"More"

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

"More"

Postby EireWolf » Wed Sep 01, 2004 12:19 pm

I don't think I've posted this here before... If I have, sorry for the repeat. I wrote this a few months ago. Please let me know what you think.



More



There must be more

Than air in, air out
More than eating bland food
Or even savoring delicacies
More than going to school or work
Every day, for knowledge or pay,
But going because I think,
What else is there to do?

I know there's more!

Know it in the core of me
That little spark of You
Flares into flame on dry days like this
In moments when I stop, and allow myself a beat of time
To feel the pulse of You within my veins.

You live! You live,

And I allow myself to wither and die
When I have the Living Water within reach.
You live, not even a breath away,
And I refuse to breathe. Rather,
I watch myself turn blue in the mirror,
Because You did something I didn't like,
And I'll play this little game to make You change.

And so I slowly lose consciousness and You stand,
Patient, ever patient with my childish striving,
And You step closer and revive me with Your Living Water.
Just enough to wake me,
Not enough to drown me.
And when I wake, I complain
That You didn't give me enough
And still, You suffer to hear my cries.

Ah, me! I am blind! I cry,
With my eyes squeezed firmly shut.
The Light shines brilliant all around
And sometimes peeks through my laboring lids
When I let my guard down.
More! I cry, More light!
As I reach for a blindfold.
I fumble to light the lamps I've made
And I am satisfied
With the comfort of just knowing they are on.

Ah, me... I am most blind indeed.
Take my eyes, that I may see!
And trust not my own devices,
These artificial lights I have contrived
To keep me comfortably blind.

I know that there is more
Than what these carnal eyes will let me see.
I feel You in me.
The quiet whisper just below consciousness
That my spirit longs to answer with a shout!
My flesh strives to drown it out
By mentioning all the things I have to do today.

You live.
You share Your Life.
You hold it out to me
Like a cup of cold water on a blistering day.

Do I accept?
Or do I continue striving and sweating
And spurn Your gift
Because I haven't got the time?

(Can't You see I'm busy dying?
[INDENT]You've got to offer more[/INDENT]
[INDENT][INDENT]Than just Your life.)
[/INDENT] [/INDENT]





(c) 2004
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
[indent]~~Gandalf, in Fellowship of the Ring[/indent]
Image
User avatar
EireWolf
 
Posts: 2496
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: the forests of northern California

Postby ShiroiHikari » Wed Sep 01, 2004 12:26 pm

wow, lovely job. *claps* ^_^
fightin' in the eighties
User avatar
ShiroiHikari
 
Posts: 7564
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Somewhere between 1983 and 1989

Postby Staci » Wed Sep 01, 2004 12:55 pm

That's an excellent piece of work!
Member of the CAA Book Club
Staci
 
Posts: 552
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2003 10:00 am
Location: New Hampshire

Postby Mithrandir » Wed Sep 01, 2004 3:20 pm

Well captured, きない!
User avatar
Mithrandir
 
Posts: 11071
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: You will be baked. And then there will be cake.

Postby true_noir_chloe » Wed Sep 01, 2004 5:25 pm

This is fantastic, Eire! *hug* I think you've changed it since I read it last. Did you?
*joins Shiroi in clapping* ^___^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby Banana-chan » Wed Sep 01, 2004 5:39 pm

wow what a poem. That was soo....deep. that is what i admire in a poet. That is sooooooooooo awesome. :dance:
C.T.'s pet chipmunk and daughter. I love my daddy and mommy!

C.T.= Daddy
AgentSmith700=Mommy!

Pets/People I've adopted:
-Sunako (Half Kitty)
-Wingzero22 (Wolf)
-Nami (Tiger)
-Ky Kiske (something from the ocean ^^;;;; )
-Firestorm (Flame kitty)
-Sonic_13
-Sakura15 (wolf)
-Agentsmith700 (Yes i adopted my mother...he's a turtle! X3)

Granddaughter: Shadowchild
User avatar
Banana-chan
 
Posts: 250
Joined: Wed May 19, 2004 10:00 am
Location: Everywhere but there...=3

Postby EireWolf » Wed Sep 01, 2004 10:59 pm

:red: :) Thanks everyone.

I like your panda avatar, Banana-Chan. :grin:

TNC, I don't think I've changed anything since you read it. I might've changed the format a tiny bit, and italicized some things, but I think that's all.

I've got some "more" poems at www.flactem.com/wolf (click on the poems link), but I think "More" is the best among them.
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
[indent]~~Gandalf, in Fellowship of the Ring[/indent]
Image
User avatar
EireWolf
 
Posts: 2496
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: the forests of northern California

Postby shadowblade » Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:40 am

Wow, really excellent piece. I think my favorite lines were:

I fumble to light the lamps I've made
And I am satisfied
With the comfort of just knowing they are on.
Ah, me... I am most blind indeed.

So much truth in that. Awesome job! :)

Proud Member of the Challengers Guild ^_^


Life is not about us using God for our purposes, but about Him using us for His purposes.

Faith is not creating a false reality, but acknowledging God's promises for us.

The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones your clinging to
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
And take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you
-Avalon


[color=Navy]Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened.
Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy...
Ted: But what if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?
-Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
[/color]
User avatar
shadowblade
 
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2004 9:20 am
Location: Lost in my own imagination

Postby EireWolf » Fri Sep 24, 2004 12:32 pm

Thanks, shadowblade! And welcome to CAA! :)
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
[indent]~~Gandalf, in Fellowship of the Ring[/indent]
Image
User avatar
EireWolf
 
Posts: 2496
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: the forests of northern California


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 386 guests