CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I jsut finsihed a story i was working on for the past year or so, here is part of the first chapter, comment and any edditing would be well appreacated. Thank You

The Direction of the Wind
Chapter 1
It was a day like any other and just as mind numbing. Until first period when the day went form normal to too normal. I was in first period talking to my friends when Nick walks in. Why today of all days was this happening? What twist of fate bestowed this on us? It turns out that he had just transferred classes.

Ring We all went and sat in our seats preparing for class. The teacher started with role, calling our names one bye one. Then another ring, yet we thought nothing of it, it was the second week and they normally don’t have the bell system down yet. We just continued with our normal activities.

Whoosh, the blade nearly cuts me in half. An assassin, my life, now? It all hit me at once. There is one thing I knew. I wasn’t about to let the assassin have a second chance at it. Kicking him then back flipping over the side of the desk. I had evaded the primary assault, yet I am fairly defenseless.
It was at that time I noticed the rest of the class screaming in hysteria.

“Craigâ€

Hmmm interesting start, but I'm wondering... What mood did you intend for your story to have? Seriousness? Sarcasm? It tips a bit in both ways a times and I think it's because the characters aren't fleshed out much. For in stance, what grade is Micah in? Why the heck did a sword weilding-assasin try and kill him-(Does Micah mave any clue?) How come he's so adept at escaping? There is an ellusion made to this sort of stuff happening before, but exactly what stuff? Have Nick and Craig been on adventures with Micah before? ....
It's good to leave the reader with questions. It makes, them want to continue reading...however, one must be careful not to be too vague with information. Try to give the reader a better understanding of what's going here.

That said, I am curious to learn whom these shadowy assasins were really after...

Why the heck did a sword weilding-assasin try and kill him-(Does Micah mave any clue?) How come he's so adept at escaping? There is an ellusion made to this sort of stuff happening before, but exactly what stuff? Have Nick and Craig been on adventures with Micah before?

yeah sorry for the slower responce, to answer most of your question at once...it does plot you in the middle of this attack, and this is only the first half of chapter one it the second half you kind of find out what Micah, Nick, and Craig are really in...but yet most of their past adventures are still in the dark, on top of that it introduces most of the main chars.

For in stance, what grade is Micah in?

sorry all three of them are seniors in high school.

What mood did you intend for your story to have? Seriousness? Sarcasm?

actully a little bit of both, there will be times when it will have a laided back feel to it because Nick and Micah both are for the most part, but when the situation becomes serious, they will be.

thank you very much you have given me a little insite to the mind of the reader would you mind looking at the second half of the chapter and seeing if it answers them for you?

Sure, if you want to put up the rest of the chapter, I'll re-read it as a whole.

Levi was waiting, crouching in the shadows, listening to the conversation. When a coin dropped out of his pocket and hit the floor. The men turn and Levi knew his cover had been blown. His actions where quick and sudden, his foot hit a nearby Piece of wood. Sending it flying, taking out the first man. Next unsheathing a sword he had picked up off of an assassin. With quick accuracy the next man was down. “Now to free the rest thanks for the info boys.â€

Hmm, okay. I think the story would first benefit greatly from a grammar/spelling check. There are numerous typo's, missing words and awkward sentences that slow up the reader. It can be very difficult for a writer to catch his own mistakes (I know), but try reading the chapter slowly and out loud. It will help you catch them.

After that, having read the whole chapter I have a different set of questions that I wanted answered.

What does PSW stand for? What is the name of the organization our heros are part of? Is it SeaTac? (it wasn't clear) What is it's purpose?...-Are they an independant anti-terrorist group? Why do they recruit highschoolers?

These questions may seem trivial, but answering them will lend credibility to this unusual scenario, and help the reader to grasp the significance of their involvement.

Over all, it's a good start. It just needs some refining and a little more background info.

What does PSW stand for?

PSW stands for Phyco Steve Wagner, it comes from a joke with me and my bros and friends, he does end up being called Steve alot.

What is the name of the organization our heros are part of? ...-Are they an independant anti-terrorist group?

Astro would be it, i thought i mentioned that in that chapter, guess not. It is Goverment operated, though not talked about.

Is it SeaTac? (it wasn't clear) What is it's purpose?

Sorry SeaTac is the Seatle Tacoma airport

Why do they recruit highschoolers?

That i can not tell you, you find that out thru the story and is a very veryt important part of the story line.

once again thank you very much, yeah i know it is need of edditing, not only is it the fact that i am the writer, i myself have bad grammer.