CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Today, it seems, is a new year. I thought it fitting that with the new year should come my new Naruto fanfiction. This will be my last, in that I truly do have projects I consider more important. However, I felt the need to write this story and so, after quite some period of time, it is here.

But not yet. I will upload the first chapter at a later date, from a terminal from which it will be easier. Meanwhile, I'll state a few basic things about the story in an effort to catch your interest.

Every younger generation shinobi (defined as: within a few years of Naruto's age) will play a role in the story. Playing the primary roles will be (in order of appearance): Hinata, Ino, Sakura and Sasuke. I would define the genre as my usual: a bit of everything. Primarily, however, it is action, with a side order of romance. Our setting is many years in the future (and no, it is not a sequel to "Change").

In my previous work posted here, I gave the option of getting chapters at a faster rate if certain conditions were met (three reviewing posts). That was too easy, it seemed. While it wouldn't have been fair to change the conditions in the middle of the story, they are changing for this one. I'm making that number five. I update weekly regardless.

The purpose of creating this thread prior to the first chapter, by the way, is to give a period of time for those who have been awaiting this story to find it before it begins progressing normally. Sound off if you're interested in this.

I want to read this. I don't know much about Naruto (I hope that's not a hinderance), but I wanna read it as I really liked your Metroid one.

I'm definitely interested. Hm... A three review policy? Good idea... Perhaps for the next fic I post on here. I guess it's not fair to add that in now.

Thank you for the responses. I'm not sure exactly when I'm going to post the first chapter; I am still waiting for one person's response.

skynes wrote:I want to read this. I don't know much about Naruto (I hope that's not a hinderance), but I wanna read it as I really liked your Metroid one.

It shouldn't matter too greatly. The only hinderance is that you may not know who everyone is immediately (though our setting is years in the future, so people have changed). Look up their names at Google and you can get a basic feeling for what they looked like years ago. Other than that, things should be relatively self explanatory.

Since I'm a bit of a Naruto fan myself, I will definitely read this. I make no guarantees, however, that I can offer any profound or insightful criticism.

i have seen some of your work UC and im interested both as a writer and to see how the Naruto fanfic is played. I like studying writers to help better my own so it's my hope that i can delve into your mind as it were to study how you write. forgive for picking your brain...and like Kaori said i'm not sure if i can offer any critcism but i would love to read it ^^

not to mention i'm a naruto fan myself ^^

I will definitely read this one. ~_^ I may not comment on each and every post, UC, but you know I will definitely read it, and am looking forward to it. ^___^

The response has been pretty positive, so I'll release the first chapter. Monday seems a good day for regular releases. I'll note this chapter is also on fanfiction.net, via this handy link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2203094/1/

Before I begin, I'll mention a few points that may or may not matter, but should answer some questions before they arise:

I planned this out before Kishimoto made Sakura a healer, and well before the three year jump. It is simply too late to change things based on new Naruto releases. Hence, if someone dies in the next few issues, I don't care.

This story is in the future, and quite a ways into it.

I use Japanese suffixes for the sake of the story. If you ignore them entirely, you won't lose anything too extreme.

There is some cursing in the story; here it will be censored, for whatever that is worth. No one is too extreme in this regard.

Most future chapters will be shorter than this.

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Chapter 1: Chance

Shadows fell away behind the shinobi as he raced into the light. Breathing heavily he prevented himself from falling by a hand to the nearby street lamp. It didn’t provide him with the slightest bit of protection, but by instinct he had ran toward the light.

One place was as good as any, out here. This far from any other shinobi or decent civilization, the people tracking him could follow him anywhere. He shuddered and began to shiver, though not from the cold. What was following him he wasn’t completely certain, but he didn’t want to believe it was human. Deep within his mind, he knew it was, but this fact refused to penetrate the thick cloud of fear in his mind.

“So the little shinobi had finally stopped to catch his breath.â€

Appearing just behind his opponent, Konohamaru landed a kick to the back of his head. He pitched forward, then sprung off the water and landed on his feet some distance away. His hands began moving together in hand seals, but Konohamaru was too distracted to notice. There was a man clad entirely in black near the children, hacking at the base of the boat. One of the academy students launched a stream of flame at him, but the attacker easily evaded and continued to sink the boat.

“No!â€

Ino Yamanaka slid into the booth beside Hinata, giving her a cross between a smirk and a grin. She always made Hinata so terribly nervous, as well as inadequate. Ino was everything that she wasn’t: bold, pretty, strong. At the moment she was obviously on vacation as well, as Hinata was fairly certain her uniform wasn’t fishnet and tight leather. There was no chance she could pretend to be leaving now, though; Ino had effectively boxed her in next to the wall.

“I never thought I’d see another shinobi in a backward, normal city like this,â€

The table jolted into the air, knocking her off balance before she could get a weapon to hand. It shot upward the next instant, breaking its way through the roof and flying into the sky. By that point, however, Ino had flipped off it. Landing on the floor this time, she instantly identified her attacker. His hands were together in a hand seal she didn’t recognize, and he wasn’t moving.

No way are you completing that jutsu. Rushing forward, Ino flipped a kunai to hand easily and struck, aiming to embed the weapon in his temple. Midway there, however, nearby chairs hurtled from their places toward her. She managed to skid to a halt and bash them aside, one moment before her opponent’s boot connected with her face.

Flying back, Ino crashed into a nearby wall and dropped to the floor. A telekinetic jutsu. Great. But she didn’t have much time to complain, because the enemy ninja was bearing down upon her, a blade singing down toward her neck. The best she could do was roll out of the way, and that was barely enough.

Midway across the floor Ino struck it with one hand, launching herself into the air. She landed just in time to see another table flying toward her. All she could do was raise both arms before her; the wood splintered away but drove her backward. The instant she dared open her eyes she did so, to find her opponent waiting, sword in hand, chakra building around him.

“Not bad,â€

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you what a shinobi is?â€

The Japanese terms are going to take some getting used to though, especially the names as I'm not familiar with any of them.

Your battles are good as always, also good to see that the heroines aren't flawlessly untouchable and do get hacked a bit.

My thoughts, in no particular order:

I agree with Skynes in that the fight scenes are a definite strength. The flying silverware in the final battle of this chapter was a nice touch.

I found the battle between Konohamaru's team and the two unidentified shinobi slightly confusing. If I've read the scene correctly, two of Kohonamaru's former partner's appear to help defend the students, but both are simply identified as "former partner." I could tell by the colors of the chakra being used that there were two separate people involved, but it's a bit different to tell which former partner is doing what. If I remember correctly, it's not until the very end of that scene that one of them is referred to as his "other partner." Names would help, although that might be confusing for people who aren't already familiar with Naruto.

That aside, it's interesting to see Konohamaru as a teacher; I like it. I also thought that his modified version of the harem no jutsu was very amusing, and his expanding on Naruto's technique struck me as something that Kishimoto himself might have written. It fits with Konohamaru's personality rather well.

Ino’s words fell like a waterfall: unending and swiftly.

Nice simile.

I think you did a fairly good job with the personalities of the characters; they seem to be pretty consistent with the manga/anime. It's nice to see some of the neglected minor characters in action, and especially to see them actually doing well in battle (aside from bringing the fish back to life in a recent manga chapter, I can't remember the last time Sakura has actually used a jutsu). The description of Hinata's flowing, graceful style of fighting was also rather well done.

There are a few places where the female shinobi attack by striking their opponent in the head with a kunai, and I am slightly puzzled by this. Unless they are using the hilt of the weapon, it's a move that would very likely be lethal, and since the women are concerned about finding out who sent the assassins (Sakura did try to get information out of one of them) I am wondering why they would not have attempted to knock their enemies unconscious, or use some sort of binding jutsu, instead of killing them outright.

I am also wondering how the last of the enemy shinobi was able to breathe fire in his last attack if he didn't have usable chakra to his face. Was Hinata mistaken when she made that statement, or was there something that I failed I failed to pick up on when I read the story?

Are you planning on explaining in one of the following chapters what happens to Sasuke between the more recent events in the manga and the time of this story? I'm a bit curious as to why, in the beginning of the chapter, he is referred to as "Sasuke-sama."

I don't expect that you will answer this question, but I am already wondering whether Naruto is the current Hokage.

There are a few sentence-level things that I could pick at, but the overall writing quality is good. The story has a nice flow; it's fairly fast-paced, and it was enjoyable to read.

Thank you all for your assorted compliments. Rest assured that I very much do appreciate them, though I'll only address questions/complaints in my responding posts here.

skynes wrote:The Japanese terms are going to take some getting used to though, especially the names as I'm not familiar with any of them.

Your battles are good as always, also good to see that the heroines aren't flawlessly untouchable and do get hacked a bit.

If you have questions about terms, feel free to ask me. Yes, the heroines (as well as everyone else) are not untouchable.

Kaori wrote:I found the battle between Konohamaru's team and the two unidentified shinobi slightly confusing. If I've read the scene correctly, two of Kohonamaru's former partner's appear to help defend the students, but both are simply identified as "former partner." I could tell by the colors of the chakra being used that there were two separate people involved, but it's a bit different to tell which former partner is doing what. If I remember correctly, it's not until the very end of that scene that one of them is referred to as his "other partner." Names would help, although that might be confusing for people who aren't already familiar with Naruto.

Names would help... if I had them. They are briefly named in the anime, but never in the manga (all I really have access to and the base for this story), so I couldn't name them. Hence why I was forced to use odd pronouns.

Kaori wrote:There are a few places where the female shinobi attack by striking their opponent in the head with a kunai, and I am slightly puzzled by this. Unless they are using the hilt of the weapon, it's a move that would very likely be lethal, and since the women are concerned about finding out who sent the assassins (Sakura did try to get information out of one of them) I am wondering why they would not have attempted to knock their enemies unconscious, or use some sort of binding jutsu, instead of killing them outright.

The reasons for this vary, depending on the exact scenario. Generally, said reasons are:
1) The opponent is too dangerous to be attacked in a non-lethal fashion.
2) The shinobi reacts instinctively (and hence lethally).
3) Lack of rational thought during the battle.
4) The intention to get information out of the last remaining opponent.

Kaori wrote:I am also wondering how the last of the enemy shinobi was able to breathe fire in his last attack if he didn't have usable chakra to his face. Was Hinata mistaken when she made that statement, or was there something that I failed I failed to pick up on when I read the story?

That is arguable. Hinata struck the chakra points on his face earlier, and shut down the chakra to his face. However, chakra points can be unplugged by someone who knows how, so presumably he repaired enough of them to breath flame. Hinata was mistaken in part.

Kaori wrote:Are you planning on explaining in one of the following chapters what happens to Sasuke between the more recent events in the manga and the time of this story? I'm a bit curious as to why, in the beginning of the chapter, he is referred to as "Sasuke-sama."

Actually, no, I will not explain that. Doing so would be ultimately futile, because in all likelihood the question will be answered in the manga itself and later reading of the story would make it seem merely errenous. Certain parts of my story are left to the imagination, or for Kishimoto to fill in.

Why the suffix "-sama" was used, however, can be surmised from later events. Suffice it to say that something occurred between the years.

Kaori wrote:There are a few sentence-level things that I could pick at...

This story is fairly sparsely edited, so they might be mistakes I will pick up myself, but could you be specific in this regard (though you need not mention all instances)?

Thanks for those explanations. I looked through some of the old anime episodes to find the names of Konohamaru's teammates. The girl is Moegi and the boy is Udon.

As for my sentence-level criticisms, I don't have the leisure to address them at the moment, so I will do that later today, when I get back from work.

Edit: These comments have been sent via pm.

I just wanted to say that I'm reading through this, UC. I'm way ahead of this chapter, so I'll wait to give any real comments. I'll just say, as always, your writing is superb. There are some comments I need to make on character development, but that will come later. Overall, I've enjoyed reading the first half of this... book? *hehe*

Kaori wrote:(aside from bringing the fish back to life in a recent manga chapter, I can't remember the last time Sakura has actually used a jutsu)

I quote this less for the specific text it contains and more because it raises the subject of Sakura. One reviewer on Fanfiction.net refered to Sakura and Ino as "overpowered" and disliked this aspect more than anything else. I fear that Sakura and Ino are hardly overpowered, and this story's weakest characters (not in terms of strength).

Kaori wrote:The girl is Moegi and the boy is Udon.

Thank you, but unfortunately it is now irrelevant, as they do not appear again.

For this chapter, I would ask for some specific feedback.

From Kaori: I have utilized my meager editing skills on this second chapter. Please tell me if the general quality in terms of conventions improves, though you need not cover every error (on that subject, I decided that I wanted "unsinged" to be a word).

From Anyone: I cut the suffixes for this chapter as an experiment. Which did you prefer? (This is being done primarily because true_noir_chloe thought said suffixes detracted)

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Chapter 2: Mission Unknown

Slowly Hinata sank back into the chair, almost feeling as if she shouldn’t be sitting in it. It was too nice]so[/i] much better!â€

“It’s one of our scrolls,â€

“Going so soon?â€

Good, Sasuke's arrived. ^______^ No comments on this. I just want to let you know I'm still reading. Oh yes, and I liked this part too.

I also am still reading, and both general and specific comments have been sent via pm.

anonymous wrote:*o* *runs in to read the second chapter*
i forgot to come back and coment on the first chapter so i'll just comment on both as one longer chunk. both were of course really good, and although the suffixes helped vaguely with various relationship indentifications (and i'm used to those things so they didnt bother me) the -sama suffixes on Naruto and Sasuke irked me slightly only because of the characters they were attached to (and partially because i currently hate Sasuke) even though they did imply fairly well that something big had happened to give them that title and it makes the entrance of Sasuke a lot more significant.
i personally think you should keep the suffixes, but i am used to those things, so it could just be me.

I am glad that the suffixes worked for at least one person]i'll do a ff.net review later...[/QUOTE]
And I will be quite thankful for it, whenever later may come.

The second chapter of the story is now on Fanfiction.net. To save those of you who are interested in it there a bit of trouble, the url is: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2203094/2/

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Chapter Three: Enter the Sennin

There was a long moment of silence, as none of the warriors seemed willing to speak. Around them the street was fairly damaged from the battle, and eerily empty. No one stirred, and mists floated soundlessly about everything, almost seeming to confine the battlefield to its own, unnatural world. The new arrival stopped all combat, and the eyes of both sides were upon him. He seemed unwilling to break the silence, merely standing calmly with his arms folded.

“Sasuke-kun!â€

The three samurai glanced at him, gaze flickering to the dead body of their leader. It was a tribute to their discipline that they remained where they were, though now they seemed completely on the defensive. If he attacked, they weren’t sure what they could do...

“I will do nothing,â€

Wow! Awesome work thus far! I love it! Your characterization is spot on, I think, Sasuke as distant and mysterious as ever, I can picture Hinata perfectly- I especially liked that attack that she pulled at the end! Ino and Sakura still inexplicably attracted to Sasuke, very in character. I loved the action, it was very easy to picture, no complaints there, nor as to their new enemies who are suitably intriguing. And this has to be my favourite part thus far!

[quote]“A Kage...â€

In the interest of sleep, I will have to come back and read this chapter later. Unless I am completely buried by schoolwork, I should be able to have some sort of response by Friday.

I've just started reading this the other day and I must say that it's very intriguing. I've never read or heard of the Naruto series, but I've read your stuff before UC and It's living up to what I would expect.
As usual, your fights are very well done, very descriptive and easily visualized even with the amazing stuff happening. I like Hanata's character, a quiet, seemingly weaker shinobi that holds a deeper power that no one knows.
I really don't know what a "kunai" is or looks like but I know most of the others. I believe this is worthy of subscibing to. I'll keep reading as long as you can dish it out UC.

A kunai is the above item in this image (the lower being a shuriken):
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=73575&item=5952441831&rd=1#ebayphotohosting

Please feel free to ask about any other terms. Naruto contains within it a great many terms that, while critical to the execution of the story, are not necessarily clear to those unfamiliar from the series (Japanese or otherwise).

Meanwhile, this thread is overdue for an update, but I am certain when to update it (in terms of keeping a regular schedule).

Would it be possible for you to let us know in advance when you are planning on updating? I, for one, would find it helpful for the sake of planning how to manage my time, since it does take a significant length of time to read through one of these chapters.