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rurouni fic

PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:47 am
by girlninja
let me know what you thinkor any criticiism you may have ^^

Chapter 1

I am Kianna Strider. No you have not heard my name before. As you read this my existence has even faded from other's memory as well. That is how i want it. I had a mission. One mission. That was to take on the Hitokiri with the name Kenshin Himura.

Why? Many reasons. Revenge being one but that was trivial compared to the hatred i felt for the man. He destroyed and faded into the background but we knew he was alive. And it became my mission to destroy him and i almost did. But im getting ahead of myself for teh story begins much sooner.

Five ywars earlier*

"Kianna."

Kianna looked up from her tea, the steam clouding her features. Her brown hair pulled into a bun held up by chopsticks. She wore a blue kimono, blue hakama pants concealed underneath. Her katana laid beside her.

The messenger bowed, his forehead touching the floor, "A message from the council. They wish to see you."

Kianna nodded. The man bowed again and left, closing the screen door behind him.

So now it begins.

Drinking down the scalding water, she placed the cup gently on the table before her. The sun was bright. The cherry blossoms lay in full bloom, outside the birds chattered.

"Ironic," she whispered, " On such a day of beauty, revenge is plotted, death is planned, and no one knows of the darkness in man's heart."

She stood, holding her katana before her. It's name was okami. Wolf. And that is what i am...the wolf of the crescent moon.

sorry this is only part of it i didn't have time to type up the rest but it'll be soon please keep reading ^^

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 5:17 am
by girlninja

PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2005 12:07 am
by true_noir_chloe
I can't say I will keep reading this, since I'm not a big Rurouni Kenshin fan, but I thought you needed someone to read what you wrote. I know I would be sad if no one read what I wrote. And, it was a relatively short installment, which helped out a lot. *hehe*

I think your writing is decent. It sounds like you have an interesting plot developing here. I might suggest you not use "but" as often as you are using it here. That would be my only suggestion.

Overall, it looks like you have the beginnings of a very good fanfic. Keep adding to this and I'm sure people will eventually come and read it.