Before the Dawn - Chap 1 (Revised) PG adult themes

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Before the Dawn - Chap 1 (Revised) PG adult themes

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:07 am

Sorry about this. I just wanted to rewrite it, tighten up the action etc a bit more.
This first chapter would probably be PG for some adult themes. (this is only part)

I will definetly have chapter 2 up soon (I've been in a long creative slump).




Before the Dawn
Chapter One: Asleep To The World


Almost there.

The ground churned beneath him, desert dust and sweat caked his eyes. Luemas clutched the racing horse, his body bounced around like a demonic jack-in-the-box, his legs throbbed with every jolt. Behind him a cart packed with basic provisions rattled inches from the edge of the rock pinnacles rising on either side. He had to get home, fast.

Stay awake, stay awake!

Loose stones lined the road ahead. The horse stumbled, the cart rocketed sideways, splintering against the rocky outcrops and spewing its contents across the road. Luemas felt the horse slip away beneath him. No! The shock jolted his mind and drove his heart faster. He desperately gripped its sides with both hands, dug in his heels and grabbed a handful of black mane as his mount managed to right itself. He pulled himself back onto the horse.

No time to turn back, the cart is lost. They could still be on my heels.

He galloped on.



* * * *

Mek slammed into the ground hard as the horse ploughed into him. The rider was thrown through the air. Mek's vision blurred. Pain!

'Holy Molskein!' yelled Aeiden.
His friend ran to him and carefully helped Mek to his feet.
'That horse almost rode you down!'
Mek clutched at his chest and winced, gasped for air. 'I noticed.'
Aeiden checked him over. 'Thank Aijah your alive.'
He left Mek to his own devices. Aeiden was already next to the rider. He glanced at Mek. 'Its Luemas! He's hurt bad, real bad. Quick, get the Healer. I'll do what I can for him.'

Mek spun on his heels and ran for the village as fast as his legs would carry him, huffing and panting his way down the steep crater descent. Luemas was alive? How did he survive the harsh deserts? I don't understand! He skidded on some stones. Slowly now. Don't want to break your neck. No! Don't slow down. Pick up the pace man. Get a move on. Luemas needs help... and fast.

He made it to the bottom in one piece and thumped across the bridge spanning the river Bridgewater, his boots echoing on the wooden floorboards. The village of Bridgewater sprawled on the other side, nestled amongst the reedy marshes. He paused to think things through. Still light. People will be everywhere. Got to use stealth. He whispered a quick prayer. Aijah guide me. This isn't going to be easy! At a half crouch he traversed the residential huts, keeping to the shadows. He made for the village centre. Not the easiest place to keep hidden. Still he needed to get to Ghed and fast. He passed the village tavern, butcher and smithy and finally reached Ghed's house. A mud brick hut with thatched roof. Village norm. Mek stormed in without knocking.


The refreshing fragrance of dried herbs and spices greeted him. A massive iron cauldron bubbled over a large fire in the centre of the room. A bald headed man sat at a desk in the corner of the room. Wood scraped as the man threw his body over the desk. Bottles of all shapes and sizes flew off and shattered. Vinegar and herbs pooled at his feet. He cursed and looked up, his face ashen with fear. Quickly it turned tomato red with anger.

'Mek? What are you doing here?' He rubbed his hands over his face. 'Look what you made me do!' I thought you were one of the Elders. I swear they've been watching me. One day they'll catch me. Now, clean up this mess.'

Mek protested. 'Your the one who left the door unlocked.'
His father spluttered and then frowned.
'Never mind that dad,' said Mek. 'Something more important has come up.'
Ghed raised an eyebrow. 'Yes?'
'Luemas has fallen from his horse. He's badly injured.'
'Woah! Slow down boy, that's impossible,' Ghed smirked. 'Unless he's an even bigger fool than I thought. Are you sure it's him?'
'It was. We have to help him.'

'What are his injuries?'
Mek shrugged. 'Not sure. I didn't have time to see his condition. But he fell off a galloping horse. That's got too hurt big time.'
Ghed sighed. 'I'll have to chance it. I'd say possible broken bones, bruising and cuts, that sort of thing.' He rummaged through the various herb samples left on his desk, grabbed his water-filled clay cup, mortar and pestle and a bundle of gauze cloth and made for the door.
Up the hill they trudged in silence, huffing and puffing. Mek leading the way.

Aeiden crouched over Luemas by the roadside, cradling his head in his arms. He looked up as Mek approached, followed by Ghed.
'Mr Ghed, sir.'
'Aeiden.' The Healer acknowledged him. 'How's he doing?' He checked Leumas over.
One eye closed over, face a bloody mess. Grey bruises covered his body. Left leg crushed beneath him.

'You haven't tried moving him, have you? No? Good. This is serious, he may have internal bleeding.'
The colour drained from their faces. He waved his hand at them. 'Give us room.' They backed away as he pulled a golden flask from his pocket. 'Can't do much here, but this cordial should help him relax a little.'
Taking Luemas' head in his arm he put the flask to his lips. 'Drink this.' Leumas stirred and after some coaxing managed to swallow some of the sweet cold liquid.
'Good, now rest,' he commanded. His good eye fell shut.

Ghed carefully pulled Luemas' leg out from under him. A painstakingly slow process. The leg was torn, bruised and bloody and lay at an unnatural angle. He produced several spiked plant stalks, a bone knife and a clay mortar and pestle. He tore off Luemas' shirt while Mek tore the gauze cloth into thin strips, handed them to him and waited anxiously.

Ghed drew some roots and leaves from one of his pockets, dashed them into the clay pestle. He picked up the mortar and ground the comfrey plant into the pestle, adding water from his cup as he worked. The mixture slowly formed a thick sticky paste.
'This stuff smells a bit but it will prevent further infection he may have picked up from the wounds.'
He slapped the sticky salve onto the gauze and methodically spread it around. He firmly bound Luemas' bruised arms, forehead, chest and lower legs, careful to avoid stirring the wounds.

He spoke to Aeiden and Mek. 'Get him back to the village as soon as possible. You hear me? I can treat him better back home. Meet me there.' Ghed looked at Mek. 'Think you can carry him back?' He eased Luemas over his shoulder. Mek was crushed under the weight and for a moment floundered for balance. 'Careful,' warned the Healer. Mek, Aeiden and Ghed set off down the hill. It was slow going with the added weight of a full grown man swung over one shoulder. Especially one as fragile as Luemas.

A young woman clad in a simple handwoven dress knelt in the grass picking mushrooms and dropping them into a weaved basket alongside her.

Mek groaned. 'Oh. This is not good. What's she doing here? How are we going to explain this?' Aeiden shuddered in agreement. 'I'll let you handle this one.'
She looked up as they approached. 'Aeiden, Mek.'
'Afternoon Rachel.'
'You're back early from the fields.'
'Harvest hasn't been great this year.'
Mara saw the body Mek carried and gestured at it. 'Who's that? Some poor soul party too hard at the tavern?'
A nervous chuckle. 'Something like that.' Mek's eyes darted to Aeiden. Help me. They kept on walking.

'Hold up.' They froze in mid-stride. She circled them and when she saw her husband gasped and clamped a hand to her mouth. 'My word. It's Luemas!' She stumbled back, overwhelmed by grief. Some seconds later she came at them. 'Is he alright? What happened to him?' She searched Mek's face for answers. Tears welled in her eyes and she turned away. Aeiden grimaced.
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:07 am

(Forgive me if the romance sounds unrealistic - I've never had a girlfriend, I don't watch romance movies/read the books - I just wanted to avoid cheesiness and sex).





He came to, his head and limbs throbbing. His good eye flashed open, his swollen eye struggled to do the same. He blinked to dislodge the 'sleep' and stared at the thatched ceiling, the mud walls. Home. The room was thick with steam. Sweat soaked his bedsheets. Aloe vera? He wrinkled his nose at the smell.

Slowly he lifted his head from the pillow and looked about the room. A simple bedside table and steaming bowl of water with lemon balm and eucalyptus leaves. Pressure on his head. Why did it ache so much? He touched a hand to his head and winced. Cloth. A bandage? Wha... Memories screeched through his mind. Riding bareback, desert wastes. Running from someone, something. Unadulterated terror. Then falling, always falling.

Pulling back the bedsheets, he twisted his body to climb out of bed. A punch to the gut, shallow breath. He traced a hand over his chest. Another bandage, soaked with blood. Aching ribs. He gritted his teeth. **** horse! Should have turned it over to the butcher. Still he had arrived home alive, that was something to be thankful for. He forced a smile. Home sweet home.

Waah! Waah! A small wail broke his thought pattern. Piercing and joyous all rolled into one. What? Sounded like a... He dismissed the thought. No, it couldn't be. The cry came again. Luemas rose from the bed. His arms swung by his sides, stiff as boards. His legs wobbled like jelly. Pain flared like wildfire up his left leg. He fell. Tried again. He clutched the door frame and peered around it.

Waah! Waah! The pattering of footsteps off to his right. The direction the cries came from. Carefully he half stumbled, half skidded down the hallway.
Louder and louder. Must be getting closer. His thoughts crushed in around him like a demolished building. [i]Make it stop. Please make it stop![i] Silence. Did he imagine it all?

Standing in the doorway he saw a young woman, her back towards him.

'Rachel?' he rasped. His throat felt dry and his tongue thick as leather. 'Is that you?'
She turned. Time seemed to stand still. A smile formed on her lips. Her deep blue eyes lit up with joy. Stunning.
Luemas stepped towards Rachel and took her in his arms. She clung to him like a mouse to a bit of cheese. Buried her head in his chest and let the beat of his heart soothe and drown her worries.

'Your so beautiful. How could I have ever left you?'
She lifted her head to meet his. 'That's what I'd like to know.'
He stroked her lavish black hair.

'Me too.' They passionately kissed, Rachel hugged him tighter. Too tight. His bruised ribs pulsed with fire.

'Aiiii!' He stumbled, fell back against the walkway.

'Sorry!'
He gritted his teeth. 'No matter.'
She frowned as if to scold him but Luemas could see was pleased to see him.

'You should be resting. Are you sure your feeling better?'
'Besides some aches and pains? I'm all good. How long was I out of it?'
'Four days.'
'Woah, that's a long time! You sure I didn't suffer from brain damage?'
Rachel gasped and hit him. 'Idiot! Don't be so morbid.'
Luemas grinned playfully. 'We've got a lot of catching up to do.'
'We sure do.'
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:49 am

'Luemas, I want to ask you something.'

'Anything my precious.'

'Several days ago you fell off a horse. What I don't understand is what were you doing on one if you hate the creatures and never learnt to ride them?'
His body tensed. His answer came slow. 'I don't want you to worry.'

'Luemas,' she looked into his eyes, jaw set. 'If we want this marriage to work, there needs to be honesty, and trust. We've already lost too much precious time. Don't make this any more difficult then it needs to be.'

'Fine.' He drew a deep breath and scratched his head in agitation.
'When I was banished I was stranded out in the desert wastes with nothing more than a pitcher of water and the curses of the village. All I had was your love and that of my friends Aeiden and Mek. But there was nothing you could do. The Law was the law, no matter how unfair it was. My water supply ran out a day later and I stumbled around in a state of delusion, realities blurred into one and I lost all sense of hope. I sank into the sand dunes and waited for the sands to consume me. That's when I lost conciousness.
I was rescued by a small band of nomads calling themselves Hajia: 'Servants of the Light.' They shared bread and water with me and I rode with them for some time. We reached a chain of mountains and stopped. There were a number of caves. They went in, I followed.

'To cut a long story short, the 'Servants of the Light' turned out to be be wanderers, nomads who lived in the caves, studied there and went out into the world. They called it 'The Academy.' A glorified name sure, but still a studious one. Anyway, The Academy was ambushed several days ago. There was no warning. It came as a shock. I didn't see the devastation that followed but I heard strong men and women (of heart, mind and strength) cry out in agony as they were slaughtered. I was the only one to escape. I was the lucky one.'
He put a hand to his mouth to stifle a sob and continued.

'I never saw the creatures that attacked us. Too fast, too agile, too well trained. Assassins of some sort. But why us? What danger did we bring to them? I don't know. Something must have upset them. I ran to the stables and found one of my companions' horses tethered there. No saddles. Could be a problem. I swallowed my fear and rode away. Leaving my friends was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but they were dead and there was nothing I could do. You were the only thing that kept me going. I had to to return. I've never been so scared in my life!'

He paused. 'The ride was rough. I was all bruised and battered. The horse was so high off the ground. And so fast. To crown it all a horde of mysterious creatures were trying to kill me. I'm surprised I didn't fall off the horse earlier. Guess Aijah's hand was in there somewhere.'
His body shook with relief.
Rachel's face was pale with fear. 'Wow, you've been through quite a lot! I never realised. It's so good your back.'
Luemas stroked her head, bent down and kissed it.

'Now that you've healed up the Elders aren't going to let you stay.'

'They didn't let me stay to begin with. How about if I ask real nice?'

Rachel frowned. 'This isn't a game Luemas. That won't work and you know it.'

He threw up his arms in defiance. 'The Law here is ridiculous. You steal something you get banished, fair enough. But **** it!' He pounded his fist, face tight with anger. 'I explore the sciences to help our people and learn new ways of doing things and everyone's up in arms about it. They cry out, 'Oh no, we have a sorcerer in our midst!' I'm banished. Not temporarily like the thieves and braggarts, but permanently. Is that what you call fair? And its science, not magic.'

Rachel took his hands in hers and gently squeezed them.

'Our people are scared Luemas. That which they fear they condemn, without a thought. You know that as well as I do.'

His chest rose and fell as he tried to keep his cool. 'This isn't fear Rachel, this is paranoia. And that can lead people to do things opposite to their nature.'

She patted his hand. 'We'll just have to keep a careful eye out then, won't we?'

'No heroics?'
She punched his arm lightly and snorted with laughter.

'You've fallen off a horse and you want to be a hero? Okay hero, fetch me an apple.'

Luemas smiled ruefully. 'As you wish.'
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby K. Ayato » Wed Sep 20, 2006 10:46 am

That's good, mate. Inspires me to start turning my ideas into short stories.
K. Ayato: What happens if you press the small red button?

*Explosion goes off in the movie*

mechana2015: Does that answer your question?

K. Ayato: Perfectly.

Prayer sister of kaji, sticksabuser, Angel37, and Doubleshadow --Love you guys! :)
User avatar
K. Ayato
 
Posts: 3881
Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:00 am
Location: Southern California

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:43 pm

Thanks K. Ayato!
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:57 pm

(Chapter 1 is almost done)



He turned to leave. Rachel grabbed his arm and pulled him to her. 'Wait, there's something I have to show you.'
She led him over to the cot in the corner of the room. A baby of about seven months soundly slept there.

Luemas grinned. 'Who's the little one?' An answer already formed in his mind.

Rachel's face beamed. 'He's ours, Luemas, ours, a blessing from Aijah.'

'Yours? Mine? Ours? Wow!' His head reeled from the excitement. He shook his head to think more clearly. 'Just give me a moment for all this to sink in. A boy? Amazing, phenomenal.' Beads of sweat poured from his head, stinging his wounds. He was too excited to notice.

'Can I have a hold?'

'Think your up to it? If you drop him, there'll be hell to play.'

Luemas flexed his arm muscles. 'Sure.'

Rachel reached into the cot and handed him the baby. Gentle warmth washed over Luemas like a summer rain as they made contact. He couldn't contain his excitement and continued grinning. 'My very own son, I'm so proud, he looks just like his father.' His eyes glistened with tears of joy.

'Hopefully he'll grow up and be sensible.'

Luemas snorted with laughter. 'Hey little man, have you got a name?' The baby woke up, opened its eyes, used the balls of its tiny fists to rub at them and then looked at him wide-eyed. A new face. A smile broke his face and he pumped his little fists into the air and gurgled a reply.

Rachel spoke, 'I like the name 'Dexis'. What do you think? I looked it up in a book and it means 'honourable leader' in the Old Tongue.'

Luemas kissed her on the cheek. 'I think you have great taste.'

'You like that Dexis?' The baby wriggled excitedly in his arms and grabbed one of his fingers in his little hand. Luemas smiled at Rachel. 'Suits me just fine.'
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Wed Sep 20, 2006 10:52 pm

(The last of Chapter one)


Rachel wrinkled her nose. 'Luemas you stink of aloe vera. Go have a bath.' She flicked a knob on the side wall.
He laughed, handed her baby Dexis. A knock at the door. Furtive glances. He headed for the bathroom, passed into the adjoining room and entered the door opposite.
Luxuries of being home again!

The grey slate floor beneath his feet was cold to the touch and ran half way up the wall all the way around the room. Cut deep into the far wall was a wide but low rectangular bath. Hot warm streamed from a small pipe halfway up the wall. Steam rose and filled the room. A small pot of salt lay nearby.

Another knock at the door, more impatient this time.
He heard Rachel's voice from the other room. 'Who is it?' There was a slight tremor in her voice.
From outside a voice boomed. 'It's me, Ghed the Healer.'
Thought I recognised that voice from somewhere.

'What do you want?'

'Nothing dear girl. Just doing the neighbourly round, checking up on you. Making sure your okay. With the new baby and your husband in a coma you need all the help you can get.'

'I'm not helpless. Come on, the truth now.'
She always was the shrewd one. Stare down the eyes of a bull if you let her.
Uncomfortable silence followed. This should be good. Luemas carefully dis-robed and gripping the sides for stability, slipped his feet in one at a time. A burning sensation rose up his legs, one that was painful but at the same time strangely refreshing. He eased his body in and sighed as the hot waters massaged his bruised ribs, arms and legs. He poured a little salt into the bath and stirred it around. The salt stung his wounds. He had to urge himself to stay put. The salt would do his body good.

Ghed's gravelly voice came again. 'The truth? Uh, yes. I heard some voices coming from your house. Is there someone in there with you?'

'Just me and Dexis.'

'Fine, fine. I've got some more sleeping herbs for Luemas.'

Silly git. I don't need them. Your not the boss of me any longer, stop acting like you care.

Luemas splashed water onto his face and sat back. Images of terror leaked from his mind.

'Are you going to let me in or am I going to have to stand out in the cold all night?'

Wouldn't be such a bad idea. Be safe Rachel.

He heard the click of the latch as the door swung open. Heavy footsteps. Ghed.

'Thank you Rachel.' His voice wasn't unkind, just frustrated. 'After all I've done to help your husband why do you give me the cold shoulder?'

'I don't know, I'm sorry. Luemas has been gone so long. Soon as the Elders find him, they'll banish him again or worse, kill him. I don't want that.' Her voice quavered. 'I thought you may have been one of them, come to take him away.'

His mood softened. 'I understand your concern. Better to be safe then sorry, yes?'

There was a rustling noise. 'Stir some of these in hot water and give it to him 3 times daily. It will help the recovery process.'

Luemas climbed from the bath, first one leg, then the other. He slipped on the wet slate floor and banged his knee against the bath. He cursed, then bit his lip. I hope Ghed didn't hear me.

'What was that?'
'What was what?'
'That noise. I thought I heard a cry of pain.'
'I don't know what your talking about. Forget about it. Thank you Ghed. We're in your debt.'
'Think nothing of it. But please. Next time you hear me knock, don't leave me in the freezing cold. I might beat the door down.'

He nursed his injured knee, towelled himself down. Don't you dare. You'll be the one paying for it.

She chuckled uneasily. Her voice grew serious. 'Don't breathe a word to anyone about Luemas, please?' The footfalls receded and the door banged shut.

Rachel sighed with relief. Luemas shook with nervous excitement. Their safety was hinged on one man. Could he be trusted to keep his word?
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby kryptech » Thu Sep 21, 2006 6:47 am

Nice, W4J. I'll be keeping my eye on this.

I hope we get to meet some other Hajia, and maybe dispense some justice to their murderers. But I guess Luemas has more immediate concerns first.
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
User avatar
kryptech
 
Posts: 393
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2004 1:18 pm
Location: GTA

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Thu Sep 21, 2006 7:20 am

Thanks Kryptech, mate!

You'll get to meet some other Hajia a fair bit later on, but I want to get this published in the future, so I'll give a 'critique' *wink* copy to you when I'm done if you wish. (Could be a long time - Presently I'm aiming for 80,000 words).
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby K. Ayato » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:16 pm

Didn't see anything wrong with the romance content, mate.
K. Ayato: What happens if you press the small red button?

*Explosion goes off in the movie*

mechana2015: Does that answer your question?

K. Ayato: Perfectly.

Prayer sister of kaji, sticksabuser, Angel37, and Doubleshadow --Love you guys! :)
User avatar
K. Ayato
 
Posts: 3881
Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:00 am
Location: Southern California

Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:37 pm

That's a relief, especially since I've had no experience with it! (lol)
User avatar
Warrior 4 Jesus
 
Posts: 4844
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.

Postby kryptech » Thu Sep 21, 2006 6:52 pm

Warrior 4 Jesus wrote:Thanks Kryptech, mate!

You'll get to meet some other Hajia a fair bit later on, but I want to get this published in the future, so I'll give a 'critique' *wink* copy to you when I'm done if you wish. (Could be a long time - Presently I'm aiming for 80,000 words).

Cool! In the mean time I'll keep my eye on this thread and watch things develop.
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
User avatar
kryptech
 
Posts: 393
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2004 1:18 pm
Location: GTA


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 55 guests