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Postby Kiba-kun » Fri Feb 09, 2007 8:25 am

Really?! Weird.
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
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Postby Photosoph » Fri Feb 09, 2007 12:31 pm

Heh heh. ^_^ Maybe it's just that I'm not such a big fan of violence. XD Nah, I don't think it's that so much; I think that what you wrote helped reveal more about the characters and progressed the story well t'is all. ^^
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
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Postby Kiba-kun » Sun Feb 11, 2007 9:21 pm

~~~For the next several weeks, Liam is forced to endure endless training of the body and mind. His daily schedule is battle training for seven hours, magical study for five hours, one hour to eat, learning the landscape of Valdien’s world for five hours, two hours for learning the schematics of the extensive complex, more battle training for two hours, a thirty-minute rest, and one and half hours to perfect his demon magic by himself.

~~~As the days progress, Liam finds himself at home. Over the last few weeks he has even become accustomed to this tiring way of life and has come to enjoy it somewhat. While he may resent Valdien and all he is doing for him, Liam continues on, hoping against all odds that Maria will find his grimoire and know what to do.

~~~[font=Arial] As Liam is in his private chamber, practicing his demon magic on a dog Valdien transported from earth, a knock interrupts his focus. He growls slightly and breaks the spell, which is supposed to turn any living substance to molten lava. Liam opens his door. “What?â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
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Posts: 561
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Location: At my job.

Postby Althaia » Mon Feb 12, 2007 5:23 pm

ah the suspense is killing me
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[color=cyan]† [size=84]smile Jesus loves you[/SIZE][/color]

procastinators unite.......................tommorrow

[color=palegreen]So in times when all your hope is gone
And you go through life afraid
In your heart there lies a hopeful song
That is there to guide the way
And all the hurt and all the pain
You soon will learn was not in vain
For all your prayers, they will be heard
They'll come to pass through faith [/color]

[color=palegreen]~When you Believe from Prince of Egypt


[/color]
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Postby Kiba-kun » Mon Feb 12, 2007 7:46 pm

That's the idea! Muahahahahah!
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Kiba-kun » Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:41 am

~~~ As the space around Liam cracks and twists, a voice reaches his ears.

~~~[font=Arial] “I summon thee!â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
Kiba-kun
 
Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Kiba-kun » Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:33 am

Y'all . . . don't like it?
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Photosoph » Thu Feb 22, 2007 1:15 pm

I do like it: I think your writing is done very well and love the twist that more time has passed than he thinks. However, since I'm not sure how the ending will... well... end, and I'm a little bit iffy on the demon side of things, I haven't been commenting so much: just reading. That's all. ^_^
So far I think you've written a great story, but as I've said before, I'm not too sure how the demon thing will work out. As well as that, I'm not so good with 'unfinished endings', or endings were everything isn't resolved into a mostly neat, tidy package. :P As I'm not sure exactly where you're headed, or how you're going to end the story, I'm not sure if I'll continue reading or at least posting. Mostly I'm just waiting to see how it ends up before posting... but as said before, I have a few issues with the subject matter.

However, your writing and story are really great. I'm surprised more people aren't still posting on this thread. But maybe they're just busy: that happens to all of us. >_< Gah! Business...
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
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Postby Esoteric » Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:05 pm

Yes, you certainly shouldn't regard a lack of responses as a lack of interest. People get too busy, or forget, or simply don't have anything useful to say (I read a lot more threads than I post in). No news is sometimes good news as they say, however, I realize it can be discouraging. Sufficive to say, I've been reading with mild interest. Generally i agree with the personal discomfort expressed previously about 'demons', however there are certain original aspects to your story which I find interesting. Whether I say much or not, I'll keep reading if you keep posting. ;)
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Postby Kiba-kun » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:32 pm

Alright thanks. I didn't get a reply in almost a week so . . . idk. Anyway I try not to put my demons into the controversial aspect of Christianity. It's more of a second universe. No heaven or hell here. Just a different species . . . I think.

Sorry about the split post. It was about three hundred words to long.
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
Kiba-kun
 
Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Kiba-kun » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:38 pm

~~~[font=Arial]Liam is lying in the undergrowth of a forest not so far from the complex. “I can’t believe he did that . . .â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
Kiba-kun
 
Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Kiba-kun » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:39 pm

~~~[i][font=Arial] Liam groans and opens his eyes. He hears a patter of foot steps on tile coming towards him. “Can you hear me?â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Photosoph » Fri Feb 23, 2007 1:24 pm

Alright thanks. I didn't get a reply in almost a week so . . . idk. Anyway I try not to put my demons into the controversial aspect of Christianity. It's more of a second universe. No heaven or hell here. Just a different species . . . I think.

Sorry about the split post. It was about three hundred words to long.

That's cool. Though I still have issues. ^^" Heh, but again, that's me. ^_^

I especially agree with Eso on the point that I read a lot more threads than I post in. So sorry if I don't always reply; although I usually do read what you post. ^^ And enjoy it, might I add.
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Postby Photosoph » Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:23 pm

Oh, I didn't realise you'd written more when I last posted. ^_^ T'is good! Nice to get some background information about Liam and Maria. ^_^ Very nice.
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Postby Kiba-kun » Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:16 pm

~~~ After many days of travel, all the while plagued by good and bad memories of his past, Liam comes to a large and open field full of wild lowers. He slowly makes his way to the epicenter, admiring the beautiful view and smells, taking in relief of solitude of this small haven.

~~~He collapses on the flowers; sending up a spray of whites, yellows, blues and purples. He stares at the sky, trying to rid his mind of the past.


~~~[i][font=Arial]“Hey Liam, what are you doing out of bed?â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Kiba-kun » Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:16 pm

~~~[font=Arial]Liam smirks. “Something wonderful, coming up.â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Kiba-kun » Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:00 am

~~~ The bright light that came from crossing the gate stays in Liam’s eyes for a moment. He rubs his eyes, trying to get the flashes out. Eventually the flashes in his eyes leave and he opens them slowly.

~~~The landscape from Valdien’s world is what Liam is expecting, open fields of land with hardly a building in sight, but this is totally different. Steel buildings jut from the ground everywhere and busy roads and streets are all over the land. He looks up into the air and sees flying crafts moving in all directions. Demons of all different designs walk along the streets, all acting as though they’re in their own little world and can’t see anything else. The best Liam can comprehend this is as a Star Wars background and Dawn of the Dead people.

~~~ He looks around for Darius, but he isn’t in sight. “Where did he go[font=Arial]?â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Photosoph » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:11 pm

Ooo, very interesting. I like the direction this story is taking. I hope it has a good ending. T_T Weird comment, I know, but I like good endings. ^_^"

Anyway, you've written really vivid, interesting and plot-advancing scenes. I see what you mean about the demons in this story being more of a different race, although I'll mention (yet again -and I'm sorry to say it againg ^_^" ) that I'm still not 100% comfortable with the idea.

Anyway, great writing! Keep it up and continue; you're doing great. ^_^

<EDIT>My mistake. Endings is not spelled 'endignd' :lol:

Also, once again want to reiterate that you're doing excellent quality writing. It's great, so I hope you keep it up. All the best for it, Kiba-kun!
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Postby Peregrine » Sat Mar 10, 2007 2:30 pm

Just adding my support. I agree 100% with Photosoph. I want a good ending, too!
Waiting for my marshmallows.
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Postby Kiba-kun » Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:55 pm

. . . *builds a "You guys are gonna hate the ending so I'm in hiding" fort*
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Althaia » Sat Mar 10, 2007 8:09 pm

amazing :D i must see the end i must *pouts*
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[color=cyan]† [size=84]smile Jesus loves you[/SIZE][/color]

procastinators unite.......................tommorrow

[color=palegreen]So in times when all your hope is gone
And you go through life afraid
In your heart there lies a hopeful song
That is there to guide the way
And all the hurt and all the pain
You soon will learn was not in vain
For all your prayers, they will be heard
They'll come to pass through faith [/color]

[color=palegreen]~When you Believe from Prince of Egypt


[/color]
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Postby Photosoph » Sun Mar 11, 2007 1:37 pm

. . . *builds a "You guys are gonna hate the ending so I'm in hiding" fort*

*Sigh* Oh well. V_V I wish it was/will be/would be/(whatever the correct tense for this is ;) ) a good ending, but that's okay. I think the worst I'd do would be to go "Nooo! 'So and so'!!!!! I can't believe he/she/it died!' ToT " So don't worry. I'm unlikely to go on an angry rampage. ;)
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Postby Kiba-kun » Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:47 pm

And what's your opinion of cliff hangers?
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Esoteric » Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:48 pm

Kiba-kun wrote:And what's your opinion of cliff hangers?


*Finishes reading a realizes there are no more pages. Sits in stunned silence.* "That's it?!" *Gets up and walks away, mumbling.*

:lol: That said, a cliffhanger really isn't...an ending, at least not a real one. It's pause in the story commonly used to keep readers mentally occupied and interested until the next installment of the story. That said, they typically do their job quite well, unless an author uses them blatantly and readers get fed up with the emotional manipulation. If you're going to write more eventually, then it's okay to leave a cliffhanger. But if this story is going to be a stand alone entity, I recommend you find a way to tie up most of the major issues, or readers will likely feel cheated. Even an epilogue which features an informative 'aftermath' conversation between minor characters is better than leaving us in the heat of an unfinished battle.
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Postby Kiba-kun » Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:54 pm

Sounds like I'd better put up my second book after this then.
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
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Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Photosoph » Mon Mar 12, 2007 3:57 pm

What? So that was the ending? o_O Oh, I don't mind cliffhangers too much -unless, like Eso said, you use them too often to manipulate the readers' emotions.
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Postby Kiba-kun » Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:52 pm

No it's not the ending. I've still got alot more to put up.
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
Kiba-kun
 
Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Photosoph » Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:53 pm

That's cool. ^_^ Actually, I was wondering why it was so short. :sweat:
I'm glad there's more; I'm looking forward to reading it. I really enjoy your writing, Kiba. :thumb: <- ('Scuse the obligatory 'thumbs up' there, please ;) ).
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Photosoph
 
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Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Kiba-kun » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:50 pm

[font=Arial]~~~“How did you get here?!â€
FKA Mythmaster


Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
User avatar
Kiba-kun
 
Posts: 561
Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
Location: At my job.

Postby Althaia » Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:09 pm

ah must read more kiba this is making menervous will liam reunite with his true love or will he perish ah the supense is killing me :O
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[color=cyan]† [size=84]smile Jesus loves you[/SIZE][/color]

procastinators unite.......................tommorrow

[color=palegreen]So in times when all your hope is gone
And you go through life afraid
In your heart there lies a hopeful song
That is there to guide the way
And all the hurt and all the pain
You soon will learn was not in vain
For all your prayers, they will be heard
They'll come to pass through faith [/color]

[color=palegreen]~When you Believe from Prince of Egypt


[/color]
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Posts: 229
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2005 12:00 pm
Location: is trying to calm herself

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