"Sound Angel" (my anime story idea)

[Trackball]

OK, first of all, I openly admit that I'm taking a big chance by posting this story idea of mine on these boards. I am well aware that I run a big risk of disciplinary action for posting it (you'll see what I mean at the end of the description), but I need some more feedback on it.

I wrote it back in 2002, when I was still in college. It took me about an hour to write it, and I posted it on GameFAQs to mostly-good reviews. I'm glad I saved it onto a floppy, because I really think this story has promise...too bad I never got around to actually turning it into a series. (Maybe someone can do it for me...as long as they don't stray from my original intents for it.)

Also, because I wrote it on the spur of the moment, there are a LOT of rough edges that need to be worked out (the slight cleanup to make it fit the forum rules only added more). Since it was originally posted on GameFAQs, I also had to fit it into its 4096-character-per-post limit.

And as Grandpa liked to say on Jackie Chan Adventures, "ONE MORE thing!" I posted this on yet another site's board last year, and it got great reviews from three evangelicals (including the site administrator), but I still feel cautious because I know these boards have more strict (stricter?) rules.

Anyway, now that you've been sufficiently warned, on with the story...

(start)

Wataru, an 18-year-old boy living in Akihabara, is in mourning because his girlfriend Andrea, a lovely 5'5" Japanese/Caucasian (her mother was American) with short red hair and a beautiful singing voice, died recently when a drunk driver ran over her. He really wants to fall in love again, but he knows that looking for someone while "on the rebound" was a futile effort. As a result, he feels very much alone.

However, unbeknownst to him, Andrea had an alter-ego: she was the Sound Angel, who, along with the Fire, Wind, Water, Earth, Psychic, and Light Angels (all appointed by God), fought with the demons of Hell as Satan tried to wreak havoc on the world. As a result of Andrea's death, they needed a new Sound Angel, or the Devil would have the advantage.

What does that have to do with Wataru? Well, God was looking all over the world, and couldn't find anyone whose heart was pure enough...except for Wataru, whom Andrea had told Him about when she arrived in Heaven. So he sent a messenger disguised as a normal human to test Wataru's faith. If he passed, he could become the newest member.

The messenger let himself choke on some food while at a restaurant Wataru frequented. While he started choking, Wataru came to help with CPR. Before he started, however, he did a very short prayer: "God, please help me out here." Then he began the breathing and the chest-pressing, confident that his faith in God would guide him through. After two reps, the food came loose, and the man, after regaining his composure, thanked him for his help, paid for his food (it was his last bite that he choked on), and left. Wataru is given a standing ovation from the other customers for saving his life.

On the drive home (he lived alone, except for his pet cat), however, the man showed up at his doorstep, holding a relatively small suitcase. He asked if he could come in, and Wataru gets a little confused, wondering why he's this grateful, and what the suitcase was for. He invites him in anyway, thinking maybe he's got a reward for him, but then dismissing the thought. He wasn't the kind of guy who accepted rewards; to him, virtue was its own reward.

Once inside, the man tells Wataru to sit down. Now he's getting suspicious...until the man opens his suitcase, revealing a strange-looking object. It looked like a cross with feathers on the horizontal ends, and a weird symbol in the middle, one that he had never seen before.

The man explains that he is a messenger of God, sent to look for a new Sound Angel. Wataru, not believing him, asks what he's talking about. The man explains to him about the seven Angels, the demons, and the search for a new Angel of Sound. Wataru is baffled, because no strange happenings have occurred that he could think of; if battles were going on, it should be pretty obvious that they were.

All the man said was "All will be explained, but only if you take this," giving the cross to Wataru. He took it in his hand, and it started glowing faintly, surprising him. He said further, "If you decline, then our meeting never happened, and neither you nor anyone else will know we ever met. I urge you to accept the office of Sound Angel. Please aid us in our battle...because Andrea was the original." That shocked him. How could he possibly not be aware of this? Then again, how did he know Andrea? The only way he could was if...he was telling the truth...

Wataru didn't want to forget this, nor did he want the world overrun by Satan. Suddenly, his faith soared. He knew what to do. He was sure Andrea would've wanted it to happen, too. "I accept."

"Now hold the cross up in the air, and say 'Divine Song of Heaven, rush to my aid!'"

He did. Now he was starting to feel...different. He could feel strength welling in his body as his soul accepted the power...or was it? All of a sudden, he could feel him self getting...taller! And lighter, too! He could feel his waist shrinking to near-impossible proportions. His hair was growing longer, turning from a dark brown to a bright red in the process. His eyes seemed to swell as his lips shrank. And he was still growing...even in the chest! Was he...

There was one thing the Messenger forgot to mention...the Sound Angel, as well as all the other Angels, was a girl! Now, he was no longer Wataru...he was a 7'10" Sound Angel, with an orange-and-blue outfit.

And he was a girl.

(end story)

I figured that if C.S. Lewis could write a series of fantasy novels (The Chronicles of Narnia), then I could write an anime story. No, I'm not saying I have as much talent as he did--he had more in his pinky toe than I ever will--but ever since the American-made Christian manga Serenity came out and got praise from the one and only Stan Lee, I feel a new urge to finally get this thing off the ground.

I tried to combine elements of Sailor Moon (mostly), Yu Yu Hakusho (kicking demonic butt), and Ranma 1/2 (thus risking the offensive stuff).

I have a brief character description in my head, too, if you want to hear it. (You'd be surprised to learn that Wataru goes into shock after his first transformation there--you would, too, if you wound up in a version of your dead girlfriend's body!)

What do you think?

[Esoteric]

I think it could be a hilarious super hero series...but honestly, not as a Christian anime. If you intend this to be a Christian anime, it's philosophy must adhere completely to that of Christianity or it will be misleading and simply be a gimmick.

What does that have to do with Wataru? Well, God was looking all over the world, and couldn't find anyone whose heart was pure enough...except for Wataru, whom Andrea had told Him about when she arrived in Heaven. So he sent a messenger disguised as a normal human to test Wataru's faith. If he passed, he could become the newest member.

This does not sound like the Christian God. He knows everything, He doesn't need help. Secondly, the whole idea of looking for a human pure of heart doesn't mix well with the Christian world view.

However, unbeknownst to him, Andrea had an alter-ego: she was the Sound Angel, who, along with the Fire, Wind, Water, Earth, Psychic, and Light Angels (all appointed by God), fought with the demons of Hell as Satan tried to wreak havoc on the world. As a result of Andrea's death, they needed a new Sound Angel, or the Devil would have the advantage.

Again, it doesn't sound very Christian, especially if the Devil gains an advantage after the death of one angel. Also, humans are not/do not become angels either, (if you mean a real angel and aren't just using the term as a label for these superhumans.) So again, I think it's got some potential, but not in the current premise. I just don't see God putting together a band of superheros, sorry. That's my humble opinion, anway.

[Trackball]

I was afraid of that...

In all honesty, this was originally written a few months before I got saved. At the time, Christianity just sounded really interesting to me.

I was also a huge Sailor Moon fan around then, but was very put off by the overt homosexuality displayed by some of the characters.

So I decided to try and combine the two. Yeah, I had to take some liberties with the source material, and the Christian references weren't meant to be so obvious (I was going to change them to something more subtle later--remember, it was a first draft), but it was all I could do.

I am admittedly a little embarrassed by this tale, seeing as how much my worldview has changed, but I knew I was going to get some bad reviews sometime.

I'm not a very original guy...

[Esoteric]

Hey, don't feel bad. Given the added context, I understand the reason for the flaws better. With some re-working you could make this a functioning story with a good christian pull.

The idea of toning down the Christian themes could be a good one. A christian story doesn't have to 'preach' so to speak, but it does have to value morality and a Christian world-view. C.S. Lewis never mentions God once in the Narnia chronicles, although the entire series is an allegory for Christianity and the way God works in our lives.

After thinking about it, I have a few suggestions if you choose to pursue this story or one like it.
First, the whole problem of God 'assembling superheros'
could be sidestepped if this group of heros were not appointed by God but instead by some fringe secret organization who has made it their mission in life to protect people from...i dunno, an equally equipped gang of malevolents? The angels protect thier identities with ultra high-tech costumes and Andrea is a important member.
In this scenrio, where it's entirely a human endeavor, her death would indeed be detrimental and put the team at a disadvantage. In a pinch, and perhaps needing to conceal her death from the 'badguys', they recruit Wataru to fill in for her. This would be plausible because A: before her death, Andrea could have mentioned to the angel 'boss' how good and reliable Wateru is and, B: Because he knew Andrea so well, he could potential pull off pretending to be her. Of course, he'd have to wear the hi-tech costume which makes him look like/become a girl.

It's only a suggestion. If you changed the story is such a way, it would no longer be overtly Christian, but could still praise Christian values and promote a healthy world view, unlike so many other animes. Oh, and welcome to CAA! We're a pretty friendly bunch. Hope you enjoy it here.

[rab357]

Listen, trackball, I think interesting concepts that are different and not cliche are few and far between. We all know this. Your idea is different, controversial and has potential. Here's the deal, my friend, all things controversial are not necessarily bad. Don't be different and contr. just for the sake of being diff. and contr.; be so because you have a sincere desire to a tell a story that you think will benefit all of humanity. Don't be afraid of different. I think all of us can agree that God is infinitely creative.

Keep your idea but give it much thought and put wisdom to it. Putting it on the internet for all to see and for advice is very commendable of you. A thousand kudos. Keep the Bible in mind, God in mind, what humanity really needs in a story in mind, and be the writer that changes the world! Don't be a lazy dreamer that has delusions of grandeur, but be ambitious!

Be able to explain why your concept is needed by others. With passion in the voice.

[Trackball]

Thanks for your comments so far.

I didn't even know what a "Mary Sue" character was when Max Radio mentioned it, so I looked up its Wiki...

Ouch. I fell into a Team-Rocket-like trap (meaning I should have seen it coming a mile away).

True, I did design the Andrea character to be just like my (Trackball's) dream girl--athletic, assertive, and extremely tomboyish (I imagined her with a Sailor Uranus-like hairdo and clothing preference), so as to balance my own shy and reserved (but very intelligent, according to tests) self. That's why I had her die--I wanted it to have an immense psychological effect on Wataru (think a certain scene in Final Fantasy 6). I wanted to discover how he would cope with the sudden death of the only person (outside his family) he ever had a very close and intimate relationship with. Not to mention being chosen to carry on her duties...!

(BTW, the reason I made the Angel forms inhumanly tall was so no one in the story could make an easy guess as to who they really were. That was one of the few things I hated about Sailor Moon--couldn't anyone tell that Serena and SM were the only two people on the planet with that hairdo?! (Also, Andrea was the only one whose normal and Angel forms had the same hair color.))

The story won't be about the fights or the "Monster of the Week." I want it to focus on the characters (especially Wataru, obviously) and how they balance their normal lives with their "higher calling." There WILL be fight scenes, though--they'll just be few and far between.

There will also be a lot of flashbacks, detailing how Wataru and Andrea's relationship started, how they got to know each other, and how they eventually went from being best friends to deeply in love.

Wataru himself has changed a lot since this first draft, too. For one thing, he's 20 pounds overweight. For another thing, he now has a mental disorder called Asperger's Syndrome (which I, Trackball, also have--it's a mild form of autism). He will now be a frequent target for bullies. (That's actually how he and Andrea met--she once saved him from their abuse!)

In any case, can I get some more ideas? (BTW, thanks, Esoteric. Some of those will almost definitely be in the final product.)

[starstoryteller]

Ohhh this is getting intursting. a character with mild form of autism? Now that is original idea!