CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

The woods were an eerie dark at night. The moon hung heavy over the horizon. John Eckeltson had come to visit his new inheritance in Romania. He had just inherited some territory around a little old village off in the Romanian countryside from some long lost relative. John arrived at the village inn just in time for the innkeeper’s assistant, Jakob to bring him a snack before bed. John thought there seemed a strange connection between Jakob and the innkeeper, Antion. It was something he couldn’t put his finger on, like father and son but there was almost a deep antipathy between them, especially of Jakob for Antion.

The next day he would visit his inheritance. In the mean time, John was left puzzling over Jakob’s words. During some polite chitchat about his visit and the territory he inherited, Jakob seemed almost like he didn’t think it was a good idea to be there. “Some things are better left as they are.â€

Well it needs a little editing at this time but it seems to be coming along nicely!

ohh...cool can you finnish?

I read this and I'm bumping it up for others to read. I think with some edits it could be very good. You need to draw the reader into your story and you do that when you show and just don't tell. Thanks for sharing this with us. ^___^

Hey, that's a really good story. I feel drawn in by the suspense. It is a bit unconcluded (is that a word?) thus far, and I hope you post some more again soon! I would encourage you to continue with your style of writing. It's good to read a story that spares the reader from endless description to leave room for the images to be established in their own imaginations. Like I say, it depends on the style you're going for, but keep it up. It was good!

A good start. The story is definitely interesting, but I think the initial story of the gypsy and the werewolf could use more description. Just my opinion, but perhaps that would be a good place to break away from the protagonist for a while to give the readers more of a link to the gypsy, more emotional attachment. Perhaps a tad more converstion as well to help develop the characters. Although that may violate your vision for the story. Anyway, it's a good start. You have a lot of promise here. I hope you keep at it.

Interesting story Keep up the good work.

John awoke with fear to find himself riding on a horse he had never set eyes on before. He couldn’t control the horse. It was determined to take it somewhere. The horse was large, with much height for an inexperienced horseman like himself to fall hard onto the ground. John realized that his legs were fastened to the beast so that he could not fall in his sleep.

The horse walked straight into the middle of the village and stopped for the longest time. The villagers stared as the horse passed and a commotion began to build up. That noise drew the attention of Jakob, who went to help John. After John was gratefully untied, the horse bent down to left him off, then turned and galloped back the way they came.

“What happened?â€

How sad, poor Nicolae. T__T This is interesting and very short. I'm glad you're still working on this, however. ^__^ Nice addition.

Wha? Evilll! I have a character named Nicolae too.