CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

OK, everyone, this is a story I began writing as a teenager but stopped due to writer's block. I will be updating it every time I come up with a new chapter. Comments, ideas, and criticism will be appreciated!
The Setting: Erewhon (an anagram for "nowhere") is a fantasy land that has all the creatures of legend dwelling in it. This story takes place during the reign of its third king, King Douglas. Douglas is a good king, and is doing his best to keep the peace.
And yes, Anna Mae, your corrections are in place and it is meant to be allegorical.
Main Characters:
Greeneyes: A 500 year old dragon. Currently the oldest living dragon. A peaceful dragon by nature, and much respected by both humans and dragons. He has blue scales and, as his name implies, has green eyes.
Firebrand: A 200 year old dragon, he is a rogue that hates humans and considers them only good for one thing: dinner. His scales are orange.
Violet: Also 200 years old. She is Greeneyes' daughter. She is quiet and dotes on her father, willing to obey him. As her name implies, she has purple scales.
Ashley: Daughter of King Douglas. Her mother died soon after giving birth to her, but she seems to have no angst surrounding this knowledge, as she has very little memory of her mother. She is a kind-hearted girl and very humble, despite her station.
David: Captain of the guard. Treats Ashley as if she were his own child and is very loyal to the king. Has a unicorn named Galaxia, who can project magical energy through her horn.
Ki'ry (pronounce it ki-ree): A human boy created by Greeneyes. He has dragon's blood in his veins, which allows him to perform magic. He was created to inspire more peaceful relations between humans and dragons. In the dragon tongue, his name means "peacemaker". He is very obedient to Greeneyes and is quite ignorant of the ways of man.
Goldenheart: A fairy who is Ashley's best friend. Ashley once saved it from a troll and it has been her constant companion ever since.

Chapter 1: Ki'ry

Greeneyes knew that the day would come when the humans would grow tired of Firebrand and his sympathsizers. He longed for the days of old, when humans and dragons co-existed. But unfortunately, those days dwelt only in his memories. But maybe if he gave the humans an idea of the harmony I once saw, he thought, perhaps it would start something. Humans have a knack for symbols. He formed a human figure out of clay. It had the normal features a human had. He made two arms, a face with eyes that were hazel, two legs, everything else a human needed. Then, he took one of his claws and opened one of his own veins. He made a small hole in the clay and dropped some of his blood into the hole. Violet watched quietly. The clay turned into flesh. The boy opened his eyes and looked around. Then it started to breathe. "Where am I"? the boy asked.
"You are home, my child." Greeneyes said. "I am your creator. My name is Greeneyes. And this is my daughter, Violet."
The boy asked, "And what is my name?
"I shall name you Ki'ry." said Greeneyes. "For you shall be an instrument of peace for both our kinds."
Violet spoke, "Father, he seems like an ordinary boy. How can you be sure that this child will be what you claim? Your ideas are not as well accepted as they used to be."
"We can only hope, my daughter." Greeneyes answered. "But perhaps he will be able to find people and other creatures willing to help him. We shall have to teach him our ways. Then he shall be able to begin his mission."
--------------------------
Next: Ki'ry meets Ashley and Goldenheart

So is it finished at this point, or are you hoping that this will help you in completing it?

Dragons can create people? I will be interested to see how that one plays out.

Is this story allegorical?

Greeneyes knew that the day would come when the humans would grow tired of Firebrand and his sympathsizers. He longed for the days of old, when humans and dragons co-existed. But unfortunately, those days only dwelled in his memories I would rephrase this "those days dwelt only in his memories.". Then he had an idea That was abrupt. . He formed a human figure out of clay Describe the formation more in order to make the passage less of a list of actions. . Then, he took on on? of his claws and opened one of his own veins. He made a small hole in the clay and dropped some of his own The "own" here is superfluous. blood into the hole. Violet watched quietly. Is this story always going to have the character profiles at the beginning? Suddenly, the clay turned to flesh. Once again, try not to just list what happened; instead, describe it as it happened. The figure had come to life.
"I shall name him Ki'ry." said Greeneyes. "For he shall be an instrument of peace for both our kinds.
Violet spoke, "Father, he seems like an ordinary boy. Are you sure this child will be what you claim. It would seem to fit Violet's doating personality better were the question phrased, "How can you be sure that this child will be what you claim?" Your ideas are not as well accepted as they used to be."
"We can only hope, my daughter." Greeneyes answered. "But it will all I would not place total responsibility upon his shoulders. be up to the boy. We shall have to teach him our ways. Then he shall be able to begin his mission."

I am interested is seeing the rest of the story.

Thanks for your suggestions, Anna Mae. And it is definitely a work in progress. I will update it more with the introductions of Ashley and Goldenheart on Wednesday. The update will be in this thread, so character intros won't be necessary.

OK folks, time for Chapter two. The next update won't be till sometime in February.

Chapter 2--Ashley and Goldenheart
(It is now 6 years after Chapter 1)Note to Anna: the other knights were on patrol at this time, so Ashley was unprotected.
Ashley and Goldenheart were in the Royal Forest playing Gin Rummy. As she played, a fox-squirrel ran up her back and perched up on her shoulder. She giggled as the fox-squirrel's whiskers brushed against her hair.
"So, who were all those people in the throne room?" Goldenheart asked.
"My father is having another meeting." Ashley sighed. "At least I always have you to play with. Otherwise I'd be bored out of my skull." She knocked on the rock she was sitting on to signal the end of her turn.
Goldenheart took a card from the discard pile. "You know, you are next in line. You should pay attention to the meetings sometime."
"Yeah, but I can't help it." she sighed again.
Suddenly, the air grew hot around them. A voice thundered from above, "Well, well! If it isn't the Princess Ashley!"
Ashley and Goldenheart looked up. It was Firebrand, the rogue dragon who hated humans. The fox-squirrel arched its back like a scared cat, then ran off in fear.
"If I were to kill you now, think of the chaos it would cause!" Firebrand chuckled. "Perhaps I should do it!" And with that, he breathed a ring of fire around Ashley and Goldenheart. Ashley and Goldenheart huddled together in fear.
But at that moment, a boy appeared before them. He appeared unhurt by the fire. He turned to them and said, "Keep calm. I will handle this." Then he turned to Firebrand. "If you want them dead this badly, you shall have to take me down first. I am Ki'ry, the child Greeneyes created. And I am not an easy foe to destroy."
"You abomination!" Firebrand bellowed. "Do you think the ideals of a fossil like your creator hold any meaning for me?"
"I had hoped. But I can see that I was wrong." He concentrated for several moments. Ashley was surprised that ice had begun to form where the fire was. Within minutes, the ice had melted.
This boy has magical powers? I thought humans weren't normally supposed to have them. And why is Firebrand calling him an abomination?
"I can see that Greeneyes has taught you well." Firebrand thought. "I'd love to see what else you are capable of, but for now, I shall let the three of you live. But mark my words: you have not won yet."
Ashley looked at the boy warily. He knows Greeneyes? She wasn't so sure about this boy. Ever since she could remember, she had always been very afraid of dragons. Even Greeneyes frightened her.
Next: Ki'ry meets David.

Only problem i have is some of the basis of your story sounds a little like mine. not that its the same but little itty bitty similarities. I still really like it so far, Just be a little more descriptive! Keep up the Good Work

Maybe we're just drinking from the same well, narutofreak. Nothing wrong with that.

Unless the well is poisoned.

Chapter 3--How Ashley met Goldenheart
David and his unicorn, Galaxia, entered the forest.
"I was told Firebrand was here. I'm glad you're safe." He said to Ashley.
"Well, you're a little late." Ashley said. "Ki'ry here saved me."
"Well then, thank you, Ki'ry." David said. "I shall report to your father about this. In the meantime, you had better get inside." And with that, he left them.
Ki'ry turned to Ashley. "How did you meet Goldenheart? Fairies normally keep themselves."
Ashley said. "It was when I was four. I was in this very same forest. I saw him in a spider's web and rescued him. We've been friends ever since."
"Oh, I see. It's a life pact, Goldenheart?" he asked the fairy.
"Yes. We fairies can only do white magic. So, I was unable to do anything. Spiders often mistake us for insects because we are so small. It also doesn't help that we're so tasty to them." he grinned wryly.
"I suppose I'd better get going." Ashley said to them. "It was nice meeting you. But with Firebrand around, I think father would want me to stay inside for now."
Unbeknowst to them, Firebrand had been watching them from his cave by using a scrying pool.
So, Ashley doesn't yet know who is responsible for her mother's death. Perhaps I can use this. I might be able to break Ki'ry's spirit.
next time: Firebrand tells Ki'ry a secret.

Chapter 2--Ashley and Goldenheart
(It is now 6 years after Chapter 1)
Ashley and Goldenheart were in the Royal Forest playing Gin Rummy. As she played, a fox-squirrel ran up her back and perched up on her shoulder.
"So, who were all those people in the throne room?" Goldenheart asked. What about the fox-squirrel?
"My father is having another meeting." Ashley sighed. "At least I always have you to play with. Otherwise I'd be bored out of my skull." She knocked on the rock she was sitting on to signal the end of her turn. Try to avoid using the same preposition twice in this sentence.
Goldenheart took a card from the discard pile. "You know, you are next in line. You should pay attention to the meetings sometime."
"Yeah, but I can't help it." she sighed again.
Suddenly, the air grew hot around them. A voice thundered from above, "Well, well! If it isn't the Princess Ashley!"
Ashley and Goldenheart looked up. It was Firebrand, the rogue dragon who hated humans. The fox-squirrel arched its back like a scared cat, then ran off in fear.
"If I were to kill you now, think of the chaos it would cause!" Firebrand chuckled. "Perhaps I should do it!" And with that, he breathed a ring of fire around Ashley and Goldenheart. Ashley and Goldenheart huddled together in fear. Is there no palace security?
But at that moment, a boy appeared before them. He appeared unhurt by the fire. He turned to them and said, "Keep calm. I will handle this." Then he turned to Firebrand. "If you want them dead this badly, you shall have to take me down first. I am Ki'ry, the child Greeneyes created. And I am not an easy foe to destroy."
"You abomination!" Firebrand bellowed. "Do you think the ideals of a fossil like your creator hold any meaning for me?"
"I had hoped. But I can see that I was wrong." He concentrated, and melted the fire with ice. Describe more about how he does this.
"I can see that Greeneyes has taught you well." Firebrand thought. "I'd love to see what else you are capable of, but for now, I shall let the three of you live. But mark my words: you have not won yet."

Chapter 3--How Ashley met Goldenheart
David and Galaxia Who's that? entered the forest.
"I was told Firebrand was here. I'm glad you're safe." He said to Ashley.
"Well, you're a little late." Ashley said. "Ki'ry here saved me."
"Well then, thank you, Ki'ry." and with that he left them. That was abrupt.
Ki'ry turned to Ashley. "How did you meet Goldenheart? Fairies normally keep themselves."
Ashley said. "It was when I was four. I was in this very same forest. I saw him in a spider's web and rescued him. We've been friends ever since."
"Oh, I see. It's a life pact, Goldenheart?" he asked the fairy.
"Yes. We fairies can only do white magic. So, I was unable to do anything. Spiders often mistake us for insects because we are so small. It also doesn't help that we're so tasty to them." he smirked. Odd choice of words. A wry grin was more what I had pictured.
"I suppose I'd better get going." Ashley said to them. "It was nice meeting you. But with Firebrand around, I think father would want me to stay inside for now."
Unbeknowst Good word. to them, Firebrand had been watching them from his cave by using a scrying pool.
So, Ashley doesn't yet know who is responsible for her mother's death. Perhaps I can use this. I might be able to break Ki'ry's spirit.

Thank you for the corrections and suggestions. I will apply them very soon. Expect Chapter 4 sometime in March.

You have a very charming writing style, RL. Only thing that confused me was as Anna Mae pointed out what happened to the fox-squirrel (oooh Nausicca reference??)? When you had Goldenheart talk right after I though he was the fox-squirrel, so it confused me after when you said he was a fairy.

Overall, I like the plot and the themes you got in there. Ki'ry sounds like he'll be an interesting character.

Writer's block is a pain, but I think the best way to overcome it is not to try to plan stuff and have it all fit together at first. Just write what comes into your head.

The next day, Ki'ry saw Ashley in the palace courtyard.
"Ashley, I need to talk to you. It's about yesterday."
Ashley backed away and acted as if she was avoiding him. Then, she lied, "I-I have something I need to do. Some other time."
"All right, then." Ki'ry nodded.
As soon as Ashley was out of earshot, Goldenheart appeared.
"What was all that about?" he asked.
"It's just that, humans can't normally use magic. That must mean only one thing. Ki'ry must have some connection with a being who can. Either dragons or fairies. Those who are connected with fairies have purple eyes, but Ki'ry has green ones, so that rules out the fairy connection. You know my feelings about dragons."
"But he saved your life yesterday." Goldenheart reminded her harshly.
"Goldenheart, a dragon killed my mother! I've been afraid of them ever since.
***
That night, Firebrand approached Greeneyes's cave.
Violet intercepted him.
"What is your purpose here?" she asked evenly.
"I am only here to speak to Ki'ry." Firebrand said.
"I suppose you may." Violet sighed.
Firebrand entered the cave.
"What do you want?" Ki'ry asked.
"I wanted to tell you something about Ashley. I don't think you'll ever gain her trust. She is deathly afraid of dragons, and for good reason. One killed her mother."
"Why do you hate humans so much?" Ki'ry asked.
"Ah, I see Greeneyes must not have told you the whole of the feud we dragons have had with humanity. Yes, it is true that we used to be allies, but when the humans discovered our magical properties, they became greedy. As a result, our species' longevity was threatened."
"You're lying!"
"No, ask him yourself. Oh, and one more thing. Do you want to know why Ashley is afraid of dragons?"
"Why?"
"Because one killed her mother. And it was I."
Ki'ry gasped in surprise.
"And that's not all. Do you know why there was no body? Because I devoured it! Humans taste very good." He licked his chops at the memory.
"So, you're the reason." Ki'ry said. "Can you not forgive the humans for the deaths of your ancestors?"
"Not until they are all gone!" Firebrand exclaimed. "I will have blood for blood! Then, and only then."
"Then you are a fool." Ki'ry said.
"We shall see who is the fool." Firebrand said. He took his leave.
Ki'ry wondered if Firebrand told the truth. Did humans cause the feud? Or was something else behind it?
Next: Ki'ry learns the truth

Oooh nice villain development. The tension between Ashley and Ki'ry is getting interesting. One typo I caught was that you said when ASHLEY was out of earshot. It should have been Ki'ry.

yeah, right. Will fix it. Thanks for the compliment. I often feel a little guilty when my bad guys do stuff. Kinda strange, huh?

When Firebrand tells Ki'ry that Ashley's mother was killed by a dragon, you have him telling Ki'ry twice.

rocklobster wrote:irebrand entered the cave.
"What do you want?" Ki'ry asked.
"I wanted to tell you something about Ashley. I don't think you'll ever gain her trust. She is deathly afraid of dragons, and for good reason. One killed her mother."
"Why do you hate humans so much?" Ki'ry asked.
"Ah, I see Greeneyes must not have told you the whole of the feud we dragons have had with humanity. Yes, it is true that we used to be allies, but when the humans discovered our magical properties, they became greedy. As a result, our species' longevity was threatened."
"You're lying!"
"No, ask him yourself. Oh, and one more thing. Do you want to know why Ashley is afraid of dragons?"
"Why?"
"Because one killed her mother. And it was I."
Ki'ry gasped in surprise.

I appreciated this bit of dialogue:

rocklobster wrote:"Not until they are all gone!" Firebrand exclaimed. "I will have blood for blood! Then, and only then."
"Then you are a fool." Ki'ry said.

HAve either of you figured out the significance behind Ki'ry's name?

Hmmm...the storyline is very awesome so far. I like all the characters, especially their names.
My only advice would be to be a bit more descriptive. For example, if you have a not very descriptive sentence like this: "Firebrand took his leave." ,and though this sentence is not wrong, it'd just doesn't really tell us that much. A better version of the sentence would be: "Smoke rose from Firebrands nostrils as he whipped around, lifted his head to the sky, and flew away."
But this is just a suggestion. I love the story, I can't wait to see more.

Ki'ry was a mysterious word you found inside your fortune cookie while eating chinese takeout one day? O.o

Nope. Rearrange the letters and add an e at the end. You can get this word: Kyrie. It's the Latin word for God. He's a Christ figure! I believe that Christ was sent to Earth not just to save us, but to see what makes us tick. So that is what Ki'ry is trying to do: understand humanity by living as they do.

I did not see that coming. This adds a new layer of interest.

I thought you might be goin' for a Christ type character considering that Ki`ry is a sort of perfect human created by the dragons, but still partly dragon too. Look forward to seeing this develope more!

Chapter V--Dragon Metamorph
Although he didn't fully believe every word Firebrand had said, Ki'ry wondered if there was any truth in them. He decided to tell Greeneyes about it.
"Firebrand told me humans caused the trouble between our two species." he said. If there's any truth to that statement, how will I ever reform them?"
"What Firebrand has told you is a half-truth. One that he has thoroughly embraced." Greeneyes replied. "It its true that humans believe us to have magical properties. But he is of the generation that has forgotten what trulystarted the conflict. It was started by Mystile, one of his own ancestors. I will never understand what drove her insanity, but she directed it towards humanity and killed many of them. She was killed by a human and since then, they have hunted and feared our kind."
"Does Firebrand know this?" Ki'ry asked.
"Unfortunately, he believed the propaganda his family has spun. Rather than accept the truth that Mystile was insane, they created a lie--that humans killed her unjustly. I have tried to convince him otherwise, but his hatred has made him stubborn." Greeneyes answered solemnly. "What's worse, he has influenced other dragons. I will handle the dragon side of the conflict. But you must negotiate the human side. That is why I created you. Because you are partially dragon and partially human, you will be a living testament to the forgotten time when humans and dragons peacefully co-existed."
Suddenly, Goldenheart flitted into the cave. He was very distressed.
"It's Ashley. She's under a magic spell and I can't reach her!" he exclaimed.
"Calm down." Violet coaxed. "Tell us what happened."
"Ashley heard a voice that sounded like her mother. She woke up and walked in a trance. I believe Firebrand may be behind it. Please, you must save her."
"There is a way," Ki'ry said. "But I will not like it." He sat cross-legged on the cave floor and closed his eyes. He breathed slowly and deeply. Suddenly, leathery wings tore out of his back and he doubled over from the excruciating pain. His face cracked like clay and crumbled away, revelaing a dragon's head. His hands shriveled and became a dragon's forelegs. A tail pushed its way through his lower back. His human skin was replaced by reptillian scales. Within minutes, all that was human had now been replaced by a dragon with olive-green scales and blue ridges along his back.
"Ki'ry?" Goldenheart asked.
"I am still the same person you know." Ki'ry explained. "Only my appearance has changed."
"It is the dragon's blood inside him." Violet explained. "That allows him to change from human to dragon."
"Lead the way." Ki'ry told Goldenheart. "I'll follow."
"I can see why you hate to change." Goldenheart said.

The story keeps gettin' better! I like the idea of Firebrand's family spreading lies for so long that even their descendants can no longer tell what is true. Nice transformation with Ki'ry too!

I agree with USSRGirl, the story keeps getting better and better. Awesome writing, Rock. I can hardly wait to find out what is going to happen in the story.

Thanks everyone! One more update to go!

Chapter VI: A Relationship is Started
It didn't take long for Ki'ry and Goldenheart to arrive at Firebrand's cave. Firebrand was startled to see an olive green dragon entering his cave.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"You know very well who I am!" said Ki'ry. "I am Ki'ry. And I have come to rescue my friend."
"So, you can change into a dragon. Well, let's see if you can fight like one!"
said Firebrand.
Firebrand ascended into the air and blocked Ki'ry. He breathed fire at his foe, but Ki'ry was unsinged. Ki'ry concentrated and emitted a ball of magical energy that sent Firebrand spiraling to the ground. He was unconscious upon impact.
Goldenheart found Ashley tied up and no longer under Firebrand's spell. He used his white magic to break the ropes.
"Goldenheart, you saved me!" Ashley said, hugging the fairy.
"I brought some help. Ki'ry is here, in his dragon form." Goldenheart explained.
"Ki'ry? But I was so unkind to him."
"Apparently that doesn't matter. Perhaps you should put that into consideration. Perhaps he wants you to help him in his mission. Don't let the fact that a dragon killed your mother stop you."
"You're right. I am judging him harshly." Ashley nodded.
Meanwhile, Firebrand had come to and flew toward Ki'ry. "Why do you care about that girl?" he asked. "It's obvious she doesn't like you."
"I see something in her. I see that she has great potential. And I want to see her reach that potential."
"I want her dead! She is human!"
"I have heard enough of that. I know about your ancestor. When are you going to listen to Greeneyes?"
"He is a fool. That fossil pines for the old ways, but they are long gone."
"And is your way better?" Ki'ry asked, and again threw an energy ball.
With his foe unconscious, Ki'ry flew off to meet Goldenheart.
"You came for me." Ashley said. "Even though I was unkind."
"I came because I realized you could be of assitance. If we work together, perhaps we can end this conflict."
"I'm sorry I treated you the way I did." Ashley apologized.
"I forgive you. I understand why you acted that way. Climb on my back. I will bring you back to the castle."
When he brought Ashley back, Ki'ry placed her back in her bed.
"Before you go, I have something to ask." said Ashley.
"Yes?" asked Ki'ry.
"Do you truly want to be my friend?" she asked.
"Yes. I do. I will need a human to help me resolve the conflict. I think you could be that human."
"I will do what I can." Ashley promised. And from that moment on, they were friends.
So ends this story in the Erewhon saga. Next will be the story of Kindred. Be here in one month!
Note: The next story will be a whole new thread.

I smell a good sequel!

" wrote: I smell a good sequel!

So do I!

I like how you concluded this one, it seemed a bit short, but it was still good. I can hardly wait to see the next story. Keep up the great writing, Rock.

thanks everyone!
The next one is in June!

Oooh epic conclusion! You packed a lot in for a short story. I like the clash of philosophies between Firebrand and Ki`ry. Kinda like Satan vs. Jesus. One would give his own life to save a girl who already rejected him, while the other just wants her dead. Anywho, looking forward to the sequel.