Ok this is a short story I started a few years ago, it is unfinished I was hoping people would tell me what they think.
The Mission
Traveling down Highway 10 came two young men. They were going to a park to spend one last day with their high school friends before they all went off to college.
“Just think, soon we’re getting out of this placeâ€
The Mission (a short sorry by Creed4)
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The Mission (a short sorry by Creed4)
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
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Well...to be perfectly honest, it feels rushed. Problems with punctuation (i.e. lack of question marks) combined with typos...
...make it a little hard to follow the dynamics of what's going on. My advice? Slow down a bit and read it out loud to help yourself catch problem sentences.
But aside from the format problems, the story could be a good one about self discovery. Keep working on it.
After about the a group of teens busted through the forest.
...make it a little hard to follow the dynamics of what's going on. My advice? Slow down a bit and read it out loud to help yourself catch problem sentences.
But aside from the format problems, the story could be a good one about self discovery. Keep working on it.
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Esoteric - Posts: 1603
- Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2004 1:12 pm
- Location: The Lost Room.
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