Page 1 of 1

Sakaki's Depression-Inspired Missives

PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:01 pm
by Sakaki Onsei
Missive #1 - "Eyes"

------------------------------------

I see her in my downtime, in the moments when I seem at my worst. She is always there, and I know her. I recognize her, even though I have not met her yet. I cannot see all of her face, but I can see her eyes. And I can look into her eyes and see not only myself, but I see her as well. She has a passion that is being held back for the one that she loves, the one in which her eyes are penetrating deep.

She looks deep into my eyes and my soul is naked. I have no secrets when she looks into my soul, and she knows everything about me. She peers into my soul and sees the anguish and the pain that is present, and with a touch of her hand on the bridge of my nose, all of it is gone.

I look into her eyes and I see her as being slightly mischievious, but she is pure and whole. She has passion inside, just waiting to be let loose. I can feel it, because she sees it in me as well. When we look into each other’s eyes, there is nothing between us. Just my soul and her soul, one on one, together.

PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:13 pm
by Sakaki Onsei
-This missive has been removed voluntarily for personal reasons.-

PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 11:35 am
by spiritusvult
Without doing too much psychoanalysis, it seems that this poem is based on some really deep and passionate desires. Those desires usually make intense poems to write. And from that vein this does well.

However, because these feelings are so intense, it is very difficult to find words or ways of saying things that haven't already been said. A good way to know you've written a poem or song that fits into that category is, how many songs do you know that have been written about the same thing?

The easy solution to this is to find something that no one had written about and write that. Maybe it's something mundane: a butterfly, or a dirt clod, or a chunk of brown grass in your neighbor's yard. It could also be a specific moment you've experienced, something unique to you.

But, you're writing, and that's something. Keep it up!