CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Please and thank you.

Before her, there was nothing but trees. Behind her was an enormous grey wall. A dense fog hung in the air. She stood on dirt ground that bore no grass, that nurtured no life, not even a pathetic little weed. There was about three feet from the wall to the ends of the longest branches. She looked to her right, then to her left. The strip of barren ground just went on and on either way, sandwiched between the forest and the grey wall, until it receded into the fog. She then leaned back against the huge wall and looked up to observe how tall it was, but she couldn’t see the top of it. It just towered over her, higher and higher, until-just like the strip of dirt-it faded into the fog. It felt cold and hard against her back, but she stayed close to it, fearing whatever unwelcoming monsters might be hiding amongst the trees.
It was still and silent, but not in a calm and comforting way. Rather, it seemed stale and gloomy, and her heart twisted inside her chest, unable to squelch the feeling of unease that was slowly engulfing it.
Thoughts and questions whizzed around in her head, each one fighting for her full attention.
Where am I?
Why am I here?
How did I get here?
How do I get out?
What type of creatures are in those woods?
How in the world am I going to get home?
Her mind froze. The frantic thoughts paused. Her heart skipped about three beats. Home. The thought of home made its way to the front of her mind, taking it’s place as the victor of the battle for her complete attention.
Home.
Where was home? A wave of panic swept her as she realized something horrible, something absolutely frightening.
She didn’t know where home was.

I wil probably add more to it, but I'm not sure how far I am going to take it.

It's very good. The frist part is a little hard to follow. Try to show and not tell, but over all good job. please give a little more detail on the story in general, this passage starts a little abruptly I felt lost as I read it. I liked your details for the passage you could see where she was and get a good feel for the situation. Please fleash out the story some more it is a very good start.

Thank you for the advice, creed4.

I was kind of going for the lost feel because it is going to turn out that she has no clue what is going on either...but when I get more written out I think I'll try to find someway to let the reader know that they aren't supposed to know exactly what is going on

What specifically do you mean by try to show and not tell?

Show the reader what is happening, don't say everything step by step, I stuggle with this in my stories as well, so don't worry

I agree with Creed; maybe there's a little too much explanation, where you could leave more to the imagination. Other than that, very cool. I think it really started to take off at: It was still and silent, but not in a calm and comforting way. Rather, it seemed stale and gloomy, and her heart twisted inside her chest, unable to squelch the feeling of unease that was slowly engulfing it.

Perhaps showing and telling would be more like:

Before her, there was nothing but trees. Behind her was an enormous grey wall. A dense fog hung in the air. She stood on dirt ground that bore no grass, that nurtured no life, not even a pathetic little weed. She looked to her right, then to her left. The strip of barren ground just went on and on either way until it receded into the fog.
She then leaned back against the huge wall and looked up to observe how tall it was, but it just towered over her, higher and higher, until-just like the strip of dirt-it faded into the fog. It felt cold and hard against her back, but she stayed close to it, fearing whatever unwelcoming monsters might be hiding amongst the trees.
It was still and silent, but not in a calm and comforting way. Rather, it seemed stale and gloomy, and her heart twisted inside her chest, unable to squelch the feeling of unease that was slowly engulfing it.

All I did was to shorten or take out a few lines. See what you think. ^^

But very good; an exciting and straight-into-the-thick of it beginning, which is what I like.

teen4truth wrote:Please and thank you.

Before her, there was nothing but trees.

I thought you were talking about time, here.

Behind her was an enormous grey wall.

Then I realized you weren't. That's kind of weird, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe that's what you wanted (even if you didn't do it on purpose ^_^).