CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Shape shifters, world shifters, and time shifters... an idea I had mulling around in my brain for ages until I finally began to wrote it. It took me a few story starts to get into the swing of things, but I finally got it going. Anyway, if anyone could help me with suggestions (especially about character descriptions, place descriptions and when and where to put them, as well as good guidelines about how much/how little to write about each character), as well as any other areas, I would be grateful.

Anyhow, here it is. I've given it a quick edit, but it will need more work. ^_^

Chapter One

It was too much to expect me to stay in one place, he reasoned, I’m here now; I don’t know how I got here, but I’m here. I’m not there –which is all that matters. He pressed the pillow a little closer to him. He knew he was too old to do this sort of thing –which was why it was so good that he was alone in this small, weird room. He could do whatever he liked in here. Yet despite the possibilities, he only wanted to do one simple thing: hug the pillow, look up at the strangely real fake stars in the ceiling, and just imagine he was here. He just wanted to watch as yet another shooting star went by. …When had been the last time he’d seen a shooting star in the city? Here, however, one went past every minute. It was good, this place; he wanted to lie still and just breathe as he slowly forgot… slowly forgot and imagined.
But despite the peacefulness of his surroundings, he couldn’t help but feel worried. Some thing just didn’t make sense: this was all far too real…
No! he told himself firmly, squeezing the pillow harder, I’m not going to think about that anymore! Instead he turned his attention on the giant ferns wafting gently over him in some unseen breeze, the stars with their unnatural beauty above, and the tickle of the soft grass (–really soft, not just cushiony) below him. He didn’t know where he was, but like everything else, that didn’t matter.
And as he watched the stars, he started to dream… started to dream about flitting from one world to the next; started to remember the things he had done. But these memories… they seemed far too clear. He hadn’t really done these things; they were just happy imaginings from a time when life had been a living hell. They hadn’t been real… so why did he remember them like they were?
No, I won’t think about it! That life doesn’t exist anymore. I’m whoever I want to be, wherever I want to be. All I need to do is think of a good name…Yet there was no time to choose something suitable; already he was about to be discovered. From the house-sized hedge past his feet, a slim, bright crack appeared. Before he had time to even think about what it was, a door-shaped piece of green leaves swung inwards, and voices suddenly sprang into life. A crowd of shadowy bodies appeared against a backdrop of bright light streaming out of the opening.
“-So as not to bore you further, this is what your rooms will…â€

Woo! You've posted it!
Heh, I've already read this story and enjoyed it ^_^

Ah ha! Hanging around the writing forum now too, ay? Well, the more the merrier I say, and at least you got up the guts to post. *clutches own stories tightly to chest*

Very mysterious, is my first impression. Something's going on...or shall I say, something's been going on for a very long time and you have carefully avoided revealing it. It's a good mystery, and Sift's misery-induced apathy makes it even more so, especially when (I suspect) he's just found himself in a dangerous situation. I like it. I look foward to learning more...

Oo! I hope your planning on posting more ^_^

I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of advice. Although I can totally nail essay writing, creative writing isn't really a forte of mine. It drives me crazy because I have all these characters and scenarios running through my brain, but I can't ever seem to properly express them with words, though at least I can try to draw them.

So far this story seems quite mysterious, and your descriptions are very effective. Overall I think you pick your words wisely and I love how it's so polished, I feel like I could be pulling it off a library shelf to read.

Thanks guys! It's really cool to get some feedback. ^_^

Esoteric wrote:Ah ha! Hanging around the writing forum now too, ay? Well, the more the merrier I say, and at least you got up the guts to post. *clutches own stories tightly to chest*

Yup! Oh, believe me, I have a few more unrevealed stories up my sleeve, ones I won't part with until they're published, probably -but I decided to share this one. Yah, probably because I've been hanging around too much. =)

the_lizardqueen wrote:I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of advice. Although I can totally nail essay writing, creative writing isn't really a forte of mine. It drives me crazy because I have all these characters and scenarios running through my brain, but I can't ever seem to properly express them with words, though at least I can try to draw them. Thanks for reading this!

I used to be a little like that -pretty good at essay-writing, but with no idea how to pluck the characters out of my head and place them into a story without the plot being one huge ramble. O_O In the end, I just started writing for the heck of it. The first story I finished was... well, in my mind it's sorta unsalvageable. The plot, ideas, etc, were pretty bad. *shudders to think of it* Then again, I wrote that ages ago, when I was much younger. I managed to finish that one... but it was the only story I finished for a couple of years. After that I wrote a much better story (still really horrible IMHO, ), and somehow pressed myself onwards to the finish. And after I finished that one, it's been much easier to finish stories. I still have trouble, but have found it easier after writing the first story. Maybe it's because it showed me finishing a book wasn't as impossible as I thought it was.
It's really cool that you can draw your characters -gives you room to move your stories and characters into manga, etc form. ^_^ I can describe and write my characters, however my drawing forte is animals -I still need to work a lot on my humans. Thanks for reading this too!

And okay, I'll deign to give CA a thank you too. It's just that I can pretty much ignore her comments (as mean as that sounds) because we can talk as well as write to each other. ^_^ But I won't ignore you, sis -thanks for your support too!

I have actually written a lot on this story -I'm just editing the chapters before posting. So, on we go!
But before I move on, I want to say thanks again for your comments, LQ and Eso.

Chapter Two


“Newie,â€

I love Fly. She's one of my favourite characters. I'm hoping Soph will let me colour her pic. ^_^

Man, I wanna read this, but I'm feeling kinda shabby at the moment. I'll get to it soon, though!

Okay, thanks Felix! Hope you feel better soon.

Hmm, I wonder if this is a genuine 'special school' these children are in, or if they're somehow being manipulated by a large egocentric corporation bent on controlling the world, err I mean, worlds. hehe, I think I speculate too much...

Heh heh... that will all be revealed in time...
Speculating shows that you're thinking like the writer, I think. ^_^
Speaking of thinking, I think I'll post another chapter.

Usually I hate to double post, but I think that here it'll help to distinguish between comments and the story.

<EDIT> Forgot to add that though it may seem like there are two story-lines going at once, the way my plot goes they will join in the future. It's one of those type of stories.

<EDIT><EDIT> Dang, you know you're not having the best day when you have to do an edit edit on one of your posts! Anyway, looking back I realised that I'd taken for granted that when I'd copied my writing from MS Word that the formatting would stay the same... however none of the italics etc came out, of course. I'm editing them back in -don't worry about re-reading the story or anything, mostly all it does is change the writing style.

Chapter Two

Steven’s eyes flicked backwards and forth across the letter.
“Zack Hayford… last seen at… …his home, King’s Cross Road… disappeared… unusual circumstances… …chemical… in room…â€