One of Three.
PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 9:27 am
This story is going to be ultimately a thriller-type novel about parallel worlds, sacrifice, and consequences of wrong actions, and i've got a halfway decent plotline worked out. NOTE: Has a few somewhat-violent parts, includig a battle - not extremely gory, but a guy is shot, another guy loses a leg (not described, just found after the battle)
also, upfront, so i don't disappoint anyone too much, don't expect me to actually finish the whole story and post it on here - at least not anytime in the near future.
that said, my main concern here is character development (because that's one aspect of stories i do quite poorly on.) I usually don't develop my characters enough, and don't develop side characters at all, but i'm working on it. So anyway, here's chapters 1-a and 1-b. any comments, especially sugestions on developing characters, would be greatly appreciated. I'm trying to make the two main characters from both storylines be similar, but need to work on that quite a lot.
Here 'tis:
Chapter 1a: Finding
Chaii Thibon swung his axe once more against the knurled old tree. The trunk quivered, and the gash deepened once more. Wood was needed at the farm, and the only trees in the area were those in this old forest. The only forest. The forest from which the entire village seemed to be fearful, but Chaii had no idea why. However, since the only wood in the area was here, here he must come to get wood.
Another swing, and the tree began to quiver, leaning to one side. Chaii himself wasn’t really afraid of the forest. Actually, he kind of liked it. There were always deere wandering about the forest, and hunting was his favorite pastime. Someday, he quietly promised himself, he would go and see what all the fuss was about. There must be something in there to warrant the kind of dread that the others in the village always had.
One more hack, and the tree fell crashing into the plains. Chaii wasted no time in chopping up the larger branches, and chopping off the smaller ones. After he was finished, Chaii drug the trunk into his two-wheeled cart, and fastened it on securely. Then, with practiced skill, he quickly harnessed his donkey to the cart, and led the animal back down the path to his home.
Chaii was a strong, well-built sixteen-year-old boy, with powerful muscles and sun-tanned skin. He lived on a small farm just outside the village of Sidoven with his Uncle Lonam and Aunt Amashine and their son. Both of his parents had died a long time ago in the war. The Aelfs, the forest people from the north, had waged war on the village in an attempt to gain hold of the old forest. They were unsuccessful, though, and the Sidovenians had kept the forest out of Aelfish hands.
As for Chaii himself, his uncle had decided a long time ago. Chaii would soon be given as an apprentice to learn a trade, but first his uncle wanted him to help with the crops. The harvest would come in a few weeks, and with it the Harvest Festival. At that festival, Chaii would discover where his life would be taking him, and what trade he would learn. There Chaii’s uncle would find him a guild master, from which to learn a trade.
Suddenly, a deere shot out in front of him, and then stopped, staring at the young boy. Chaii noticed the three tall horns, signifying its age and dominance in the forest. As softly as possible, Chaii slipped his short, wooden hunting bow from off of the donkey’s saddle and fitted an arrow to the string. Quietly, Chaii drew it back.
Crack! Suddenly, the sky was filled with lightning, and rain began to fall, scaring the deere away, back into its forest refuge. The monsoon season, while almost over, wasn’t quite ready to leave yet. Grumbling to himself, Chaii relaxed his bow, and urged his donkey onward. Up ahead, the rundown shed that marked the edge of the farm was just in view.
“We’d better get this wood into the barn soon, Gregory, or we’ll both be soaked,â€
also, upfront, so i don't disappoint anyone too much, don't expect me to actually finish the whole story and post it on here - at least not anytime in the near future.
that said, my main concern here is character development (because that's one aspect of stories i do quite poorly on.) I usually don't develop my characters enough, and don't develop side characters at all, but i'm working on it. So anyway, here's chapters 1-a and 1-b. any comments, especially sugestions on developing characters, would be greatly appreciated. I'm trying to make the two main characters from both storylines be similar, but need to work on that quite a lot.
Here 'tis:
Chapter 1a: Finding
Chaii Thibon swung his axe once more against the knurled old tree. The trunk quivered, and the gash deepened once more. Wood was needed at the farm, and the only trees in the area were those in this old forest. The only forest. The forest from which the entire village seemed to be fearful, but Chaii had no idea why. However, since the only wood in the area was here, here he must come to get wood.
Another swing, and the tree began to quiver, leaning to one side. Chaii himself wasn’t really afraid of the forest. Actually, he kind of liked it. There were always deere wandering about the forest, and hunting was his favorite pastime. Someday, he quietly promised himself, he would go and see what all the fuss was about. There must be something in there to warrant the kind of dread that the others in the village always had.
One more hack, and the tree fell crashing into the plains. Chaii wasted no time in chopping up the larger branches, and chopping off the smaller ones. After he was finished, Chaii drug the trunk into his two-wheeled cart, and fastened it on securely. Then, with practiced skill, he quickly harnessed his donkey to the cart, and led the animal back down the path to his home.
Chaii was a strong, well-built sixteen-year-old boy, with powerful muscles and sun-tanned skin. He lived on a small farm just outside the village of Sidoven with his Uncle Lonam and Aunt Amashine and their son. Both of his parents had died a long time ago in the war. The Aelfs, the forest people from the north, had waged war on the village in an attempt to gain hold of the old forest. They were unsuccessful, though, and the Sidovenians had kept the forest out of Aelfish hands.
As for Chaii himself, his uncle had decided a long time ago. Chaii would soon be given as an apprentice to learn a trade, but first his uncle wanted him to help with the crops. The harvest would come in a few weeks, and with it the Harvest Festival. At that festival, Chaii would discover where his life would be taking him, and what trade he would learn. There Chaii’s uncle would find him a guild master, from which to learn a trade.
Suddenly, a deere shot out in front of him, and then stopped, staring at the young boy. Chaii noticed the three tall horns, signifying its age and dominance in the forest. As softly as possible, Chaii slipped his short, wooden hunting bow from off of the donkey’s saddle and fitted an arrow to the string. Quietly, Chaii drew it back.
Crack! Suddenly, the sky was filled with lightning, and rain began to fall, scaring the deere away, back into its forest refuge. The monsoon season, while almost over, wasn’t quite ready to leave yet. Grumbling to himself, Chaii relaxed his bow, and urged his donkey onward. Up ahead, the rundown shed that marked the edge of the farm was just in view.
“We’d better get this wood into the barn soon, Gregory, or we’ll both be soaked,â€