My poem.

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My poem.

Postby PumpkinKoRn52 » Wed Nov 03, 2004 5:52 am

This is one of my poems. It is getting published. The rest of my poetry is ar ktm52drummer.deviantart.com

Silence

Some people can't stand the noise. I can't stand the silence. The haunting appeal. The crippling fear. The creature waiting for me to make my last move. It aches at my soul. It tears at my mind. The ghastly pain hiding in the noiseless terror, the terrible sounds of nothingness. My God, the silence. All bundled up into a cesspool of torture. The calm before the storm. The perfect stillness before my ultimate demise. The false sense of peace will break into terror beyond my wildest imagination. And I can do nothing to stop it. The silence. My God, the silence.
"Relax, turn around, and take my hand." Tool
"Heir Kommt Die Sonne." Rammestein
"Now the world is gone, I'm just one. Oh please God help me." Metallica
"Are You Ready?!?" KoRn
"All and all your just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd.
The downfall of society will be society itself.
Rap is the malignant tumor of the music industry.
I HATE LINKIN PARK
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Postby PumpkinKoRn52 » Sun Nov 07, 2004 8:48 pm

I'll take comments on this.
"Relax, turn around, and take my hand." Tool
"Heir Kommt Die Sonne." Rammestein
"Now the world is gone, I'm just one. Oh please God help me." Metallica
"Are You Ready?!?" KoRn
"All and all your just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd.
The downfall of society will be society itself.
Rap is the malignant tumor of the music industry.
I HATE LINKIN PARK
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PumpkinKoRn52
 
Posts: 457
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:43 pm
Location: Way Down South

Postby Anna Mae » Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:24 am

I like it. It's a style of poetry I haven't seen before, but it fits.
Pumkin wrote:Some people can't stand the noise. I can't stand the silence.
This is a great opening. It grabs your attention.
Pumkin wrote:The haunting appeal. The crippling fear. The creature waiting for me to make my last move. It aches at my soul. It tears at my mind. The ghastly pain hiding in the noiseless terror, the terrible sounds of nothingness.
The rythm of this part is very appealing to the senses. The pattern is good.
Pumkin wrote:My God, the silence. All bundled up into a cesspool of torture.
Interesting use of the word "cesspool." I really like this part. Excellent.
Pumkin wrote:The calm before the storm. The perfect stillness before my ultimate demise. The false sense of peace will break into terror beyond my wildest imagination. And I can do nothing to stop it. The silence. My God, the silence.
The repetition is well placed.

I look forward to reading more of your works.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby PumpkinKoRn52 » Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:31 am

Thanks.
"Relax, turn around, and take my hand." Tool
"Heir Kommt Die Sonne." Rammestein
"Now the world is gone, I'm just one. Oh please God help me." Metallica
"Are You Ready?!?" KoRn
"All and all your just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd.
The downfall of society will be society itself.
Rap is the malignant tumor of the music industry.
I HATE LINKIN PARK
User avatar
PumpkinKoRn52
 
Posts: 457
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:43 pm
Location: Way Down South

Postby Anna Mae » Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:36 am

Sure thing.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Posts: 1663
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Location: Brazil

Postby mastersquirrel » Mon Nov 08, 2004 7:39 am

A well done poem. I like the descriptions and the rythm. Anna Mae's descriptions are my ideas as well. Good work.
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Postby PumpkinKoRn52 » Tue Nov 09, 2004 4:39 pm

Thanks again.
"Relax, turn around, and take my hand." Tool
"Heir Kommt Die Sonne." Rammestein
"Now the world is gone, I'm just one. Oh please God help me." Metallica
"Are You Ready?!?" KoRn
"All and all your just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd.
The downfall of society will be society itself.
Rap is the malignant tumor of the music industry.
I HATE LINKIN PARK
User avatar
PumpkinKoRn52
 
Posts: 457
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:43 pm
Location: Way Down South

Postby Ssjjvash » Tue Nov 09, 2004 6:56 pm

Hey, that's really cool! ^_^

A lot of times, I can't take the silence either!!!
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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