CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Alright here is a story I more or less just finished. this is only the first chaptar and if I get enough postive feedback, I'll post the rest. If you read it, PLEASE say what you think of it. Good or bad I just need feedback. I had to use ~~~ for tabs since regular tabs wouldn't work. Be forwarned that this story revolves around demons. In other chaptars I also swear in the story aswell. The town in my story is real though certain buildings and areas are not. Enjoy!

~~~In the October afternoon of the peaceful little town of Cimarron, Kansas a teenager nobody really knows or bothers to get to know, walks out of his local high school. This teenager looks like nobody special, just looks like all the other raving teenagers in the area.

~~~He looks to be about late fifteen or early sixteen and is five feet, seven inches. He is not heavily set nor riddled with muscle. Light blonde hair,
almost turned white, that gives off the seeming appearance of glowing while
in the sunlight that hangs loosely over his always searching hazel eyes. Clad in slightly faded and well worn blue jeans, a simple black t-shirt, combat boots, and a watch on his
right wrist.

~~~One, of many other, things that sets this boy apart from everyone else is his mind. Teachers would disagree based upon his GPA, but delve deeper and you can find what makes this youth unique.

~~~ His mind works on a much deeper level than is normally used by his peers. He has the ability to assess a situation and find all variables to the outcome, re-create scenes from any point in his life, a photographic memory, a certain knack for knowing what people want, knowing how the world and its inhabitants work even in his secluded life and an internal rage that threatens to break down the only barrier holding it in. However, these are not his only attributes. This boy can see what is really out there. The shadows that stalk this world are what he sees.

~~~"Hey!" a voice calls from behind him.

~~~The boy, Liam, as his parents had named him, turns around to meet his caller. A young lady is jogging up to him.

~~~[font=Arial]She looks to about sixteen and stands at about five feet, four inches with black ribbons that plait her braided blonde hair which is styled to hold her eyes in shadow. Fish-net gauntlets run from her middle fingers to her shoulders and meet a black t-shirt that ends at her navel with the words “Move or be Removed.â€

*runs around*

AAAH!! I need more Kiba-kun! this isn't fair! I am lovin it so far, the description is amazing, I love the details you put in it and the wonderful wording. It really is to my enjoyment!

Good Job!

yaay kiba!! i can read it easier now ^_^ I can't wait till the next chapter!

*falls over in chair* THAT IS SO COOL! Oh my gosh Kiba, that rocked..*paces back and forth* I can't wait for the next update!!Its so awsome!^^

I think you've written it well; an interesting story with good characters. However, the first bit could use a bit of editing, just to make the sentences flow better. Also, though telling us about Liam is good, sometimes it can be better to show and not tell these things about him -or make him do something out of the ordinary based on this side of him (the part that sees the 'shadows') and then explain it a bit.

Other than that, very good; nice writing and lots of good visual scenes. ^_^ Have to admit I don't really like the demon thing... especially since in witchcraft etc it's actually not under the control of the witch/etc but really they're messing with power they don't understand... however, I'll leave it there. I'm sure you've got a reason for writing this into your story and that you'll resolve it all well; besides I'd rather not get into a debate or anything. I'll just talk more about the rest of the story and stuff now.

I once had an idea for a story where someone sees 'shadows', which would be metaphors for evil spirits... but never pursued it and didn't have much of an idea for the story beyond what I've just typed. So it's interesting and really cool to see someone writing a story with a similar but original idea, and writing it well. Keep up the good work, Kiba!

Thank you all so much likeing this! I put alot of time into making it and I'm glad you appreciate it. I've got the entire thing done now and since alot of y'all want to continue I'll go ahead and put up the next chaptar!

I want to thank faithfighter once more for helping me create Samarie's dress in this next chaptar. I'd have been so lost without you, darlin.

~~~ Liam counts to ten, the amount of time for the grimoire to take its two pints of blood, and tries to pull his hand away. His hand stays glued to the grimoire and more blood flows into it. Liam grows frantic and tries pulling harder, but to no avail. He places his left hand on the grimoire’s pages and pulls back but his hand still stays glued to the paper. ~~~[font=Arial] Valdien laughs as he feels Liam’s blood flow into him. “Fool,â€

WAAAH!! MORE! HURRY!! How can you just let us drop KIBa? *kicks him* more please! I lover it!

*jumps up and down* The next instalment!!!! Its Friggin awsome!HURRY KIBA, make more!*froths at mouth*

Woah, things are getting exciting. Very good writing, Kiba. Keep it up!

Thank you all so much. I would consider being mean make y'all wait another week to read the next bit but I'm sure you'd come after me with torches if I did.

~~~Shouts and screams echo through the village as the inhabitants are overun with demons. Samarie stands in the doorframe, petrified, as demons come near their home.

~~~[font=Arial] “Come on,â€

Aw... *lowers torch*

More good writing; things are definitely getting interesting, though I feel sorry for all the characters who didn't make it. V_V

Unimportant sacrifices for a good story. Odd though. I thought the filter would catch Bastards

Wow.. that's mazing.. this is great.. lots of blood and gore XDD Good job.

Alright y'all here's the next one. Don't take the end to personal btw.

[font=Arial] ~~~ “What?â€

Don't worry; I don't take offense. ^_^" Well, not too much.
Anyway, I don't like the demon-thing so much, but that's a personal thing. But I reckon you're doing it for a good story, so that's why I like to keep reading. ^_^ That and the fact that you're a good story-teller, though even with good stories if I don't really agree with them I won't read them.

However, like I said, I'm confident you're doing this to tell a good story, and hopefully one that will wind up with a good ending. And so far, your writing has been very well crafted, with great descriptions, action, and story.

Well done, Kiba-kun! ^_^

^^ Thank you very much. Now about that good ending. I'd like you to promise not to kill me when I finally get to putting it up. As to why: you'll see.

Cool story, but I feel the same way as Photosoph. I won't kill you, though. ^^

kiba amazing story :O but one thing i can't get is who in the heck is maria? other then his "true love"

Maria is a very vital person to the story which I reveal later and will continue to do so in the next book as soon as I get around to writing it.

Hmmm....interesting story.
Very nice job, Kiba-kun. I love your writing and how you have developed your characters.
The plot is very intriguing, I'll have to watch this story.

coolness

Cool story, but I feel the same way as Photosoph. I won't kill you, though. ^^

Phewph. I'm glad I'm not the only one; sometimes I just feel so alone in feeling this way. ^_^"

I won't kill you either, Kiba. Besides, you mentioned 'the next book' so maybe an ending to this first one may not be the same sort of ending you have for the final book.

~~~ Liam lies on the floor, gasping after his gruesome transformation.

~~~[font=Arial] “No time to waste resting. We’re going to need that full hour to make your grimoire so get up,â€

Very interesting. Very, very interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more, Kiba. Great writing. You definitely catch and keep the reader's interest with your writing. ^^

Thanks so much! I was afriad this one would get bad comments as its well . . . dull.

It didn't seem dull to me at all. In fact, it held my interest better than the other chapters, as far as I can remember. o_O Weird.