CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

-Chapter I-

A queer man, very peculiar walked these grounds. A man that none had ever dreamed of. There was a time when tons of human beings would talk about this strange man, but no stories would ever be written down. The man had an odd since of fasion, a very long beard, white hair with a long topping had. His robe was made of grey draping fur. He carried a brown staff that he would walk on, and a pipe in his mouth.

As if he was invisible, no one would ever look at him when he crossed town. The town was located in a very small place in the Middle Earth. It was the year 156 B.C. Midevil Times. Elves, Dwarves, Humans, Wizards (also knowon as Sorcerers), and Hobbits. Warriors would go off and fight the dragons and such, which was really how the world was supposed to work. What was different about the town that the Sorcerer crossed, the town was where the Greeks and the Romans fought. Where the Heaven's and the Earths got created. Where Judgement day would be.

Today was a different day than all the rest. Today was the day that the strange Sorcerer would cross the town. Everyone would look at their windows to see him. The Sorcerer was after one particular thing, that was The Book of Death. The book was very big, and it was filled with all the spells a Sorcerer could use, everything a Warrior needed, and anything you asked for. It also told how to get to where the Heaven's are touchable, where peace is found.

A very brave little hobbit came out of the town inn. He went up to the Sorcerer and asked if he could join him in his adventure.

"..." The Sorcerer looked at the small man.
"Please I have always been fond of journeys."
"How could I turn you down? You can go with me, but I must warn you that you might not come back. You might not make it out alive."
"All right, that's fine. I would just love to go on an adventure, this is what life is for I believe."
"You are very smart. Go get your clothes and your belongings that you would like to take with us. Hurry up because I have to get along."

So the little boy scurried into the Inn and got all of his clothes and his dagger. He was very excited. He came out and the two were off. Everyone stared out their windows in awe that it was plausible for some little hobbit boy to be able to go on an adventure with the so called Black Sorcerer.

The Sorcerer came to a stop. "What is it Mr Sorcerer sir?" The small hobbit named Alex asked. "We have come to a stop because it is now time to rest. If you are not tired that is okay, I am going to watch the sun go down. I will also read my book that I found on the street." stated the Sorcerer. The two laid down and stared at the sun as it went down.

Morning had come and Alex had dozed off at night. The Sorcerer woke him up. "Get up Alex, time to get back on the journey."

"Ugghh okay."

The two went back on the trail that they had to follow. Neither of the two talked, not a peep, not a sound complete silence hit the earth. Then the Sorcerer came to a hault at a very queer place.

___________________________________________________

Yes I know the story is cheesey, I'll try to keep up on it though.

-Chapter II-

The Sorcerer pulled Alex to the side of the trail into the trees. The Sorcerer had heard troll voices, and must I tell you that they were hungry for Hobbit. They argued grunted and snorted back at each other, almost turing their hunger into a battle amongst each other.

"Now you must be quite." demanded the Sorcerer.
"Yes indeed." said Alex.

The two ducked behind a brush. The two kept silent while the 5 trolls argued with complete madness.

"I smell hobbit." said one with a tiny bit of delight.
"Ye' I do too." stated another.

All of them agreed, which was something that didn't happen much. They searched around and couldn't find anything. The reason for this was because the Sorcerer had turn the two invisible from the trolls sight.

"Maybe we're just smellin' somethin' because we ar' so hungry." said one of the trolls with a sort of snarle.

The trolls ran off, hoping to find some dwarves and hobbits. They wanted food so very much. All they could eat was roasted pig, that really was sort of very annoying, because trolls weren't to fond of pig. So smelling hobbits and dwarves would be very nice to eat.

"It's safe now, get up, and let's get back on the trail." stated the Sorcerer with a quick voice.

The two got up and went back onto the trail. They passed a couple humans, theives ( they were very lucky the didn't mug them), and even some dwarves. But one particular dwarve caught the Sorcerer's right eye. The dwarve was pretty short, with a blondish greyish beard with a helmet, and an axe slung over his back. His clothes were bulky, but this was because he had scale armour under them.

"Good-day my friend." said the Sorcerer.
"Good-day to you as well. Do you need anything?" asked the dwarf.
"Infact I do. Have you ever heard of The Book of Life and Death?"
"Yes I have"
"This hobbit named Alex and I are on a journey to find that book. The trail that we follow (this one) will lead to dangerous parts, and we were wanting to know if you would like to go with use?"
"Well, I haven't been on a journey in awhile. I guess that would not be a problem."
"Good, thank you."

That was a good sign. The Sorcerer was good and quick with his magic, but he needed a warrior that is good at close combat. He could tell that he was by his appearence, and his armour, and his axe. The axe looked as though it has been in battle before, and the battle was won by the dwarf. This was a good thing. The Sorcerer was very happy now.

They started on the journey down the path again. Walking at a reasonable pace. Alex, who hasn't talked in awhile, was glad. The only weapon he had was a mere short dagger, and he was quick with skill on it. He had been able to defeat some stuff, but nothing that a sorcerer couldn't defeat. He could still slit a throat on a troll while they were asleep.

The trail was silent, almost boring. Alex and the troll were about to fall asleep, but falling asleep while walking up a hill top would be a challenge, so they just stayed awake. The Sorcerer had no problem staying awake. He was eager to see what was next. He was ready for anything.

-Chapter III-

The Sorcerer was ready to camp for the night. They all got out their night clothes and their pipes. The sorcerer started to doze off, for he hasn't slept for 2 nights, and he was tired. The dwarf sharpened his axe, and Alex just curled up in his blanket that his mother had made him, and fell to sleep. They were all tired, they had traveled a long, very long, trail, and now they were ready to stop and rest.

Morning broke, and the sun came up. The Sorcerer awoke 3 hours ago, and Alex just got up. The dwarf still lay there, sleeping. His axe had been sharpened. The Sorcerer had to get him up, so he did. The journey started off again.

They all walked at an equal pace when something that was very unfamiliar caught all of their eyes. The thing was an orc, and orc that traveled alone. It was a fierce one, covered in Chain Mail armour, which had been worn through a battle. He was going to attack them, when the dwarf got out his sharpened axe. The dwarf went after him as fast as his fury feet could take him. The orc pulled out a sword with haste, and went for the dwarfs head.

A Battle had begun. The dwarf came up to the orc with an upward slash, the orc went down on it with a downward slash, clinging the two weapons together. They swung around, and slashed at each other, never once getting hit. Blocking with loud screeches were made that shook the earth. The dwarf finally found his advantage, and went for the feet.

The orc leaped upward and went down. The dwaf had missed, but this dwarf was very clever, he went for the head, and the orc had no where to block, he was stunned at how fast the dwarf went. The orc ducked with skill. The dwarf backened with awe. He could not believe at how skilled the orc was. The Sorcerer was amazed how skilled the orc was as well. But he dare not enter the fight, he was trying to see how good the dwarf was at fighting.

The dwarf went back in to fight, and he was ready this time. A swing to the ribs would do it, he though. The orc blocked it and went for a swing at the chest. The dwarf leaped to the side, dodging it with haste. He was very skillful in speed as well. He then took his axe and went for the orcs legs again. He swept a cut in the orcs leg, and the orc let out a loud screaming type yell. The orc then went for the kill to the dwarf.

The dwarf quickly took out the shield from behind his back. He forgot that he had brought it with him. He was glad that he found it though. The sword hit the shield. The shield was a very powerful thing, a metal one that wouldn't bust, even if a mace hit it. The dwarf then went in and hit the orc with the side of the axe, not the blade, knocking the orc to the ground.

The dwarf then went in for a kill. He went for the chest, but the orc rolled over to the side with great speed, and got up and hit the dwarf in the chest. The dwarf felt a stun, but his scale armour kept him good. He then slashed the orc in the chest, and the orc fell down, dead. Finally the battle was over, and the dwarf was very glad. He went down on a knee catching his breath.

"Bravo! my friend, great fight!" said the Sorcerer with strong feeling.
'Yes indeed." agreed Alex.
"Much appreciation to you." said the dwarf.

The dwar fgot up and the two gave him a pat on the back. They went back on the trail, just waiting and wanting a rest point. The dwarf had showed his skill, and the Sorcerer was amazed. The dwarf had a little pride in his victory. So they stopped at a town. They all went to where they wanted to go. The dwarf to the weapon shop, Alex to the book store, and the Sorcerer to the information center. Everyone stared at them for a little bit, but they got over it. This was a town that didn't really know about the Black Sorcerer.

The Sorcerer found information about where the book that the quest was for. The man asked him "Why do you want to know?"

"That's personally my business." replied the Sorcerer.

So the Sorcerer gathered up the two and went on. They walked all the way down the village with people staring at them, but when they came to the forest there was not a person to be found. All that was heard were the chirpings of the birds and the croakings of the frogs. But for the most part this forest was empty.

It's very good, I like it, kinda reminds me of LOTR.

heh, that's sort of what I intened to do. I am very interested in that genre, and I really enjoyed writing it. Chapter IV is coming soon, you shouldn't have to wait to long, just till tomorrow.

Your basic ideas aren't bad, though you could use a bit of help with your delivery. I don't feel like going over specifics at the moment, but I could be made to do so, if pressed.

I think if you just read this over carefully, these sections would improve immensely. There are numerous fragments, tense changes and misspellings that I'm sure you'd eliminate in a heartbeat if you saw them.

I do have one thing that will be generally helpful:

"Conversations are done as such, but if they end with a period, that period becomes a comma. Like this," said the Plot Device.

"What about things like question marks?" the protegee asked. He was just a Plot Hole, not having risen to such a rank.

"You've just shown how it's done," the Plot Device answered. "Now watch me use an exclaimation mark!" he continued. "Note however, that for action tags that don't directly relate to how something is said, you use a period at the end anyway." He pushed glasses up his nose. "See how it's done?"

HC, I agree with UC. Your story shows great creativity, but your sentence structure needs work. You might consider letting someone you know, who has good writing skills, proof your work before posting. Keep going!

I agree with Sangoku, it reminds me of LoTR. I'm glad you're writing H. Cloud. ^^ I know you have a lot of ideas to share. I think you should take some of UC and Adesa's advice.

I liked you action in Chap. 3, btw.

WOW, let me say if there was ever an IDEA

Great idea and presentation.
Cant wait for the next chapter

Volt wrote:BUT the story isn't very christian, I mean i'm not trying to be narrowminded but Sorcerer's, (witchcraft), dragons, i'm guessing it's not ment to be christian

This story strikes me as blatantly Tolkien in origin. Do you accuse Tolkien of being non-Christian? The magic in his world is not supernatural, rather, it is a part of the natural that we do not have here.

Though Tolkien's wizards were basically angelic (though, yes, it's not an allegory. But they were beings from an upper plane, sent to help people below), which is somewhat of a difference.

Volt wrote:One suggestion...the sorcerer is suppose to be mysterious but yet he's so freindly and open, shouldn't he have more of a Dominant, wise, mysterious "Morpheus" type personality???

This is a good point. It depends how you want the character to be.

Volt, the story is basically fantasy. J.R.R. Tolkien was Catholic, because he wrote a fantasy story with witchcraft, does that make him a non-Catholic? I mean, take Harry Potter, the witchcraft in that is something you could not skim up. So yeah.

See the sorcerer is not so much as mysterious to the people that he has with. If he would like to recruit a person/thing like he did the dwarf, would he be mean, of course not. See, that is how I wanted to make my character.

I am not the best with grammer and spelling, infact I am most likely the worst here, but I try my best. My story is cheesy, heck I don't think I wrote long enough, and my detail and all was off. I will take your advice on "talking," says meh. lol. So thanks, I'm working on shapter four.

By the way, Volt, I don't mind if you proofreed it, I might looks at in word. Again, my apoligies, I would love to write stories, and I love reading, but yet I need to pick up the pace on my talent. Therefore, I will be working harder on the next chapter, which will be coming to you in a short while. Thank you all again.

-Chapter IV-

The trail was very blistering if you know what I mean. The Sorcerer stopped and looked down the slop that lay ahead. It went down far, very far. “Here we are. Down there as you might know, is and elf village,â€

I like the character interaction within this chapter, do keep on writing.

Oh yes I see now...

More,more!!
I like the way u describe the fight in the earlier chapter.Its so detail

It feels like an old-school rpg. That isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Sure Volt, that would be awesome. Sure to both of your questions. Thank you

Chpater 5 is coming soon.

Okay then, I'll get started

Maybe I should change it to like Grey Sorcerer or so, I do not know.

I'm working on chapter five, so don't worry everyone.

keep em coming.
I really like your story

Violence Warning

-Chapter V-

Everybody now went to sleep. They all were tired, even the elf for some reason. Yet, I still do not know, nor do you.

The sun rose at an odd time. It was like 4.00 or so. They all got up; it was a good time to start back on the trail.

They got outside and found a place where it said free ponies. It just went up, but everyone else in the town was asleep. The four ran as fast as they could, and they got there first, ponies were just what they needed.

Finally, after a lot of conversation and telling the truth, they got on the trail that was supposed to be followed. They were on a very strange path; goblins were heard by echoes of laughter. The Goblins where around a fire where they could tell jokes, all of them where lame goblin jokes.

Alex was in the back with his newly born pony. He kept up, but was not fast enough to get to be the second in line.

Something that I might as well tell you is that Goblins were quite fond of pony meat. They loved it more than anything they could eat did. It was a great thing to get a pony for them, because not many people traveled this path, not many people at all.

As the laughter was heard, it seemed to get clearer, meaning they were getting closer. The Sorcerer started to get a little tingle in him; he knew that he had to go to a stopping point if the goblins were blocking their path.

One of the goblins heard footsteps. “Argghh, I hear something, sounds like footsteps,â€

You use the personal pronoun "I" quite a bit as the author, and while it can work it is unusual. But here:

Heaven's Cloud wrote:Everybody now went to sleep. They all were tired, even the elf for some reason. Yet, I still do not know, nor do you.

That feels a bit strange. Just to tell you.

lol. Sorry, I sort of picked that up from J.R.R Tolkien, he seems to use I a lot saying he doesn't know in The Hobbit.

Cool fight scene, keep writing.

-Chapter VI-

The Sorcerer woke up with a loud yawn. He stretched his arms, and started to get everyone up.

“Get up everyone, we must get back onto the path so we can be the first ones there, get up,â€

I enjoyed it, good update.

Nice chapter

btw,whats a warg?

A warg, from the stuff I have heard is a wolf type creature that is sort of fused with a goblin or orc. They're very swift creatures and are quick to kill.

Heaven's Cloud wrote:A warg, from the stuff I have heard is a wolf type creature that is sort of fused with a goblin or orc. They're very swift creatures and are quick to kill.

ok......havent seen one though,even in movies