiastic brother, Claude!

Claude: don't drag me into this!

Wilbur: what! Claude, it'll be fun. you need to get away from this old house.

Claude: i have a job you know....

Wilbur: old man Mortimer can spare you being away from the library long enough for a little vacation right?

Claude: fine.... so when do we meet this employer of yours?

Maurice: you'll need to sail out from London Harbor tomorrow by noon. you'll arrive at the Island in three days.

Claude: Island!?

Wilbur: Ship!?

Maurice: .....

Claude: .......

Wilbur: WHAT!? can't a man be scared of large metal floating things!?

Claude: i don't know you.... I'm just a hobo you let spend the night... daft...

Maurice: well, if that is all Gentlemen, i need to be about my business. good day to you.

Conclusion.