Psychotic Exile

[Felix]

Some of you may read the title to this and say "Hey. Isn't that an RP?" And I'll say "Yes, it is."
This is actually the story I originally thought of long ago, I just never got around to actually writing it. I applied the idea of it to an RP however, and now I've decided to write it.
The principles are similar to the RP, but it really has nothing to do with it.
Ok, here we go. I hope you guys like it.

[Felix]

EDITETH! I took this scene out to compliment the storyline furthar along.

[Felix]

Prologue

A young boy of about 14 crouched in the corner of a dark, musty room. His eyes were shining with fresh tears and he shivered uncontrollably, whimpering as he did so. Things were not as they should be. The shadows of the room seemed to come alive and twist and dance in and out of the few patches of light as if they were living creatures. Thus was oft the way a dim room would be perceived to a mentally unstable child. On an untimely basis, he would be visited by terrible hallucinations and nightmares.

This…was one of his worst ones yet. He began to cry again and tried to nestle deeper into his corner, away from the visions that haunted his feverish nightmares. But it was not a nightmare, for he was very much alive and breathing in this room.

The door creaked open and someone stepped into the room. A man. It was a middle-aged man with glasses and gray, mildly balding hair. Over his left breast was a name tag. On it, in clear black letters it read: “Dr. J. Martin.â€

[Felix]

Another edit.

[Felix]

Birdsong. Sweet, pure air. Blue skies and fresh, clear water. These are the things that the young boy awakened to. He found himself lying face down on a sandy beach, the coarse granules agitating his flesh. “Wha-?â€

[Felix]

As they strolled along the sandy shore, the boy cast his curious eyes about his surroundings, taking in all that he could. Already he could see that he was on an island, yet it was a large island, indeed. The beach ran in a steady slope to their right, until it met the gentle lapping of the icy-clear waters around it. Past a small ridge of dunes, a lightly wooded forest ran along the length of the shore to their left. Birdsong, accompanied by the rustle and chatter of small creatures, could be heard emanating from within the shady woods.

The boy yearned to go and explore this new and different world, yet now was not the time. He set his eyes forward once more, but couldn’t restrain his attention for long. He craned his neck back slightly and found himself staring up at the creamy blue sky. Thick fluffy clouds crawled lazily past his vision and a large white bird circled majestically above, weaving in and out of the various air currents with natural ease.

Several minutes passed in silence, then Anna spoke up again. "Hey, why do you think your hair's white? It's like your an old person, but you're not!"

Surprised, the boy turned his eyes up to look at his bangs. Sure enough, his hair was a snowy white color. "That's weird." He said quietly.

"Well of course it's weird!" Anna returned with another giggle. "Everything about you is so weird, that's why I think you're so cool."

She trailed off into silence again. They came to a little gully beyond some grassy dunes. There was a small clear pond nestled amongst colorful flowers and reeds. "Ya know there's a big lake in the middle of the island, but I always come here to get water. It's my own little secret fountain. Cool, huh? It's such a great place to space out and think about stuff, plus there's a great section of beach just over that hill. The sunset is amazing! You and me should go watch it sometime. I've never really had a friend that I can just hang out with. Maybe you and me can be friends, wouldn't that be cool?" She dropped to her knees and busied herself with filling the bucket while she waited for him to say something. "You don't talk much, do you? I guess I don't blame you, it must be kind of scary to not know who you are or anything. What do you remember?"

The boy sat down on the bank and rested his chin in his hands. "Well... I remember lots of things, just nothing about myself. It's almost like I never existed before this."

The 13-year-old tossed him an indignant look. "That's crazy. Of course you existed. Someone like you couldn't just pop out of thin air."

He smiled in spite of himself. "Well I do remember, I think I had a friend who was like you."

Anna's eyes lit up. "Was she as pretty as me?"

The question took him by surprise, but then he laughed. "I don't know, probably not."

Anna almost blushed. "Well, c'mon over here and I'll show you that part of the beach I told you about!"

The boy nodded and followed, glad for a subject change. A moment later they emerged on a low dusty bluff overlooking a broad speckled shore, the same shore that wrapped itself about the entire island. Palm trees dotted the sandy slope creating mingled patterns within the shadows and waves. Anna let out a small content breath. "Not much, but it sure is beautiful."

The boy, unsure of what to say, merely nodded his head, and let out a small, "Yes."

She broke into a light run, "Well c'mon, you have to see all the cool shells up close!"

He walked down to the darker sand and joined her in seeking out pretty shells. His feet burned, so he waded into the surf. The water felt like heaven.

Anna put a hand on his arm. "Hey, don't go out where the water's deep."

He stared at her questioningly. "Wh-?"

"It's better not to know, sometimes." she interrupted quickly. "Please just don't. Promise."

The boy nodded slowly. She smiled and let go of his arm. "Sorry for ruining it like that, there are just certain rules that you have to follow, and I don't think you remember them." She glanced up at the sun. "Yikes, it's late, we better be getting home soon." Anna splashed out of the water and went to retrieve the bucket.

[Felix]

Well that's it for now. More is sure to come soon! I hope you like it! \*O*/

Keep in mind that this hasn't been gone over or edited. So please excuse any mistakes.

[Photosoph]

Not edited? I didn't even realise. I found this quick mistake tho:

The boy’s eyes cracked open ever slow slightly

on the sixth post.

I really like this story so far... and yeah, I hate writer's block too. >.<
It's really cool how you've written this story -and posted it too. If you ever do get stuck for ideas, maybe the RP could help... and if we ever get stuck for ideas at the RP, maybe we can get some plot line or ideas from this.
Great writing, Felix. Oh, and I like your av.

[Felix]

Oh hehe. Thanks. I meant to say, "ever 'so' slightly"

Ah thanks so much for your support. It helps a lot to hear kind words about something I do.

Yeah. That's a good idea. It'll help advance both plots! If you'll notice...he has a different name in the story.

Ah...thanks! I like my avvie too.

I'm glad you like it and am working on the next part. I have been having a very..."uninspired" day so I haven't written much, but I will soon!

[Kawaiikneko]

I hope you get over your writer's block Felix! I really enjoyed that part I hadn't read yet btw ^^ I love your writing style

[Photosoph]

Don't worry; I'm just here to read whenever you write -be it soon or a long time away. ^_^

[Felix]

Ok after a long period of business I finally have some free time. I will get to work on the story right away!

[Felix]

Ok, ok ok. Back up, now. ^^;; after much deliberation I ended up editing the end of my last post of the story. I didn't like much how it was going so I decided to take it in a new direction.
So before we go on I suggest you re-read that post to make sure you know what's happening. ^^ The next post is almost done!

[Photosoph]

Cool! Actually, I'll probably skim over the last posts to get a general idea of the changes and refresh my memory. ^_^

[Felix]

Cool that works! ^^ Here's the next section!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had taken little more than four steps across the sand when the beach suddenly erupted beneath her feet. Fist-sized chunks of turf skittered down through the instant plume of aerial debris. The tremor from the blast launched the boy backwards into the water. He scrambled upright, realizing that he was out too deep as something scaly brushed his leg. He ran foward and dropped to his knees in the wet sand, panting.

When the boy looked up again, his breath caught in his throat. The cloud of dust slowly cleared, and in it's place, towering against the rising sun, stood a huge shelled creature. It's plated exo-skeleton jutted out at odd, sharp angles, putting a vicious edge on it's already ferocious appearance. Anna lay out cold several yards away. Blood was trickling from a gash on her forehead, and her leg was clearly broken.

The boy didn't have time to think before the creature rushed him. It lowered its jagged shell and leapt foward, thrusting upwards in an effective crushing motion. He dove to the side and landed hard on his chest, wincing as the razor-sharp edge whisked past his head. He gasped for air and twisted around to face his attacker, hoping his luck would remain.

It didn't. The creatures next charge clipped him hard in the shoulder. A splatter of red stained the milky white shore as the serrated carapace sliced through his flesh. He stared with blurred vision at the bloody shelled protrusion that had peirced him. The boy screamed in pain as he was lifted violently off the ground and instantly hurled through the air. His back made a dull crunching sound as he crashed into a thick tree before he crumpled to the ground with a weak moan.

The creature came again, rearing up to its full height over the boy's battered body. A shrill whistle suddenly peirced the morning. The creature backed up rapidly and snapped its head to the side. It scuttled across the beach and into the water where it dissapeared beneath the waves.

A lone black leopard crept across the quiet shore. It sat on it's haunches in the middle of the ruptured beach, back turned to the boy. It's tail swished slowly from side to side and a melodious voice drifted from its presence. It glanced at Anna's still form as the musical words reached the boy's ears. You think I did this, don't you?

The boy peered at the strange feline from within the bushes he had crawled to. He stayed motionless. "What do you want with me?"

The leopard spun around to face him. Fool! Its mouth didn't move, merely remained in an icy smile. It slunk towards the water and sat again, licking its paw. It flicked its wrist once, sending a scattering of bread pieces out onto the water. Dozens of spiny beak-like mouths broke the surface and scrambled for the sparse pickings without relent. The leopard stretched. The fishies really are quite something, aren't they? What they really hunger for, however, is the delicacy of human flesh. It took a step toward Anna. Your little girlfriend here would make them a nice treat you know.

The boy dashed foward and tripped over a thick root, groaning as the gritty sand found its way into his wound. He thrust his palm out. "Don't touch her!"

The leopard extended its claws, pretending not to hear. It raked them slowly and gently down the side of her face, leaving small white marks. Listen, idiot. There are some things on this island that would make a bloated mollusk look like dinner, so I suggest you start growing up, boy. You don't want to be on my bad side when this is all over.

The boy trembled slightly. He clenched his fists. "Please go away."

The leopard blinked. Fact is... you have questions. It started scratching something in the sand. And I have answers. The way I see it, you help me and I'll help you. You hinder me, and I'll kill you. It pinched a granule of sand between its claws and examined it. Have fun choosing. It winked at the boy and flicked the sand away.

The boy struggled to his feet. The leopard was gone. He limped over to where a single word was carved into the ravaged shore, Anji. He turned the word over in his mind, looking to Anna's limp body as he did so. He suddenly felt sick with fear. All he knew was that he wanted to get far away from this place. He took off running and disappeared into the forest.

[Photosoph]

That's so cool! I like your description of the crab's attack; I could really imagine the attacks and action in my head. Well done too with the way you introduced the fish in the water -chilling and mysterious. ^_^
Oh, just a few little things you may have missed out in editing:
"She whistled a small tune to herself as she picked? a rich purple flower... <-in the first paragraph.
It didn't. The creatures next charge clipped him hard in the shoulder. A splatter of red stained the milky white shore as the creature's? carapace sliced through his flesh. <-about halfway through.
I really like your writing style -lots of effective descriptions, good bringing out of the leopard's personality, and very good grammar and spelling over all -the only mistakes I picked up were just the 'ed' and 'se' which were likely just half-deleted words, right?

[Felix]

>.< Thanks. Actually those words are fine. But for some reason the blocks on my computer takes out really strange words. So yeah, those words should be there but it took them out?! *shakes head* Oh well.
^^ I'm glad you liked it though!

OK there it should be fixed now!

[Photosoph]

Cool!
How strange... I wonder why your computer does that?

[CreatureArt]

I can't believe I missed this thread!
I've read through what you've written and its very good. I like how it is on the same base idea as the RP while still being unique and fresh.

[Felix]

Ahh...well thank you! I do try.

[Sakura15]

This is Awesome!!! *cant wait to read more*

[Felix]

Well thanks! ^^

I don't know...but I don't like this next part much...so I may change it..I didn't have any plans, just started writing and it all flowed. That's how I write. But I'd like some feedback on this scene so I can decide if I want to keep it. ^^




The boy stumbled through the wooded carpet of moss and leaves until he came to a small trickling brook. The frothy currents jostled each other and tumbled about amongst the rocks and through the reeds. He scooped up the icy water in his cupped palms and drank deeply, relaxing slightly as the soothing liquid trickled down his throat.

A voice suddenly intruded on him. "You really shouldn't be here."

He twitched and turned around slowly. A very strange man was reclined in the fork of a mossy tree, twiddling a stalk of grass between his thumbs. Furry red fox-like ears framed his long black hair and two large feathery black wings protruded from his back and lay slack at his side. A fuzzy red fox-tail also curled about him, resting in his lap. He hopped from the tree and landed next to the boy, standing a full foot taller. He smiled. "Name's Casiel. What are you doing here kid?" His tail swished back and forth as he spoke.

The boy stared up into his face. "I'm sorry, Mr.Casiel...I ran... and I just wanted a drink. I had no idea that I shouldn't be here." He focused on a shrub on the ground.

Casiel's kind eyes rested on the boy. "You aren't causing trouble. But recently there's been lots of danger about and I was only worrying over you." He kneeled down. "Now what's your name, kid?"

The boy looked back at Casiel. "I...I think it's Anji." He replied quietly.

Casiel grinned. "Well, little Anji, you've got nothing to fear from me." He suddenly jerked upright, fox-ears perked. "But I can think of a few other things you should fear." He hopped across the creek. "We need to get out of here. My village isn't far." He glanced about, face creased with worry. "Will you come with me, kid?"

Anji nodded and splashed through the water. "If it's safe there."

Casiel stretched out his wings to their full length and reached out a hand to Anji. "Ok then...think you trust me?"

Anji could hear multiple rapid footfalls all about them just beyond the treeline. He took Casiel's hand. "Where?"

"Up." Casiel replied simply and leapt off the ground without another word. Air currents breezed through his wingspan as they were lifted upwards through the canopy of foliage. Anji spared a glance down to see hundreds of small spiderlike creatures clawing their way across the forest floor and through the tangle of trees. They leapt from limb to limb with ease, making strange clicking sounds. A bubbly red fluid dribbled from their fanged maws as bloodshot eyes turned upward to lock onto their prey.

Casiel tried to climb higher but the extra weight kept him skimming low over the treetops. Suddenly one of the spiders sprung up into the air next to them, teeth bared. Casiel veered to the left, grunting with the exhertion. "Hang on kid!" He yelled through clenched teeth. More spiders began vaulting from the trees. Soon the air was thick with them. One of the leaping creatures landed hard on Casiel's side, its barbed legs sinking into flesh. Three more spiders aimed true as three more wounds were opened. Blood spattered to the the mossy ground before being ravenously slurped up by the crazed beasts. Casiel's wings folded about him and he plummeted like a stone from the sudden blood loss. Casiel crashed to earth in an overgrown field and tumbled to his feet. A sword appeared in his hand. "Kid?!"

Anji had been jolted away from Casiel. He slammed into a grove of thick hedges nearby. A solid black wall of spiders instantly appeared between Casiel and the boy.

Casiel ran foward. "Just try and get me, Regnas!" He bellowed.

The wall of spiders toppled over on him. His blade flashed through the air. Once. Twice. Two spindly carcasses fell halved in the grass. Their steamy fluids lay exposed for a moment before multiple Regnas threw themselves on the corpses and ripped them apart hungrily. The red-stained sword moved like a blur, holding the rancid creatures momentarily at bay. Thousands of pupils analyzed his motion for a split second, then the spiders launched themselves towards his exposed left side . A dozen of them latched onto his wing and side. In a moment of panic and reflex, Casiel swung his weapon left and across his side. At the same moment he involuntarily threw his wing outward and it found itself in the path of the heartless blade.

A horror-stricken scream wrenched across the valley. Casiel collapsed to the ground. A scarlette fountain trickled down his back. The cleaved wing floated silenty down beside him in a cloud of blood-soaked feathers. The Regnas slowly circled in on their unconscious prize.

Anji scrambled across the ground. "No! Please!" The spiders shifted their attention to the boy. The clicking sounds increased. Their acidy saliva sizzled on their cracked lips and the clicks and chatters grew more frenzied. Anji turned and ran, but the Regnas skittered foward with incredible speed and overtook him in seconds. He was tackled to the ground and they began tearing into his previous wounds. Tears sprang to his eyes with the intense pain, his vision began to fade, then suddenly everything stopped.

All of the Regnas toppled to the grassy turf, frozen in place. Anji pushed the statue-like creatures off of himself. A familiar voice slipped smoothly into his thoughts. This is only a taste. A small black butterfly flitted silenty through the reedy grass. It lit on one of the Regnas bodies. My pets seem to like you and your new little buddy. Tiny black eyes focused on Anji. It must be frustrating. Every time you make a new friend, something...very, very unfortunate always seems to happen. You're a death bringer, Anji.

Anji clenched his fist. "I didn't do this to him...you did."

So accusing. The song-like voice whispered. You're lucky I'm in a generous mood today. The butterfly rubbed its wings together several times. It blinked, and Anji thought he saw it smile. The ground began to shake and a low rumble emanated through the field.

A huge waterfall seemed to appear from the sky, pouring from the clouds. It thundered into the valley, coating everything in blinding whitewater. Anji tripped foward with the impact. The water scooped him up, turning his world into a suffocating mass of foam and rapids. Anji blacked out as a thick log twisted through the currents and nailed him in the face.

[Photosoph]

A bubbly red fluid dribbled from their fanged maws as bloodshot eyes turned upward to lock onto their prey.

Now THAT is a cool description!

Hmm... I don't see anything wrong with this scene, but I know that you've got the whole story or basic plot or the knowledge of how you want your story to be in your head, and so I know that later you might go back and tweak a couple of things I can't see. ^_^
If I think of anything, I'll post it in this thread. Nothing comes to mind at the moment, however.

Thanks for writing more, Felix!

[CreatureArt]

It must be frustrating. Every time you make a new friend, something...very, very unfortunate always seems to happen. You're a death bringer, Anji.

I've got to say that this is one of the coolest villains that I have come accross in a while, Felix.

I like your latest portion. It has continued to give me, as a reader, an attachement to the character and an interest in his outcome. I'm also looking to see if he'll be able to both make and keep a friend, and if he'll even continue to try. Very cool. Thanks for writing more.

[Felix]

^__^ Well I'm certainly glad you guys like it. Thanks so much for loyally reading and giving me feedback!
I have a vague idea where I want the story to go but I'm just gonna keep writing and see how it ends up flowing. Seems to be working that way so far! ^^
I'll try and keep you guys updated!

[mastersquirrel]

Good night man.... that was some AWESOME writing!!!!! And I agree that is one freakishly awesome villain. I'll definitely be reading this. *subscribes to this thread*

[Photosoph]

Whoot! Another loyal fan!
Yeah, that villian is downright creepy . And that's really an accomplishment, especially when you consider how many lame villians exist in the literary world.

[Felix]

XD yeah I know how that is. I get sick of corny villians so I wanted to try and make a creepy one. Shapeshifter! Oooooh! ^_^ Nice to see another fan. Thanks again for reading and the feedback guys! I really appreciate it!

[CreatureArt]

No problem, Felix.

Personally, I really enjoy the story so its not any hassle to read and comment. Plus, if I comment I increase the chances that you'll post again and so increase myhappiness level ).

So, by commenting, I'm actually being very selfish: if I succeed in getting you to post more, I get to read more. It's all about me.

Although that's true, on a more serious note it is a promising start to your story and it both gives the readers enjoyment and you a chance to practice your ksills. So it's a win-win.

[Felix]

Hahaha! Ok I see how it is. *grin* well as long as you're enjoying it then by all means post your heart out! (A little post count boost never hurt, either. )

Yep practice is good! I used to hate practicing my writing but now I guess it kinda payed off because I enjoy writing fantasy stories.