CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Zarn...this is your fault...and if my sibling should happen to read this, please don't ask me about it...

Fake

I am here again today
They see me and say hello
No one knows what lies inside
The depths my pain must go

I smile and then return the greeting
Why bother them with my cares
I just don't want to hear from them
That my pain is just like theirs

So I put on a faker's show
And the act becomes carefree
The pain gets worse every second I
See their amusement when watching me

How could they even understand
How could I tell them what it's like
That while I'm at my most interesting
The pain is coiled, ready to strike

It eats away at my core being
Tearing, shredding all my power
So after I leave them I am feeling
That this will be my last fake hour

I plunge beneath the surface then
It embraces me so dark so cruel
It tells me I can leave it when
I die, sometimes I believe it, like a fool

But always afterward You come
And liberate me yet again
You give me strength, but I only use some
I forget, and fall, in sin

It takes me back so acceptingly
And once again I must be fake
The people smile, and I must be
Amusing, for their sake...

^_^ I like it!! So true... reminds me of the bougeise masses.

*loves dark depressing stuff*

I know what you mean. I often find myself feeling like this as well. Good job writing it, the melancholy was portrayed very accurately, but when you've been there it's not hard to show it, is it?

It's sad how our culture does that, asks "How are you?" without really caring. I liked your ending. When I got to the second-to-last stanza I was expecting the poem to end on a happy Jesus-loves-me-and-makes-everything-better note, but when it didn't, I found that I liked it better for not being cliche.

Anna Mae wrote:It's sad how our culture does that, asks "How are you?" without really caring. I liked your ending. When I got to the second-to-last stanza I was expecting the poem to end on a happy Jesus-loves-me-and-makes-everything-better note, but when it didn't, I found that I liked it better for not being cliche.

I get people all the time that ask me the question...and aren't interested in my answer. Unfortunately, this happens at church. It's like they think they have to say something to me, and having said hello makes them feel like they have a clean conscience, so they can walk away and talk with someone else that they actually care about.

My ending...yeah...thanks for noticing. I could never have ended it on a happy note...it would seem "fake"(pardon the ironic usage) to me...

Thanks to all who actually read it...this is the first non-humorous poetry I've written...

That " faking for them" got to me. I grew up not being able to "shut off" my laughter, and my smiling, so recently, I have been able to hold off a smile, I've been able to keep a straight face to a certain extent, and due to this, I find it kinda hard to figure out how to puff my mouth to create a smile I want.

Yeah.

Then when I do smile at people on the street, they don't seem to care or notice, and I'm like "Was it a waste?" Should I have not put the effort into giving a smile? Because it takes effort. To smile. For me it does. Then I get upset(sad) or angry because they didn't care. I put the effort.

Now, I'm getting this thread on "me me me".

Thanks for reading, if you did.
-Tigerchu

QtheQreator wrote:I get people all the time that ask me the question...and aren't interested in my answer. Unfortunately, this happens at church. It's like they think they have to say something to me, and having said hello makes them feel like they have a clean conscience, so they can walk away and talk with someone else that they actually care about.

Don't be too hard on them, though. One could argue that "How are you?" is, in American culture, a different version of saying hello, much like "Hi." I don't know that I explained that very well. Did I make any sense?

QtheQreator wrote:My ending...yeah...thanks for noticing. I could never have ended it on a happy note...it would seem "fake"(pardon the ironic usage) to me...

Most certainly. I always appreciate some good irony.

QtheQreator wrote:Thanks to all who actually read it...this is the first non-humorous poetry I've written...

Congrats on stepping out and trying something new.

Tigerchu wrote:That " faking for them" got to me. I grew up not being able to "shut off" my laughter, and my smiling, so recently, I have been able to hold off a smile, I've been able to keep a straight face to a certain extent, and due to this, I find it kinda hard to figure out how to puff my mouth to create a smile I want.

I am not sure that I understand what you mean. When you were little you laughed too much, and so now you have swung in the opposite direction and have trouble conjuring up a smile?

Tigerchu wrote:Then when I do smile at people on the street, they don't seem to care or notice, and I'm like "Was it a waste?" Should I have not put the effort into giving a smile? Because it takes effort. To smile. For me it does. Then I get upset(sad) or angry because they didn't care. I put the effort.

Don't assume that they didn't notice. Keep smiling. You are probably brightening may people's days.

Here we go again...

Some structure...otherwise a rant...if it's not worth commenting on...don't bother, I won't feel bad...I just had to write it...

Them

Why do they all look alike to me?
Why can't I accept that they're more than I see?

I see their faces
I cringe
I hear their voices
I hide

These aren't the ones I was taught to respect
Not different from me in their own intellect
Their faces are just like mine...
Like mine!

Yet these are the ones I feel lost among,
These ones from the same roots as me.
I can befriend and like a different face,
But these are the ones that I see.

And they're all around me, I'm lost in the crowds,
My peers, my race, we share the same clouds,
Same country, same culture, same menu, same past,
I just wish I belongd here...in their very same cast.

I fit the mold, but don't belong
They speak,
I try not to hear,
They are silent,
I hate that silence,
Whether they mean it or not, all is directed at me...
And I cannot cope...

i really like your poems... i really really like fake a lot!
good stuff good stuff!

Them

Why do they all look alike to me?
Why can't I accept that they're more than I see?

I see their faces
I cringe
I hear their voices
I hide

These aren't the ones I was taught to respect
Not different from me in their own intellect
Their faces are just like mine...
Like mine! This adds another level to the poem.

Yet these are the ones I feel lost among,
These ones from the same roots as me.
I can befriend and like a different face,
But these are the ones that I see.

And they're all around me, I'm lost in the crowds,
My peers, my race, we share the same clouds,
Same country, same culture, same menu, same past,
I just wish I belongd here...in their very same cast.

I fit the mold, but don't belong
They speak,
I try not to hear,
They are silent,
I hate that silence,
Whether they mean it or not, all is directed at me...
And I cannot cope...
I would be interested in hearing the background to this poem.

Them

Why do they all look alike to me? I stereotype...not just with looks but with the expressions people have on their faces...
Why can't I accept that they're more than I see? There's more to these people than my first impressions, but I struggle with that...

I see their faces
I cringe I can't meet their eyes
I hear their voices
I hide I move away as quickly as I can to get away from people...I fear them

These aren't the ones I was taught to respect All the people I've been told we discriminate against don't fit into the category of "them"
Not different from me in their own intellect
Their faces are just like mine...
Like mine!

Yet these are the ones I feel lost among,
These ones from the same roots as me.
I can befriend and like a different face,
But these are the ones that I see.

And they're all around me, I'm lost in the crowds,
My peers, my race, we share the same clouds,
Same country, same culture, same menu, same past,
I just wish I belongd here...in their very same cast.
The two preceding phrases are about the fact that people closest to my background are the ones that I feel the most alone around

I fit the mold, but don't belong
They speak,
I try not to hear,
They are silent,
I hate that silence,
Whether they mean it or not, all is directed at me...When people are talking, it feels like they are purposefully ignoring me, and when they don't talk, it's like they are bored with me...
And I cannot cope...Translation: I have issues

q-chan you sound a lot like me in some respects ^_^ i was all alone i knew my familyloved me but i knewno one else couldiwas coldand in asense dead to theworld inever smile but now that i have someone special to me they give mehope but i still sometimes feel alone if you wanna talk q-chan pm me kay